Maggie-Miau

Found you, hello mon amie! Thinking of you and wishing you all the best ❤️

Cat norrell likes to sit in the tub while I get ready in the mornings

He got a weird bank charge today and immediately thought I'd done something 😭 I don't have his card numbers or accounts saved anywhere and would never use his money without asking but now the anxiety brain is like "oh no,,,,CAUGHT"

Four chapters left in the study guide and then it's as many practice tests as I can do before the 27th I got paid today, which I didn't expect. Almost $400 for doing what feels like heck all this past week 😅 I did all the onboarding tasks and a lot of study, I can't sell life/health insurance or property/casualty until I pass the P&C exam and am officially appointed with State Farm, but I am certified to market the state farm credit cards and Trupanion pet insurance. On Monday I'll work through a call list (it's only like, 20 people) and also work on answering phone calls if the others are busy. Then after lunch it'll be Studying some more. Ofc I'll be studying tomorrow as well. My last few chapters are all related to insurance Law. I've got some additional study material to review as well. I'm both nervous and not nervous about this test........I really, really want this job, and to stay and do well. The impression I've gotten so far is that there's a mentoring element, especially since my boss knows I didn't get much actual experience from Aflac (lots of prospecting. Very little actual policy writing) and I've already learned a lot just from observing and listening. I get two attempts to pass the test, would of course greatly prefer to do it on the first try like the life and health. Broski doesn't have overtime scheduled for the upcoming week, so I won't have to spend lunch hour going to retrieve him....we're only working Monday-Wednesday, and Wednesday is a potluck.

As predicted he went from apologizing to mum earlier to now complaining again saying he wants back the quality of life he had in Selma. . . . In Selma he was complaining about not having any independence, had no job and no license nor any likelihood of acquiring those things. 100% supported by momsauce and he complained about that too because he said he wanted to not feel like a leech. But it sounds an awful lot like that's what he wants to be. But I'm the problem. 😑

So what happened is that Lear is back on mandatory OT so, instead of just taking a couple days, broski decided to sign up for all of them. Which immediately made him tired and grouchy. I have to use my lunch break to pick him up on ot days since we share a car. The other night when momsauce was driving him to work he went on a rant about how I'm going to quit my new job in three months and am not stable and how it's all because of my 'weird friends and 'online communities' he said he'd be better off living on the streets than splitting bills with me and mum. He called at four in the morning freaking out because he'd ripped his pants at work and needed mum to bring him a replacement. Settled down by the time that was taken care of but then freaked out again when it was time for his next shift. He's decided that his wreck was actually the DMV's fault for giving him a passing grade and thinks he shouldn't have been driving alone. Bro had way more practice than I got before even his first test. He thinks I ruined his life by leaving Lear. I do feel bad about having to have his help with rent due to Aflac not being enough to pay my bills but my thing is nobody can say I don't Try. I might not make great choices and such but I put in effort. I'm the one who found us Penn Foster for our high school diplomas. He wants to act like I'm this drain on him but he wouldn't even have a diploma, let alone a license or a job, if I hadn't been the one to make it happen. I've had to do everything and he hates me anyway. It'll be December before my good checks start coming from State Farm. In the meantime I have to pass this test, it's the most important thing. Once broski finally gets his own vehicle I'm hoping we can look into going our separate ways. Although I don't know how he's going to leave Lear because he's refused to learn how to drive in city traffic so. Where else can he work. Not my problem. I just need to find someplace cheaper by August.

He's in a Mood and rakijg it out on me and mum.

I need to move away from my brother asap

First day done! Exhausted but it wasn't bad, I feel like I'll be Nervous until I take the test. Everyone there is super nice. I didn't take lunch today as I forgot. But I think it being an hour will be good for me even on the days I have to fetch broski. Gives time for brain to spin around a few times.

Rough night, woke up quivering like a damp shih-tzu 😅 chest pains and all. Hrrrrg. But I've had my meds this morning and a vitamin, all showered and ready. Had a protein shake. Got all my stuff together.

My nerves are so bad it feels like I am choking. I've got no reason to be worried about this job but I'm Shaking.

I haven't taken the test yet, but i have a tentatively good vibe about them so far! I start on Monday, hopefully take the test by the following week, definitely by the end of November. Until then, i'll be doing half-days working on life/health stuff, other half i'll be allowed to study on the clock. Everyone i've talked to from this office has been so nice so far. They allow a mental health day each month, plus vacation days/sick leave. We haven't discussed Benefits yet but i'm pretty sure i'll be able to get health insurance again.

