Maggie-Miau

Sending hugs, Sal ❤️ I think you'd look very cute in glasses ❤️

Been doing okay on the insurance. Not opened any new accounts but I have done some enrollments. I should have enough income to take care of rent and car payment. Two more weeks to get rent, three to get car payment. I am Struggling with the fam. Very sad. Broski is getting a two dollar raise but keeps complaining about finances. Mum hates her job and keeps talking about wanting a change but won't actually pursue one. She's very codependent and won't go anywhere except to work unless I'm with her, including going to see her father. She's been saying she might want to get into insurance too but is determined that she would need to work with me. Broski's been saying he should also go into insurance and immmmm Idk I just feel a bit trapped smothered choked. Like leave me alone 😅 Because mum has been upset wanting to see her dad and won't go without me I Finally agreed to go to mobile. I thought I could at least get some prospecting done but nope, whole operation got taken over. Mom asked broski to come bc grandad asked if he was coming. Broski agreed to come, then in the car completely unprompted said he'll pay for gas and dinner. Then about halfway to mobile he starts whinging about the fact that he'll be paying for dinner, saying he should have thought it through before going on a 'pointless excursion,,,,,,,,and then got angry with me and mum for saying we'll just cancel dinner and go home. When questioned about why he agreed to come in the first place he said he's learned over the years he doesn't really have a choice. He does this all the time, anything he decides, it's always somebody else's fault. If I go anywhere else it'll be by myself.

Today: I am worried about Money but at the same time i have two enrollments scheduled, one for this week and one for next week. The one next week is with a State department, which bodes pretty well. Also, coworker Cate has invited me to potentially join her dungeons and dragons group, and i have learned that coworker Jacob is an absolute Nerd in a good way. He introduced me to a queer-friendly bookshop i didn't previously know existed.

Second trimester already? Oh wow 🥺 sending hugs, you're doing great ❤️

Thank you sir Tank ❤️✨️ Thanks, Sky, much appreciated ❤️✨️ I've enjoyed the new job so far. It feels a wonky fit at times but the work itself seems like it'll be fairly straightforward once i get used to it....it's that learning curve and getting past the sort of gangly duckling stage 🤣

I'm so busy swooning like a victorian orphan I forgot to even mention goals 😅 Mentioned in previous thread that diet has been hmmm not great. Been relying on wheat products, which is fine because the main thing is just to eat at all, except Gluten Intolerance. Stomach hurty, skin staging riots, etc. It's currently hard to actually want to eat anything, so I'm not setting hard rules except - stop eating wheat, you absolute pheasant. Preferably I should eat. A vegetable. But as long as it's not a wheat product it's fine, i just need to eat *something*. - drink water. I have my usual jug and I need to use it. - Work is harder to map out since it varies but essentially I need to do as much prospecting as humanly possible in addition to the training assignments I'm given each day. I have a list of places I would personally like to get in touch with. I've found that speeding through a call list and pretending that the business has been expecting me/pretending I know exactly what I'm talking about is a decent strategy for combating the anxiety side of things. Of course it will get better the more it gets to where I actually *do* know exactly what I'm talking about. But my goal is going to be like....25 approaches (in person or over the phone) each day. Which makes for over 100 in a week. They usually recommend at least ten each day, so 25+ is Good. I need money 😭 - as mentioned, the plasma donation, if I can do it twice a week without dying that will take off some pressure from the insurance work since the car payment will be taken care of. - I have to get my car tag this month I'm concerned it will cost the earth - On the creativity side I want to finish at least one craft project and fully outline at least one story this month.

