Severine

Oh also, from a fellow reflux sufferer, I thought you might find this interesting. A double-blind placebo-controlled study is pretty compelling, even though a larger patient pool and repetition are obviously needed. Still, it's enough that I'm thinking about giving some turmeric capsules a try. Just thought I'd share.

Just wanted to point out that you cleverly designed your challenge such that you only have to do 3 out of 4 things each day. So even if you literally never do a single job/skill thing, you'll still be ahead at the end, and if you improve food/movement/stress stuff, job stuff will be easier next time around anyway. True story: I know a woman who was making like 90K a year in Pittsburgh (that is a lot in Pittsburgh) as an executive assistant for this CEO, and she quit after like 18 months and took a 35K pay cut because she was so sick and tired of being the hired wrangler of an emotionally insecure manchild. I fail to see the problem.

A couple of days late due to travel, but I am happy to pounce upon a new challenge. What to expect: Ambitious goals that I will profit from pursuing even if I don't succeed 100% Charts and graphs Random photos Enthusiasm and optimism but also probably some snark Musings on assorted tangents Also, fair warning to the visually minded among you: I have changed my user icon to a custom avatar I had designed by an artist I love. Sorry for any discombobulation. And now the question that matters: what am I up to this time? Three things! 1. NOT EATING CHOCOLATE You know those people in multi-decade toxic codependent relationships with shitty partners who are nothing but bad news for them, but inexplicably they keep getting sucked back in? That is the story of Severine and chocolate. Chocolate is kind of an asshole who has never had anything but a negative experience on my life, health, self-esteem, etc. and offers me so very little in return (most of the time I barely enjoy it; it's more compulsion/addiction than anything). Yet, it's been so hard for me to stay broken up with chocolate. It took me a long, long, long time to realize that moderation simply does not work for me with chocolate. On the bright side, I have given up chocolate completely twice in my life (once for more than six months!). Both times, it was an unequivocal and drastic improvement, positive in every single way. Yet, due I think to inadequate awareness of the challenges of maintaining that policy, and attendant lack of planning on my part, I stumbled back into chocolate's sinister embrace both times. So, let's repeat what worked so well and iterate on it to solve the problems that arose last time. I will be tracking this, reflecting on it, and working to make a durable long-term plan with necessary contingencies. 2. IMPROVING MY HANDWRITING I don't think it's any secret that I love notebooks, journalling by hand, doodling, etc. As such, I probably pay more attention to my handwriting than is standard. It has been bothering me for quite a while that my handwriting seems to be getting sloppier. The reason isn't mysterious: I don't write by hand anywhere near as much as I used to, and my muscle memory isn't what it was. Plus, I am often in a rush when writing these days (sometimes for legit reasons like needing to note things down during a video call, but often just because I am impatient), which just makes things worse. And then not loving my handwriting means I write less...which means worse handwriting. Vicious cycle. I'll post a separate post with a 'before' sample. Good handwriting is often incorrectly associated with being smart or organized, but it's a physical skill, and it responds to physical training, not thoughts or intentions or strategies. Just as I would need to do strength training if I wanted to get better at lifting things, I need to do handwriting drills/practice to improve my handwriting. My goal is to do this for a short period of time every day, probably about 10 minutes. I will periodically post the progress. I am confident that I will see a concrete improvement over the duration of the challenge. This is important for me because I really enjoy writing by hand - I do it for stress relief and creativity and fun and the neurological benefits (esp. with regard to learning), and I want to feel completely positive about it, not have this lingering dissatisfaction with my physical handwriting skill decreasing my enjoyment. 3. USING MY EXPENSIVE ELLIPTICAL BECAUSE COME ON SEVERINE I have probably mentioned that I find it difficult to spend money on anything that isn't strictly necessary. We bought the elliptical recently for very good reasons, but the consciousness of its cost is still kind of needling at me, and I know from experience that the more I use it, the better I will feel about the purchase. So I'd like to try and get into the habit of using it every day, even if it's not for that long. As such, I'm setting myself a goal of at least 15 minutes on the elliptical every day unless I'm too sick for it to be advisable (hopefully this will not happen). C'est parti!

