fearless 2.0

didnt sleep at all, relapsed and actually dug the pack of smokes out of the garbage to lit one. They taste like shit now. called my doctor to get my medication adjusted to be able to sleep again today and get through work. she will call me back later. have to wait for retirement money on Thursday before I can buy either nicotine replacement or fags. now Im kinda in limbo and dead tired. will teach the kid later, then go straight back to bed around 7pm detox with a history of mental health challenges is tough, you can't force yourself too much because then you get unbalanced mentally which makes it kinda impossible to decide anything in a healthy way.

dealing with urges rn, went for a good hike with dogs. will go to bed early! thanks Sal!

thanks, I dont use any nicotine patches or gums anymore. Feel ok, actually quite high from the anti depressant. You are right, I could adapt my eating window and get a bit more energy. I think its fine if I start keto next week. Thanks possum! My brain chemistry is kinda shot right now, There are highs and lows all the time. I realize that and try to not take my feelings to serious. will also see dr to make sure everything is within the normal range ( emotions, memory, sleep... all the stuff). Should be a bit easier once the last bits of nicotine (gums patches)have left my body and once I go back down on my mood altering medication again, ( Wellbutrin is quite a ride! dont recommend for long term use!) I am happy about the progress Im making, but feel very out of balance. I have made an account on the site and can start planning mid October. Thanks MH!

yay to the miles walked and omelets prepared! LOLed hard at the dog meme.... congrats to your pushup success also!! YAY

cant wait for the moment I can join you on your writers adventures! haha, take out was my enemy for years, the boys would know me far too well because I kept ordering in... raising a huge glass of water to you! cheers!

hey, I see you are having a great time! I used to have a polaroid camera I loved... reminds me of old times... the tattoo is cute HUG!

good lord! you kicking some serious ass over here! super!!! the notification during the night sounds super stressful!!! can someone else be the receiver of those alarms??? I couldnt handle that at all, love and all aside... which gym are u a member of? HUG, my possum!

Im a nonsmoker still. Gave up counting hours, and days though... it bores me now. I dont have money for cigarettes or even for new nicotine patches, so Monday I will lose those as well, just a bit of nicotine gum left then. Im kinda beyond worrying right now, it sucks, it will suck for quite a while and I am a nonsmoker now. period. I decided to go back to my regular life after hours and hours spent online in recovery groups. I love them but I need a balanced life. So today I taught a kid and also wrote!!!!!!!!!!! the first version of my presentation on mental health/schizophrenia for the 2 days of social worker trainings I do in October. I realized, that I needed less time to prep for those trainings than I had feared. I have made a plan with all the topics, written down all my sources and books to recommend after the training, and decided on which specific topics I can concentrate on and what I want to say in all those modules. I have enough material to fill even more hours and offered to do some more. This weekend I will chill and go hiking tomorrow with friend and dogs, next week I want to get back to my real life friends and balance my days a bit better between all the stuff I find important and valuable. Im broke so keto has to wait till next week when I get paid. I have gained a couple of kilos but am maintaining now. the dopamine has been in a good range since I am taking the full dose of Wellbutrin. I add quite a bit of coffee to that and have trouble sleeping well... ( ahem) will carry on with the original goals of this challenge a bit later. Now my priorities are mastering withdrawal from nicotine and being able to manage my work, movement and friends / connection. I dont know if Im happy at the moment , it feels more like a determined trudging on rocky roads. For the first time in my life Im focused mainly on long term goals instead of having fun right away. Am looking forward to NANOWRIMO too. I can prep for writing once I have finished prepping my trainings which could be soonish. Off to see what happened in your life lately!

I understand the pseudonym as well. the world is kinda not very good natured atm. hugs to you, possum! Hi sister, how is your holiday going? Im good. its fall weather here now which I like.

chose peace! not going back to politics. still no cigarettes, day 8 today, week 1 done gloriously! carefully optimistic.

Im so sorry you feel so shitty atm! congrats to getting so much stuff done in spite of it! I imagine it must have been fun hanging out with the gay couple tho, often my gay friends are just so adorable... Me and another friend have trouble sleeping well too. totally hear you! HUG my possum!

your module will be fine, as Harriet said, you rocked the last one! good for you to go on a little trip! Im waiting for October to come because then dogs are allowed to run free at the beach here. hug!

will have a week non smoking tonight! I commit to making that happen. as if I wasn't stressed enough my political colleges asked me to come back and run for the campaign in spring. Im very tempted but have said before that politics was a major reason for me to drink and smoke too much before, as well as being in mental distress. Apparently my political opponent I made room for never "showed up" when there was work to do and will soon retire. Im the most experienced candidate for the social politics board in the whole fraction. Will get lots of advice before making this decision and stay cool. being without drugs of any kind is such a good life, Im 100 % sure I want to keep living like that. Also, interpersonal drama: not so desirable. Im just hooked on the idea of finally having the political power to get shit done for my town. thanks for all your encouragement and support!

day six clean. today was hard but I have hope now to make it. All is well! Hugs to you, fellow nerds!

I want to have had a mother like you!!!!! such cool stuff!!!!