Hi I'm mags I'm Hella woozy from plasma donation like Oh my god they put my blood back in me what is the problem smh I've recently changes industries, going from manufacturing to Insurance.....feel massively out of my depth and like I may have made a terrible mistake but manufacturing was not working for me and this *could* be a good thing But I have to really push to get the money I need from it in a timely fashion. My bills are paid for the month, and i have some money set aside, so I have until the end of the month to earn basically just over $1000 for next month's bills. I have recently changed meds and must say I have been doing really well so far at taking them every day. No side effects that I've noticed so far. Family remains a bit tumultuous. Broski quibbling and angry with me for leaving lear, momsauce up and down saying she doesn't think I can succeed at this insurance job and telling me how her mother would have reacted....also lately refusing to go anywhere without me and getting passive aggressive if I don't want to or can't go. I have been feeling more and more like I wish I lived on my own but there is still the fact that genuinely none of us makes enough money to live alone and we still have fewer vehicles than family members so. Making it work for now. Despite the Reaction I am still going to try to donate plasma again within a couple days because honestly even if I do faint again, it pays enough that donating twice a week could take care of my monthly car payment.

Following!

i donated plasma today.....made it to the last five minutes and abruptly fainted, or.....whatever you call it when you've basically fainted but can still hear everyone around you. It was funny bc i could hear the nurse going "Oh, damn , that's crazy" might actually faint again as i'm feeling a bit woozy, not sure yet. It was like a whole ten minute episode at the end of the donation 🤣got paid seventy-five dollars though, so that's nice.

Thanks, Sal ❤️ It's come up a few times as i've been to various doctors. This latest one is the first to really focus on it though, or at least, the therapist. She said a lot of what i've described to her sounds like Bipolar 2 in terms of like...hypomanic episodes and such? She reckons i've been on the wrong meds and wants the actual Doctor at the clinic to evaluate for it.

He didn't mention bipolar but he did switch my meds. Prozac and trazadone. He said he will see me free of charge until I can get insurance again 🥺

Small update.....prior to that last post i had gone ahead and quit Lear in a fit of low impulse control, like an idiot, thus losing my safety net so now i do have to scramble to get income rolling in. I'm still sort of in the set up stages with Aflac but have 'earned' 125 so far, from two half-days of very little actual work. I'm oscillating wildly between "okay, i can do this" and "oh god i'm the stupidest person alive i've made a terrible horrific mistake please shoot me" been very irritable and low on patience regarding the fam, enough to feel like a jerk because i just. do not want to be around them and am annoyed by everything, but this is possibly because mum has continuously told me how she doesn't believe i can make the aflac thing work and am supposed to be her "dependable one" and has had me being the family therapist again, and i am a jerk for being impatient about that. diet has been atrocious, haven't been drinking enough water by far, sleep schedule is Shot wound up phoning the leasing office about the neighbors again bc they had my entire desk vibrating, this time the leasing office actually called them and they seem to have chilled out somewhat i have an appointment with the actual psych doctor today, having had two therapist appointments. they know i'll be self pay after this week so appointments may be sparse. Therapist had noted that she wants the doc to "rule out bipolar 2". i am Nervous.

First day at Aflac for semi-real and I was sent "prospecting" with a fella we'll call J. Initial Oh Hell No reaction to getting in a car with a man but it wound up being very chill and informative. Eventually I'll be doing prospecting by myself and ngl I feel like I'm actually going to enjoy it. Presenting the policies is the part that will be challenging for me.

Currently absolutely wallowing in Nerves Anxiety Panic, brain is goo, keep alternating between Yeah This Will Work And Probably Be Better For Me Than Lear Bc Flexible Hours etc, and Oh My God I'm Too Stupid For Anything But Simple Production, I'm A Horrid Unlikeable Creature And People Are Laughing At Me I'm So Dumb I'm So Stupid It has been a rough couple nights at work. Telehealth appointment at 1pm Monday. The state finally finished the paperwork on my license, so I will be able to actually start selling soon. Momsauce has continually said that she can't picture me doing insurance but i think she's making it to the acceptance stage. Technically before I started at Lear the first time she couldn't picture me doing manufacturing work either so.

