tei_

(Post accidentally posted twice, sorry!)

I mean, eventually you learn techniques and how to apply them-- and then if you're lucky, you'll occasionally have a partner who recognizes when you're in a good position to apply something you know, and gives you just enough space to do it if you can think fast enough. Which is why sparring with high-level belts is so awesome. The first day, though-- it was actually a pretty big moment for me, realizing that I could try. That when I was rolling with the instructor, for example, and he basically did say just that, and it's like... you can only do what your body knows how to do. but it knows more than you think; to me BJJ feels to some extent like a massively scaled up version of wrestling with my brother for the TV remote. So, okay, I'm going to just grab this dude's arms and try to sit on his stomach. Oh, well, now he's sitting on my stomach instead, big surprise. And at that point some instincts take over, and they're not necessarily good instincts, but the realization that I have instincts that deal with situations such as "unwanted incredibly strong person sitting on stomach" was pretty powerful. But then, maybe that's just me, and something I felt because I had never gotten far enough into any other martial art to get to the sparring phase, so I had never experienced that kind of physicality and... it sounds really hokey, but... connection to the primal self, or something? I'm sure you do get that feeling in other martial arts, but in BJJ a complete beginner can get it on day one, and go through all of their training informed by that feeling.

Day 4: Lifted. Discovered that my bench press form is terrrrrrrible-- I had been focused on and worried about form in my squat and deadlift, and for some reason bench press just... escaped my notice somehow? Anyway, I am gonna get it under control. Next time I bench I am going to make my grip wider and focus on pinching my shoulder blades and keeping my wrists straight. I am going to sleep at my parents' house tonight, because my parents house is half an hour closer to my work base than mine, and my shift starts at 5 am tomorrow D: I also haven't worked in a while, which usually makes me nervous. But this is the first shift that my official deadlift number has been more than the 125 lbs officially required for the job, which makes me feel pretty good. I don't know if I'm ever going to get to the elusive point where I'm no longer even slightly nervous that the next patient will weigh something just under 250 lbs, just shy of qualifying for a lift assist crew, and it'll be my turn to lift the stretcher into the truck and I won't be able to do it. According to the numbers alone, I SHOULD be able to do it-- but because I'm so short, the stretcher lift has to go waaaaay higher than a deadlift does. So it's more like some sort of deadlift-to-bicep-curl thing, and then I literally have to stand on my toes to get the wheels over the lip of the truck. Not the most ergonomic lift. But I'm going to master it eventually. (Either that or get some platform steel-toes ) Now time for some meal prep for tomorrow... usually I don't actually need that much food in a day... but the quantity I can consume over the course of a 12-hour shift is ridiculous.

From all of the research I've done on different BJJ gyms and my very limited experiences at two of them, it seems like BJJ tends to be much more liberal than other martial arts in terms of letting beginners spar. Which makes sense; I definitely wouldn't want to have to spar in my first karate class, but since BJJ doesn't involve any kicks or punches, as long as a beginner is paired with someone advanced enough to 1) know how to look out for their inexperienced partner and 2) defend themselves from some quantity of confused newbie flailing, it's pretty safe. And in my experience, actually somewhat... liberating, in a way, to be thrown on the mat with zero technique.

I am another BJJ newbie! A few weeks ago I had the strange experience of rolling several classes in a row with no technique at all... at my gym, the teacher decides just based on how he happens to feel at that moment if it's going to be a technique class or a rolling class. So basically I showed up and they were like, "well, okay, just try your best!" And honestly it was the best thing that could have happened. I was immediately hooked in the way that I have never been by a martial arts class where the first thing you do is learn body positions or do drills or other lame, boring things At least part of it, though, was because the teacher was very intentional about who he chose for me to roll with, and made sure that I only rolled with people who were sufficiently advanced that they're able to consciously scale down their rolling to be both fun and instructive for a newbie. You need someone who's not going to be going 100% trying to submit you and never giving you a chance to implement any ideas or new skills, but also who's going hard enough that it doesn't feel condescending-- I've had well-intentioned people who were frustrating to roll with because they basically just did nothing and kept waiting for my next move, trying to give me all the chances in the world to use anything I might have picked up but actually just making it awkward by flopping around waiting to be submitted so they could congratulate me on having learned something, which feels pretty hollow. Have you tried rolling with your instructor? Depending on who you were paired with before, it could be a whole different experience in a really good way! Possibly something to ask about if you do decide to go back.

I used to grind my teeth and clench my jaw both while awake and asleep and it suuuuuuucked. I hope you figure out the cause of your headaches and find a solution! It sounds like you did great adapting to the challenge of the unexpected headache this week, though! Awesome job!

