Treva

It's funny you should mention that, I have been doing a strawberries and cream oatmeal for the last several weeks, and it is never not delicious. I love doing stir fry, so maybe I should work on upping my peanut sauce game. I absolutely noticed that this morning when I decided to lay in bed for an hour instead of doing my core exercises--which I love--but also my body is so tired. I am glad I am not the only one struggling. I will need to work on motivating myself, because I will always be tired and always need more time in bed. That circuit still looks intense, I would not want to try it out of the gate with my 25 (which is more than I can face in the morning a lot of the time too). So @Kishi is responsible for my picking up the kettlebells, and I started (and still do) Pavel's Simple and Sinister. I have yet to meet the weight goals he suggests, but I still continue to do them. It consists of 5 sets of 10 kettlebell swings per arm, and 5 turkish getups on each side. I do it as a warm up before I do my other strength training and cardio . Yeah. It has been the right thing to do to have one, just to have an outside perspective on when things are crazy...which is all the time now. I do have to stay very professional at work, and my emotions do have to wait until later. Thank you for the reassurances. Things are changing. They are kaleidoscoping, if that is a word I can use here. The outward trappings are mostly the same, but I have a different perspective on them, and feel empowered to make changes if I want to. I took yesterday completely off, outside of the meeting I had to attend. I did things I enjoyed, went for a walk, did not focus on the relationship, and found things to make me happy. It was very healthy for me. I will try to continue to do those things. Thank you for the reassurances. They help. I would love a nice vacation. Diet: Back on track with some meal prepping. And slightly off track with baking. I am hydrating, eating fruits and vegetables and lean protein. Exercise: I am using habit bull again. I have now gotten myself to KB+Cardio+Stretches+ pick one of the following: Arms, Legs, Core, Parkour, Combat, Yoga. I know I cannot keep this up on floors, so I am making sure I meet a minimum of KB 4x/week, and cardio 4x/week. It allows me to skip some mornings if I can't wake up that early, and components of Core and Yoga can be done in the afternoon after work. I found a good video about how to start doing vaults, and I am practicing at home for now. The reason I am changing all this is because I now have to shower immediately when I come home from work for decon reasons. I kinda don't want to get sweaty after that. Sleep is good. Emotional well being is improving. I am making my own decisions, for myself, and this is causing me a little angst but overall less stress Studying: I started my pharmacology review, and I've worked on question banks. I have been less great about keeping up with the covid literature. Mental Health: I have been much better over the last few days. I had a success at work, and my end of year review went well. I took a long walk today, and have been doing lots of resting. I am realizing how important rest is for my mental health, and not just for intellectual functioning. I knew I got cranky, but I get very mopey, I start to split on people, and I interpret things much more darkly than they are intended. I'm glad I've learned that about myself right now. I have taken time to cry and be with myself, which has cooled off my brain.

Thank you for the bunnies!!!! I should make something fluffy as my background picture on my phone. It will keep me from being stressed. That is such a good idea. IT was a good idea to get the physical. Nothing is wrong, but now we can get a baseline for everything and make sure I can stay healthy. I have been doing a lot of resting. A lot of sleeping. I even made myself a cocktail the other night. I am still trying to be on top of things, like I have a presentation tomorrow and still have some days in clinic, but I really needed to slow down and find things that calm me down again. Apparently it's interior design and parkour thoughts. Training: Looking into buying a 30 pound kettlebell and some training gloves that protect my fingers. The bars I have at home are ok, but they don't substitute the pull up bar at the gym. I am thinking I should try pulling myself up onto other things. I realized that I am losing my motivation to work out, especially since I have been so tired. I invested in getting a 30lb kb eventually, and some gloves that cover my fingers. Parkour Stuff: I have reviewed the parkour for beginners, and I think I am ready to try again. I can practice landing properly and step jumps in my apartment. When my gloves come, I can go outside and find somewhere to practice safety vaults and muscle ups.. I will also practice going out running in my cheaper glasses, so if they break it is not a problem. Parkour and combat incentivize me to work out, and I need to make time for those things. Eating: I was able to get out and get more fresh fruit, and I had a lot of veggies delivered. Is it boring right now? Maybe. Can I make it less boring later? Absolutely. Sleeping: Going remarkably well. Warm milk and melatonin all the way. Music: I have not done as much intensely of this as I am used to. I have been doing some fun stuff to keep me sane. Spiritual: going to mass virtually every week. Studying: I have been working on some things for work, but other times I am too tired to do much of anything. I have wanted to start my pharmacology review for a week now, and perhaps today I will finally have time. Mental health: still seeing a therapist twice a month to make sure my anxiety is not badonkabonkers. I think the relationship I am in currently has a bit of extra stress. I do not know how to make it less stressful. It has been very hard to be motivated at home to do things. I have been extra sad more days of the week than usual. I do not know why. I have been watching movies I have wanted to see but never got the chance to, and trying to play a different video game every day.

Thanks! I tried to not aggressively lose my potatoes all over the floor. My understanding of this thread was that we were here to share research supported information. I wanted to point out the bleach because it happened at my hospital, and we have actually seen more problems with cleaner ingestions. I know that NF is a diverse place with people of different viewpoints, and sometimes health conscious people may latch onto less than healthy ideas. It felt wrong to assume that everyone here holds the same ideas and approaches things in the same way. For example, I ran into someone yesterday who thought the hospitals were closed because we didn't have any patients. This is, ah, not quite true. But hey if someone has tech to inject sunlight let me know because that bleep should get bankrolled. *quietly screams in essential worker* XD

I DO NOT DESERVE THIS. THANK YOU VERY MUCHLIES. THANK YOU THANK YOU. DOES NOT COMPUTE THANK YOU. Okay has shifted. Okay has definitely shifted. I now have to live with baseline level of anxiety. It is really, really hard not to overdo it with chocolate and candy. I am very nervous all the time now. It seems so silly to focus on my weight and diet, but I know my body will not be healthy if I do not take care of it. I am also going to see a doctor for the first time in years for a check up. Is it weird that I'm nervous? It's weird. I get white coat syndrome just like everybody else. I just don't want to get shamed for not coming in sooner. It's weird. I'll tell myself it's fine, right? It's fine. It's totally fine. Taking ownership of my body took a minute, and it's not like I wasn't ever going in to see a doctor and I didn't have vitals taken in the last never, it just wasn't for a straight up physical. I am fortunate enough to have health insurance that I can use. The human is great. I am very fortunate. I can talk to them about anything, and I should probably just PM you or something like a proper human. Today I am tired and torn between I need to do All the Work and also I am So Stressed I need to Not be a Huge Fehkin Ball of Anxiety and Inflict my Horribleness on All Other Humans. I will try to address both tasks. But for now, temp check and try to get myself to breathe a little bit.

