Casbin

Still here, still working.

Not MIA, just not as prominently posting as I'd like.

 

And hi Harriet, thanks for stopping bye!

Hey Zeroh,

 

I know you've been lurking, how are your days coming along?

That's an awesome win right there!

Kudos for toughing it out under Stress.

The dreaded third week is here, let's tough it out we got this!

 

Week 2 went pretty well.

 

I didn't necessarily got one group each as planned but the setup is mainly there and I'm rearing to get started.

There is no use in reaching a perfect state. All gears are in place, most distraction traps are dealt and I will incorporate the rest as a decluttering session over the next few challenges.

 

Habitwise things have been a bit ambiguous though. I missed the foodlog on Monday and Sunday; Surfaceraid on Friday and Social Creature on Friday.

Originally, the Setup was 5/7 to begin with but I've decided I'll be going with 6/7 with the loophole to cope with limited willpower and only that.

No major surprises, no wiggleroom in any given week.

 

Let's roll out the actual Challenge from here on:

 

Habits to keep:

 

No Judge foodlog    x/7

Surface Raid               x/7

Selfcare                         x/7

Joy/fun                          x/7

Social Creature       x/7

 

Goals for the next 3 weeks:

 

eat Breakfast                           x/7 - regular meals have always been a Challenge, especially having Breakfast

Work out 2x a week            x/2 - 5 Habits are enough, so do any workout, if it's allround or physio's routine it counts

Declutter1 place a day      x/5 - left overs and all that, I'm ok with how it is but there is more room for comfort

bureau/jobhunt                    x/5 - well papers need to be dealt with and I need stuff to show to get my plan approved

read on nutrition                  x/3 - Double the ressult here, learn for yourself and prep for the above at the sametime

Be a GM                                    x/5 - I've made some progresse, ideas started to appear but they need to be molded in a presentable form

Be a Grownup                       x/5 - seriously, I'm back in control but the appartment needs some more work.

 

I don't think, I've talked about goals and stuff just yet?

 

Let me give a quick catch up on that.

I'm a 34 yo guy from germany.

My mainfocus is to Gain Weight in a moderate way, not necessarily muscle mass, with about 65kg at 185cm I can use a little more meat just fine.

Fitness wise, well Sports should be fun first and foremost, I probably won't train more often then thrice a week if I include a weekly run.

But winter is coming closer, I'll wait and see what's going to stick. But one thing I know is that I hate running on a treadmill.

Tabletennis, Volleyball, a Martialsport, Dedication or some such are decent options, exercising weights with a mask on is not an enjoyable idea to me though.

 

I've had my fair share of pittraps in challenges before, so I'll keep the steps as small and sustainable as I possibly can.

 

See you in a bit, I'll go get some more stuff done before the chatting

I'm kinda lost for words here...

 

but about this

On 11/2/2021 at 12:48 PM, Bean Sidhe said:

Thank you. Right now, I am doing everything I shouldn't be (Stupid sugar, caffeine, not sleeping, not walking, not stretching) but I at least acknowledge these are all bad things. Thats a step right?

Besides being mindfull about it being awesome.

It's already impressive that you are clinging on for dear life and keep coming back here. As I see it forcing those steps in midnightish or like 4am and pushing yourself past the breaking point won't help you either, will it?

Even hiding in the bathroom for half a minute to calm yourself or acknowledge that you are hurting sounds like a decent win under the circumstances.

 

Hope you are ok!

Week 2 Planning session ahead!

 

Be a responsible adult

 

Clean the remaining cupboard

Clean cabinets 1, 2, 3

 

Livingspace & Batcave

 

declutter the final corners 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

figure out stepcount error on MFP

Give forest a full day testrun

 

Planning stuff

 

clear up leftover matters with boss

Turn in final paperwork

sketch out an actionplan in case you don't get called back

recalculate budget bassed on paycheck

Do the step by step tutorial for vistaprint 50% done

contact insurance

contact fitness club

 

Game changers!