Stuff I need to remember to do this week: - see about. Dentist appointment. Hrg. - check about getting ESA letter renewed

I forgot to say.... the new Therapist wants to see me every two weeks for now. She said the next several appointments will be telehealth as she will be caring for her mother for a time and needs to limit potential covid exposure. The actual doctor can't see me until January unless there's a cancelation, but the therapist said that based on her initial questions and the notes from the previous doctors, she's put in a note for him to like. Evaluate for bipolar? Dr W had mentioned it in passing once, just "oh this sounds similar to bipolar 2" but other than a few mentions of "this is a mood stabilizer/used to treat bipolar" nobody else mentioned it in as many words. I'm skeptical at this stage especially since I've only met this therapist Once but she said it's worth looking into and that my current meds might not be right even though I seem to have had slightly fewer panic attacks since starting them. She also said Religious Trauma and The LGBTQ+ Community are kind of her Thing, which I found interesting. She had asked the standard questions about relationships and such and actually used the word Asexual. For Montgomery Alabama, that's pretty rare. Also I have been sleeping on my couch because the downstairs neighbors have kept my room sounding like iMAX. 🤣

Two hour early start tomorrow, again. Idk why it sets off the Depression so much every time but boy golly it knocks me right down. 😔 fingers crossed I can take to this insurance thing....right now I'm wheezing a little over the prospect of having to do Both for a while.

I PASSED

License test today. The nerves might actually kill me negl.

It's too early to trust but I kinda love the new therapist

The work is so simplistic it is 'easy money' but at the same time....they work you over for it 😅 the first time I worked for them we had a lot of over time but weren't doing these same day Come In Early texts or two three four sixth days a month. I think that whole three months we worked an extra day maybe once, and got off early we would come in an hour early after a holiday but that was about it. On the one hand momsauce tries but on the other she is like me and goes Well Here Are Reasons I Can't Fix This. She keeps watching webinars trying to find how to make more money and work from home but she doesn't want to do any of the actual things to make that happen. Wants a quick sale scheme without having to do any marketing or capital (which we don't have anyway) and I wish that kind of magic was real but. It is not going to happen. Thank you for your vote of confidence. I really do want it to work. It scares me but I have done several scary things now.

The psych doc never actually scheduled me or put me in the system despite having given me an appointment date 🤣 these are the folks who kept telling me my insurance wasn't active until momsauce (who works in a Dr's office) called and was like, I'm Literally Looking At It,,,,,somehow they had her name instead of mine and I can't figure that one out since the insurance is through my work and she's never had any involvement with it. But in any case I had been told to call back since it was straightened out and they just told me to come in at this date and time. Thought it was weird I never got a reminder text or anything but. Yeah it's because they never actually put it in. On par with previous history so far 🤣🤣🤣

First appointment with new therapist in a bit. Got a written warning at work for having used so many personal hours 😔 I'm down to 10. I think there should be a case made for the fact that my vacation day usage (days off bc I just wanted to be off) has been One (1) show and one (1) Test I have to take. The times I've called out, thus losing personal hours, have pretty much exclusively been from the spontaneous overwhelm associated with multiple six-day weeks followed by an Oh And You Have To Come In Early texts. Like. Theoretically I feel like that shows I'd happily have perfect attendance if they'd leave us alone but. They don't work like that so. Team Lead could tell i was upset after getting called to HR and she recommended a different doctor when I explained that I haven't been able to get a Dr's note for HR but. I feel like the problem is partly not having long enough documented history And being that touch too "functional" as they say. Like I feel like the Dr's and therapists want me to do something drastic or get fired a few times or be homeless for a little while before they'll believe me when I tell them I struggle.

My Lurking has been insufficient, I didn't realize you got the job! Congratulations! Sorry about the present Suck, I hope you get to feeling better and can have some really good days ❤️

!!!!! I realized that I stead of phoning I could do the 'request new card/report lost etc" 😅 so now the one card is fully deactivated. Whoever's using it for Netflix will have to deal.