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About Severine

  • Rank
    Badge Distribution Engineer
  • Birthday 08/09/1981

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  • Location
    Boston, USA
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  1. Nothing particular to add, just wanted to send hugs and fist bumps. We're all in your corner and understand if you need space or just aren't feeling it.
  2. This is a radical medical approach but I think transplanting your dad and brother out of the house would greatly improve things.
  3. Also now because of you I have a challenge - thank you for your many gentle reminders
  4. Hey, it's me again! I'm making this (late) challenge a bit on a whim, so it's not necessarily the most intricately planned (unlike all my other challenges...hah) but I came here to check up on @fleaball's updates and saw a bunch of familiar faces and then the nostalgia hit, along with the memory of how good this place was for me once upon a time, and I couldn't resist. So let's start with the obvious: Yes, that's right, we still can't find any fucking toilet paper. We have about five days' worth left, so I have time to solve this problem but JESUS BOSTON why can't people just buy sane amounts so there is enough for everyone? Anyway, I am extremely lucky that, other than our bathroom supply line problems, quarantine has not been too hard on us. We're all working from home and still getting paid (at least for now) and I live in a safe environment with people I get along with really well. So obviously I am aware of how fortunate I am, and am appropriately grateful. Big family medical scare: my grandmother was in the hospital for the past week and a half with what started as difficulty breathing. Thankfully, she does not have COVID, but it turns out she does have congestive heart failure with atrial fibrillation and apparently she has been having "low-level" difficulty breathing for months but didn't want to say anything because she figured it was just that she was old and out of shape and she didn't want people fussing over her. This is completely in character and I can't even fault her, really, but that's another story. Anyway. It was very tense for a while, but now she's home and they've gotten her heart back on rhythm and her new meds seem to be helping. There's going to be another tense couple of weeks as we wait to make sure she didn't catch COVID while *in* the hospital, so fingers crossed. The border is still closed, so I can't even go up and see her no matter what happens, which is hard. Anyway, my grandmother's situation has made me even more hyper-aware of both my desire and my need to improve my health and and get into better shape and lose a bit of weight. If I do develop heart problems one day, I want it to be when I'm 85 like she is, rather than anytime soon. Also, quarantine is a bit of a mindfuck when it comes to trying to keep a routine, meet goals, etc. and a little structure would definitely help me. On the bright side, my eating habits have actually improved with lockdown (all home cooking and no takeout/restaurants because we're too nervous) so at least I have some momentum to build on. DAILY GOALS! Now with 80% less forethought but 100% more urgency 1. Go to bed by 1:00AM I know, I know...reach for the sky, eh? But right now I am often going to bed at 2 or 3, so this would be an improvement. Baby steps. 2. Do exercises for my stupid planar fascitis UGH. This is a new problem and wow, I had no idea it was so painful and hard to get rid of. It is only in my left foot, for reasons that make no sense to me. I have some cream to put on and some exercises to do every day and that seems like a really good goal because it's obviously making physical activity more complicated. 3. Stop eating at 10:00pm Like the bedtime goal, I would eventually like to move this earlier, but this is a good start. I'm doing too much late-night idle snacking. Even if it's not-terrible stuff like dried apricots or whatever, I don't need the extra calories since I'm not super active right now. 4. Do a language learning thing Part of my coping mechanism during this messed up time has been to lean hard into my language learning hobby. I'm mostly working on French and Chinese at the moment. This made the list mostly because it makes me happy and helps me feel good about myself, so it seems like a good positive daily goal. SOMETIME DURING THE CHALLENGE GOALS: Get the elliptical fixed (since it's low impact, it'll make it easier to get a cardio challenge while my foot heals) Finish planting my veggie garden Finish planting my flower garden Get the car serviced Find toilet paper Go pick up the rest of the stuff at my office that would make WFH easier Set up a yoga space in the basement Do my MIL's taxes Stretch goal: organize garage
  5. Hey! Just figured I would mention that I'm here now, and just caught up. My grandmother spent the last week and a half in hospital up in Toronto (long story, but she is out now, and doesn't have covid unless she caught it in there) and things were pretty fucking stressful for awhile there so I unplugged from just about everything else. I did the Demystifying Mindfulness course! A year or two ago. Liked it pretty well overall. I'm now happily in a state where I mostly look forward to meditating rather than seeing it as a goalish thing I SHOULD do and then end up avoiding. I think that's actually the result of the French mindfulness course I did, not the coursera one, but there was probably some cumulative effect going on too. You're being hardier than me re: Boston errands, honestly. We've just said fuck it for anything we don't urgently need because shopping is such a shitshow right now and stores are out of so much and delivery services are so unreliable. Plus I only feel okay using delivery if we leave a big tip and then it gets expensive. Obviously for cat food and meds etc. there's no choice, but anything else I'm just waiting until it's urgent. Plus my area has higher rates of infection than almost anywhere around here, woo. For the record, having seen the dumbass stuff your dad and brother do at the house (that hole in the kitchen ceiling, good lord) I think if anything you're being quite measured in your reports of their fuckery.