 

Most importantly Habits to keep going

 

Log what you eat on MFP (nonjudgmental)  6/5

Surface Raid                                                                    6/5

Selfcare should be a habit!                                      7/5

Do something joyfull or fun                                    7/5

Stay in touch with people (and NF)                    7/5

 

There might be a few odds and ends missing but whatever I'll just add or ignore them as seems reasonable.

 

About the weekend, taking those two days of worked great!

I still took care of things without feeling like I need to keep things to do over the weekend for my goals.

As a little extra, necessary clothes shopping got done, I went back to the workshop to run maintenance on my shoes & it was fun!

It's been ages since I didn't feel stressed from simply entering that place.  I'll have to come back to fix the lacing in a while but that's another story.

 

Halloween was fun with seeing a mutual friend and spending time with good people.

Without the whole no-paycheck-anxiety it would have been a great time overall.

It took me all day yesterday to figure out that nonsense but it's done and hopefully I won't need to sue them due to further acting like a B*.

 

The gruntwork is done, let's roll out and make this week productive AND fun!

Cas

Ok, I've finally been back in the saddle this morning.

 

The task list has been updated, I'm about to leave a quickrundown for week 1 and will keep moving down from there.

 

Last week worked out surprisingly well all things considered!

I've been dragging my heels all the way all day while moving along the trench but things got done.

 

Looking back, I've stuck to the plan and did at least one thing for every category on each day and owned up to my habits.

If I can pull off a semi-productive week Goal oriented habits should be ready to go by week 3!

 

I originally planned to keep this out of here to not run down the path of venting here again but it's been getting in my way, so let me put this outand move on from there.

My current employment just came to a personally disappointing end on Sunday. It's been a big part the whole exhaustion thing bc they didn't exactly act appropriatly but I finally had my paycheck on the account this morning.

With this the worst anxiety ridden part is over and there are only a few meandering emotinal things to clear while I pursue a fresh start.

 

Let's talk about the good parts though!

 

The appartment is coming along just fine and I'm getting to a point were I feel comfortable being around all day.

This has mainly been about getting rid of my roomies weird habits that bothered me when I missed the energy to fight it off.

 

My own livingspace changed from surrounding me with things I enjoy or carry good memories towards a setup that entices grows and productivity as well.

I need working space on the desk in the coming times if I want to actualise the path I see ahead.

There are still a few corners to declutter and find the stuff I need to fix my workout gear but I am getting closer every damn day, even on shitty days.

Most Gadgets are ready at the tips of my fingers and I feel like it is a feasable system.

 

By the way, I checked out your idea of habitbull athousandwords and the simplicity is just perfect at this point in time!

I'm keeping track of my tasks and dailies in a bulletjournalish style anyway and habitbulls yes/no style fits in very well to keep me from overcomplicating things.

The only questionmark for now will be if I can get used to forest and if it can help me figure out how much time I spend on stuff.

 

I am actually a bigfan of YNAB but a monthly paymentplan really is putting me off just fine.

I eyed GNU instead but that's something I'll try again at a later time.

For the moment I'm back to using a simple spreadsheet to fit my current whack necessities of using my income as a baseline of orientation and just putting it beside my account balance.

Next step will be about figuring out which expanses to cut to gain some more leeway and work things out from there.

 

On another note, there have been a few things about this challenge that turned out to be rather counterproductive and I will be changing them.

 

For one thing, writing down increments for selfcare & hobbys turned them into a task rather then things I enjoy. Those things will be changed into a habit without the tasklist.

Instead I will just keep a misc-list for things I don't want to forget about.

And one more thing I noticed that's only halfrelated is that I enjoyed picking out 2 things for the categories to choose from each day but not crossing out both felt like an incomplete task...

I'm not yet sure how I want to get the good part of both sides, guess I'll try a few things and see what sticks.

First try will be an actual XOR mark inbetween, the subconsciese me tends to be weird like that and need it.