Totally. Stay home. double thumbs up for staying home. I'm all for civil disobedience in the name of survival. Less of the gun toting to government places demanding to go outside. And less of the "let's have a flash mob without masks!" type of thing. Less of that. It is suboptimal.

I was talking to another human that does martial arts, and they expressed similar sentiments. All of the socialing they did was through their martial art, and I absolutely understand the "could we please not talk and just do something." There is a lot of Zoom fatigue I hear is going around. It is not the same, but I also miss the gym and being able to work out with friends and other people around. It is hard to not interact. It is also very hard to be alone. Even though I am going to the hospital and baseline stress is Defcon 1, I am still able to have a teaparty at work with my coworkers, and we can still talk and decompress about our days in person. I can't imagine what it has to be like being at home alone for two months or longer without an end in sight. That is kind of the definition of torture? In some places it is still safe to go outside. Also, I am here to validate the feelings of touch starvation, and say that they are real. Also that many therapists are stating that the human brain is not necessarily designed for this level of stress, and so atypical responses are to be expected. I am glad the planting is going well!! It is so nice to hear about the flowers, and that your work-reward system is working out!

*crawls out of the hole* uh, hey guys. I'm a doctor. I am not your doctor. The following does not necessarily constitute medical advice. I try not to be a doctor on the internet, but I'm happy to translate any of the medical mumbo jumbo. I am part of the Critical Care Hivemind at my institution and am trying to help track data. I've been tracking numbers since march, and would love to help disseminate important information. Sorry I haven't been around. Pandemics are a thing where they need doctors, and I've spent the last two months between ICUs and Emergency Departments, trying to learn as much as I can as fast as I can. No, the hospitals are not closed. Yes, we are still working at high volume conditions. Yes, we are still worried about running out of beds, equipment, and personnel. Most important for right now: Just because the curve is flattening DOES NOT MEAN we are "winning" or it is "time to reopen". It means we have done enough right now to keep the hospitals from being overwhelmed in most places (not NYC). It means we need to continue what we are doing to make the curve keep going down. If we reopen, we may see a resurgence in cases. Why is this bad? Because hospitals only have so many beds. We physically cannot handle the statistical load of 1-5% of the entire population needing to be on vents (the machine that helps you breathe when you cannot breathe). We just don't have enough equipment, or providers who know how to use it. Please continue to wear your masks in public. This is to protect other people from your droplets. Please continue to limit your need to go to enclosed or crowded spaces like grocery stores. Respect any vulnerable population hours. Respect your state's laws about home quarantine. For many people here, you are in good health and in good shape. You are not likely to require hospitalization. Your case fatality rate is typically below 5%. For people who are over the age of 80, the risk of death is much, much higher; their case fatality rate can be 27%. That means almost a third of our elderly risk dying if they catch this virus. Additionally, people with common conditions, even as mild as hypertension, have been shown to be more at risk for complications. Just because you don't fall into the traditional category of immunocompromised doesn't mean you don't have risk factors for having a more severe illness. Also, if you read nothing else in this post do not drink bleach, inject bleach, or put it in your nebulizer. DO NOT NEBULIZE THE BLEACH. DO NOT INHALE CLEANING PRODUCTS. DO NOT DRINK CLEANING PRODUCTS. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO INJECT SUNLIGHT. WE DO NOT HAVE THAT TECHNOLOGY AND UV RADIATION IS KNOWN TO CAUSE CANCER. *ahem* Thank's all, hope you're doing well.

I am so sorry you are not well!!! please take all the antibiotics, get plenty of rest, and stay well hydrated. Cellulitis is bad news bears, I am glad you did not have to be hospitalized and that you did not have any of The Bad Stuff that comes with a Red Hot Swollen Leg. Definitely take the time to get your essentials done. We're here to support you while your leg gets better. The best warriors know take care of their injuries. Hang in there chief!

Thank you so so much for checking in. It means a lot to me. I needed the positive wishes. I am sorry for being so unresponsive. Swears and a Very Deranged Treva to Follow. I was doing the challenges and then the pandemic hit. I went from working in the ICU to working in our emergency department, hospital floors, and now I am back in the emergency department again. So...front lines. I am not in NYC. I am still in a moderately to heavily affected area. I am working in a tertiary/quaternary care center where we are taking care of the sickest of the sick. So. typical day is get up, get my mask and ppe, go to the ED, swim in the air with god only knows how much COVID, walk into rooms where I have no idea if the patient's been properly triaged so you bet your butt I'm wearing my N95 to high heaven with ALL my bells and whistles I take NOTHING with me into the drift, and pray to god no one codes that shift because codes are a nightmare now. I am in a fortunate area where we have enough protective equipment that we can all do our jobs safely. Right now, there is no risk of us running out of masks, gowns, gloves, or cleaning supplies. We are all social distancing from our colleagues. Instead of talking about the weather, we talk about how we decontaminate. Doctors are living away from their families still. Infectious Disease, Emergency Medicine, Internal Medicine (me), Critical Care Medicine, and Anesthesiology are the hardest hit specialties. It is both an incredible learning experience and a fucking terrifying apocalypse at the same time, so most of us are just trying to beat back our ongoing existential terror with the free food the hospital offers us sometimes. Free stuff! Totally makes the mortal terror of going to work every day go away! The biggest help is that I trust my PPE, and the people who manage it tell me I'm one of the steadiest and best educated about how to use it and how to clean it. I'm doing the best I can, and that's all I can do. Anyways, back to our regularly scheduled fitness programming. I don't even remember what the fuck I was doing before, so here's the new plan. Food and Water: Groceries services have been down for weeks. My hospital has started selling some produce, so I've been mixing up my extra free money for veggie based lunches and dinners with whatever frozen food I have left for dinners. Eggs are a fucking staple. Eggggssssss. And fruits! I've learned to get creative with my pantry, but I'm running out of veggies. Mostly I've been "Whatever the fuck is going to get me through a pandemic". I have embraced grubhub. I have no choice. Still baking! Made homemade marshmallows, apricot tarts so far. Looking forward to making pokemon poffins today! Took me a month to get yeast Trying not to eat too much chocolate or candy. Is hard. Exercise: Early on I invested in a bike and a set of bars. I miss the barbell racks. S&S only with the 25, could not get a 30lb bell. May try to order one now, since it will be a long time before I feel like I want to go to the gym much. Maybe I should get a scale too. Arm: 5x10 pushups, 5x5 inverted body rows, 5x5 tricep dips Leg: 3x5 one legged squats each leg, 3x5 skiers? with resistance bands, 8 laps weighted squats 10lb KB Core: pilates, combat. I've started exercising before work, because when I come home from work I decon. After that I don't really want to work out. I like sitting on my couch with cooking shows and pretending the world isn't exploding. Study: Basically, I've been researching COVID as things happen. I try to read 1-2 papers every day, keep up with the numbers, and I'm on the chat with the crit care fellows trying to absorb the knowledge and get a sense of what they're seeing in patients. I'll get back to studying at some point. Like all I do is read the literature and try to keep the misinformation from entering my brainspace. Spiritual Health: livestreaming services when I can. I just got back into practicing. It helps. Just anything to get me away from work helps. Relationship health: my human and I are still together. It's nice. I didn't expect it. I have no idea how to tell my human how I feel. I still overreact. The pandemic is hard. I don't do nights well. I can't words. Also going to stop going to therapy. I don't need it. My parents are spoiling me and supporting me. I have a human. I am reconnecting with friends. The ones that text back are the ones that understand. The therapist was not helpful and I actually feel better not talking to her. Maybe I'm ignoring my problems. Maybe I don't care. Or MAYBE I'm getting more confident as the year goes on and I make more of my own decisions, and it turns out they're the right ones. It's started to happen. It's cool. I just needed to let myself take risks. The human helps with that too. I am having trouble being on the front lines, and being isolated from everyone I care about. It is hard. Going to work every day, facing something we know little about, and going home to decontaminate and prep for the next shift. tl;dr your local hospital doctors ARE KIND OF A MESS RIGHT NOW but we're fine, everything's fine, we're totally good, totally. It's good. We are the new plague doctors. That's not a scary statement or anything. Nope.

