fearless 2.0

Hi Harriet! just dropping by to say hi and leave you a hug! Kudos for hanging in there and giving it your all! Im back on keto too and since I upped my walks with the dog Im losing nicely. Still thinking of your wonderful painting of the tarot card. One day I will come to visit and get a copy of it to hang up on my wall. Sending coffee and hugs from Lübeck!

fearless xoxo

Sal sister! so fucking proud and happy to see where you are at !!!!!!!!!!

doing the work in therapy!!!!

SOBER!!!!!!!! ( WTF)

all the kind thinking and acting towards yourself!!!!!!

rocking work!!!!!

YOU ARE KILLING IT, DUDE!!!!!!!!! 

BIG HUG!!!

fearless xoxo

3 hours ago, Salinger said:

Love you, proud of you.... ❤️ xx

love you too, Sal! ❤️

30 minutes ago, Harriet said:

 

I'm so sorry to hear about those things. And yet glad that you're building happiness for yourself despite it. You're mighty and valiant and gorgeous ❤️

 

I'm trying to find a hug gif but everything is weird and inappropriate. Okay here we go. Penguins are marsupials, right?

 

 

 

Excellent plan!!!!!! (six exclamation makes for sheer excellence)

thank you possum, your answer means a lot to me. And the penguins are exactly right!  

today I donated blood and walked past a room in the hospital where you could get flu and corona shots, so I got both done. feeling a little lightheaded now and moved my workout to tomorrow. but 6k walked today so all is fine.

still losing weight

food is still strictly ketogenic 

am very happy generally, but dealing with flashbacks and traumatic responses lately about my abusive parents. can add sexual trauma to the other shit now. what a pair of losers my mother and my stepfather were! good lord!!!

yesterday I got a text from Stacy stating that I move well. This simple statement almost brought me to tears after self hating for decades. Im going to love myself healthy and make sure I enjoy the time I have now that Im being secure and loved.

On 11/6/2022 at 3:36 PM, Salinger said:

Sounds gorgeous Sunday FL, you deserve it xx

thanks ❤️

HUG ❤️

nice pictures

yay for the rating! hug for getting the babies ashes! ❤️

hey nerd friends,

I have a dog friend of Laras over and its really peaceful to have coffee while they are lying around on the wooden floor snoring. will go out with them a bit later.

I needed a break, so haven't done very much this weekend.

all is quiet and peaceful and im sipping hot coffee/tea all day snuggled into my favorite cuddly jumper.

will check back in on Monday at bedtime.

enjoy the additional hour of rest, my American friends!

2 hours ago, Harriet said:

This is all wonderful: your great teaching, the meaningful volunteering, and the health gainz!

days like this help me survive when life hits you with the bad shit! thanks possum! Im glad to know you!

@Salinger       you are amazing too! ❤️

Just now, MaeradCase said:

This is all so awesome!!! 😍😍😍😍

 

😍😍😍😍 so proud of you, Fearless! Glad you're learning ways to appreciate life.

this community is golden! thanks for your support! 

32 minutes ago, Sovalis said:

I absolutely hear where you are coming from with your gratitude for a simple life. I had a lot of “keeping up with the Jones’” mentality in my younger days and now I am so much more satisfied with simplicity and beautiful things done slowly and well. I am happy that you have this, too. ❤️ Yay for happiness!

 

You do what you need to be doing, Fearless. You know what you need. Keep cheering us on though, your enthusiasm is amazing!  

sovalis, I am glad our ways crossed! write that wonderful book. Mine will follow! 

I feel like everything is falling into place nicely.

Decided to not force myself to write on because I feel this book is not coming out of me right now. Talking to a friend who joined the NF writing group and she says, being part of this gave her a flow state and she is writing effortlessly. So I didnt start NaNo in vain, something beautiful has grown out of these few days.

Im taking inventory of my daily life right now and am so happy with what it feels like right now.

This year has been a year of big changes ( I left the political work and I stopped drinking) and when I look around in my freshly painted and renovated simple home, there is nothing in it I dont love or need. everything is clean and in order ( haven't had this happen in decades!). also I fill my days with chores and responsibilities that resonate with my values and are important to me and fulfilling.

Just today, a mother of an English student told me that her son had said that I can always tell how he feels that day and that he never has to pretend to be fine with me. He feels understood and heard and his grades are up. I mean isn't that something worth living for??? I feel warm and happy when I get those feedbacks. 

I will just let the year end by tying loose ends and finishing my SMART training. I got an offer by a meeting facilitator I really love, to work at her meetings as a meeting helper starting January. So there will be room for volunteering in a way that makes me feel good.

