Casbin

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About Casbin

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    Revolter

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  1. Casbin

    Casbin - You can do this for God's sake!

    I have no clue what I want to say right now... There will probably be some changes in the timing of my posts or my scheduling throughout the day. Because, I completely forgot the thing I wanted to point out. Kinda something Butternut put into motion with her post above and another thing related to the empowering ourselfs. It's on the tip of my tongue but barely denying me to come back... Anyway... I did all my stuff on the last two days. Yesterday with a 4 miles roundtrip through town and a good fit of exhaustion that nearly did me in. Ohhhhh, now I see. Right, I kinda tricked myself yesterday to get my last challenge goals done! (Damn, there apparently is no translation for this phrase) I will take a bit of a detour to keep you in the loop. We all know this little "voice" in the back of our head that keeps tempting us, right? You know this little part of us that sneakily introduces thought like " Aw, it's good that one bit of chocolate won't hurt my eating habits", "I'm so tired, let's do the workout tomorrow morning" This kind of stuff is what we call "innerer Schweinehund" or "Günther" bc there is a great audiobook on audible I am currently listening to which is just about him. Now the idea of the author is to give a name to that voice (you guessed, like he called his Günther) for you to be able to start communicating with it. Not that I'd run around having loud conversations with myself, I'd probably get neatly locked away in that case but the idea is interesting. Because once you do that and use his or her own interest for your own good it will become another driving force rather then friction That's how I motivated myself to walk an extra mile to pick up grapes as a treat for a job well done (and needed anyway). And more importantly how I managed to get out of my comfy chair once exhaustion set in after all that walking to finish my life goal. He was veeery tempting and convincing there and even though I reminded myself that we commited to this and would have to tell you all about it, I gave in. Here is the fun bit about it, I GAVE IN and that same lazy bum in me stood up and had me down the stairs before it registered with me conciously (bc I had been planning to go up to my appartment). Now this sounds seriously crazy, me talking to myself and all but please bear in mind it is an imagination, not some unvoluntary psychosis... But TLDR it sounds dumb but is working for me (and a bit of childish fun tbh). Today went quite contrary to that. I finished all the stuff in one go and were home and done with everything before noon. And I took a break in accordance bc I'm good to go, in a crisis call I could be on the road within two hours. But somehow by the time the sun set I had absolutely no drive to sit and give a report. It felt like those two days were weeks ago, maybe even in another life (subjective time can be awkward, this is probably a thing of input afterwards). This is fresh and kinda uncomfortable, not just because I'm not used to having so much downtime, but because it might get in my way of keeping up the challenge. As in starting to slack on writing my posts here and there and suddenly - Ups, the Challenge ended six weeks ago? How did that happen? Not a danger yet but I believe in being prepared. There are a few possibilities how to proceed but I'd like to try spreading out my goals throughout the day first. No clue if that is even an option comes monday. I'll wait and see how this will play out to be. Still in a very upbeat mood today though more "Jazzvibe" rather then yesterdays "Rockabilly" good mood. I'm looking forward to going on ahead, there are two more rather relaxed days and next week things will finally be put in motion. This is going to be one fine adventure and I am determined to make the best of it for myself. I'll be back tomorrow (hopefully with more focus) Casbin PS: I realised that there have been way more mistakes in my posts then I'd like. Hopefully I just need to get back into the habit, I'd rather not have to take the extra time and check if I typed the word I'd been thinking or just something which sounds similar.
  2. Casbin

    Casbin - You can do this for God's sake!

    Thank you, it feels good to hear that in a positive context every once in a while. I want to believe that I am like that, kind, considerate, compassionate. They are values dear to me and I am learning to apply them towards myself too. Besides, I am happy that you noticed the "empowering ourselfs" angle there, this is soooo useful and helped a lot over the last two days. Grit and perseverance in the way you described over on your challenge are a great source of motivation. It sounds so good out of your perspective. As in tools to push you forward, out of your current comfort zone, like a driving force. Maybe I should pay a bit more attention when the next chance presents itself, I've always used those without thinking or stopping to consider but it's never too late.
  3. Casbin

    Flea vs Depression

    You pushed yourself in a lot of ways on a single breath, rest up, charge and then face the next batch up ahead. Keep pushing, you will do this well. Not commenting on that show, I'd just get angry...
  4. Casbin

    Butternut becomes a hybrid

    Jay, I made it! Only 2 Quotes rather then 10 small ones xD I really like how supportive your husband seems to be and how open you can bounce thoughts back and forth with him. In my opinion that's a treasure which can not be found as easily, freely talking about how you want to give form to the life you want create for yourself. The openmindedness (is that a word? it should be...) is cool and so much more then the usual hiding yourself in fear of giving the partner a feeling of "this is not enough for me"... "I've lost wanting to be a good mom..." said the woman I remember to talk about climbing robes with her kids in the backyard and thinking up games to play on the way home. Wow, NOW I'm really courious what you are going to make out of this, leave alone all the good things you'll take from it. Also smiling from ear to ear bc grit and the great intonation you are bringing along with it This sounds a lot like Keto to me, are you going for an intuitive approach to it all or are you working towards a concrete idea? Hope you are well and the week keeps going strongly Casbin
  5. Casbin

    Casbin - You can do this for God's sake!

