Maggie-Miau

Note to self: Next time, call insurance Before taking the vehicle to the shop. They won't take Toyota's estimate because it wasn't scheduled through State Farm beforehand T_T So now we've scheduled to go get Another estimate from a State Farm approved shop. I'm going for my first Vocational Rehab evaluation today. This is the diagnostic update appointment.

Car is messed up pretty bad. Having to file claim on insurance. Depression is bad.

Sick again. Been throwing up all morning

Ngl I am having the fears and horrors and do not know why.

Car retrieved. It's a little banged up, have an appointment to get it looked at tomorrow. Nerves are shot, v depressed and panicky. My vocational rehab appointments start on the 30th.

Thanks, they weren't able to help last night but we're trying again this morning

I've messed up bad amd my car is currently stuck in a mud hole. Towtruck couldn't get to it but he's going to try again in the morning. I don't know why i even tried to drive on that raggedy dirt road the GPS took me to after I missed my turn....the front bumper got messed up and I've had so many panic attacks.

I got a twenty dollar tip today And the supervisor said she is Impressed with my performance. My years of playing Papa Louie arcade games have paid off.

I like this job so far 😊

Not sure when i think i'm going to have time to Read, but i actually went by one of the local libraries today and picked up three Books. And got a library card. I haven't had a library card since i was a teenager.

Trying to be ❤️ Here to cheer for you!

actual footage of me rn Currently Happening: - as of August, i'm no longer at the factory i was working for. Took a segway into insurance and was Not making enough money to cover bills so i have been semi-frantically searching for another hourly or at least base + commission job. Had a brief catastrophe when, given the choice between another insurance gig and an hourly job, i let myself get talked into the insurance one. (Them during the presentation: You don't have to supply your own leads, we take care of all of that! Them on the first day of orientation: Make a list of everyone you know lmao you have to network like constantly) but the hourly/delivery job actually still had openings available so. I've swerved back to that and start tomorrow. - This pizza delivery job pays $15 an hour, plus tips and reimbursement on gas/miles. The only catch is that it's actually bi-weekly, and the base $15 an hour is going to make for tight finances as i have to pay $1000 in rent and $500 for car payment each month. Thank god other expenses are split between momsauce and broski. i also have debts to pay down due to a combination of Brain Worms and just Being A Blithering Idiot Who Makes Bad Choices. Hashtag Heckin' Yikes. - I got in touch with the Vocational Rehab folks so. I don't know what they can actually do, but my therapist (who i got to see exactly Twice before losing insurance, RIP) had recommended them, so i figured i'd give them a shot. They've scheduled an appointment for me on the 30th with one of their doctors to be evaluated and see about getting my diagnoses updated. Recent doc had wanted to evaluate for Bipolar 2. He'd also said he'd see me free of charge until i get insurance again, but then his office was like "that'll be $150 for self-pay" which i do not have, so i haven't seen him in a hot minute, hence Vocational Rehab scheduling me with one of their doctors for free. - I feel like my brain has been spinning like a whirligig for the past several months. I am flaky and indecisive and severely anxious. I got some relief after leaving Lear, but essentially swapped for a different kind of stressed out bc the financial situation is not as secure. Job Hunting is hard when the receipt of multiple job offers makes u feel like throwing up over the decision of which one to accept. I still don't know if i've made the right choice. I'm too variable from day to day. Some days it's like Oh Absolutely I'm Up For Anything I'll Give It A Go, and then other days it's more....i would rather be shot than deal with another person, please just leave me alone, etc etc. I'm up I'm down i'm all tangled up and confused and it's quite honestly a Mess. So the challenge this time around is to calm down and be still. I'm all over the place. So the actual goals to facilitate a sense of 'stillness' are - BUDGET: Money is going to be Tight and i cannot afford to be stupid with it. My number one bad money habit is to buy groceries and then just. not eat them. thus winding up needing to buy More groceries, and winds up being Wasteful. I can't do that anymore. I won't have the actual numbers to work with for a Minute but once those checks start coming in, i have to be On It. No impulse spending. (SIDE QUEST: Theoretically i can also continue to try and do some Aflac stuff on my off time for extra income. I don't anticipate getting much out of that, but it won't hurt to try. Hrg.) - CLEANING: The apartment is kinda gross and i don't like things being Gross. I've been cleaning the bathroom today to at least get one room Done, but ideally the whole place would be clean. We don't have a working vacuum right now. Otherwise, though. At the absolute minimum i will make sure the dishes are all clean and put away/sink clean each night before bed. - EXERCISE: I've been taking momsauce on walks and will continue to do so each day. - HOBBY: I like my little arts and crafts. I have plenty of crochet/sewing stuff and also things like modeling clay to play with, i just need to actually Do It. My nerves are Better when i make things.

