Jump to content


  • Posts

  • Joined

About SkyGirl

  • Rank
    The Silver Archer

Character Details

  1. Dang, Miau, this is A Lot. I am so sorry. I don't have any good advice or help, just letting you know that I'm here and I love you and I'm really proud of you. And for what it's worth, if things get to the point that JobCorps is tanking your mental health and you feel like you need to leave - no one is going to think you're a failure, okay? There are so many ways to get started in the world, and this is just one. You can (and, I believe, will) achieve your goals in whatever way is healthiest for you. I'll pray for you today!!
  2. I'm a little behind on this thread, but I've done an Emmaus-style retreat and it was truly transformative. It was, without exaggeration, the only time in my life when I have truly felt the love of God in a wordless, not-cognitive, bones-and-guts-deep way. It also was the only time in my life when I have felt fully convinced that I can be loved without giving anything at all in return. For both of those reasons, I highly recommend the experience if you can find it / afford the time. Now to catch up on the rest - but I wholeheartedly concur with all the caring and wise encouragement that you've received here, and I am so grateful that you choose to share your weariness with us. It is our privilege to be a part of your circle and to remind you that, were you to never have one more success, one more person helped, one more kind word said - you would still be deeply, and irrevocably, loved. Of course, getting that from your head into your heart, that's a different story, and a journey we each have to take alone. But we're rooting for you all along the way. --- Edit: After catching up, hooray that Little Bit just has a cold (which I hope she recovers from quickly); and I adore Lower Decks and can't wait for more. Also, when we were little, we played a game called "horseshoes", which was basically the kid who laid the most still for the designated period of time (about 20-30 minutes) would win a prize. For devious children like myself, this was a chance to see if I could move so slowly that the teachers wouldn't notice I had moved - which still kept me quiet and occupied and was the main point anyway. Little Bit might be a little too young to do the full 30 minutes, but it might be worth a try!
  3. Gooooooood morning peeps!! It is 8:30 on a Saturday morning and I've just finished yoga - I was SO tempted to listen to perfectionism's siren song muttering "you're already so many days behind, why bother trying to catch up?", but I didn't, and even though she kept nagging throughout the video ("look how much strength you've lost," "this used to be easy and now look," "geez, you're forgetting even the basics, you're a disaster"), I ignored her and thought loudly, I SHOWED UP AND I AM DOING YOGA AND THIS LITTLE BIT IS WAY BETTER THAN NOTHING AT ALL. This week ended up being mostly good. A couple other family members are having health problems and basically all of my best friends have the virus, but on the flip side, I got some great news that I can't share just yet because it's not public, but I'm very excited to share it when I can. Once shark week ended, my anxiety also abruptly dropped; so I'm going to pay attention to that in the next few months and see if it seems to rise and fall with my hormones. I'm not sure what I'll do with that information, but it feels important. Speaking of anxiety, here's a lovely example of what I've been working on in therapy lately (spoilered just for length / rambling): Today it is COLD (wind chills of 12 F / -11 C), so I'm trying to think of something fun to get us out of the house without freezing our butts off. I really want to go shopping downtown, but Eamon is afraid it'll be too uncomfortable with such a strong cold wind, and I'm afraid to do a museum or something because I don't want to get close to other people. So it'll take some creativity - but hey, my brain is on a roll today, I know we'll come up with something!
  4. Eeeee so much good stuff!!! I'm so proud of you and excited for all the happy things!!
  5. Whew, let THAT week get away from me!! It ended up being a pretty eventful week - the interview went okay (not as well as I'd hoped, but not outright awful); I found out a close family member has cancer, which was a big blow; and mostly as a result of that stress plus shark week hormones, my anxiety levels were higher than usual, which sucked but also gave me a chance to do some introspection and stock-taking. I only did one yoga video this week because shark week was miserable and I honestly just needed to rest. Frustrating, but it is what it is. I did take a couple of walks, rode the bike at a slow pace for an hour on one day, and today reprinted all the recipes and meal plans from my nutritionist to start loosely following those again. A lot of my anxious thinking was centered around how "well" I'm doing in this season, particularly around food and fitness (will Eamon still think I'm attractive if I keep gaining weight? Am I weak and a failure because I could be doing better at exercising but I'm not? Are we doing the right things to keep our marriage okay in this season? If I don't get the job, does that mean I'm not doing as well in my career as I should be doing? I keep making driving mistakes, am I going to suck at driving forever?), and even though I knew the main source of stress wasn't really related to those things, it still gave me a chance to see how my core wounds are (or aren't ) healing and what triggers still send me into a spiral. It has sucked, but been instructive. And I had therapy on Friday, which was really helpful too. It kind of helps and kind of hurts to go back to the "core beliefs" part of cognitive behavioral therapy and see that the story I'm telling myself, underneath all of these fancy defense mechanisms, is still I am defective, I am unlovable, and I am unsafe. It does make me want to go back in time and hug little Sky and try to repair those thoughts at their source - which maybe is the point of considering it in therapy now. This week I'm going to try to pick back up on yoga (though my baseline philosophy is "something is better than nothing" and any movement is good movement) and eat more veggies, try to sleep a little more consistently, and drink more water. Nothing fancy. I'd like to do some journaling around the books I'm reading and the work I'm doing in therapy, too, even if that's just jotting some points. And of course, keep driving. Really looking forward to the anxiety around that decreasing someday. Hopefully.
  6. Just popping in to say you're doing great and I really hope you feel better soon!! This has been such a rough winter for you sickness-wise and I really hope relief is just around the corner! Also WAY TO GO on Day 9 of sobriety!! You are an epic badass and I'm so freaking proud of you!!