    Did all my stuff and walked a few miles to get there. Updating here will happen tomorrow Till then Casbin Send from mobile
  6. Casbin

    Casbin - You can do this for God's sake!

    Alright, so I did sit down to question myself and see if I might be doing this for the wrong intention. And I strongly belief that I am not. I'm talking a lot of mindset but that's not what keeps bringing me back here. I talk about it because, even if not always evident, it is connected with the habits I work on. Change doesn't happen in the area we want it to, it happens were we need it. So, if I work on my nutrition my mood might change, if I work on my mindset I suddenly gain weight. This is why I am digging down into those things and I am not coming here so I can talk about it. This is good enough for me and I will keep things as they come to me. Regards Casbin Send from mobile
  7. Casbin

    Casbin - You can do this for God's sake!

    Ok, this is probably going to be a rather long one. If you are planning to read, I hope you are comfy, have some music. Thank you, I love every bit of that blanket too, just everything there is involved and I'm happy for the compliment Isn't it weird how good those spontanious moments feel, even if it's just a 5 Minute talk? As of today, I've been sailing hard on the wind, the fun bit with leaning outside to hold things tight, as yesterday acted as a reagent I never expected. And most of all, thank you for the encouragement to both of you! But, besides so many other things today, I am freaking proud of me because that scolding to my overachieving side was big news. You see I've had a lot of things on my mind that I really wanted to share and all of them share kind of a Theme that can be boiled down to a single world. EMPOWERMENT - it's one of my favorite words because of the sheer width of possibilities that come along with it. I tend to talk a lot about how things happen or how they feel. That's because I strongly believe in the concept of "detect, understand, change" and more often then not my stumbles lead me back to the realisation that I didn't understand HOW things influenced me. That little bit of anger yesterday, or possibly it came across as whining, was BIG news but I wasn't sure about it, yet. Today I can confidently say, right there at that point I realised that I was leaning back towards "the dark side" and just went - nope. See, I tend to get overwhelmed, like a lot, which then leads to ignoring my own needs and subsequently towards isolation to recuperate. But not this time! It's not that I was mad at the energy it took to do my Challenge things but that I fully considered to have fail without a little bit of extra effort. And hurried the whole prep thing to a point were I'd have finished everything by today just so that I didn't need to admit to myself that I was worried sick about that stupid form thing because it was widely out of my sphere of influence (yes I said was). So in the first part I realised that I was going overboard and admitted that it was a necessity and I hope I find a release afterwards. And then suddenly, the realisation that IT WAS NOT NECESSARY to push myself beyond my limits while sick. DA FU## But it might have been the other side playing tricks on me, just that today I can confidently say it wasn't! I did turn of my alarm last night to give my body the sleep it demands. And damn, I feel so much better! Before I knew it I had already started to sort clothes and packed the access in my suitcase just out of habit. I've moved a whole lot slower from one thing to another, as in no rush. But looking back, I did all my Challenge goals but the fruits just because I wanted to. And had the time to socialise, look around on the way and other such things. It's just one word that changed, from "I have to..." to "I'd like to..." but it made a world of a difference. So, while I did take a few breaks when my body wanted a rest, yes physically not mentally, I feel way better, fitter even calmer. I had a walk, picked up a good healthy breakfast I had nearly forgotten about, did some packing, played with my knitting project and checked in with myself occasionally. And throughout the day most of my urgent worries made popping sounds and imploded. A letter from my accident partners car insurance that they wired the money (I was still waiting for the bill to ask for a refund there). I took another calm look at the things that still need to be prepared and confirmed that I can finish everything in 2 days even if fever strikes again. Made up my mind that it's ok to take my car rather then the train on monday, the extra bucks aren't as bad as I had thought bc I would have had to drive back on 2 weekends anyway. And it is going to give me a whole lot more freedom to do things on the weekends. And (this is my favorite) the law offices apprentice called me back in the pm. Whenever I see her, she is really indecisive. Fullout - ask her boss if she can copy this letter - indecisive. But guess what, this exact person considered what this situation would mean to me and went over her bosses head. Or I should say she left a note stating what I asked about and to call me back by tonight, which she knew would be ignored. She picked up the phone and calles my insurances office and as she couldn't get a hold on that woman either asked in their institutes name to be called back. Which happened today and suddenly she realised that the forms really had been forgotten and send them out! Seriously this kind of behaviour happened a few times in different situations just in this week and I am SUPER grateful for it. And even more so because in this particular case it was pretty much an existential thing. Bet on it, for those people, I made very sure to give them the feedback. Bc for the last 5 years, I've scarcly seen it. Let me tell you, even though I was the one in favor but I could HEAR them smile through the phone and it was damn satifying to know that I gave someone else a slightly better tune for their day. I keep talking about all the things around the challenge but not the actual habits themselves... On the other hand it is related as in drive and change those small things do to enrich routines and gradually my lifestyle too. It might be time to have a good look at what I want to talk about in here. See you tomorrow (I'm a bit too lazy to choose a pic)
  8. Casbin

    Casbin - You can do this for God's sake!

    o.O my day just went from great to perfect! So let me sing and dance until the cough stops me and I'll tell you all the good stuff in the evening!
  9. Casbin

    SeekingCassandra - The Seekers failed . . .

