Eventually I will get through this gigantic quest I have in front of me.... This past spring, I was all set to lose myself in exercise after I had a whole bunch of crap thrown on me. A year or so before that, I was all set because I didn't have kids for the summer, and I didn't have any excuses. Needless to say, I'm still in the same position, regardless of what situation I was in! So, now to make it happen. For reals. I have no idea how much I have to lose. The batteries in my scale died. That's both a blessing and a curse. But I know it's a lot. I also have more motivation now, as I've taken the steps to join The Dark Empire, a Star Wars costuming group. I want to make a custom Sith cosplay, and damn if I don't want to look good in it! I'm going to start taking some leatherworking classes (my kids and husband asked which profession I was dropping to take that up ), and I need to actually get to the gym again. I need to get running again. I missed out on doing races at Disneyland, since they've canceled them all for the foreseeable future. I really wanted to do the Tink 1/2, and the Star Wars 1/2. My husband has said that, if I could get myself ready, we'd see about trying to get to Florida for the Star Wars Dark Side 1/2 there at some point. My stretch goal is to run the Loch Ness Marathon in 2020, the year I turn 40. The dance style I have a burning passion for is having their yearly conference next January about an hour away from where I live. If I want to participate (which I so, so do), I need to get back to dancing. So, goals! I have them. I just need to stick with it. That is what I seem to lack. So this is me, respawning again. I still don't know what chronic illness I'm fighting. Is it RA? Is it Lyme? Is it something completely different? We don't know! I'm a "mystery". The one time in my life I want to be boring and routine. But regardless, I need to find my fitness again. To quote the overused and annoying cliche: I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm ready to be agile and strong again.