valkyrja

Holy hell dancing is so much fun! I can't get over the fact how insanely happy I am during these classes. I'm actually sad when the class is over. How can I get more of this? I need to look for more classes available at the gym that focus on dance and movement. I also took an additional step and danced by myself in front of the mirror tonight. This is huge, looking at myself, shaking my hips and tummy, and feeling like I'm sexy and talented is a beautiful feeling. Sure I can only do a couple of moves, nothing complicated and mostly tied to belly dance since I have a bit of training in that so it feels less scary.. BUT STILL! Every little bit counts. Next step: go to more dance classes. Further down the road: sign up for hip hop in the fall. Final destination: Become Shakira.

Positive things that have happened: Fell in love with dance again. Met with my doctor, back to my regular dosage on meds, check up appointment in 2 weeks. Got a new job in the lobby at my local theater. Gave in my month's notice at my current job. Have another job interview on Monday since the theater gig is only part time. Started reading my self help book and working on setting goals. I am amazed that in just a few days I have actually really begun turning my life around. It should take about two weeks for the medication to start having any actual effect but the change of environment definitely helps. I'm feeling a little bit hopeful. Maybe happiness isn't such a myth after all.

Ohhh this is so true. Some kind of emotional trauma I'm treating with sugar, very ineffectively. That's a pretty cool point, I like being on vacation. I wanna try butt lift and zumba and hip hop, this is gonna be fun! Haha I know I should be doing it for the head and heart anyway but yea, there's nothing wrong with exercising in an effort to change your body for what you feel is better, healthier and sexier. But as per usual, you are very wise and correct, muscle looks different on everyone. I have quite broad shoulders and hips (perfect for birthing babies which is so not a compliment from a stranger). I think the main goal is to just lose fat and add muscle, I'm pretty sure I'd love that look. And I want to keep white whine with friends in my schedule so I shouldn't aim for something I'm not willing to devout myself to. Enjoy whatever it is you're doing for the rest of the week!

Easier said than done- but then again nothing worth having comes easy. Otherwise we'd never feel proud of ourselves.

AAAAAAAAAAA THAT PICTURE SO CLEARLY DEFINES ALL OF MY FOOD-RELATED PROBLEMS. How do you stop using your face as garbage disposal? How do you not eat food that lights up your brain like drugs? I don't do drugs, they don't seem appealing to me. But french fries, chocolate, basically anything created with high fructose corn syrup and then deep fried tells me brain: "Eat this or you won't be able to think about anything else for the rest of your life". Mhmm it kind of defeats the purpose to use all your mental energy to get to practice and then having none left to actually complete the workout. I'm going to change my gym membership and find a program that I can show up to and enjoy. Going to get a book, write all my goals down, log my workouts, measure my progress on just get on top of all of this shit.

Thanks, babe. Went to the doctor, am back on my previous dosage and have a check-up appointment in a couple weeks. Uuughh you're right. It's really hard to know what I actually am, because I have a very limited idea of it myself. Then again, you get to decide yourself what and who you want to become so it's a perfect opportunity to just go 'fuck it!' and do whatever the hell I want! I need to figure out and write down my goals. Be crystal clear on what I want and then focus on getting there. Because you're right, this is too much hassle for something that isn't thaaat important to me. Like I love the end result of crossfit (super strong and hella hot) but I don't feel passionate about getting there. Time to make a change, *sigh*, again. Oh well. Try again, fail again, fail better. This makes a lot of sense. I kind of go back and forth between what kind of body I actually want to get: flatter stomach, more visible muscle, a butt that can stop traffic.. Sounds compatible to a dancer's workout. Plus, it's mostly about dieting and genetics, right? So I should probably come up with a better diet plan - like tracking or keeping a food journal, makes me feel more accountable for what I eat as opposed to just "eating good stuff" in whatever quantities I feel like. Thaaaaaank you. You're like my fairy god-mother, keeping me under your wing and I so so so appreciate it.