    I think this is a good way to look at it. Realising what works for you is a process anyway and being ok with adapting midway helps a lot. Did you consider putting up a set amount for the whole ToDo-List rather then specified items?
  10. Casbin

    Butternut becomes a hybrid

    This is why you just have to love kids, straight on to the core with simple solutions. A journey of happiness is a great plan, this will be an inspiration to read about!
  11. Casbin

    Bean Sidhe vs Chaos _ I WANT TO BELIEVE

    Hopefully you did not need to starve Great victory to get the college thing sorted, one less bottleneck! You got this, hopefully things played out fine with the family on your b-day.
  12. Casbin

    Casbin - You can do this for God's sake!

    I will make this quick, just because... Not my best day, low on energy and willpower I had to drag myself all the way to meet the minimum requirements. And then, when I was done (and right when Morag showed up surprisingly), I realised a few flaws in my thought process. I was mad at myself for having to drive myself for every nitbit thing. I was frustrated that there was so little that got done today. I refused to listen to my body and maybe consider to just stop, breath and try too move around the schedule in my head. Because those min requirements was, be presentable, shrug of therapie without batting an eye, see all the people, finish all your Challenge goals, do something extra for LYL and life category. And most of all "nope, you can't play sick right now." That's kinda dumb tbh. First of all it wouldn't be a challenge if I don't have to stretch out of my comfort zone. Second, that cold is me getting a warning that I'm close to overdoing things Third, after some breathing and rational scrutiny I am allowed to say that I'm not ON schedule but way ahead. Finally, sometimes it can be the wiser choice to not do things now in order to have an easier time in the days to come. All in all I can say: All goals checked Good things happening were a helpful conversation with that unemplayment office, good friends showing up on my doorstep just because they were close, realising that I most practically have a 3 day safety margin in place. Finally one thing that feels very OOC to me: I will call a restday tomorrow. No pressure to work on my Challenge goals, the day will go unrated. No running after people, organising stuff. Just be there, try to allow yourself to rest and feel better and do things you enjoy. In case I really can't help myself let me leave a MAX cap in place. If I feel really driven it is ok to do one thing for every category that's not based on "I feel like doing this". No more. So much for keeping this short but I suppose you got used to it if you got this far. Have fun with your journey I am quite curious about how this experiment will turn out to feel.
  13. Casbin

    Casbin - You can do this for God's sake!

    Huhu, I really could not stand not to wave back xD I do feel good about it too and posting here helps with my own mindset. Anyway, as has been said already, I strangle feel complimented. I'll gladly take the blame, I can bear that if it helps to keep the stuff that will make you feel good about yourself on your plate.
  14. Casbin

    Casbin - You can do this for God's sake!

    What would life be like without a little thrill here and there? Kinda boring, I suppose, but it's like an urban legend anyway. Todays been going strongly, too. I dare nor say that I made progress on last weeks spill over but I did what I can. From here on out I need to stay patient and wait for the legal office to call me back, hopefully not last minute on Thursday night. One success that happened was not to call more people who's support I'll need soon and annoying them with "if - then" inquiries that would have led to even more phonecalls with them. Figured things out with the healthinsurance offices and finished stuff with the unemployment office. To my utmost gratitude a polite, patiente and considerate person was on theire line and we figured things out without having to show up in person. One less thing on my list that could possibly spell desaster and I don't have capacities to panic over possibly having to rely on them. Pretty good for a few hours of work. I managed to get a walk and drop of mail for my oldest friend that I'd been procrastinating real bad. A walk in the park, less guilt AND I found evidence that the sun is not dead, I've seen her in the distance today. Fruit's are fanishing at a visible rate and I will open this one up for vegies too as I need to finish my stash. Besides, I picked of the workers and am kinda relieved that my roomies shouldn't be able to boycott the whole house if they don't manage to communicate with each other. Weirdly, I apparently became the motherhen in our living quarters. I didn't realise but considering in what condition the appartment might be on my return, I can't deny it... Packing is already in progress, I found a way to reduce my project picking and there is no need to constantly move the suitcase around. Amusingly, all of this happened till noon and I had time to rest, recuperate and do something that made me feel good. Or to put it differently, I can finally share that WIP I couldn't stop talking about. See you Casbin
  15. Casbin

    Casbin - You can do this for God's sake!

    Hej, thank you doing those things have become a good way for me to relax I vever considered before. I really am doing this, aren't I? Here is to keeping the momentum going.