 

Aside from that, I'm already thinking about how I want to do this when the list turn empty.

 

Thanks for ready through all this stuff, I know I'm a wordy person but writing things out has alwaysbeen a great help for me.

 

See you again in a bit

Casbin

Uhm, this might be a stupid question but is ambulant health care an option in your area?

 

Just yet another reminder, you are absolutely NOT a bad person and your mom is literally out to make you share her pain and helplessness.

 

Be as good to yourself as you can, bc you deserve more then "just" that.

Just stopping by to let you know I'm still here.

 

I'm freaking exhausted rn but progress can be seen and your comments have been appreciated and checked out.

 

I'll be taking the weekends off and just work on what I feel like.

But a proper update on how things are going will happen sometime tomorrow after shopping and workshop plans.

 

See you soon with more brain capacity

Casbin

Ok, after a pretty good start I've been in a lurch yesterday & the start today isn't that much better.

Let me write out some things and see if this is gonna help to being focused again.

 

responsible adult

Batcave/Living space

 

planning stuff

 

Selfcare/Downtime

 

social creature

 

Gamechangers

 

 

Habits in the making:

 

Log what you eat on MFP - 6/5

Quick surface raid                    5/5

 

 

There are quite a few things I've got done that never appeared on my list.

 

But it should be the gist of it all.

 

Here is to moving towards the starting line on proper fitness, eating and awareness!

 

See you soon

Casbin

 

Progress edit based on week 1.

Lists are marginally shrinking, they will move in a new post.

Hey, thanks for stopping by!

 

I really, really like that a lot of us keep coming back here every now and then!

For one part it says a lot about the community here.

For another, Rule #2 is real! I may have been gone for a few years but I never stopped feeling like this place is a part of my life.

Which is weird enough, considering we are talking about an online community, but being around is giving a feeling of unity.

 

On 10/25/2021 at 2:17 AM, athousandwords said:

Good luck! Being a GM is hard and takes a lot of prep! Sounds like you're up for the challenge though.  

 

I'm not so sure but I really want to make this happen!

Working around mental roadblocks will be quite interesting and challenging which may or may not lead to a liberating experience.

 

Have a good time today!

 

I'll try to get myself sorted and get around to posting some more concrete Infos.

Alright, it is day one and I already am behind schedule.

Time to get the ball rolling!

 

I was originally going to borrow the idea of lifeheads as described by TEMPUS and repurpose it here to keep a balance.

But that would have led to a bit too much diversity and I've grouped a few of them.

 

Let's have a look:

 

Be a responsible adult - this is really just here as a riminder so I won't ignore life and end up with a mess

Batcave/Office - Rearranging stuff and reestabilishing access to gadgets that will further my grows

Administrative and planning stuff - getting in touch with people, figuring out were I am going, rarara

Selfcare & Downtime - I am focusing on sustainable change, taking breaks, doing things for myself and catering to my hobbys will be a big part of that

Be a social creature - Meet friends, stay in touch with family, posting in other peoples challenge, heading out for a good time - again, reminding myself to not ignore other things for sustainability

Gamechangers - The Big stuff for this Timeframe, revisit what I've lernt about nutrition, keep learning more and be a RPG-GM - those are the breakthroughpoints that push me out of the comfortzone

 

I'll keep a nitty gritty list of tasks for these Categories on spoilers from here on out, so I cann cross things off and add on as necessary.

But here are the Finishline signs and other interesting remarks:

 

Adult - I've taken care of the backlog and keep things going with good old habits - Overachievement: Cleaningplan agreed and useable for roomies, signs of Rainbrowprocrastination: Scrubbing the tiles, heaters etc.

Batcave/Office - I've got the stuff I need at hand, workoutspace is created and most gadgets are linked and figured out; Overachievement: All files sorted and moved away; Rainborpro.: Tools are supposed to help!