A. Sending good vibes for sweet Jackson! ❤️ 12 years old, wow! I think you've been a great mum for him. You mentioned his lack of complaint regarding the move and living with other animals- part of that is probably just his disposition but also, him being so chill about changes could be an indicator of how secure he feels with you. It sounds like you have given and are continuing to give him a great life. B. Oh those pictures look so good! I want to attend one of your exhibitions one day, they look incredible. C. Sending you hugs!

Somehow I did not realize I get to have my own office. State Farm sent me this today:

There have been some. Developments. I mean technically all the testing isn't telling me anything i did not already know but it's still interesting to get it on paper. They went over the report from last Wednesday's psych eval, as well as some of the tests that i've done this week. Did horrendously on all the spatial perception tests and the math stuff they gave me- written maths is below average but verbal maths was awful. 😭 they said my results for the math-related things fall right outside the realm of "diagnosable learning disability". Not sure how i feel about that bc it's like, sometimes i can ace a math test and sometimes it's like "what the hell are numbers again?" i think it just depends on the day and whether i've actively prepared for testing. They did some Vocational tests today and they don't think i'm likely to be happy with the State Farm job, they have a list of stuff they think i'd be more suited to (carpentry/electrical/plumbing were high on the list) but i still want to try the State Farm thing. I think it's at least more likely to go well than Aflac since it's hourly plus commission. I don't know why we didn't think to ask sooner but the doctor momsauce currently works for was able to refill my (generic) Prozac prescription today. There's been a Gap, which isn't ideal, but it might help to be back on meds. Got the Car estimate today and ???????? They can't actually Fix It until May 20th??? But they said it's fine to drive until then.

Studying for this exam and my brain is Sludge.

Would love to see your painting!

Vocational rehab say I mask too well 😭 "you come across as very functional" Yes and it takes all my energy thanks

Ngl i feel like my Reading capabilities have decreased drastically over the past several years and i. want to fix that. looking into How.

(scraps whole challenge for a redux in light of new job) Actual Goals: - Number one priority is prepping for Property and Casualty exam. I'm a bit behind on studies, but i've got my study calendar set up. - Hydrate. Get back in the habit of filling up my water jug and drinking it throughout the day. - I need a morning and evening routine because this will be a Daytime job, i'll want/need to be up by 6am each day and make sure i'm Awake and ready to go. The job is 8-5. I'm thinking it makes sense to exercise in the morning before work. Also get back into my smoothie-drinking because those have a good hit of protein. - Budgeting is still important bc we have holes to dig our way out of and i would like to have things Sorted by the end of the year and go into 2024 with a relatively clean slate. I want to be ready to move into a cheaper apartment by August when our lease is up, and that necessitates setting aside funds Now. i'll have health insurance again at some point with State Farm which means i'll be able to get back on some type of treatment for the brainworms. Just got officially tested for the ADHD today at vocational rehab and they confirmed what we've been knew for a while now. They're still reviewing notes and such re: BP2 diagnosis. But they were like "uhhhh you need to get back on medication" which, also been knew. Got to have the insurance/funds to get to the doctor tho. Thought i'd get my check from domino's today but as it turns out they told me the wrong day, it'll be tomorrow.

Ngl i am tired of the Depression. I want to be excited about the new job (hopefully my last new job for a good long while) but I am in a Sad Fog 😭

I'll be working under a state farm agent, helping to manage accounts, file claims, sell policies and open new accounts, similar to at Aflac except I won't be an independent agent, which for me is better bc it means I'm still getting paid for my time

Several things, it's just a shady place in general, the manager does drugs on the clock, starts genuinely screaming and ranting when things get busy, screams at her children over the phone, brings people into the store who should not be in here (we don't have an open lobby, it's a kitchen and that's it) and creates extra chaos while we're already having problems. I was hired as a delivery driver but she's been trying to force me to be a manager. Then last night she had her little tiny under two year old grand babies here and did that thing where you give them benadryl to make them go to sleep, which I am not comfortable with At All. Her daughter works here for free off the books as well. This is considered a rough part of town but I've felt more unsafe with the manager than I have with any customers.

GOT HIRED BY STATE FARM THEYRE PAYING FOR MT PROPERTY/CASUALTY LICENSING AND I WILL GET PAID $17 HOURLY PLUS COMMISSION

The diagnostic update appointment was interesting. Pretty sure I'm going to be diagnosed with Absolute Moron Disease 😅 one of the tests was called a block design test and when I say I failed miserably,,,,,,oh my god. He also asked some questions that were more like basic stuff you'd learn in school and I know he's got to be wondering how the heck I got my diploma. I'm interviewing with another State Farm before my shift at Domino's tomorrow. I'm increasingly wary of the manager and coworkers at Domino's. There have been Incidents and I have Seen Some Things.