Thank you!! I just switched over into the ICU so I am a little Out Of Sorts and Slightly Delirious but getting it together. Here's where the challenge stands so far Long story short, but a future orthopedic surgeon I met taught me how to do skwats and bench press, and it's been rocking my world ever since. I love the barbells. I do. And pull ups are sO MUCH FUN. I have to not be too tired to do them. Tutorial and Side Quests (Complete All before Tuesday 3/3) Tutorial 1: Get swiffer, other cleaning supplies: Did it, and used the swiffer today! It was worth the money. Tutorial 2: Clean apartment: Literally spent two straight days doing this. It helps me feel better, even if it isn't perfect Tutorial 3: Reorganize kitchen to be more accessible for Baking: Also did this too! I have a nice little cart with all my baking supplies that I can use whenever I want. Side quest 1: make doctors appointments: Did this! Also made a hair appointment for this week, which was nice. Side quest 2: make a cleaning appointment: Did not do this, because the cleaning service I had the referral for doesn't have a website or any working contact information. Side quest 3: declutter and donate stuff from my apartment: Decluttered but did not donate yet. Could do a little bit more Summary: 3/3 tutorial missions, and 2/3 of sidequests (I give myself points for decluttering and points for trying to do the cleaning service). So I'm happy with my pre-quest missions and I'll call that a success. Pending Quests Om Nom Nom: I just started on service, so it's a little early to start with the baking extravaganza. I may attempt english muffins soon, only because it sounds like the SO of one of my coworkers could use some help with meals. What, like it's hard? Ok it really is hard with 28 hr shifts and I am TIRED but I will do this. Calm the Eff Down: I have not had as much time to do relaxing things since I started this challenge. I hope to change that this weekend. I am going to do some practicing today. Demi-hemi-semi-demi-semi quaver THIS (Now Shut Up and go Practice): I am going to go practice today and get back on the horse. In progress Quests Water Tribe Peacin' Out: I have been better about this, and I stretch almost every workout. Sleep Foundation: I have been relearning nidra and I have been sleeping better at night. Also, I am tired from work and from working out. Also, I absolutely LOVE being on the unit, more than I am afraid of it. Except when patients start bleeding out. I am less good with surgical complications. Use the Force, Luke: I have been doing this mostly at work. Sometimes I get a lot of messages from support staff that are Not Helpful for various reasons. I am trying to take a deep breath and think of what the nice response is when someone demands I order a med or do something their way Because They Say So. I'm pretty. You're pretty. Everybody gets flowers: I have been taking 5 minutes at the end of my stretching/workouts to meditate on whatever judgement I want to work through for the day. I am practicing identifying gremlins, and trying to learn what they have to teach me. For example, the Put-Down gremlin is there sometimes because I'm afraid if I tell people what I do, they will be intimidated and not feel comfortable talking to me. I will not be silenced: When a doctor or a nurse tries to tell me what to do and I know it is wrong for my patient, I hold my ground and speak my mind. I can be wrong, and that's fine. But I am going to stick up for my patient and my understanding of their physiology. I am also cleaning up at home a lot, whether or not it makes my roommate comfortable. Between the swiffer, the roomba, the dishwasher, and the new organization in the kitchen so Not Everything has to Live On the Counters, I feel more like I have control. Other Things: At least for the first few days, I love being in the ICU. It is nice to be busy, and to be working on the physiology, and to not be worried about social work problems or case management issues. I will see how I feel at the end of the month with all the death and...death, but I love it for right now. Given my dating life, I need that rock. I feel like I belong there, the nurses and I all like being on the unit for the same reasons, and the fellows are great role models. Hell, I might even be able to be good at it one day. The most important thing is at least for right now, I love this so much I am willing to work as hard as I need to in order to stay there. At least for right now, I need to be on the unit like I need air. HAHAHAHAH Pulm crit jokes. I'm delirious with sleep deprivation but who cares. WHO CARES friends.