I'm late in replying, but congrats on surviving the test. Results should be coming in any day now, so I hope you get the outcome you want, but I like that you have a plan either way.

Weird, not sure why it broke. I went back and edited the post, and I think I fixed it? Let me know if you still can't see it. We are legion!

Good luck! Fingers crossed for a smooth procedure.

I am 100% here for any and all bird witches.

Any chance of getting a small shed to put them in outside? You can buy little mini-sheds at Home Depot for like $150. They're not pretty or big, but if you just need a place to store some stinky blankets, it might work?

Ugh, boooo at all these wrenches being thrown into your plans. I hope you get a good night's sleep and wake up with no trace of nausea and can enjoy your con to the fullest ❤️

That sounds like such a great group of people, and such a well-balanced way to organize a weekend. People can get a good mix of relaxation and stimulation, and it sounds possible to combine socializing with some alone time outside, which would be ideal for me personally. I'm happy you have such a supportive and exciting community space. I loved my camp summers too, and I can trace a lot of the things I like about myself to those experiences, especially the wilderness survival and canoe trip experiences. I hope this place stays open for many decades to come, for your sake and for the sake of the kids. I wish you a weekend of adventure, kindness, and fascination! ❤️

Sorry to hear you're facing health hurdles, but it sounds like you're getting attentive care with a bonus helping of support from Rurik. Good things all around. I hope you solve the mystery and find yourself feeling better soon!

This is really impressive! The older I get, the more I think saying no with confidence and without guilt is an essential skill we should be taught in school.

Thanks! I am not sure I want to do two crisis line roles at the same time, but OTOH I have a lot of respect for Kids' Help Phone (they've been around since I was a kid and have helped so many people), so I won't rule it out. Painfully true. When I moved to Boston it was a few years at least before I found people I really felt comfortable with. --- And now, an update about something I am proud of and excited about. Like @Sovalis (and I suspect a few other people on this site), I really love journalling and notebooks. They've been both a fun hobby and a vehicle for self-reflection, stress relief, and creativity for as long as I can remember. I've known for a long time, however, that I experience an odd sort of mental friction when it comes to writing in my notebooks at my desk, because my desk is so computer-centric. In order to write, I have to clear away my keyboard and mouse to make space, and then the monitors are just sitting there looming in front of me while I'm writing. It's a bit jarring, and it means I write in my notebooks less than I want to. Carting all my journalling stuff to another room, however, is a hassle, plus it means losing the comfort and conveniences of my office (like nice speakers to play music in a room where my song choices aren't bothering anyone). Obviously, I am incredibly lucky to have my own office at all, so I went through a phase of just telling myself to stop whining about it, and had thoughts like, "if you really wanted to be journalling more regularly you'd just do it, so stop making excuses." But I'm trying to be kinder to myself, and also to be more practical; if there's a problem, silly or not, it makes more sense to just see if it can be easily solved rather than arguing about whether it should exist. So, in the spirit of kindness and practicality, I decided to search for an affordable little table I could dedicate just to my notebooks. Well, today I found one on craigslist! A nice older woman was redoing her apartment and wanted to get rid of some furniture, so she sold me her little craft table for only $40. It matches my sit/stand desk (black bottom, light wood top) and fits nicely off to the side of my main desk, so I can just roll my chair over to switch modes between paper-centred and computer-centred workspaces. I'm going to put some nice art up on the wall in front of the notebook desk to spur creativity and make it a more relaxing little nook. I'm also going to move one of my tall houseplants to the corner between the two desks to fill that space (plus plants make everything better). I'm happy in part because usually, when I am motivated to take the initiative to improve my surroundings, it's a sign that I am in a positive and constructive space mentally and emotionally. I am taking this as an indication that I feel good about the decision I made recently on a subconscious level. Onward!

Yeah a combo of that and recovering from being sick, I think. I am checking my air quality app near-constantly, waiting for it to improve...it looks like tomorrow will be better, if I'm lucky.

