Owlet

Dropping in after a good few months absent and I've no idea what you've been up to (need to backtrack in your thread!) but your drawings are great and your adventure looks super fun! Hope you are well

Well for what it's worth, I think you're great and you know, just because you're not currently doing ALL THE THINGS (although it totally sounds as though you're still doing all the things, compared to what I accomplish in an average day) ... doesn't mean you're a failure and those things never happened, or that they won't happen again (and more). How to explain.. say you're a graphic designer, and you've done heaps of amazing designs in your time but your latest submission wasn't quite as good - a good manager will recognise you're just feeling a little off, but you will assuredly do more great designs in the future. A bad manager will base your entire worth as a designer (and probably human) on the quality of your most recent submission, without having any faith in your ability to bounce back. It sounds like the voice in your head needs a lesson in people management and HR And like others here, I can really relate to the things you say about lack of confidence and self-criticism. I'm so impressed with your decision to be more open though! I think that is the fastest way to getting other people to open up, and then you realise that so many people are actually hiding a whole world of pain and suffering inside. We all do our best to appear happy and successful, which of course makes others feel like they're failing. If we all overcame our fears about sharing though, like you are doing, we could help each other so much. I guess I'm trying to say thank you, and send a virtual hug.

Considering the troubles you are dealing with, I'm not surprised you feel this way! But never underestimate the influence a good teacher can have, even far down the line of someone's life. I still fondly remember one of my teachers from when I was about 10 years old. She had a reputation for being very strict and mean, so I was terrified when I found out she would be my new teacher. In reality, she gave me the best education of my early years and quickly became my favourite teacher. She was firm because she sincerely cared about educating us, and that really showed. Whereas other teachers made class fun, she actually taught us multiplication, grammar.. all those boring but ultimately important things that will help you out later in life. I have no idea where she is now but I still have so much gratitude for her. Like you said, being easy on kids just means they will struggle later on because they can't get up to speed. Good on you for helping out where you can! Even if they don't appreciate at the time, one day they will.

You spotted me lurking! Well it's your own fault for being so inspiring. Maybe you don't believe that right now, but the fact that you have been having such a hard time yet you keep fighting to feel better - that helps me believe I can do the same, so thank you. Really love your tactic to tell Lilith to shut up haha. I noticed recently that I've developed a nasty habit of telling myself I feel shit. I think it started because if I was feeling down my boyfriend would ask why, so I started preempting that, trying to work out in my head why I felt down so I could tell him if he asked. Except often I couldn't find any particular reason, so in my mind I started saying "I just feel shit. I feel so shit".. surprise surprise, that made me feel a thousand times worse. As an experiment a couple of times I tried cutting that voice off and saying "I feel great!" instead. While it didn't make me feel great (and I felt a bit of a fraud saying it to myself) it did actually lessen the negativity. It was also really hard so I gave up but you've inspired me to try again, harder, next time it happens. I'm super impressed with your efforts to do activities despite low feelings, I think your list of little things is a great idea! I dropped off the radar for a while though sorry.. can I ask what the self authoring thing is? (sorry everyone else who already knows!) As for your brother... I'm sorry he is such a challenge! But... I am so glad you are thinking of way you can positively influence him Striving to create value where it would be only too easy to see nothing but pain and suffering - that is something you can be proud of.