Hi Sal!

Dear god. Momsauce was against the Domino's thing so I went with Liberty National, having been told we don't have to generate our own leads. After orientation today they want to know if my family members have life insurance and then told me Actually, You Have To Network, and pretty much do have to generate my own leads. I feel like an absolute moron I've texted Domino's guy to see if he still has any openings 😭

Sending hugs, Sal ❤️ please take care of yourself. She said she's still in love with you- it doesn't sound like the relationship is ending necessarily, it could be that taking this time apart for a bit will actually help in the long run. Maybe you'll both come back to it feeling refreshed.

Bronze is still pretty young, isn't she? Maybe she's going through rebellious teenage phase 😅 you aren't a failure. You're doing your best ❤️

Ngl I do feel like a bit of a failure but I suppose it's about regrouping at this point, and I do fancy the thought of coming back to insurance work when I have a more lucrative license.

❤️ i do also like the idea of being in the car by myself, true enough. I'm far more comfortable driving than I used to be. Apparently the reason this one pays $15 an hour is because it's in a rougher part of town, but the manager said that if I start and feel uncomfortable or unsafe, I can transfer to one of the other 9 stores in the city. They pay less but tend to get better tips.

Thank you, Sal! I think that what I'll do is go with Domino's and, while doing that job, work on getting my property/casualty license so I can have a better chance of getting hired with State Farm/Geico/Progressive/All-State/ any of those base + commission places with more guaranteed clientele. Sadly I already know I'll have to borrow the rent/car payment money from my brother this month, but with a regular check coming in I'll be able to pay him back in steady installments.

I now have four job offers, with a fifth pending, and am !!!!!!! Trying to make a good decision. There's Zales, they haven't sent the Official offer yet so I don't know their actual pay, just that it's base + commission and they're about to be busy with holiday sales. Ashley furniture is commission only. Liberty National is commission only, but they're more structured than Aflac and I would, allegedly, not be floundering by myself. They're saying I should make about $800 a week with them. Dominoes, meanwhile, is a guaranteed $15 hourly plus tips and reimbursement on gas I have a third State Farm interview in the morning. So far I'm leaning toward Dominoes but I don't know if that's just because some corner of my brain thinks it'll be Easy. I suck at making choices 😭

Cat Norrell is sick, and I hate myself. Eta also I tried to donate plasma again and it turns out I'm banned from doing so until I can get clearance from a doctor bc they don't like that I fainted Which to be fair I've fainted and/or thrown up genuinely every time I've donated blood so maybe it's not something I should be doing but Damn. On the one hand I feel like leaving Lear may have been a mistake but on the other I think I've just traded one type of drowning for another bc I was struggling at Lear too.

Am Sick. Have spent the morning throwing up

May be getting hired for a part-time job at Zales 😌

I've had another fainting episode. Mum has been diagnosed with diabetes.

I have fainted Twice within the past couple weeks. Haven't decided yet whether I actually care 😅 Have not done well on goals at all, not been sleeping well and the days have been running together. Not sure how we're half through September already. Main thing right now is to earn enough money to keep bills paid through October (fairly on track for that so far, not too much to go) I think I need to start cooking again and eating more real food. Pretty sure I'm not doing good nutritionally. In particular I need to make some decent packed lunches/snacks for during the work day as it's very easy to just not eat at all. Also need to make more of an effort on the hydration front.