What a weekend. Socially I had a blast, tried white whine that I enjoyed for the first time and got a bit tipsy on it, which is so much more adult than getting wasted on vodka. At that same party I also had four slices of cake. Four. Slices. Of. Cake. And they were so delicious. Oh my god, my taste buds were in heaven. So much better than pesto chicken and salad. I would've kept eating if it weren't for the fact that I'm lactose intolerant, gluten intolerant and probably sugar intolerant if that's a thing. But do you really collect all those calories if the moment you consume them you get diarrhea? Food for thought. (Which is a hilariously disgusting way of putting it). So the reason for why I haven't been able to go totally paleo and cut the crap and get on the next-level dieting is because I'm a big, fat glutton who loves cake too much to ignore it at parties. Even though it makes me physically ill. On the exercise front, as previously posted dancing is awesome! Going to my next class tomorrow. Crossfit hasn't been going all that well. I honestly don't think I can keep showing up at those hours. I work 10-18.30, and the only class I can get to, which is only possible because my friend drives us there, is at 6.15 in the morning. In order to do that I have to wake up at 5.30, which means I have to be asleep by 9.30. Which means that when I come home from work at 19 or 19.30 depending on if I catch my bus, I have two hours to cook food for the next day, read, play the piano, chat with friends, and just generally chill before I go back to sleep. Maybe this is a system that works for some people. But I am going insane. I am depressed, I am sad, I don't feel accomplished after workouts, I feel guilt if I decide to see my friends after work and go to bed at 11 and then miss my workout. And I know some people function on less than 9 hours of sleep. I don't. More than a week of less than 8 hours and I need to hibernate. @DarK_RaideR! I'm sorry, @RedStone! *Uncontrollable sobbing*. Maybe not that dramatic. But yea, it kinda sucks. My depression is getting a bit out of hand (seeing my doctor tomorrow). I don't want to go to bed at 9.30 anymore! I want to drink white whine with my friends and have a life! And then exercise in a way that I enjoy. But I'm scared.. is it possible to get in excellent shape while only doing exercise you really enjoy? Because when I'm in the box I just want it to be over. I have this notion in my head that if you don't hate what you're doing you're not trying hard enough. There's got to be a middle ground here, loving what you're doing but hating how bad it hurts or something. And then feeling like you made progress. Maybe it's just because crossfit is so difficult for me still that I don't feel a sense of belonging or pride after any of the workouts because I can barely complete them if that. But to be honest, I'd rather give up crossfit than the stupid fun hangouts I have with my friends. And white whine.

That's a good point! Sometimes you gotta do the not so fun stuff to be able to do the indeed so fun stuff. Thanks for keeping me in check

Thanks, @Dagger and @darkfoxx. I definitely had a blast! So excited for the next class, I should sign up for proper hip hop classes again in the fall. I wanna get crazy good at this. Like when I see people lift really heavy weights or do an insane amount of pull ups I'm incredibly impressed and think to myself 'that's really cool, I'd like to be able to do that'. But when I see people do martial arts or hip hop dancing I get all fan girl mode. I look at them with adoration like they're superstars. So that's probably the type of exercise I should be going for.

Wow, so much do to! And may I just start by saying how absolutely ridiculous international driver's licenses are. Why are there two different ones?? Who designed this?? Seems like you've got a lot going on. I hope you do enjoy your travels. I don't think you'd hold anyone back in Norway and I'm proud of you for deciding to go, I think it'll be good for you. And amazing you're going to a fitness retreat in Italy! I'm with ya on that one, who wouldn't want to go to freaking Italy?? Hope all your tasks and quests start to come together. Keep up the great work, you can do it!

So much internet support!!!

Your goals sounds great and it's so good to hear you have a game plan to complete them! I'm so impressed that you're writing a book, an actual whole book! That's one of my dreams. Keep up the excellent work, we've got your back!

