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About TokiDokiKitty

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  • Birthday 11/11/1982

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  • Location
    Orange County, CA
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  1. Been a while. Still failing. Quarantine15 turned into Quarantine25+ and I'm not coping as well as I should be. I've gone from drinking a glass or two of wine a week to at least one a night. Not cool. And if I don't drink, then I pick at my skin. My back looks like it's been redone in bright red leopard print. I suppose it's just as well I don't pick at my face anymore. I can still look normal if I put on a shirt that has sleeves and a collar. I am grateful that I have a job that allows me to work 100% from home, and while the initial lockdown made my bitter little in
  2. Wow, been awhile. Hisashibuuuuri, y'all. 2019 was a crap year overall. On the good side, I got another level in my kimono teaching license, but it also took another loan out (this time from Mom, who at least doesn't charge interest). And by the time that was over, the stress had messed up my already shaky brain chemistry, so I was tiptoeing along the edge of suicidal for most of September and October. And what do we do to feel better? Eat and shop. And then my car wanted in on the action, so despite a scheduled $1400 repair (timing belt after 13 years, so not a sign of impending
  3. I never did get to the clutter-cleanup I'd planned, but I'm getting marginally better about my spending, sort of. At least now I can look at it and go, "That is a project I will never get to" and take it out of the shopping cart. On the other hand, I've been asked to go to more and more client meetings, which means I can't wear the same shirt every time I show up (or the same clothes three days running if it's with several clients) so I ordered a few more nice-looking shirts to go with the one blazer and two pairs of pants-that-actually-fit in my closet. I also found some pants on final-sale
  4. Mo ikkai, yari naosu. After getting sick, then better, then sick again, then the holidays (which is the WORST time of year for me. I hate the holidays. They are not joyful. They are stress and misery incarnate), I looked at the scale and wanted to cry. Back to being the heaviest I've ever been. So it's back to the grind, to try and get moving more and eating better and HOPEFULLY these habits will stick this time. I hate discussing my depression because it feels like an excuse, but it's real and some days, it's awful. This week it was awful - a shame spiral fueled by c
  5. Back on the wagon again. Scale's at 186+ pounds. Also back on WeightWatchers because gamification of my eating habits (stay within Points, choose the lower Point option) does work.


    Hopefully, this time I can stick with it when things get rough.  [Depression, y'all. It's awful.] 

  6. The month isn't over yet, no matter how badly I want it to be. My screw-up from two weeks back is still gnawing at my ass even though I"m trying to fix it, and I get to re-live that shame spiral in short order when I sit before the broker and explain that I have no reasonable excuse for screwing up. Yay. I finished the audiobook of Kushiel's Dart and switched over to Brene Brown - it seems I really need the life coach in my ear more often than not. (Kinda wish there were a way to make a custom audiobook that spliced together all the bits that resonated best with me - scrap t
  7. Still in day-to-day survival mode. Emailed the aikido dojo and asked to put my membership on hold for a while - I haven't been since the end of July and don't feel like paying for a third month I haven't used. I noted lingering sickness - because that was the reason for the first month off - but didn't have the stones to mention the mental health challenges. That will come later, when I ask to cancel for-now and hopefully can get my schedule and self back on track after the holidays, and try again on building a habit when my days aren't so full and frantic (lesson learned AGAIN - stop trying n
  8. So, another month of day-to-day surviving. Made some stupid financial decisions and my debt goals are further off than before. (I shop to feel better. I know it's a problem, but sometimes, it's a forest-for-the-trees issue.) Caught some summer cold that went around at the end of July and have been a hacking wheezing not-going-to-the-gym mess since. >_< I agreed (back in May) to something happening in September before I had any real information on what it is. Now that I know... I really need to back out, because it's going to cost me somewhere around $500 or more. (Japan, you
  9. it's been a busy, stressful month (it's the busiest time of year for the office) and it's not over for at least another two or three weeks. And I really just want to call in sick but this is also the time of year when calling in will catch one a heapton of crap from both coworkers and managers alike (as in, "If you're contagious, work from home, otherwise, show t.f. up"). Scale is at cruise control around 177 after a few ups and downs. There's too much going on to worry about that - I haven't had a chance to get more than two more aikido classes in since signing up, a
  10. Haven't updated in a while. Oops. Signed on at the aikido dojo - the first class was fun and useful, and based on my (limited) research, aikido aligns more with my goals [mental and spiritual fortitude as well as martial arts training] than I thought. Bonus, this dojo takes plastic, which means I could do their 'starter' special of two months and the uniform is free (essentially saving me $60) without scrambling to make a transfer from savings to tide over any written checks until payday. And they do their monthly billing to cards on file as well - again, far easier to manage when
  11. Scale this morning 175.8 SO CLOSE TO 175 OMG. Also filled out another 'contact us' form about the local aikido dojo asking a good time to observe/visit. Other than Thursday evenings, I don't have any recurring schedule conflicts, so I'm hoping I can add this to my schedule if it looks like something I'd enjoy for getting fitter/conditioned. *fingers crossed*
  12. The scale is juuuuust below 177 right now, so that's good. I've mapped out some consistent habits to work on (walk at least 30 minutes, drink at least 48 oz of not-coffee fluids [as the weather warms up, barley tea is my go-to cold drink], have fruit and vegetables at least once per day *, and work on non-physical goals like Japanese study). If I can stick to it, I can probably break below 173 by the end of the month. 172 is my stretch goal, anyway - that's about 5 pounds down in the next three weeks - a little over a pound and a half lost per week. (Or, if we're looking at purely CICO, a net
  13. Despite eating like an asshole the last two days (cookies happened, cookies stop happening when the vending machine runs out. This is A Problem I am working on. They're not even good cookies.) the scale was at 177.8 Seeing as how I weighed in last week at 177.6, and a mid-week check showed 177 even, I'd say overall I'm not doing too badly. If nothing else, trying to get the bulk of my nutrition from the Zero Points food list (lean proteins, vegetables, fruits, legumes) is at least enforcing an overall change for the better. I still don't drink enough water and probably too muc
  14. More weird head space this week. I'm going to lay the blame mostly on PMDD since it's getting near that time of month (and this also explains feeling like a bottomless pit the last few days) but I am NOT A FAN. A rough Friday morning (some road rage-y jackass pulling a hit and run meant I spent time waiting for the cops instead of commuting to work) didn't help. I did spend some time last week putting my Quest categories by page into a blank journal (and checking off a few things to feel some sense of progress). And I researched more options for Japanese classes (culture, martial arts, etc)
  15. Also, the repeated "tires slashed" / "packages stolen" / "car broken into" messages coming through the local NextDoor neighborhood app make me stupid-paranoid. I may buy a small security camera and SD card to park in the front window(s) of the house (about $75 all told). Which does not tie in well to my "save money" goal, but... I'd feel at least a LITTLE less paranoid. (I'm still trying to convince Mom to chip in on the Ring doorbell system.)
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