Planning - figured out the local customs, financing is cleared and I am enroute to learning new stuff; Overachievement: Already deep into learning new things; Rainbow: Move forward, don't dive into details

Selfcare & Downtime - No finishline just do something every day and move on to new projects; Overachieved: Hat done, Shawl frogged, Pullover at hand; Rainbow: no being gone till 2-3 am

Social creature - another area at the ready, just do something for it every day.

 

The Gamechangers:

 

Nutrition:

Log your food on MFP - log only no goal hunting

Weight-in for the challenge

One item from the list every day

 

Being a GM:

Take a step towards your first Game each day

 

And this should be a decent start to knowing were this is going.

One sidenote might be appropriate, the finishline statements are not solely for grading but also to add habits/goals to work on once I'm past them!

 

Have a good start into this Challenge

Casbin

Tagging along to root for you.

Being a caretaker is harsh but you git this, especially as you know she tends to get in your head. I love that you made it a goal to do a reality check!

 

Will pop by occasionally, don't let life get to you Bean!

Hey fellow rebels,

 

I am Casbin a former member of the Rebel Subforum.

 

While I am not exatcly new around here I haven't been on for a few years but kept missing the Community around here.

You know how it goes, priorities need to be set and my path had me occupied with another angle.

 

I will do a proper introduction and layout for the challenge later on but let's get down to business first.

 

The title says it all, I wasn't expecting for a new Challenge to start tomorrow but let's roll with it.

 

As said already I am enroute to a reboot which is why this intervall is taged as a lifestyle-challenge.

Why prep a reboot you may ask?

Do Not Procrastinate - get on with it.

 

Thing is, I have no effing clue were I am at or headed.

It is time to take a look at the Journey of the past few years, count my blessings and clean up my turf.

 

Or to put it nerdier terms.

I am wrapping up an entire Campaigne right now, loads of things have happended and have grown and sharpened my PC.

Rather then jumping head first into the next Adventure, I will review the spoils, refurbish the Fortress and move on to a new Campagne.

 

Now you have been warned, my goals for this Frame will be fast and loose for subjective goals are hard to quantivy.

A proper Framework is already in the making but I wanted to put this out there before I can chicken out of it and let you know that this might be a bit far out compared to the predefined Layout.

 

If you are good with that, be my guest and I will accomodate you to the best of my abilities; if it's not your cup of tea, no hard feelings, we all take this endevour to the best ofour abilities.

 

See you soon, there is more stuff to be done before Icanget the ball rolling

Casbin

Hej Bean, 

 

It already been a weak, so I'll keep it as concise as possible. 

I never intended to get under your skin, besides nothing is wrong with what you said. Though you know me too, I still think that you are stronger then you realise. 

 

Sorry to hear that you had a Funk like that, hope you'll find your footing about the matter. 

 

But it is great to hear that you like the internship that much, it's the best sign that it's a step in a good direction. 

Show that code who's boss

Wow,

 

it's really been a week since my last post...

 

I'm not gonna cower before this, in the second half of last week goals didn't manage to even cross my mind.

 

Anyway Thanks you two for your replys.

I suppose Bureaucracy is complicated regardless of were you go.

 

@Diadhuit that poem, it's just unbelievable. You struck home and I ended up copying it down an Include it in my BuJo.

Though it's gonna take some more time to digest.

 

Goalwise, last week (Breakweak that is) things stay as stated above.

 

For this week, I have to admit that I've been paving my way back gradually but surely.

 goals finished a day for Monday and Tuesday (I'll look up the specifics from the tracker tomorrow).

Today is the first day with the steps finished and all goals done.

 

But I miss my creative projects as I've been too lazy to pick up my needles to work on the shawl.

With the end of the week, I'll change the spirit somewhat, though the details have yet to be decided.

 

Hope your challenges are going well.

 

I'll see you soon,

Casbin

So, things turned out a bit different then I thought it would.

 

I'm fine with it, just posting here kept getting postponed due to life not being set in stone.