What an amazing work out. I woke up this morning feeling like absolute crap and not in the mood to do anything. I made plans to go to the body combat class but for some reason it wasn't on schedule today so I thought about just bailing... but then I kicked myself in the butt and decided to try a new class. There was some yoga available and also something called DanceFitness. Dancing's pretty fun so I decided to give it a go, seeing how sad I've been recently I thought it might at least cheer me up a bit. And boy did it ever! I had so much fun! I felt strong and powerful, and I was pretty good at it too! 90 minutes worth of dancing my butt off and it was wonderful. These are the workouts I live for, the ones that make you feel on top of your own life and all its problems. I feel prepared to finish all my tasks today. Another amazing thing about dancing is that size does not matter at all. If you've got the moves, you look hella hot out there no matter how big or small you are. Now I don't really like my tummy all that much and I think my butt sags a bit but when I was on that dance floor with the other girls I felt at home in my body. Dancing's all about shaking. Shaking your "problem areas", we did body waves and air punches and squats and jumps and hip shakes and it was awesome! Just look at all that jiggle! Progress in sport is all about doing better than the last time, pushing further, lifting heavier, perfecting a sequence of moves. Which leads me to the conclusion that size doesn't matter, only skill.

Thanks guys for your responses, helps to see I'm not just screaming into the void. So now that I have a plan, which is to simply come up with a plan, I actually have to follow through with it. How I'm going to deal with my depression Go to body combat class* Lots of scented candles, body lotion and make up. Eat lots of fruits and vegetables. Read my new self-help book, The Answer. Make a game plan for my future, set up achievable goals and isolate the steps to reach them. *Body combat is insanely difficult and I do not feel like going at all. Last time I went I was constantly looking at the clock on the wall hoping the class was over. But I know that if I don't go I'll feel like crap, and if I do go, I'll feel sore and proud.. oh would you look at that, no body combat on the gym's schedule today which is really weird. Huh, don't really know what to do with myself now. There's a dance fitness class on which seems kinda interesting? Dancing's fun at least, so should help with my mood. I think I'm gonna go for it, worst case scenario I'll just quit the class and work out by myself.

Still dealing with the issues inside my head but going to the gym with a good friend and then soaking in the hot pot while talking about life and its challenges was definitely a good move. Having a spotter made me feel safe enough to tackle more weight and I set a new record for my squats and benchpress! Squats: 40 kg plus the bar so like 60kg? That seems like a lot for someone like me, need to do a retest. Why didn't I write this down at the gym, @Lydiechan?!? Benchpress: 42 kg! My previous best was 25! Very proud. Then we went and celebrated with burgers and fries.. which probably wasn't the right choice but I'll let it slide, seeing how my muscles can actually do things now.

Definitely. That's the plan. It's only frustrating because quitting my job right now would be instant gratification but wouldn't be good in the long run since I need my salary to support me (duh). I am looking for another job and have been applying for some, should hear back sometime soon I hope. It's difficult finding a good job that's just for the summer months though, I can't expect to get something challenging and interesting that's only going to last 4 months or so. But there's probably something out there at least marginally better than retail. Just bought another self help book today, because I love them and am addicted to them, and am going to use this upcoming weekend to plan a bit ahead for my future and set up a game plan.

Today's progress: Home workout when I woke up. Each workout: 2 sets, 15 reps, 60 sec rest. 2 circuits. Dumbbells 6 kg each arm. A) Dumbbell single-arm overhead squat B1) Push Ups B2) Dumbbell bent over row C1) Step-up C2) Reverse-crunch I had an awful day mentally which I wrote about on my new battle log. Oh well, live to fight another day.