  6. This is a garbage situation and there's nothing wrong with you for feeling stressed out and overwhelmed. The thing I'm working on is trying to prepare things that I can control, trying to work on accepting that certain things are totally out of my control, and finding things to do that make me feel good. For me, that means: - making sure I have enough meds and figuring out how to teach my classes online (the community centre shut down all in-person classes as of yesterday), preparing to stay at home more than usual - meditating every day, journaling, trying to keep this in perspective (historically, this is trivial compared to things human societies have weathered in the past with less technology), accepting that I may get sick (or even probably will) and that whatever happens happens, and limiting the news I read - finding projects I can work on if I'm stuck at home, reaching out to elderly neighbors to see if they want me to get anything for them, being part of efforts to help people (e.g. at the community centre we're working on getting a freeze on all evictions and mortgage defaults during the crisis) Obviously it looks different for everyone. You have it on hardmode because home is not a safe and comforting place like it is for most of us on the forums. I know if you had another good option for where to stay you'd already be there, so the next best thing would be to ask what, if anything, you could do to make time at home more tolerable. Maybe that means cleaning (maybe now that your dad's retired you might be able to get him to cooperate?), or just making your room as inviting and organized as possible, or stocking up on food you like, or even just finding a new book series or Netflix show to dig into if you're stuck at home. If you do get stuck at home, can you get your dad and brother to agree to all give each other some space to make it easier on everyone? For your student loans, can you see if there are forbearance options being discussed due to coronavirus? If not, I'd call and ask about it and tell them you need it - the more people who call asking for it the more likely it is to happen. And for your other bills - I keep getting emails from places saying that if people need special arrangements during the coronavirus, they should get in touch. Like I think I got one from Citibank Visa. So that might be an option. Exercise in whatever form you can get it will help your stress. The gym seems tricky (anyone coughing gets death stares right now) but maybe with some robutussin or whatever you could do it? And there's always walking, as you said, and there are other options like yoga or kettlebells or bodyweight workouts or whatever you could do in your room with enough floorspace. I think another important thing is, if you can, to minimize the self-blame. You're not bad or weird for being stressed. And you don't deserve to be blamed or shamed for your health problems either. Some of them might be partially a result of actions you took in the past (along with genetics and environmental factors that were out of your control), but that is absolutely not the same thing as it being your fault. Learn from it, but don't punish yourself for it.
  7. Hello everyone! Reporting in from meatspace. I just got over a really unpleasant campylobacter infection, but other than that I am actually....doing better? Which I am almost afraid to say out loud for fear of jinxing it, but yeah. Cancer is still in remission, I'm doing better with food, walking more, and most importantly my mood and stress management and perspective have really improved and I'm in a much better place mentally/emotionally. I missed being here, but I think some time off while I figured other stuff out was a good idea. I needed to dial back my obligations for a bit, even the fun/helpful ones, until I had the basics solid. Still a bunch of things to work on but I'm more excited by the idea of working on the stuff, as opposed to being just exhausted like I was before. So that's cool and my plan is to return for realz in the next challenge. Definitely, definitely does not work. Ask me how I know. Your plan is wise, and just because you're having blah days doesn't mean this isn't a good approach. It makes tonnes of sense. I keep meeting people who were gifted or good students when they were younger, who are now dealing with all sorts of weird procrastination/motivation/stress/impostor syndrome/mental health bullshit. Like seriously, I met two new people who fit this description in the last six months. Someone needs to write an exposé. I had a discussion with my therapist about this a few weeks ago, how I've long struggled with procrastination and then rushing to do stuff at the last minute, and then getting a great mark, being told it's great, winning awards, etc. and then feeling like shit because I feel like I'm not doing my best work, I could be doing more if I really tried, and I'm a fake and people are going to find out, and what's the point of trying hard anyway if I can get away with not, praise doesn't mean anything if people can't even tell when I half ass it...etc. And he was like, "what if part of the reason you're still struggling with procrastination and motivation is that, after all those experiences, you've come to associate achievement with feeling bad?" And it felt really true, and I just sat there blinking at the wall for a bit. I'm kind of angry about it, if it's true? Anyway, you're not alone. On my to-do lists, if I don't do something one day, instead of leaving the box blank, I just put a little forward arrow in the box indicating it is being moved ahead to tomorrow or the next day. It is such a minor thing but it helps me feel better. Like I'm rescheduling it instead of not doing it. And then I have a rule: if I move something forward a bunch of times, I make myself look at it and decide whether it actually need to happen, and if I don't have a good reason why it has to, I just delete it. Because maybe I'm not doing it because it doesn't actually matter. This woman knows so many things. Also, there are so many genuinely pretty wilderness trails out by my house. Once the weather's better and you're feeling like it, let's do some easy walks/hikes. I know trails that are good for a 20 min walk and some that are good for a few hours and every length in between. I know a pretty good podiatrist who is not an asshole about weight stuff, up in Reading. Let me know if you want his details.