Day 3! All goals have been achieved except writing in the journal, which will take place after I write this I went to BJJ and oh god it's so scary walking up the stairs knowing that I am not only the newest person bus also the smallest, like even the rest of the ladies all seem to have at least 20 lbs on me, and I'm afraid that nobody will want to roll with me and I'm wasting everyone's time and BLAH BLAH BLAH GET OVER YO'SELF, SELF. Then it turns out that everyone is almost excessively nice, and higher belts come up to me and offer to roll just because they're nice and (presumably) remember being new having those feelings themselves. BUT I do need to grow a pair and actually learn to ask people, at some point. Because it's pretty lame to just stand around like I'm hoping to be asked to the prom or something. So I added it to my quest list on my newly created character page: next class, I am going to go up to someone and do like Rener says: just say "hey, do you have a partner?" Then I will also imagine Rener shouting "BOOOOM!" and all will be well. Also claim my 2 XP Tomorrow is a lifting day, then the day after that is a rest day mostly because I'm working from 5 AM to 5 PM Also probably the day after... because I'll be on a plane to Spain. My brother is a pretty dedicated gym bro, though, so maybe I'll go visit a Spanish gym while I'm there...

Only applies to Academy people so far-- but I would love to see some of the Ranger characters that are being created! Here's me: https://www.nerdfitness.com/character/56874

Haha, I guess that is a risky thing to say in a guild full of crossfitters... I don't have anything against Crossfit, I would do it myself if I hadn't already spent all my money on other activities! I just have strong opinions on who gets to say they can kip

Thank you!

I actually posted this on reddit as well and someone commented the same, that I looked like I could have done more, and I agree! So I think it's more psychology that's the limiting factor, my grip hasn't failed me yet on deadlifts. I'll try for more soon! Thanks for the comment! I think I have lots of smaller issues, but it's reassuring if someone can't find anything too glaring from a video.

Day 2! Was not as productive during the day as yesterday-- I really need to get my mindless internet usage under control, as a lot of my life consists of unstructured time to be allocated into necessary tasks, which usually works better sans procrastination. That is a project to be extended in the next challenge, though-- I resisted my phone in the morning, and got to the gym in the early afternoon as planned. I just joined a new gym which is pretty rad. It's a co-op, pretty much pure weight training (there's one treadmill that nobody seems to use...) and has a pretty eminent bodybuilding history as well as being the oldest gym in Toronto. Oh, and at 2 PM I had the place all to myself. I recorded some form check videos, including capturing my new deadlift PR of 140 lbs! I started lifting in August with an 85 lb deadlift (at around 110 lbs BW, which i think has remained constant although I don't weigh myself often) and needed to get to 125 lbs for lift testing for work, which I did. Then I kinda stalled on 125-135 depending on the day for quite a while, but have broken through! Actually someone on reddit opined when I posted a form check there that I could add 5-10 lbs next time, and I actually agree I probably could have done more. I was just pretty surprised that I was having a good day at all-- I was expecting to be weak as hell because of soreness from gymnastics last night combined with not quite enough food this morning. So the fact that I PRed was a little bit Tomorrow: BJJ at noon! At that point I might also actually sign up for the classes-- I'm on a free trial atm-- and buy a gi. I'm pretty sure I want to be in BJJ for at least the moderate haul, if not the long haul. It's easy to forget how awesome it is since I haven't ben in a week or so, but every time I roll, I just feel awesome. And addicted. Even though at this point I'm basically rolling with no technique, which I know some schools don't even let you do. But a thing I have realized about myself recently, which my gymnastics coach from way back probably could have told me was way obvious, is that I like launching myself into stuff and figuring out the details later. Especially when the thing I'm launching is my actual body. This is possibly something I will need to get under control as I get older and less bouncy. Again... a project for another day.

I literally had an entire gym to myself this afternoon, so I recorded some form check videos Squat, 95 lbs: Deadlift, 5x 115 lbs (warmup weight): Deadlift, 1x 140 lbs (PR!) I'm always sorta confused about the correct starting position for deadlifts. Also about what "butt wink" is and if I have it! Thanks!

Woah, replacing a Smith with a rack was a rad move on the part of the gym! And PRing on your squat was a rad move on the part of you!

Oh, also, just gonna leave this here: https://www.facebook.com/zombiesurvivalcamp.ca/events?key=events

We could get a table at a board game cafe maybe?