 

For starters, let's have a look at my goals:

 

Breakfast     4/7

Steps            4/7

2 max Proj.  4/7

Declutter      4/7

Journal         3/7

enf. Nightt.  4/7

No need to mention that it's all tallied up right?

For today, I'm basically done with it all but journaling and night routine would group considerably well together.

 

As you can see, breakweek is as wonderful as ever.

 

What I really like this time around is the patience that I can feel with myself.

I am getting closer to the headspace I want to be in, this little Challenge and some side dishes have been doing wonders.

With every passing day I'm getting a better impression of where I'm at right now. It's not exactly comfortable but somehow I manage to realise and respect that it's going to be a process to reclaim the ground I'd gained before.

But it feels easier this time around and I'm not as driven to do every single thing I realise right effing now.

 

Forcing myself to eat breakfast sounds easy, alright. Just that it isn't to me, no matter how juicy, beautiful or alluring the scent might be everything tastes blend in the morning.

BUT it's like a freaking bonfire reminding me to take care of myself throughout the day.

And it helps a lot, in the sense that I'm having an easier time to lie down and rest when my muscles feel exhausted, my back and feets scream in protest, etc.

I did realise when I'm feeling hungry or thirsty or what not.

 

My walking goal is a bit of a stretch because there have been little appointments that had me walk all over town and without my walks I'd have ended up with 3k steps which feels quite laughable.

I've been picking up @Morag for eveningwalks for the past two days. And it felt great because the air was cooler by then, we had the chance to catch up a bit and it felt a bit reminiscent as we used to walk around that area after fitnessclass when the both of us were still attending. And meeting the goal while enjoying the greenerie of the park felt great.

 

Uhm, I realise that I'm drifting of topic, so allow me to cut this a bit short and tell you about all the good stuff sprouting from this throughout my next few posts.

It feels great to be able to talk about the good stuff and it's fun to read but I'd rather keep things a bit shorter rn.

 

There was one more thing that I did want to cover here, let me think...

Ah, right about this bureaucracy remark from tuesday.

 

See over the past 18 months I'd been trying to get admittance for a rehab that was supposed to help me get back to work.

Or to be honest I was fighting tooth and nails for them to actually read the documents entailed.

At the beginning of the year they begrudgingly allowed me to do a kind of job training supposed to provide information weither or not afore mentioned rehab is necessary.

Turns out it's not but I had to realise that the planned alternative would drive me deeper down the hole over the past few weeks.

 

So much for the background you'll need to keep up withz the following:

Now that I actually realise that the road ahead is NOT a great idea they surprisingly agreed to the worktraining.

Simultaniously the unemployment office decided that I'm fully capable to work. After a lot of legwork I've figured out that they meant to say that I'll be able to work again after treating the issue. But that's not what the letter says and their own employees act accordingly.

Here goes the newest addition to the mess, as I am trying not to do the worktraining they begrudgingly offered, I'll have to negate the whole rehab thing bc they pretended like it's a necessary step to decide if I need the original rehab rather then an alternative as the report states.

Which needs a reasonable explanation on my part why I've decided to go back on my request for the original rehab and supporting reports from the medical side.

All because the terms used in forms and reports are alien and illogical even to the people who need to work with them.

Lucky me, I do understand the whole thing better then most BUT it's a nuisance and effort necessary because I realised that I'm in over my head and forcing myself to fix things with effort and toughing things out is a steep in the wrong direction.

 

Enough with the whole thing, it's just my kind of humor to realise that they have me fight to get me out of the process I'd been struggling to realise.

 

Sorry @Diadhuit it was just simpler to include it from the get go... I hope it's simplyfied enough to make sense.

Besides, I stopped by on your Thread and while I'm not yet sure what it is that I want to tell you let me say that I do see some similarities in our approaches as well.

 

This again turned into quite a bit of text.

But I hope you are all having a great day

Casbin

8 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

I dunno, Hulk is kinda huge, and sometimes I don't really want to go try. I would be perfectly happy with like newborn baby Banner level here, not hulk smash.