  8. Not sure if I mentioned it or not, actually. I'm taking accounting classes in the evenings through UMass. Right now I'm taking 'Federal Income Taxation' and 'Intermediate Accounting 1'. Working toward the masters degree - the idea is to combine that with my JD and do some kind of auditing/forensic accounting thing. Hopefully with an international company so I can make use of language skillz. This has helped me in the past, so I should try it. I think part of the issue is I'm outside every day for practical reasons (getting to work etc) so it's easier for me to skip the walk even though that's a very different and more beneficial version of being outside. Anyway today I did take an extra walk around a few blocks after a meeting in the afternoon just to stop and smell the proverbial roses in the middle of a busy day, and that was nice, and a good reminder that it doesn't have to be planned to be valuable. I should do more spontaneous things like that. This is true. It wouldn't be a goal if it weren't hard. I just don't WANT it to be hard Thanks! Fingers crossed.
  9. This is me right now except instead of sleeping late, I have to get up at 7am, teach on like 3.5 hours of sleep, and then I crash at like 5pm and nap until 9pm which results in me staying up late again. We need to go back to sleeping school. FUCK YEAH! This is great.
  10. Update! I'm kinda stressed out. There's a lot going on...I have two final exams this week, lots of doctor's appointments (they're all followups and hopefully, fingers crossed, everything including the MRI will be uneventful), a tonne of shit to do around the house, family stuff this weekend for D's dad's memorial, etc. And I'm not doing as well as I want on my goal. The weather has been pretty consistently shitty and rainy here in Boston and I haven't wanted to go outside for walks, which was fine for the first couple days when it was absolutely pouring, but it has snowballed into not even going out when there's a light mist and I could totally throw on a jacket and be fine. Food has been...better but still not good? I'm skipping fewer meals but still feeling really unsettled around food. Most of the time when I eat it's because I'm forcing myself, or because I decided I was allowed to eat something really crappy because it was better than skipping a meal. And I've been feeling headachey and tired and kind of weak and I know my crappy nutrition is part of it. I was getting better with sleep but then last night I couldn't fall asleep until 3:30am so now I feel discouraged about that too. So essentially I am bombing this (very easy) challenge and not feeling great about it. But I'm proud of myself for at least coming to post about the suckitude.
  11. I don't think it's dumb at all that you were upset about the show. There's a lot of stuff going on with it obviously - like, identity is complicated and biphobia is a very real thing in the queer community, so it's not unexpected that you might have anxieties about being queer enough, imposter syndrome or whatever. Like yes, some of that is internal, but some of that is also bullshit created by people bragging that they're gold star lesbians and saying bi people don't really exist. (Speaking from experience here - after some really bad experiences I have a policy where I don't spend time socially with anyone who non-ironically uses the term gold star lesbian). Also a lot of what you wrote about being stressed out about other poeple being upset and also about having a less common opinion is a lot like stuff in your family, even more so because the people with the other opinion are very vocal about how it is the One True Opinion and that sounds a bit like your family too. So like...of course it's stressful. And I'm so sorry you got ambushed with that stuff in a thing you watch for fun. And it sounds even more complex because you're kind of frustrated for having the reaction and not being able to "know better" your way out of feelings. But like...that's not really how feelings work - in the short term, they happen whether we know better or not. But we can change them over longer periods of time. And yeah it's pretty horrifying that people who don't like the way a plot was resolved or characters were depicted are making personal attacks against the creators. That shit is so common these days and I find it really fucking depressing. Like...compassion? Would be nice.
  12. It was super awesome when you asked if I wanted to do hangouts that didn't involve food (I thought that was a really good question given my situation and honestly it hadn't even occurred to me, but yeah, I could see that being a thing in some cases) so even though my answer to that was "nah it's cool" (my problem generally is not with social eating with friends) I did appreciate the question. But other than that? It's just stuff I have to deal with and do the therapy for etc. Honestly just having friends who aren't judgmental jerks about it is awesome.
  13. Oh you totally weren't! I took it in a sympathetic way. No worries whatsoever. It *is* bad and honestly I prefer honest comments to fake positivity where people try to pretend everything will be cool in some easy way. Sent from my Pixel 2 using Tapatalk
  14. Haha I totally was waiting! I actually really like hearing stories about people's childhood/teenage/college experiences, not sure why but I always have. I think it's just a kind of fascinating thing that we meet people and we get to know them but at the same time there's this whole previous section of their life that was also super important that we don't know about. It's mysterious and fascinating. Basically I am an old person's dream because I like listening to stories of way back when. To be fair, those are all pretty legit reasons for angst or regret or just ugh type feelings. Also, I'm not going to quote anything for this comment because there's just way too much I'd have to quote: that dude sounds like a total fucking asshole. I had a situation in undergrad where a person I'd been really close friends with since grade 9 started dating this complete asshole and it really drove a wedge between her and all her friends, not even because he was trying necessarily, but because (1) nobody could stand being around him and (2) a lot of people kind of lost respect for her or started to see her in a different way when she tolerated or made excuses for his offensive, aggressive, idiotic behaviour. And honestly your ex-friend's shithead (now husband? ugh) sounds even worse than him. And whether it's her fault or not, once you see that a friend has you on a low priority rung, and you're the one doing the work of the friendship, it's entirely reasonable and even healthy to bail. Took me literally years to learn that with J - it's a hard lesson to learn. But I'm glad you didn't get sucked in again.
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