(This is a massive tl;dr... basically my journal for the day, haha.) Day 1 was SO GOOD. I got up at 6, successfully didn't look at anything on my phone but Kindara, and then went for a walk while sipping tea (even though walking into Mordor isn't one of my challenges!) Had some of the big batch of slow-cooked oatmeal that I made yesterday for breakfast and lunch was pumpkin squash soup from the freezer (thanks for making that soup for me, past self!) I did successful career-related things during the day, and then WENT TO AN ADULT GYMNASTICS CLASS. I was pretty nervous. This is a gym I started going to when I was 5 years old, when I was invited to a friend's birthday party. I was pretty much obsessed from day one; I had been signed up for kiddie-league soccer at the time, and after a few weeks of me hanging back "playing defense" but actually just ignoring the ball and doing cartwheels, my mom said, "We're paying a lot of money for soccer. Do you want to play soccer, or do you want to do cartwheels?" I answered that clearly, I wanted to do cartwheels. So she let me sign up for gymnastics. My parents were never particularly enthusiastic sports-type parents, though (at least to me... my brother was a different story) so they never let me do a competitive program, even though for a period of about ten years that was literally all I wanted in the world I did a bunch of "not-really-competitive" kind of classes, though-- advanced recreational, interclub, etc. The thing is, even though I loved the sport, like many young nerds I had a hard time fitting into the social atmosphere of the gym. I definitely made a few good friends, but there were always way more people that I was simply terrified of for no good reason than people that I was friends with. By the time my parents finally forced me to quit in my early teens (aka prime age for melodramatically declaring that I would never be happy again) it was probably a good thing, even if I couldn't see it at the time; having decided that my body, not my personality, was the main obstacle to fitting in, I had picked up some pretty fucked-up eating habits that it took me a long time to get rid of. So when I walked in tonight I was scaaaaared. "There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered." I guess I was scared that I was going to find that I hadn't changed. Well, guess what. I have. The minute my old coach saw me she started practically screaming-- she was so genuinely excited to see me, and all of her current girls were walking past and she kept saying "I coached her! When she was tiny! I can't believe you're back!" The coaches of the class I was in were both people that I kind of used to train with/know/be intimidated by, but it wasn't awkward at all-- we were all just like, "oh, I vaguely remember you, cool, hi!" And needless to say, i am no longer terrified of their unrealistic levels of coolness, or whatever I was so scared of as a preteen. The actual gymnastics. Okay, I have been lifting since August. And it's done a lot for me. I mean, I originally started because I needed to pass a lift test to get my current job, so obviously it was pretty critical in multiple ways. But I only realized tonight how much it's completely changed my body already. There were so many things that I wasn't expecting to be able to do, that I would have been happy to work up to over the course of weeks or months, that I just... did. Like in the warmup when we were supposed to do handstand walking, and I completely unexpectedly went the entire length of the floor without falling. I haven't even tried to walk on my hands in forever! Or when I was warming up my roundoff on the floor, and another girl said "You can obviously put a backhandspring on that!" And I was like, "Well, I was gonna try it out on trampoline first, because I haven't done one for years..." and then as soon as I said it I realized, she was right. I didn't need to try it on trampoline because I was already 100% certain that I could do it on floor. My body just knew it in a way that my body didn't used to know things. I felt more confident about my ability to do that skill, which I hadn't done for years, than I had ever felt as a teenager about the skills that I trained every week. On bars, I actually jumped to the high bar-- which I hadn't been planning on doing for a few weeks!-- and put together some simple skills (pullover--back hip circle-- squat on--jump to high bar) in a way that actually had rhythm and flow and straight legs and pointed toes! Then, at the very end of class, after being exhausted by the conditioning we did for the last 15 minutes, I climbed the rope and touched the top tl;dr: Now I just need to decide what to do tomorrow... it's a lifting day, but I don't think I'm gonna be able to go in the morning seeing as gymnastics ended at 9 PM and it's midnight now. I think I'll sleep in a bit (but still not linger in bed on my phone!), eat a ton, and then go to the gym in the early afternoon.

i love the SNACK format! And it sounds like you're doing awesome! Congratios on the nomination!

Ooh, that's a good idea! I will try popping the bar more with my warm-ups tomorrow!

Wow, that second image in your challenge post is gorgeous! Following along!

This series has been on my list ever since I read a crossover fanfic involving some of the mythology from it! This looks like an awesome challenge.

I LOVE that image. I might print that out and put it on the wall of my bedroom

Yaaaaaas! Last week of Jan is as good for me as any other time! Perhaps the 29th, 20th, or 31st? Also, I am totally going to to follow all of your challenges, Toronto people!

Wow, I'm jealous of your Mount-Doom-Climbing! I actually think travelling alone is awesome... possibly more awesome than travelling even with people, at least for me. Maybe I'm just a loner though... a lone ranger Can definitely be scary though. Good luck with the quests!

Thanks! And that's good advice about squats and cleans-- I am definitely squatting, since I'm doing SL 5x5, but I haven't tried any cleans yet, and I'm kind of nervous to teach myself! I was hoping to hire a trainer just for one session to check my form, so when I find someone to do that with I think I'll ask them to teach me a clean! Also, I guess posting this must have been motivating, since I just it the bullet and signed up for an adult gymnastics class.