Oh, I'm just going to be a responsible adult and stick to my battle log,and oh it's too late to start a challenge and I'll be on The Unit and-- *suddenly has goals she wants to meet* Oh goddammit Right. The Story So Far I ran into @Talos Many Years Ago (OK, like 4), and he hooked me onto this thing. I spent about 2 years moseying around and not really into a guild, or with a focus for my training. Mostly, I wanted to do parkour, but couldn't. Then second year of med school hit and I needed something to keep the sanity and lose weight, and nothing keeps the sanity like endorphins. So I started doing the cardio, and fighting (read: avoiding like tularemia) my classmates, and then Our Fearless Leader @Kishi introduced me to Simple and Sinister. Well. We all know how that turned out. Once a girl starts strength training, she can't stop. So that escalated into bodyweight training, and once I realized I could do neutral grip pull ups, that escalated into more bodyweight training. This october I met a guy who did competitive powerlifting, and he taught me how to do barbell squats and bench press for a month, because why the hell not, and now things are...just...really good guys. Where I started Where I am now No Weights Ever 1 arm 30 lb swings/2arm 40 lb swings, TGUs 25-30 lbs. Walking, refusing to run. Running 15-20 minutes after weight training, biking for 30 if I have the time. Bodyweight squats Barbell squats to 110, doing 27" platform jumpy things Wall pushups 5x10 regular pushups with benching 60-70 something I don't remember Pilates daily Pilates with leg lifts, russian twists, and weird medicine ball thing I tried this morning What are chin ups NO commando and overhand pull ups, working towards doing both from full extension. chin ups are easy breezy beautiful Covergirl Refused to enter the gym Gym is Sanctuary Loads of body and skin issues Taking better care of my skin, much better body image. Actually Am Ok with How My Belly Looks. Could not use any gym equipment Trying new workouts all the time, designing my own programs Intimidated by the Pretty Girls at the gym Realized either the pretty popular girls can't lift as much as I can, or they're actually really nice and we're friends now. Intimidated by the weight room. Has made friends with some weight room dudes, they are actually cinnamon rolls Low confidence mindset some confidence mindset Wouldn't know how to stick up for herself ahahahaha welcome to this challenge. OK enough pontificating So This challenge is going to be a kick off for me to complete some Quests I want to use to get myself through intern year. I'll start here, see how things go, and then transition back to my battle log at the end of my Unit Month. This is all about putting myself in the best possible position to succeed, be self reliant, and advocate for myself in difficult situations. Tutorial and Side Quests (Complete All before Tuesday 3/3) Tutorial 1: Get swiffer, other cleaning supplies Tutorial 2: Clean apartment Tutorial 3: Reorganize kitchen to be more accessible for Baking Side quest 1: make doctors appointments. Side quest 2: make a cleaning appointment Side quest 3: declutter and donate stuff from my apartment Main Quests (Complete 3+) Each quest rewards me with a new attribute point, and a new skill point in the skill listed Om Nom Nom: Bake as much as I want, when I want (minimum 3 times while on service). Reward: Level up Con, Baking bee skill (buy myself another baking tool) Water Tribe Peacin' Out: Stretch every day after my workouts (minimum Most Days) (ULCP Model). Reward: Level up Dex, Yogi (buy myself fun yoga socks or another workout tool) What, like it's hard?: Every week: read 3 papers and write up what I learned, 4 sets of 10 practice questions and write up what I've learned, continue to research. Reward: Level up Int, Physician (buy myself a sweet pulse ox) Sleep Foundation: Relearn nidra yoga. Reward: Level up Str, Academic Marine (sleep is it's own reward.) Calm The Eff Down: Channel Anxious Thoughts into Active Relaxation. Options include more yoga, journaling, sword work, practicing, beer with pizza and friends, video gaming. Reward: Level up Charisma, Being Yourself (Buy myself a new self care item) Use the Force, Luke: Practice the art of letting go by acting out of compassion, instead of anxiety Reward: Level up Wis, Even Keeled (buy myself a Wild Card item I've been staring at for a while) I'm pretty. You're pretty. Everybody gets flowers: spend time every day on a day off, or every week I'm on service, knocking down a self judgement (minimum 10, max 15). Reward: Level up Willpower, Self Image (buy myself another Thing that makes me feel good about myself) Demi-hemi-semi-demi-semi quaver THIS (Now Shut Up and go Practice): practice enough to learn the bach fugue and whatever i'm going to play in may. Reward: Level up Willpower, Musician (buy another score) I Will Not Be Silenced: Stick up for myself, in a big way or a small way, every day. Reward: Level up Str, Even Keeled (Buy myself organizational things) There are a couple of things that don't have clear end goals, but what the hell. I may come back and edit this later with more Stats or adjustments, but let's kick butt and get to work!

Wow. A lot of things have happened. I know everyone has said it, but here's one more voice for the amazing parenting chorus. The safe, stable home you are providing Elf is awesome and really inspiring. Imma cry if you post more. I am glad to hear that there are new positive things for them at work; it is always good to feel entrenched in multiple aspects of life. May make them feel like Fairy Hill is much more stable, and there are lots more people with swords to do some bashing if Bad Company comes to call. I am so sorry to hear about Dumbledore's situation, but I am really glad that he is at least starting to adjust. I don't even know how to approach that, but you've been doing Seven Labors of Herculean emotional supporting and that is heartwarming. I am glad you have been able to make it through too. ALSO WHAT SURGEON DOESN'T FINISH THE JOB HONESTLY. YOU ALL ARE SUPPOSED TO BE A BUNCH OF BOVI HAPPY-- I mean Achem *Coughs* Uh, wow I am so glad that your cat got more care and is now no longer yowling and can live a happy and productive life thanks to advancements in veterinary technology. That's swell. And you are still killing it in barbell class. You are making it through in spades. That is so great to hear. You don't need me to say it, but you are absolutely getting through this and will continue to get through this. Gracefully, and hopefully with lots of sleep. Also we will all come with swords if Elf has a problem, don't think I won't take sick days for that. Guildstrong backup.

A few days behind, as always, but here I am. Trying to figure out my main quests. Yup. I have been off my game since December. I haven't been my usual calm, collected self in a while and I'm finally getting back in touch with that. Diet: no main quests to change my diet itself, but I want to rearrange my kitchen, throw things out, and ensure I have lots of counterspace to do more baking. I love baking, I hate that I don't do it more, and I discovered my limiting factors are proper equipment and proper space. Exercise: I've completely done away with ballet exercises, so an ABC model doesn't make sense. So I'm going with an ULC-P model (upper, lower, core, parkour), the main quest is to do Warmup-Weights-Cardio-Stretch every day. Yup. As many days as I can. Because my off days have gotten filled with Other Things. Study: Main quest is to complete the following 3 parts weekly.: 4 sets of 10 practice questions, read 3 papers and write them up in a journal to keep track of what I've learned. Mental Health: this is going to get a few side quests and 2 main quests Side quest 1: make doctors appointments. Side quest 2: make a cleaning appointment Side quest 3: declutter and donate stuff from my apartment Main quest 1: re-learn nidra yoga. This week will be a bootcamp on sleep meditation. Main quest 2: Channel my anxious thoughts into Active Relaxation, such as--yoga, journaling, swordwork, practice, beer and pizza with friends, videogaming. Spiritual health: Main quest--just uber to church when I need to, ok Relationship health: Main quest 1: spend time every day knocking down a self-judgement. Meditation will be good for this. Main quest 2: Practice the art of Letting Go by using the Active Relaxation in mental health main quest.