TW: depression, anxiety, hopelessness What. An. Incredibly. Shitty. Day. Let me just start by saying that I have depression and anxiety. It's relatively mild, in fact the official term for my level of depression as explained to me by my doctor and therapist is "sadness". It seems to be mostly manageable and I have good days and bad ones. Most of my bad days correlate with work. I really do not like my job. I work in a retail store in a mall, we sell mostly household items. It is a mindbogglingly boring job that mostly involves dusting and human communication, both of which I don't enjoy unless in very certain circumstances. I feel guilty for hating my job so much, after all it's a pretty basic, alright paying job. My boss is kind and some of my coworkers are fun to be around (others not so much) but still I am emotionally drained after each shift and dream of quitting every single day- even though I only work 3-4 days a week! I'm ashamed that I feel this way. After all there are other people in much worse situations complaining much less. But feeling guilt over my sadness because others are sadder is the logical equivalent of not allowing myself to be happy because other people are happier. Now isn't that just ridiculous? I'm tired of my life. I have a BSc in psychology, a field I don't like at all and shouldn't have studied to begin with. I wasted three years of my life and haven't progressed at all towards any kind of meaningful work. I don't know what I want to do with my life but I picture it involving some kind of performance, theater, writing, stand up.. But when I mention that people constantly remind me that performance arts are difficult - as if the only reason I would pursue them would be out of laziness. Then there's the added anxiety of actually being on stage, what if everyone laughs at me? Assuming if I even get into a theater program, which I'm not even sure I truly want? There are three things you need to make it as an artist: talent, discipline and passion. And I am scared that I only have an ounce of each. Passion especially. Life seems dull and grey and I don't even know if I have passion for anything. I just feel like an ungrateful, spoiled little brat who doesn't want to work for anything. I don't know if I have what it takes to be an artist, and if even I don't fully believe in myself why the hell would any producer or director? I just hate this feeling of not having a purpose, a goal, something! Frodo didn't feel like he had a purpose and then bam! Take the ring to Mordor. There's your ultimate life's mission. Can someone give me a quest, please? I want to change my way of life, figure out what I'm supposed to do, and I want to do it right now! Because otherwise I have to go back to work tomorrow and continue leading my boring ass life until I eventually kill myself.

How incredibly annoying. Back to the drawing board.

Haha you can thank Ron Swanson for that beautifully elegant phrase! Works for me! Saaaaaaame. And rock climbing is awesome! And so flippin' cool! Makes you feel like a ninja! Whaaaaat?? Are you kidding me? That's insane. Strong women are the epitome of femininity; courage, beauty, dedication. Also hot as fuck. I mean hello?? You're right. I should track what I do. It makes me feel kinda silly to do it because I feel like I'm writing down things that anybody would be able to do but that's the best way to see your progress. And I am going to get stronger, if I keep at it. I already have made leaps in strength and endurance but because it takes time to make the changes happen we've set a new normal by the time we reach them. So when we get to an actual goal we've already moved it, so it never feels like we're getting anywhere or have the right to celebrate. Hell yes! You too, girl.

I completed my first official workout of this challenge yesterday and it went.. poorly. On the drive to the gym I asked my friend what we were doing for the day and got excited. Squats! My favorite. We did our warm up, then some weighted front squats and then came the WOD. With a 16kg dumbbell in hand I bent my knees and then time stopped. While everyone else was bobbing up and down working their booty I was like an old lady barely able to lift myself out of my rocking chair. I have never moved so slowly. WOD 13.3.17 3 x 4 min AMRAP (2 min rest between). 12x dumbbell swings 12x Goblet Squat 12x alternating front rack 12x sumo deadlift high pull I was wiped in the first round and could barely finish one circuit within the 4 minute time frame. Looking around panicked I saw the other girls pulling some serious weight, getting into gear and smashing the hell out of those dumbbells. Even girls that physically looked to be in worse shape than me were miles above me. Let me clarify, it's not that I think that they should've been doing worse, it's that I think I should've done better. I've lost a bunch of weight and you can actually see muscles in my arms now which is bananas amazing- but shouldn't those muscles be able to, ya know, do things? I don't want to get in better shape just so I can look good. I want to push my limits, smash old goals and set new ones. Maybe I'm just whining. Keep grinding and eventually you'll get better. At least my pull ups are improving, should progress to a thinner rubber band any day now. Some days are just tougher than others I suppose. Still, it sucks to be the runt of the litter.