Also my body is healing up, today my joints dont hurt and I am now consistently losing weight every day. I can enjoy the NF private coaching until xMas and then start thinking about my intentions for the next year.

there is a lot of gratefulness and I like how it feels when I take a break from pushing and leveling up very hard. Its actually not boring at all to live a mediocre life with a few big highlights here and there. Before this year I always forced myself to do better/do more in every aspect. Now Im just fine with days where I dont have to achieve anything.

Ive bought some great books and have time to listen to music or walk in nature with my pup.

Im happy!

See you tomorrow and good luck to all my fellow NF writers, sorry to leave you.

stay awesome, you heroes! ❤️

13 hours ago, Harriet said:

 

Oh that sounds pretty good! Maybe I'll ask about it.

 

WoooOOOoooo! Give me long luxuriant leg hair or give me death! ⚔️

if it was helpful to you I would party so hard!  

12 hours ago, Sovalis said:

I am so glad you have found something that is helping your brain get the boosts you need to feel productive and satisfied, Fearless! That is awesome news! I have been on my current cocktail for about two years and it’s just night and day what it has done for me. I am stoked that you’re having success with it! And with your window cleaning and writing! All good things.  

yes! having the right cocktail is something to celebrate wildly!!!!  

Sleep was disturbed tonight by Lara having to pee every 3 hours or so. Still, I feel fine.

Have started losing weight and cant wait for Stacy to write me a nice workout to add to my day. So far it has been walking and yoga, which was fun, but I want to start working out even though right now I totally suck at everything.

fantasizing about letting the writing go. I dont have a lot of fun right now. Will wait how it goes on the weekend. Also really like my group of fellow scribblers.

the SMART recovery groups are still a wonderful part of my days and the connection I got with fellow friends is something I celebrate. soo good.

today I teach for one hour, the rest of the day I will try to get into writing a couple of sentences. also must chill like a boss.

be well you heroes! ❤️

worst case: Bronze throws up all over your car. It will be fine! Just put a blanket under her. Can totally get the work stress... Im working more to make up for the ridiculous inflation and it makes me feel overwhelmed a lot! take care sister! ❤️

yay for enough sleep!it was totally understandable that you dozed in the tiles shop. TILES ARE BORING!  

sending you energy for lifting and editing!

HUG<3

6 hours ago, Salinger said:

Hey FL 

 

I haven’t been bothered to shave my legs in over a month!! Thankfully my leg hair is very fine for some reason hahah and Roxy isn’t bothered and still strokes my legs  hahahhaha 

 

you’re doing amazing and I am so proud of you xxx

Roxy better not be bothered by any of your wonderful body parts!!!!  thanks sister!!!! ❤️

5 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Yay so much excite, I love it! But who even cleans windows? 😂

MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ahahahahahaha

* imagine banshee voice here*

thanks!  

48 minutes ago, Harriet said:

I am SO IMPRESSED by your alcohol free five months that I didn't even notice the smoking. One awesome victory at a time, eh?

 

Also I think hairy legs are rad. I mean, who the flip are smooth legs for? Do you have a feudal duty to your corporate and male supremacist overlords to spend time and money demonstrating your willingness to submit to arbitrary grooming standards or ARE YOU A FREE WITCH in a democratic society creating a new standard of SHEER EXCELLENCE? (I'm only partly joking. I want to look nice but I also have major respect for women who do things differently and thereby create new ways of looking good).

 

 

Yeah I have wondered if a dopamine based medication would be better than SSRIs and NSRIs, which didn't work for me. But I think my main problem is fatigue--possibly at the level of cellular energy production-- and my motivation seems to be adequate as long as I stay off the internet and don't drink too much alcohol and am not too fatigued. I wouldn't mind some extra motivation but does your natural production of dopamine downregulate as a response to wellbutrin? That would make it not worth it for me.

hey possum,

if you take wellbutrin in small dose and not daily I have been informed it doesn't change your dopamine production. You could take it on days where you need to be a bit stronger, still though, I only will take it during the dark months and will be very careful with it because it can get you kinda dependent. I have spoken to 2 drs though and they said it far better then SSRIs. which I feel is true. I take it as gift of the universe and dont take it daily.  

PS now Im never ever gonna shave again! hehe

5 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

Congrats on 5 months sobriety!

In the summer when I wear shorts, I shave my legs.  Now that it's colder,  I'm like meh, don't want to. The nice thing is , as I get older, my legs are less hairy. All the bad things that happen as we age. it's very nice that I actually need to shave less!

EG!!!!!! hey, great to see you!!!

I feel much better after youall told me about your hairy winterlegs!:) 

11 hours ago, Everstorm said:

 

Well done!

 

 

This is great news!

 

 

Well done pushing through to surpass your goals.  I found day one to be pretty brutal myself, although today went a bit better.

 

Lots of wins here.  Looking good!

thanks!!!! I love your considerate comments!  

hey possum! hope you feel a bit better! Im getting sleepy and will drop into bed now! HUG ❤️