OK! So today I promised myself I would think about what changes I wanted to make to my routines to help me decide on main quest missions tomorrow. Diet: I promised myself I would try to keep off the four pounds I lost while being sick. Which doesn't sound as healthy as I think it probably is. I think my biggest enemy is cortisol and stress and not sleeping, which really is not a diet issue at all. I don't have any real changes I want to make here. I am totally comfortable eating the same thing every day. Exercise: I think I have already started making the changes I want to make (adding in parkour, doing more running). If I have the time, I might go back to my light cardio of biking, since running and my body don't always agree. I do want to be more intentional about stretching at the ends of my workout. And maybe adding in some roller time stuff? My legs are really tight sometimes and it can be hard to get some rest when they hurt. Study: I think it's just sticking to the practice questions, especially when the going gets tough, and taking some of my free time on my days off to review them. I have been using my free time for Other Activities With A Human, which has been great! But also not study conducive. I want to read more papers and stay more up to date on the literature. I don't know how to do this yet. A paper every night would be awesome, but unlikely. I should probably keep a journal of all the papers I've read and the main points, like I do for the books I read. Mental Health: this is the area where I want to do the most work. I am getting better at sleeping on command, and I am learning when I am good at sleeping (11P-7A, or 10A-2P), and when I am not good at sleeping (3P-8P). So normal hours, exhausted from post call, but not when I need to sleep to be ready for night shifts. Which means I have to learn how to do night shifts for a few more years before I can be an attending and sleep like a regular human. I am recognizing that my baseline level of anxiety is the biggest contributor to my not sleeping. Also, not being tired. I would love to be able to snap my fingers and have my body be in REM like that. I might return to Nidra yoga again while I'm on vacation and rebuild that habit, in addition to building a meditation "base". I'm going to use it like a chronic antihypertensive, instead of a labetalol push. You know what I mean. Yeah. Doctor words. I'll keep looking for other deep sleep techniques. the other thing I need to do is play music more in public and at home. I did less of this, and then my brain went to pieces . There is a pattern. It's called I am Musician Brain and It Need To Do. I am also recognizing that I need to take steps to reduce my stress that isn't at work, because that is one of the only areas I still can control. I am going to get a cleaning service, schedule a "check in" appointment with our mental health people if only to have it there for me if things go to hell in a month, do some decluttering and donating both at home and at my apartment, actually go see a doctor (I know, ironic). I am recognizing that in most normal circumstances I am an emotionally healthy, perky, happy individual who is currently dealing with two stressful environments, and something Has To Give. Right now the thing giving is Aggressive Decluttering and cleaning and Owning My Space Goddamit. Spiritual health: meditation as above. More practicing. Always moar practicing. And meditating. That. Relationship health: Not covering for anyone anymore is really important to me now. My room at home and my apartment have gotten cluttered with Other People's Stuff and at some point, that is not my fault, not my problem, and needs to not be my responsibility. At home, anything that doesn't belong to me is getting dumped in the respective individual's room. My closet is half full of other people's stuff, and I'm happy to defend that clutter to my parents as that being what it be. At the apartment, well, I'm doing the cleaning service. I'm gonna. I think the most important thing I want to make progress on is not judging myself based on other people's opinions. I get obsessed with am I pacing things right, have I gone too far, and I am forgetting that the person who should tell me that is me, and not my grad school friends or professors. I want to be able to stop fighting myself, and that starts with not judging myself. I want to strip out the bad brain worms that might still be around so I can enjoy the nice things that I have right now, for as long as they last.

*Emerges from the hole that is intern year* Ermergerd guys. Er. Mer. Gerd. I don't even remember what happened the last month and a half. I was on hospital floors, got a very bad cold and have been recovering ever since. I have a few days coming up to breathe, so I can finally catch up here. Today's post I'm going to reflect on what worked and what hasn't worked in the last 6 months, and update my Gainz Happy body: Diet: Eat healthy foods most of the time This is good. I have expanded my definition of "healthy" to include complex carbs again, and to scale back on animal proteins. I make healthy ramen when I need comfort food, and keep healthy quick snacks. Also, I HAVE AN EGG COOKER! I also bought an icing gun and I love making frosting roses. My new diet looks like: Breakfast and midmorning snack: Tea with almond milk, banana with peanut butter. Lunch and afternoon snacks: whatever the program serves us, roasted chickpeas for afternoon snack, trail mix with chocolate, and jerky as backup before workout Dinner: boiled tofu with frozen veggies, peanut butter/ketchup/siracha sauce. Dessert: frozen fruit with coconut yogurt. Exercise: Do a form of exercise every day. I think this good, although lately I have been counting sleep as exercise. I think the one thing I want to change is adding more rest/recovery time. I have been working myself to the bone, and sometimes I can't sleep because of that. Where I am with all my exercises: Lags: squatting 110 lbs, box jumps 27"/3 steps. Arms: benching 65 lbs, 3 sets of 4 bodyweight tricep dips, 5x10 pushups, 5 sets of supported full extension pull ups (using resistance band) Core: 5x5 of hanging leg lifts with my usual pilates. Happy brain: Intellect: do a form of studying every day This is hard, but rewarding when I can get it done. I have adjusted to doing practice questions during the week, review them on my days off. I'm averaging 50-70% correct, which for a first pass is pretty good. I have also had to add in research time. It's a different form of learning. I would also like to add in reading more papers. I haven't done this yet because I am not sure I know enough to apply it to my practice. That said, I have to be a doctor sometime, might as well start now. Mental health: Spend some time on myself in some way, every day. I am making sure I acknowledge that sleeping and eating healthy count, because sometimes those are the hardest choices to make. I am also taking time alone in my own space to be alone with myself and remind myself of the positive qualities I have. One thing I want to get better at is calming my sympathetic drive quickly so I can go to bed anywhere, any time, and not just when conditions are perfect. I have made lists of what I should do when I am different levels of not functional. I wish I could have an app on my phone where I could press "I am feeling this" and have it feed me the thing on my list I need to do. Happy heart: Spiritual health: Meditate every day. I have been so so bad at this. so bad. But other things I have been doing include reading, tuning into radio or televised services when I can, and keeping Spiritual Stuff at the center of what I do. Relationship health: Be better at sticking up for myself. Things came to a head with my family and I stopped being able to hide and compensate for my roommate. I care about my roommate, but I am not covering for them anymore. I have also developed a few more relationships in my life, and I have been more forthcoming with expressing my needs and being honest with myself about how I am feeling. One area of growth for me will be to stop judging myself based on antiquated or unhealthy rules, regulations, and opinions taught to me by unhealthy people. Tomorrow I am going to think on and post about things I want to change based on my review of how things have been going. Good Consistent things to keep going Diet: Is very good. Exercise: is very good Study: finally found a rhythm I can use Mental health: improved self compassion Spiritual health: being patient and taking what I can is good. Relationship health: Good progress. Work to do here.

I love that you got your nickname!! Yes!! Points!! Dumb query: what is "done with cadence"? This sounds like an amazing excavation. Blackstrap molasses. Dude. What even does one do with that stuff, I ask. Heres to finding the things you needed after you thought you lost them. YEE. I only understood half this paragraph but I am glad you are doing the fighting progress that you wanted. Excellent. Great. I'm glad you are finding new ways to grow.