Hello everyone! So excited to be back with the Rebellion and doing these challenges again. I tend to take about 4 or 5 attempts at things before they actually stick but you know what they say, try try again and all that. This month's challenge will mainly be focused on nutrition. I am going strict paleo. There, I said it! On my last thread I talked about how I feel like I am no longer just a beginner. I've been working on myself for long enough and seen changes in myself often enough to want to kick things into high gear. I currently possess the body that I thought I never would have when I wasn't even that much heavier. I can see muscle definition in my arms and I'm on top of my diet to the degree that I'm no longer sick all the time. But I want more. And I don't want to half-ass it. I would like to whole-ass it. Because there are people out there who look amazing and do amazing things and it's just occurred to me that with enough training and dedication I could possibly be one of them! A truly shocking realization. The same one which prompted me to apply for a theater program. Because up until recently I thought becoming an actual paid actor was about as likely a career as unicorn breeding. But somebody's gotta be an actor, why not me? If somebody can go from 25% body fat down to <20% body fat, why can't I? So I am hereby declaring that I am no longer simply a beginner and am capable of more drastic and difficult challenges. With that in mind, here are my goals for this challenge: Exercise Crossfit 3x a week. Strenuous exercise class 1x a week, could be lifting, gym, zumba, body combat or another crossfit class. Just keeping it diverse and interesting. Diet Follow a strict paleo diet for this month. Drink only water or tea. Giving up peanut butter (you will be sorely missed). Level up your life Learn to play one new song on the piano. Let the pain begin.

Thanks, @RedStone! I'll take a look at the new challenge! Should I make a new thread or just keep this one going? Maybe I should make a new one because the goals for this one have already changed from what I originally set out to do. I definitely want to drop body fat but also get get better at lifting. How insanely cool would it be if I could bench my own body weight? Hot damn. Maybe those goals oppose each other, to build muscle you need more fuel and to lose weight you gotta cut your calories. Ultimate goal right now is this chick: I want her arms, I want her abs, I want her hair, I want her boobs (mine have gotten so much smaller while my tummy has not which is not the course of action I signed up for) and also her sports bra because it's hella cute. So what do I gotta do to look like that? Train seventeen times a minute? Eat grass fed beef and broccoli for the rest of eternity? Do drugs? Because I'm only ever cool about two of those things. And I knoooow you should focus on how exercise and diet makes you feel but not how it makes you look. But what's wrong with a little vanity once in a while?

Day 1 without peanut butter did not go well seeing how I ate peanut butter. But worry not! I have given the remainders of my jar to my dear friends and their dog to enjoy. Ugh I wish I could just pick a diet (currently doing paleo-ish) and actually follow it to a T. Yes, yes, I know I could get results by sticking to it most of the time but with that mindset it's easy to slip into one too many cheat meals. Are beginners encouraged to follow a strict diet for the best results? Am I even a beginner still? I've been working on my health and fitness for two years now, ran a half marathon and train crossfit a few times a week now. I'm at least an intermediate and I feel like I am capable enough of committing to a challenge. I keep reading Steve's posts about just going for a 10 minute walk each day, or drinking one less soda. But it feels almost insulting to think of that as 'enough'. I don't drink soda, ever, never have. I don't eat any dairy and very little sugar. I'm still probably around 25% body fat and I'd like to get down to maybe 18-20%. I've smashed my goals of getting in shape and running those 5Ks and 10Ks and then 21Ks. But I want more. Is it just in my head? Am I not thinking of myself as an athlete so I'm stuck in this plateau of previous successes without moving forward? At what point are you no longer a beginner and can allow yourself and make yourself do things that used to seem impossible and now only seem very, very, very difficult? When are you one of 'those people'?