Severine

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About Severine

  • Rank
    Badge Distribution Engineer
  • Birthday 08/09/1981

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    Boston, USA

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    rebel

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  1. Severine

    Fleaball: Under Construction

    Hrrrrrrm. Okay. Stand down, morale commandos. False alarm.
  2. Severine

    Fleaball: Under Construction

    You're not broken! I know you were joking(ish) but raaaawr self talk.
  3. Severine

    Fleaball: Under Construction

    Yeah I've been to two in-person classes now, and I'm going again on Sunday. I like the in-person even more than the videos actually. Something about being there just feels different. It's in Somerville so just under 20 minutes drive for me on the weekend mornings when the classes are, and free parking. Obviously I'm not a veteran or anything, but very promising so far. And roger, just let me know if you're ever interested, but if not totally fine obviously. Open no-expectations invitation.
  4. Severine

    Fleaball: Under Construction

    Noooo what happened? This sounds decidedly sub-optimal. You could come with me to the body positive yoga place I go to! It's been pretty great so far. I was worried the self-love (paging @Sylvaa) was going to come on too strong and be cloying and eye-roll-inducing, but actually it has been great.
  5. Severine

    Fleaball: Under Construction

    I think the saddest part of all that nonsense with the mds is that he's giving it as an example of improvement :/
  6. Severine

    Fleaball: Under Construction

    Yay!
  7. Severine

    Fleaball: Under Construction

    Yeah I totally get this. I guess what I'm trying to say is, as someone who successfully formed those callouses and reached that state you describe, I can say that (at least for me) it came at a cost emotionally. Like, yes it insulated me from harm at the time, but it also warped the way I perceive the world and the way I think about people. And once I was out of the bad situation, I couldn't turn it off. A significant part of what I'm trying to do in therapy is change a bunch of those patterns. So basically, there might be a small upside to not having callouses? Which might not be any comfort at all, and obviously my experiences may be totally irrelevant to yours. But I thought it might at least be worth sharing a different view of things.
  8. Severine

    Fleaball: Under Construction

    Man that brings back memories. When I was 17, I went to live permanently with my grandparents. And for the first time in my life, I lived in a place where nobody ever yelled, nobody ever fought, and everyone was always polite and considerate. I still remember the feeling of disbelief and amazement as those first few weeks went by and it sunk in that it was real and that this was how many people's home life always was. It was surreal. I was so used to always being on guard at home, always expecting a sudden explosion or an insult or whatever, and in a weird way being in a place where I didn't need to do that was upsetting because it made me realize how fucked up it was that I had been doing it for so long. I know circumstances mean moving isn't possible yet, so you have to live with this for a little bit. But I guess what I'm saying is, don't ever feel like you're being unreasonable or oversensitive because this stuff impacts you. You often say that you complain a lot, but like...that sort of sounds like you're saying you shouldn't be bothered by shit like that interaction with your brother (or a thousand other examples of bullshit with him, or your dad) when in fact it's completely 100% reasonable to be bothered by it and to talk to friends about it. It's not normal and it's not okay. Don't feel like you need to suck it up and get used to it and pretend like it's normal or fine. One day soon you can escape and wash your hands of the whole mess. They say the best revenge is living well, but there's also this approach:
  9. Severine

    Fleaball: Under Construction

    THIS so much. I think you're the first person I've ever heard with the same reason for shaving as me. I don't know what it is but the feeling of wind blowing across leg hair drives me nuts. So I'm fine with stubble, but once it gets long enough to be able to be pushed even slightly by wind, that shit's got to go. Also you did not seem drunk to me! Either you're really good at hiding it or you slammed back a few more peach beers after we parted ways at Boston Common, lol.
  10. Severine

    Fleaball: Under Construction

    Man that story about the TV chest just makes me sad. Like, he makes your life hell, but I can't help but feel bad for your dad. He clearly has untreated MH stuff happening and it must be really shitty to feel so paralyzed by simple stuff like that but not to have an understanding from therapy etc. about why it's happening and what kinds of techniques could help. When I feel anxious and overwhelmed about stuff at least I know what's happening and I don't just take it at face value. Hope you got some sleep. Bastille Day street festival today! Flea is going to meet my partner D and one of my best friends, K, and there's going to be French food and music and general merriment. Je pense que ce sera amusant
  11. Severine