  7. I almost started writing in an apologetic tone for "failing" my "challenge goals" so far this week, before realizing I'm not actually doing a challenge and therefore am not exactly failing. My anxiety has been higher this week, for a few reasons: I'm really nervous about my job interview this week, I didn't take proper care of myself after some very-high-stress driving this weekend, I've gained a little more weight and I'm really not feeling good about my body, and I haven't been sleeping well due to allergies and anxiety (which is a feedback loop). Plus it's pre-shark week so my emotions are a little more gloomy than usual. I haven't started YWA yet (and yes, I feel bad about that too) - I chose to talk with a friend instead tonight, which was a good decision; and yesterday I chose to rest on the couch instead, which was not a good decision, but that's okay. Tomorrow I might try to do it in the middle of the day or before work, just to get one under my belt and not fall too far behind. I logged two of my three meals on Bitesnap today, but I reeeeally overate at the third one, so that kind of defeated that. I would like to drop about 5 pounds instead of continuing to steadily gain, and the key to that is really not less food, but much more movement. I used to be much more active before getting married and that allowed me to eat in a way that felt satisfying. My current calorie recommendation (1300/day) just doesn't satisfy me. So in addition to YWA, I'm going to try to use our bike desk more often. And I still need to get my passkey for the gym. Spent some time prepping for my interview this evening and that helped with the nerves quite a bit. Eamon has offered to ask me some mock interview questions tomorrow to help me prepare too. Time to get ready for bed - hoping for better sleep tonight!
  8. Hi Rho!!! <waving excitedly> I'm so glad you're here! Yes, Eamon is much better and well on his way to recovery. Thank you for asking! We definitely can do this!! So far I have not done this! But we can and I'm not giving up! I hope your practice is going well so far!!
  9. HAIIIIII SHAAAAAAAR I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE HRE And yes, even if it's a fresh start in the midst of a bunch of yuck, it's still a fresh start and a chance to reset mentally. You have been dealing with SOOOO much yuck and I really hope and pray that things start going better for you soon!! Thank you Tank!! It was definitely one of the top three or four scariest things I've ever been through, but even though I was literally almost crapping myself for about a day and a half from fear, underneath that I had so much peace knowing that I had been prepared just in time for just this moment. I only recently got really comfortable with parking and taking new routes in town and I needed both of those things to get to the hospital. Based on the severity of his infection and the fact that he couldn't drive himself, things could have turned out very differently if we hadn't been married and living together, if I hadn't been ready to drive, if we hadn't intentionally taught each other about our medical histories so I could help out when he was recovering from anesthesia, and so on. Seeing how we'd been provided for in each of those circumstances helped a LOT.
  10. I love New Year's in the same way I love starting a new journal or getting a new pair of shoes - even though I still have my same thoughts and my same feet, it's so fun to start something new and wonder about where it's going to take me. The year is off to a slow, peaceful start with warm rainy weather, way too much food and lots of sleep, and lots of quiet thoughtful pajama-clad conversations with Eamon. I haven't thought of as many big goals for the year as I usually do, nor have I slowed down to think much about 2021 yet, though I still plan to do both. A couple things I know I'm doing for January are a) Yoga with Adriene's 30-Day "Move" challenge, b) getting my passkey for the apartment gym downstairs, c) setting a realistic target weight and creating a plan for maintaining that, and my stretch goal, d) getting my driver's license. I set some really good spiritual practices in the last few months that I'm going to do my best to continue and build on. And I'd like to have made some meaningful progress toward home ownership by the end of the year, though I have no idea what that means right now. A couple things that have happened since I've been on here - my driving has improved to the extent that I was able to drive Eamon to the emergency room a couple weeks ago when he got a sudden infection and needed surgery. That was extremely stressful and he's still healing and needing more of my help than usual - BUT, I am SO thankful that I've been processing and releasing the stress a LOT more healthily than I would have in the past, and I'm really okay. Our marriage has grown a lot in just the few short weeks of dealing with sudden illness / unexpected convalescence / inability to keep our normal routine and I'm very thankful for that too. I've also started a photography class through work, and recently applied for a promotion of sorts, which I interview for this week. So even though things have been a little crazy, good things are being planted and I'm excited to see what blooms in the near future. We need to make a grocery run before the (hypothetical, I'll-believe-it-when-I-see-it) snowstorm rolls through tonight, and I'll be doing some highway driving, which I'm still not comfortable with. (Driving is still a little painful for Eamon and I do need the practice anyway.) So, I need to go put on some eyeliner before that happens. Today's Goals: - First YWA video - Safely drive to and from Costco - Get boxes to ship last of the Christmas gifts - Mail - Vacuum
  11. Good stuff so far, Sal!! I love that you have the sobriety app and that you're at two days - that is a real milestone and I'm so proud of you!! Hoping the infection continues to go away and that you get (helpful) answers on your tooth soon. Can't wait to hear what you cook!!
  12. I'm so glad you're here, my friend!! Miau!! I'm so glad to be here and so glad you're here too! Welcome friend!! Thank you so much! Our little place really is lovely and cozy, even though it's small! I'm so glad you're here! Hi RES!! I'm so glad you're here!
  13. Shaar, my friend, I am so incredibly glad to see you here and wish SO MUCH that I could give you a very gentle hug for all the absolute crap you've been through and are still going through. I am so proud of you for putting one foot in front of the other and for caring for yourself (and letting Ao care for you too). I love you so much, friend!!
  14. I'm thinking she takes after her dad! Here to follow - I'm taking a similar approach by switching to a battle log instead of a challenge, so I'm here for incremental consistency!
  15. Here to follow, my friend!! I'm so proud of you and SO hoping you get relief from your infection and pain soon! And some SLEEP!!
  • Create New...

Important Information

New here? Please check out our Privacy Policy and Community Guidelines