I had a heckin post written up and then my computer lost all of it and I am so mad. So. Heckin. Mad. Confronting your fixed mindset is a powerful thing that will allow you to enact changes. I'm glad you feel like you finally recognized something that was holding you back. It seems like it was recognizing a form of inaction that was so subtle because you were actively doing things to make yourself better. There's something to be said for eliminating choice from your routine so you have to be healthy, but it seems like you found you were going too hard in that one direction. THIIIISSSSSS. I am a heck N00b but I feel like this is a core tenant of the rebellion. You are making that active choice to grow in weird, new, and uncomfortable ways. And I am super super excited for you to be making this choice for yourself. I think the most important thing for your growth mindset is that you meta'd yourself into the mindset (you needed to grow into a growth mindset). That's really neat to me. You have made enough progress with yourself to recognize where you need to make the hard choices and difficult growth spurts. I can't tell you how to live your life, but maybe give some weight to that? I am also going to say @Mistr made all the good points regarding your martial arts progress and personal, emotional progress. I refuse to believe that you didn't grow in some ways by choice in 2019, especially with regards to your martial arts. You bent with the breeze on that one, as tumultuous as things sounded from times. And you took a critical, difficult look at yourself and chose to grow from that. Your new years eve MMA plan makes me so jealous. What a cool way to ring in the new year, and I'm glad you got good advice before your tournament!! This makes heckin sense. Glad you were preparing yourself well. Sounds like exactly what you needed before your tournament. I hope you kick some SERIOUS butt and I'm looking forward to hearing how well you performed and/or how badly you thrashed the Other Guy.

I know there will always be gaps. But there's a difference between not knowing the intricate details of anaplasma infection vs not knowing how to treat chronic liver disease. And I definitely strugglebus with chronic liver disease/end stage liver disease management. I guess that's what I mean. But you are right practically, I need some free time/spare time to let the brain run wild. I like the gym for that, for sure. But I know I will need more time than that, and I am not sure what that looks like yet. UNACCEPTABLE how do I know I've completed main quest missions ermergerd. That's what this past week has been all about. It's been really interesting to see my limits at the gym vary the most with my sleep and food intake. If I'm not sleeping, or not eating, then I can't function at the gym no matter how hard I've been training. I have successfully avoided meeting up with old people from high school, which has only been good for me. It's hard--it feels like a loss or a failure--but I know it is better for my mental health. Maybe to help myself stay on track, I will just assign myself quests? I don't think it's the worst idea I've ever had. I will have to think on what quests I'm going on, and what boxes I will need to check to complete those quests.

Made it through my first six months of intern year! Happy holidays everyone. I am gently going stir crazy over here--when you go from 60 to zero, it's, ah. Well. Hard to keep yourself from jumping off the cliff edge. Thank you for reinforcing this. The good food and avoiding pizza while my classmates are 100% on board with it, the beer, and other bad things for the body is nice to have. Everything changes. EVERYTHING. I have been considering this. I want to make sure I'm filling gaps in my knowledge. There are several possible answers, not the least of which is More Journals. I think getting back to my roots as an earth scientist and looking at pharmacology and mixing it with botany (for example, a previously widely used cardiac medication called digoxin is derived from foxglove). If I make the learning fun, it will stick. The other thing I need to do is read more scientific journals. If I read an article a night, related to the papers I am writing, this will help get me into the habit. I recognize I am setting myself more tasks than I will have time for. If I can squeeze article reading in during my day, that may help offload my free time at night to be Only Fun Learning With Pretty Plant Pictures Okay. oh good I am living? Yes? I am doing this living thing correctly? I have checked the boxes? Regarding my adventures into finding more parkour exercises, I put it to a trial run when my gym closed the weight rooms and I needed an extra exercise for leg day. Enter Stair Jumps. I looked at Fearless Leader's aka Steve's article on beginner Parkour and started stair jumps. 3 stairs is comfortable for me, and I can see I could quickly move to 4. I also attempted plyometric pushups, which will be fun once I am comfortable doing them in public. Springtime Goals: Be ready to start safety vaults, wall runs, and muscle ups, precision jumps. Roundup! Of things! Happy body Diet: I will make more matcha related desserts when I am back with my matcha. For now, it's Go Easy On the Sweets until I can get back to controlling my diet post vacation. But overall this year I have found things that work, and things that don't, and cutting out the things that don't have helped me reach my goals in a surprising way. I didn't think a lunchtime bread carb was going to make that much of a difference, but putting my carb in the middle of the day as opposed to at dinner time? huge huge difference. Pulling back on the chicken? Also massive difference. Exercise: I am glad to add three parkour exercises to my regiment to keep adjusting my goals and make sure I'm still challenging myself. Stairs, plyometric pushups, and...well...okay pull ups are always in but I'm going to make a concerted effort to work towards a muscle up. Squats and bench presses have been great additions and I'm going to keep doing them. This past week has been Sleep, but I'm ready to get back into normal exercises now. That reminds me! I am going to buy some more resistance bands for me to use at school. And I guess I will need to add tricep dips for the muscle ups as well. Happy brain: Intellect: I am going to make the adjustments I listed above. Mental Health: Picking up meditation was a really good idea. I have reformatted the space in my brain where I meditate, and have created an "adjunct" space that I can use to play music from. I had a very successful playing today, which I'm really excited about. I've made a lot of good personal progress in the last few days that I am excited about. My anxiety has been very low, and I'm pleased about it. I feel like I've gotten a handle on it. Happy Heart Spiritual health: Praying while I stretch has been nice, and I am finding having more personal stability makes me feel less lost at sea. I have more faith in myself, which means I'm back to arguing with spiritual authority figures. Relationship health: Things are good. I may go see a friend sometime this week. One of the temptations about being home is to hang out with some not-great characters from high school. So far, I haven't contacted them, outside of what was necessary to be polite and respectful. Another temptation is to get back in touch with people I need to keep at a distance; I've been successful at keeping them away, even if I think I'm being rude. It is better for me to not have them in my life.