Yes, I second this. If you ever find yourself reading a book containing things you need to memorize, there are also plugins/workflows that let you export these highlights to make flashcards (in Anki and other platforms) and I have used it to remember new words I came across in foreign language books I was reading. When wielded properly, technology is awesome.

Glad you got the event! And FWIW, I agree with you about not giving away control/insights you don't absolutely have to. This sounds exhausting, and I hope you get a chance to actually unwind and have some fun at the convention. Yay for being official! I hope things take off (but not at a pace that grinds everyone under with all the work). *updates calendar*

Came to check in, and as tribute I brought a picture of a library I love (the Munich law library):

I'm so happy you defeated COVID! I think you're wise to transition back to your exercise gradually. I've heard a lot of people say that they tried to return to their prior activity levels too quickly and it ended up sidelining them. Like Mistr, I can relate on calorie counting. I've done it on and off for years. My case is a bit different...I do see better results when I do it...and yet, it's still hard. I hope the approach of not tracking works well for you and reduces your mental load. Good luck with prepping the house and surviving the gauntlet of guests

I adore the bat! Also, I can throw in some language-learning-related bat trivia. In French, bat is chauvre-souris, which literally translates as "bald mouse." In Russian it's Летучая мышь, which translates as "flying mouse."

Hey! How's it going?

I relate to this so strongly. But everyone is right - you're not petty. And I think a lot of people, especially women, are raised to think that anything less than helping literally anyone who asks, to our own detriment, is mean. It's not mean or petty or selfish to reasonably assess what you're able to give, and who deserves your generosity based on their past behaviour, and act accordingly. You're not a resource to be used by others. There are so many recovering people pleasers out there who need to hear this! Really glad you found another barn situation. It sounds like that place wasn't super well-run all around.

Whaaaaaat!? How did I not see that you were back!? Honoured to be part of the teeming throng of Sylvaa supporters after all you've done for so many of us. Whether you need a check-in space, an outlet for venting, or just people to encourage you to sign up for OCRs, we're here for you. Yay indeed! That's awesome. That sounds delicious. I really like bourbons with a strong caramel flavour.

This sounds super fascinating! What sources are you reading, if you feel like sharing? Also, Call of Cthulu sounds super stressful, but it also sounds like you're having fun. I really enjoy reading your session write-ups, so thanks for doing them.

Yikes. L is getting serious pressure to make lifestyle changes with a CR ratio of 5.3. Maybe moving to the shelf-stocking job will help him? His diet will still be crap, but at least he'll get some activity? I know this is evil and I would never, ever do it, but it's so tempting to think about turning on the tap... 😈 It sounds like overwhelm/burnout, and like...it's not hard to understand why. You are have all these negative things in your environment but have so little control over them thanks to the situation and the people you live with. Who wouldn't feel powerless and be frustrated? Some MH stuff is more biology/genetics and some is more environment, and I wouldn't presume to guess as to your personal factors, but nobody can deny that your environment objectively sucks. You're not weak or sensitive for thinking so.

I think it's great to approach it with a realistic eye. I feel this way sometimes about eating healthy. Like of course it has many positives, but there are aspects of it that are hard and inconvenient, etc. I think it's good when we can be honest with ourselves that something isn't storybook perfect, but we're choosing to do it anyway because the benefits outweigh the costs. That to me feels more genuine (and more motivating in moments of temptation) than an unrealistic magical thinking narrative about how great it is and how it makes life better in every way. Sending hugs, support, and cute owl pics. Don't be afraid to engage with yourself on this important question. You had good reasons that led you to decide to get sober. Remind yourself what they were. Are those things still important to you? Make a list of the negative feelings and thoughts you're having right now. Ask yourself: will drinking improve them in the long term, or just numb you for a few hours and leave you back where you started? What do you want for yourself? What would you want for a loved one in your position? Your people are here, and all around you. People who care about you and think you deserve happiness, health, and a life you enjoy. We're here no matter what.