    Fleaball: Under Construction

    Haha duly noted. I will contribute my part from now on. You already know I got them because we texted, but I figured I'd answer this to say that they're always super quick. Like I finished at the lab at 10am and I had the results (online) by like 4:30pm. Not too shabby. And for those who care about my blood test results but haven't hacked into Flea's phone to read her texts: my results were all normal!! \o/ I feel very happy and grateful to not have cholesterol issues or signs of diabetes onset or anything given how much weight I've gained and how poorly I've been taking care of myself. It's a huge relief and has greatly increased my excitement for continuing my work with the ED specialist and getting my lifestyle back to a healthy one generally, because it feels like it's not too late and there's time to turn things around and that really motivates me. Yeah IMO it gets better as the book goes, so don't totally give up on it. And it's not just about bad stuff - there's a lot in there about how things can improve, with very concrete suggestions (he's super pro-yoga, and other things) and success stories. So there's a lot of hope. But if you're not in a place where you feel like reading about all that, definitely shelve it for a while because it's not a light read. So I know you're being at least semi-joking here, but if the doctor isn't helpful and compassionate and professional, then they suck and you shouldn't go back. I know looking for a doctor sucks (I'm doing it now) but don't settle for someone who lets weight bias (or mental health bias) interfere with giving you proper medical care. I was listening to a podcast a while ago and a guy said that his rule for deciding whether to accept an invitation or commitment for the future is to ask himself, "If this were tomorrow, would I want to go?" and if the answer is no, he declines because he's assuming that he'll be just as busy/tired in three weeks or six months as he is right now. I thought that was pretty smart and I use it sometimes. In the spirit of self care:
  12. Severine

    Fleaball: Under Construction

    I decided not to spam you with notifications by liking everything as I read through, but I'm all caught up. I'm totally using your thread to distract me from my anxiety about waiting for my blood test results <.< I've totally seen this dynamic before, and in my experience the helplessness/cluelessness is (sometimes unconsciously) a way of making sure that extra work is enforced on you. Like, Work That Only You Can Do becomes automatically your work always and forever. Cluelessness gives them a free pass. It also offers extra opportunities to run you down and make you feel inferior, because if they make you in charge of something you don't have training for, and it goes wrong, it is automatically all your fault because it was your job. If you manage to pull it off (because you do have really strong problem solving skills and resourcefulness) then they'll just use that to solidify the paradigm where it is your job. Ohhh how I hear you on this. I read 'The Body Keeps the Score' and it talks a lot about the physiological impacts of trauma and stress on the body, and it was fantastic and insightful, but I already struggle a lot with feelings of regret about "lost time" and damage that's already been done that I can't go back and fix, and that was definitely more fodder for that. One of the things I'm working on right now with my ED specialist is learning to let that stuff go and be accepting of where I am right now. It's hard. So hard. This made me laugh IRL. Extreme hyperbole is the only appropriate way to express the feeling of loud noises attacking just when someone with sleep problems managed to get to sleep. I started sleeping with earplugs in and for months now it's been helping improve my sleep. I regularly get 6 hours a night which is a bloody miracle. The downside is that it seems to have made me nighttime sound sensitive to the point that I basically can't sleep without them at all anymore. But whatever, I sleep better than I have in a decade now, so it's cool. Some people can't handle them though - my partner L tried them for like 7 seconds and ripped them out instantly because they said it felt like having their head underwater. Random thought but this reminded me of a friend. She became lactose intolerant after a surgery and she was having a really hard time not eating dairy anymore even though she'd be super uncomfortable when she did. And then she was frustrated with herself and it just kept spiraling. Eventually, on the advice of her rabbi of all people, she changed her goal/rule from "no dairy" to "I eat dairy sometimes, but only when I feel like it's worth the indigestion after" and for some reason that really helped her. Like the pressure of perfection/forever changing her diet was alleviated? And then after a few months she was eating dairy maybe 1-2 times a month and not feeling the guilt/turmoil anymore. I know you sometimes have a hard time with things you see as "lowering the bar" or whatever, and sometimes these little mental tricks don't fool our brain, or whatever. But thought it was worth sharing. So, little joke from my Catholic school days. One of my friends said that same expression once, and a nearby janitor came over and we thought we were in trouble because he looked all stern. And he said something like, "This is a Catholic school, you realize that?" and my friend started to apologize and he just interrupted and said, "For Catholics, Christ IS a cracker." And we just like...stared at him. And he laughed and walked off. That remains the best joke about Catholicism/host wafers I have ever heard. Thanks, strange janitor from grade 2. This almost made me spurt my tea onto my laptop I relate an unfortunate amount to all of this. Hugs and understanding. I don't have a solution but I hear you and I know it sucks and it's not your fault. Yeah I thought about this after the last time we had coffee. She sounds sub-optimal for you at this point. Like, she just can't be what you need.