The gym continues to be my sanctuary after work. I know many people like having a personal trainer, but I really value being able to make my own workouts. I like the illusion of control for a dedicated 60 minutes out of my day. Barbell work has actually been my zen. It was very frustrating. I'm back to tofu and veggies, which have been working out well for now. It has been hard on the free food days to figure out what works with my stomach and what I can eat, but I'm getting better at making decent choices that fit with the fake-not-real macro. And it has given me some wiggle room in my budget. I have been doing some relaxing. I actually took myself out shopping yesterday (I have a lotion and books addiction), I did some baking, I"m still working on a cross stitching project, and I've been fair to good on the daily practice. I found with the music, and with other things, I need tangible goals to keep myself at the instrument. Fake concerts to prep for, even if I don't given them. It might help if I could schedule time on a real instrument to make recordings, just for the purposes of goal setting. Thank you for wanting to help, that means a lot to me. I write positive notes to myself and try to keep in mind that all of this will pass, and eventually either it gets better, or I end up in a better position to advocate for myself (and possibly quit, or what have you). Yes. Always when I stop and slow down, the bad will catch up with me. One of the more reassuring things that happened this week was running into an old supervisor who basically said, on the down-low, "please come back I neeeeeeed you." Which, as someone who feels like she's so low on the totem pole nothing makes a difference, was really nice to hear. Yes. I did not realize the belly fat I keep trying to bust is actually bloat. I'm like okay, I wasn't supposed to get fixed overnight, but I'll take it. I just need my body to work, and it won't work if I give up. Thanks for encouraging me to fight, because some days I really don't want to. Hanging leg raises are amazing. They also feel like they fit in with my parkour/Assassin's Creed bent that I live my life with. ("There always must be balance", she says, full of nothing except cookies and yoda quotes). I think some solitude is good, because it prevents me from using other people and relationships as a distraction from my anxiety-driven inner dialogue. I have done good work on changing this, but there is always more to do. I think the only anxiety I have expressed so far is checking in about once a week to make sure things are ok, which is probably reasonable. That said, as below I'm going to get back to meditating. Now that I have changed my gym times for work, I get left alone and have more time to just focus on getting through my routine. and whenever I get stressed I think of the following. Happy body Diet: as above, I have Tweaked the Heck out of It. I am also finding that drinking water (duh) is really important for my body to be happy. I'm also back to microwaveable soups and what have you, which is cheaper and as long as I back the carbs up with dinnertime veggies and rest-of-the-time fruits (sometimes dried), I have been doing okay. It's not traditional, but it works for me. And going for the free food at work has been good for the budget, of course. Exercise: I am happy with my regimen right now. It's KB+ Strength (made of bodyweight, weighted, flexibility), and cardio. I have also found a way to make running slightly less onerous: I'm allowed to walk between songs, but otherwise I have to keep running. It makes things less stressful and my body feels less like it's dying for twenty whole minutes ermergerd why you do dis to meeee Overall, I'm transitioning toward a shamelessly assassin's creed themed regimen that prioritizes balance, cardio, and body awareness/movement. It also happens to work for pipe organ training. Happy brain: Intellect: I am so bad at taking time to study, but on the other hand I am pushing forward on trying to get some things published. I've already submitted to one national conference, will be submitting to a regional, and will have that same case to go to a journal as well. All I'm working on now is getting research rolling. I have not been disciplined about getting other work done, like studying. Especially on nights, listening to lectures has been few and far between. Mental Health: I think it's time for me to pick up meditation again. I'm not bringing too much anxiety into my relationships, but, I am in a really solid place to begin meditating again. I am far enough away from my Baggage that meditation is no longer a reminder of Things that Went Bad. I can comfortably sit down and weed the mental garden of things that do not help. Practicing is going steadily. I actually had time to learn a new piece of music for christmas (yay!), which is good. I am Learning New Music. This is important, even if it's not a major organ symphony. I also just sat down and did a spheres of wellness eval with myself, just to see where I can do more work. Intellectual, emotional, and spiritual are the spheres I think are suffering the most (intellectual, ironically, probably the worst). I guess I don't feel stimulated because either things feel too easy or too difficult. there's no middle ground of feeling challenged, but like I can still accomplish something. Happy Heart Spiritual health: I've picked up Pastrix by Nadia Bolz-weber and I really enjoy it. I also pray while I stretch now. It's nice. I am looking to put peace into the small moments of my day, because sometimes that's all the time I have. Relationship health: I want to work on cultivating my friendships so I have a small but strong support network. There's a nice girl in my program that I did our cards service with and that I am on nights with now. We like to drink tea and have decided we should Do this Friend Thing, and we visit each other when times are slow. I think one of the most important things I can do for my mental health is to continue setting goals for myself, so I don't feel like I'm stretching from one day into the next without accomplishing anything, or feeling like I'm going anywhere. I can't do challenges, but maybe I can set other goals for myself Happy Body Diet: learn to make matcha cookies properly Exercise: Find one new parkour-ish exercise to do. For funsies. Happy Brain Intellect: 5 questions a day 4 times a week. Finish Paper 1 by christmas, work on another human's paper and have the sections finished by the end of January. Mental Health: 5 minutes of meditation 4 times a week. Play assassin's creed once a month. It's a rule now. Music goals: Learn 1 new dupre invention per month, 1 new short prelude-y type piece per month, 1 page of the widor per month, 1 page of the bach per month. Happy Heart Spiritual: Read things. Relationship: See One Friend per month.

You are a HERO and also a MENSCH nice work!!!! BOSS MOVES dude, boss. Love it. Way to come at them swinging. Seriously. Swinging. It is sometimes nice to be at peace not doing things with other people. I have begun to value this. I am glad you had time to see your friend and vent; it sounds like that was very healthy for you.

I can't believe I've been so busy I haven't posted in a month. This is madness. MADNESS. It has been a busy month. I learned recently that I have become very bad at waiting and being patient. Child brain says "we have been patient FOR DECADES why must this keep going. Candy now." I have had to do shifts in my diet recently, because for some reason I was getting a lot of bad GI symptoms. I've been Off Plan for about a week and a half, and I do feel better for some reason. I can't honestly say I know why yet. I am currently on the strugglebus to keep the cortisol down. Struggle. Bus. But on the bright side I've given up on weighing myself and just said "this body needs to eat, so we gonna eat." Ugh all right here's a month long belated update, since it will be good for me to put my thoughts down. Happy Body Diet: as above. I have thrown the old diet to the wind for reasons of GI upset, and I don't know when, if, or how I will be picking it back up again. I am doing a few more carbs at lunch (I gave up and started eating the free meals they're providing us), and dinner has been left overs for the most part. I have no idea what I'm going to do on nights. Not. A. Clue. Exercise: this has been going well. I make it to the gym 4-6 times a week. I'm doing two handed 40lb swings or one handed 30lb swings both comfortably. My TGUs should probably get escalated to full 30 lb courses, but I'm delaying. Squats are going well, I'm squatting at least 105 now and benching?? don't remember, too zonkered to think about it. My pull ups are getting better now that I have started benching, and I have started doing hanging leg raises, which are fun? and really work the core, which is good. Happy Brain Intellect: I'm a little bored at work. Everything feels either too difficult or too easy; either the situation is indecipherable, or it's a basic case of something. It is not helping my anxiety that my brain is not busy, and is currently without a problem to work on or explore. Brain needs Things To Do. Mental Health: hooboy. Had a breakdown over the phone with an old friend because I'm A Mess and Think I'm Stupid and also mild relationship drama. It's all fine now. I am still in a bit of a funk; it just hit when the weather got really cold and I do sundown. I feel a bit apathetic, and searching for purpose. I stopped moving so fast and the big questions hit me. I think I'm a little disappointed because I have to keep being patient for things that I want. Happy Heart Spiritual health: I really just haven't been able to get to church, so I think I'll be picking up some books instead. I can always read the lectionary or something. It is important for my sanity, as see above, I've been searching for purpose and struggling to find it. So. there's that. Relationship health: I have good positive relationships. They are growing. I just want to find a good way to not be anxious about them. It seems like the last couple of days all my anxiety wants to do is fixate on the future, and I would like it to stop doing that. Posthaste. I've basically been holding steady for the last month, with random bouts of breakdowns.