 

I'd be perfectly happy with seeing a fluffy little puppy trying to pin you for playing; your new subtitle isn't for show is what I'd been trying to say.

Besides, I'm kinda glad to hear that there at least aren't your regular classes going on atop it all.

You've found your spot for the internship, you are keeping things moving. This period too will pass and eventually turn into a storm you've weathered before.

 

With all the things coming together to form one fine mess you keep pushing your life in the direction you want it to be.

That's awesome! Rn I'd kinda like to give your mom a light slap on the head, that phrase sucks big... I'm sure she loves you in her own way but that's just painful.

 

You are doing great, take care of yourself.

There is no need to venture out unless you need a little distraction.

 

Don't let the awkward workplace atmosphere get to you

Casbin

 German bureaucracy is hilarious. 

On the upside, it will lead to reviewing what exactly I've been trying to achieve over the past two years. 

 

More later, I'm just getting started today. 

Hi Diadhuit! 

 

Thanks for the warm welcome. 

 

Do be honest I have no idea what I've been struggling for lately. 

That's exactly why I want to slow things down and get back to being more mindful with myself. 

And thanks I like the do less idea too

Hey Bean,

 

apparently loads of things have happened already!

You know, you've gotten this far and the way I see it, there is no way that an actual Hulk would be able to keep you down.

 

There is even more of a ruckus going on right know?

Doing less of the usual things sounds quite reasonable to me.

It may not feel right, you want more granted, but those 30 points a day ARE you A+ in this situation.

 

Hope you'll find a few seconds here and there and hopefully soak up some sun along the way

 

I'll try to keep lurking, no promises though

Casbin

Alright here we go again.

 

Unsurprisingly I'm starting strong.

 

Full marks for monday

And today is looking quite good as well.

 

Journaling and the nightroutine are still to come but I'm positive.

 

Atm I get to watch a lot of promising things coming back to me.

You know, stuff like feeling hungry, letting myself take a break or less projects to choose from.

Besides, I did not work on any creative projects today. But this goal is about a limit, not doing something, I'm good with it.

 

This times goals are solely to set my intentions straight and give them a tangible feeling.

Surprisingly the step goal needs a lot of attention. Who would have thought, anyway I want to enjoy getting in a groove again.

It's not like I got no ideas what more I could do but it feels great not to be tempted to do it ALL right now.

 

Anyhow, I'll head out and see what the other Rebels are up to.

 

Regards

Casbin

 random side note. 

I had brackfast this morning, yet I'm hungry at 4 pm. 

This, this, this... Wow. 

Hi there,

 

I've been around for a while, on and off but still.

 

It feels quite fortunate that this is the start of breakweek.

Perfect even, I've just begun to refocus on the changes which I want in my life.

And if things play out the way I anticipate the last variable should be gone by the end of this week.

With less uncertainties around there is no reason to drop out of this challenge aside of my own determination - hence no excuses and I WILL do this.

 

This is a challenge emphasising regeneration.

I've been missing this place and I want to be around more but easing back into it is a good idea.

 

Time to set some goals:

 

Eat breakfast                - hardhat style             7 per week

Take 10000 Steps       - see above                   7 per week
recreate                        - 2 projects fixed          7 per week

Declutter/organise     - hardhat style              7 per week

Journal                          - it's been a while        4 to pass

Enforced nighttime    - new                              4 to pass

 

As you can see there are quite a few things that got no leeway, those are my keypoints.

Unless I'm strict there things will start to fall short along the road and I don't want that.

 

No expectations about how often or how much I want to post. Just go with the flow and see what feels good right now.

 

I'm looking forward to see all your challenges as well.

Let's get going!

Thanks, all went well. 

 

But updating will have to wait a bit longer. Bc sleep, you know? 

Tomorrow should be reasonably doable. 

 

Though, on hindsight all updates checked.