Arashi

Seconding the whole 'go outdoors' thing, it's way more interesting than running on a treadmill. That thing is for rainy days! Also, do you like hiking? Is swimming an option to you?

Wow, imposing vegetarianism and random weight goals, and thin=beautiful mentality. What is it, a bingo for stupid, incompetent doctors? Where did this person go to med school? Because it seems to me he/she graduated from the school of douchebaggery of Cosmopolitan magazine. Definitely a doctor to never EVER see again.

LOL!!! Gotta say, I'd answer no. If I were in a good mood, I'd laugh at you; if not, expect a rude answer. Agree with Athena, it's way too soon for this kind of bold approach. Sounds a bit sleazy... go with the picnic, it's way nicer.

Concretecavewoman, agree with you! It's a matter of not respecting women! I have to say that I was way more hit on in the street when I was thinner, but I still hear stupid things even though I'm overweight. And I also heard more obscene things as a child (like 12-16 years old) than I do now, which is completely disgusting (well, maybe not more obscene, just... well, I was a kid and shouldn't be hearing those things. I felt way worse about it than I do now). Not even going to tell you the kind of looks I got from older men when I was wearing my riding pants (military school, I was in cavalry). Anyway, some women report being less harassed when looking angry/not maintaining eye contact/etc. However, there's always the risk they'll start telling you to smile (which is also incredibly annoying. Excuse me, am I supposed to smile when I'm feeling awful just so that I won't saddle random man with my frowns?). It's no guarantee, but I think a lot of women feel more confident this way, so it helps them. I use this tactic sometimes. I think 61stRevolt's conclusion is sound, too. Just don't think she has to worry about 'playing a victim', because she's not doing that by expressing concerns and being aware.

Picnic idea is nice!!! A lunch date outside work, like Angela said, sounds good too. Good luck!

Wow, wow, WOW!!! That's awesome, congratulations! Best of luck on your new job and 20 pounds lighter is great!! (also, what did ETF say about the blogs? I vaguely remember someone saying they would be deactivated when I left in April, so I didn't ask, but now I'm curious)

You have missed the point so much, you're in another planet. Yes, avoidance and awareness work somewhat (not always; your wife was lucky. This could have been very, very ugly for her). But that's not the problem, don't you see? You said that the 'right kind of attention' can be motivational. I said NO, because your so-called 'right kind of attention' is still harassment and HARASSMENT IS NOT MOTIVATIONAL. As a woman who has been hearing obscenities since I was 12 years old, I can tell you they are embarrassing, scary, upsetting experiences, but they're not something motivational, for heaven's sake. And then you said I had to 'dial back'. Every time a woman tries to raise awareness about this sort of thing, she's told 'sit back', 'you're overreacting'. No, I'm not. Enough women have commented here saying they have been harassed on the streets. Ask any of your many female relatives, they'll tell a dozen stories. And no, having a wife, sisters, mother, or second cousin doesn't mean you know all about women's experiences. First, because you're not them. Second, because it seems you don't listen to them - if you did, you wouldn't be here trying to minimize street harassment and try to pass it as something that can be motivational. As a strong, tall man, you're coming from a completely different place. That means you need to make a mental exercise and try to imagine yourself on a woman's place, and it seems you're having trouble imagining why a woman can be wary of attention from random strangers. You seem to think that 'attitude' solves everything, and it doesn't . Girls here have made brilliant points here about looking angry, not answering to catcalls, etc., but they know this doesn't stop all creeps, and the ones we get are enough to annoy us. You said it yourself: you wife was harassed, but she 'knew were she was and what to do next if something else were to happen'. We don't always get this chance, you know. When you're alone, or in a different place, you're more vulnerable. This is not 'having a victim attitude' (and frankly, what a ridiculous and rude thing to say), it's being smart enough to know your chances and acting accordingly.

Happens everywhere - including (or especially) nerdy places such as conventions. This one happened in a Minecraft party at PAX in August or early September, I think, and it was... disgustingly bizarre.

Makes much more sense.

Hi!!! Ally here. Just read the whole thread at once and it's awesome!!! (By the way, Dillpedo's suggestion is simply perfect.)

I.... don't get it. What added self-confidence and inner strength are you talking about?

And you need to sit and listen. You are a guy. And a large one. You do not know how it is to be a woman and to be harassed in the street by guys that are often much larger than you. You will never know. You know how it is? They say something supposedly nice to you (yes, supposedly, because quite frankly strangers shouldn't keep commenting on your body like that, and not every woman think 'hot', 'yummy', and variations are compliments); you don't pay attention, you say 'no thanks'? Congratulations, now you're a *****, a tramp, and half a dozen other 'compliments'. And yes, this has happened to me. It happens all the time with me, my relatives, my friends... In a way, guys who walk by you in the street and call you fat and ugly are safer. They rarely stop what they are doing to follow you. They are just asshats being asshats. The ones who 'compliment' a woman often follow her, insist, grope. So when you say 'oh, don't you prefer a guy who's going to comment on your legs', I say NO. I prefer a man who will simply not make a comment on a body that's mine and mine only and definitely not of his damn business. So, you know what? Stop. Stop with the oh-so-pretty theories. How dare you say 'negativity attracts negativity' as if a woman attracts creeps by something she does. A woman attracts creeps just by existing, it comes with the package and we have to deal with it because some men think we owe them conversations, as Avistew said. How dare you compare your experience as a person who cannot be easily intimidated by someone stronger and bigger to the average woman walking in the street. It is not the same thing. It will never be. At least stop for a minute and think that 'hey, maybe these women know more about how women are approached by random strangers than I do'. Listen, instead of making up theories for things you simply don't know.

Awesome job!!!

This, so much. I felt guilty for breaking up with a guy who really, really liked me for years (I have a problem with guilt). When he married I felt overjoyed. Last time I saw him was on his daughter's baptism, and he looked so happy with his family that I just wanted to throw a party!

You've got to be kidding me. The right attention? Seriously? Wake up, a guy harassing you on the street for being hot is just as bad as one harassing you for being fat or unattractive. Street harassment is serious business and is annoying as hell. There's no way to be motivated by this, OK? Being groped or stalked in the streets is not motivational. Edit: 61stRevolt, I hope you like Krav-Maga, I've seen some demonstrations and it seems awesome. Right now I have neither money nor time for another activity, but I'd like to try it some day.