It has helped my mood. I get endorphins no matter what, so if I have had a bad day and just want to swing on the bars/cannon ball grips, I do it. :3 :3 :3 thank you Thank you for validating me and sharing in the feelings about those pesky two pounds. That's a really good article, thank you for sending it to me. BMI definitely doesn't make sense if you're looking at very athletic people, but I suppose I am still keeping it in mind since I know I'm not training every day for 3+ hours at a time. I still am coming from a place of "I dont have that much muscle definition at a similar weight, so I still clearly have some fat to lose." And I know for me, it is very hard to lose the fat if I'm not sleeping and managing my stress appropriately. I have a whole lot more muscle than I did before, and things are easier to do. My clothes still fit, so I guess I'm just putting the tweaking on hold until I can get more sleep on a regular basis. In other neat strength findings, I told my mom I wouldn't have trouble moving something that weighed around eighty pounds, and her response was "no, it's very heavy." I tried to tell her I'm benching 70 and squatting 75, so it shouldn't be too bad for me to manage. I am by no means a power lifter but I'm not a complete weakling anymore. Happy Body Diet: I fell off the wagon a little bit with going home (as I usually do), and am easing myself back into better habits. Not having a standard work schedule means I have a less standard eating schedule, and I'm trying to stay on budget with my groceries. I end up eating what's in the house, and sometimes that's ramen. but when I am at work, I've made my dinners my very own frozen microwave meals, which might actually be a good thing for me to do for the future. If only I had enough takeout containers and freezer space... Exercise: while the eating schedule is off, I have been able to use my component based exercise plan to fit in around weird work hours. When I have days off, I do strength training and cardio. When I have half days, I do my HIIT Zombies, and when I have no time at all I do Sleep. Happy Brain Intellect: I am keeping up with some of the research I am starting, have made more of a commitment to my Kaplan questions, and am using some time on my days off to listen to the critical care podcasts I enjoy. It reminds me that there are still things in medicine that I love, even when I'm stuck doing floor work (and the ever onerous discharge. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get someone home safely from the hospital? Act of God. Miracles. A Divine Figure descending from the clouds with transportation and money for medication). Mental Health: I saw a friend this week, which was beneficial for the brain. I am trying to be conscious of the shorter daytime hours, good use of Gym Endorphins, and keeping up with the organ practicing. Happy heart Spiritual health: It's just hard to get to church when I'm not off on sundays. It's also hard when all I want to do on my days off is sleep, practice, and go to the gym. When I can go, it's great--the sermons at both places I go to were about healer's fatigue (and boy am I feeling that). Relationship Health: I am getting better at reaching out to people around me that I trust. I know I won't like everyone in my intern class, so it is good to have some friends that I do feel I can talk to. I would like to have friends over soon, now that the apartment is mostly in shape. Stupid cleaning stuff only I care about.

these all sound delicious! I'm glad you had time to make them, and sounds absolutely delicious. The apple pie sounds particularly good--preservative free/artificial free stuff sounds amazing. Are there videos of this? I would like to see it done!! It seems useful. I'm glad to read about the nice community you have with aikido; it's really nice that you have a sace that is great for a workout and for building interpersonal relationships. I really enjoy reading about it. how can this not taste good this sounds delicious. Sounds like you are killing it on the cooking game. #respect. Way to keep the momentum going, whether or not the seasons compliment it. I hope that goes well!! For me it takes a lot of self control to put aside the other chores and just get some rest. I am glad you are doing well with avoiding the caffeine!!

Good lord I am sorry for the confusion, @Tanktimus the Encourager was incredibly kind about changing it to, and then changing it back, at my request, because now I have a title that will get me sued. I'm still navigating the new medico-legal world I live in, and the general advice from everyone is "do not be a doctor on the internet. if anyone argues with you about science, just say you're a private citizen and walk away." but it is very kind from all fronts and I am sorry I cannot accept the kindness Huh. See, for me planks are my stopgap when I need a single core exercise, but usually I do them as part of a full core regimen that does work the posterior chain (I live and die by pilates harder than I do for S&S). I guess since I learned them as a component, and not as a postural correction, I didn't realize people used it for other things. I absolutely agree with your statement, and you are spot on. I just didn't realize they were overprescribed so badly. You're absolutely right that you need to work both the "push" and the "pull" of the core, the core being all muscles front and back from below the shoulderblades to the knees. You're good. no pushback required. You know your things. Yes I had him try to do S&S with me, and he was all swears and "what do you mean you have to do fifty swings PER HAND with those stupid core exercises in fifteen minutes are you crazy?" and I'm like "yes, this is why I'm not at the heavier weights, because I cant physically move it fast enough to complete all the sets in the time limit." He also eventually refused to do the full TGUs set because his core was killing him. competition weight lifter, committed to functional fitness, said "girl I'm done you do that core stuff and I'll watch." I have since seen other weight lifters attempting TGUs with the same weights I use and I'm like "you are twice my size. Why....why do you use the same weight." I'm only doing 30lb TGUs and I can boss most of the boys in the gym, which as the curvy girl is weird weird weird. So yeah, you're a boss, because most of the huge people in my gym can't touch the weights you're fooling with when it comes to those exercises. I am so excited for you!!! I am glad you had the opportunity to reconnect and are going on dates and shutting places down. I love it. I'm so happy for you. This is adorable and I'm dead now, I need a library's worth of squealing gifs to adequately express my feels about what a good this is. What a nice, nice thing. This is a good sign. good, good sign. That's not how I remember it. I believe you we merely sharing your opinion based on whatever level of understanding you happened to have. I didn't get the vibe that you were trying to lecture at all This is YOUR thread and you own it. you're also very nuanced in what you say anyways, so...this be your space. I am a happy visitor. Yikes. Yikes yikes yikes. At least you have two ish months to get yourself out of there. Best of luck to you, I am rooting for you, full throttle. I hope you find a place that helps you be happy and fulfilled. Fast.