SkyGirl

Hi friends! Just wrapped up an insane week that was crazy at work, had a bunch of friend drama pop up, brought a couple of mysterious stomach viruses (food poisoning? allergies? we never figured it out), and threatened bad storms several times that never panned out. My nightmares have been much worse this week and I've been really tired, but I also have a lot more mental energy and I'm feeling restless and ready for exercise and getting out of the house. (I say as I enter my fifth hour of sitting in the same spot on the couch.) For starters, my favorite online yoga instructor released her first prenatal yoga video this week, so I'm planning to try it out this evening while Eamon has game night with the dudes: As my mental energy returns, I'm also feeling a little overwhelmed by the sheer amount of Stuff there is to do and learn about before Little Bean makes his arrival. One of my close friends had her first baby this week, and even in just a few days she's used and mentioned things I've barely started thinking about (C-section recovery, baby monitors, sleep training, pacifiers, bassinets, and feeding schedules, to name a few). I know we still have several months before Bean is due, but seeing how fast months have been passing lately makes me feel way behind the curve. This week I want to look for some local classes or seminars to take on the basics of birth, postpartum, and newborn care, because I'm feeling the need for more hands-on learning than just reading books. Thank y'all for your great suggestions for fictional moms to start with! I confess I haven't spent any time thinking about that this week, so this coming week is a good place to start. Here's my list of moms to start with: Samantha Wildman (Star Trek Voyager) Dr. Beverly Crusher (Star Trek: The Next Generation) Amanda Grayson (Star Trek: The Original Series) Padme Amidala (Star Wars prequel trilogy) Arwen (Lord of the Rings) Molly Weasley (Harry Potter) Lily Potter (Harry Potter) Elastigirl (The Incredibles) Sina and Tala (mother and grandmother from Moana) I left off a few of y'all's suggestions because I either hadn't seen the movies, or else the characters mostly parented in pretty awful environments that I didn't super resonate with (I really hope not to have to parent like Sarah Connor!!). But even for the ones I didn't use, you inspired me to think more broadly than I had been, and come up with some even better ideas. And also, not everyone on this list is a perfect example of a mom - Padme, for example, has a lot of problems. But all of them are courageous and caring, they believe in their kids and do their best to support and protect their future, and many of them also have interesting identities and roles outside of being a mom that make their parenting richer. These are all things I want to embody in my parenting and I'm going to enjoy revisiting each of these characters. (Since starting this post several hours ago, I got out for a short walk, did a few squats and lunges, chatted with a couple of friends, and am about to go put together a gift bag for a friend of mine who is also pregnant and much sicker than I was. ❤️ So I did spend at least a little time off the couch, which is excellent. ) I love you guys and hope to be more present this week!!

Hi friends! My name is Sky, I just celebrated my seventh year on the forums, and I am a first-time mom about to start the second trimester with my Little Bean. I'm late to this challenge because we recently had a scare where I had a subchorionic hematoma and thought I was miscarrying, but we had everything checked this week and Bean and I are both just fine. So now that my heart rate has somewhat returned to normal, I'm ready to make a plan for the next few weeks - or at least start checking in here again. My theme for this challenge is finding strong mothers, primarily in fiction, whom I resonate with and want to be like as I figure out my new role as a mom. I do not resonate with "mommy culture" in any way, and I am not a person who has dreamed of parenthood my whole life - but the "saccharine suburban mom" thing is absolutely not the only way to be a terrific mom and it's totally okay that that's not who I see myself becoming. I'm going to look for other examples of great moms who inspire me and do badass things as they raise their kids, love their spouses and serve their communities. I'm supposed to rest a lot and limit my activity for the next couple of weeks while the hematoma heals, so my initial goals will likely be around identity, mindset, and some nutrition. (I have gnarly indigestion and reflux at the moment and I'm trying to figure out what's triggering it so I can ease off of that. I also need to up my calcium and get more fruits and veggies, as usual.) I'm struggling to be patient with myself and struggling to accept help from my husband, so I'm trying to work on that too. After I'm more healed, I really really really want to reintroduce some walks and gentle yoga, because I have essentially not exercise for three months and I'm both antsy and weak. And while I'm resting, I'm going to think about (and solicit suggestions for!) badass fictional moms and mother figures. Love you guys and so excited to dive into gently ease my way into this challenge!

How did you feel about this week's special episode??? I don't think I've stopped grinning since we watched it! (Also I've missed a bunch, CONGRATS on the new job!! I hope and pray these last shifts pass really quickly and you have all the energy you need to jump into your fresh start!)

Dude you are doing GREAT and it makes me so happy that you're getting so much lovely support and encouragement. 🥰 One other thing I thought of, I know here in the U.S. we can get GABA in some OTC herbal supplements, and lots of people swear by magnesium and ashwaghanda to help calm anxiety too. I would recommend checking with a doctor or pharmacist to make sure they won't interfere with any other meds you're taking, but maybe some of those things would help take the edge off while you go through this rough patch. 💕 Absolutely echoing what everyone else has said, you are being so brave and doing amazing even when it doesn't feel like it, and your weight, your fears, your medical issues, your hurts - none of these things reflect your worth and how important you are to us and to so many others. 🩷 I'm so glad you're here!!

Yes I love this!! Here to cheer you on!! ❤️

Girl it makes me so happy to see you feeling energetic and excited about life!! You've totally got this and I'm so excited to root for you!! ❤️❤️❤️

Sixty challenges!! I'm so freaking proud of you! ❤️ And so excited to keep seeing you be creative and awesome like always!

Henlo frens! Nursing a headache and it's getting late, so just a few thoughts tonight - I have a few things I ought to tackle in my next challenge (eating more real food and less takeout, getting gentle movement as I can, actually starting to figure out the logistics and supplies for baby care), but my thought for the "theme" or emotional work of the challenge is, I want to find some fictional mom (or just parent in general!) role models that I really identify with and want to be like, and do some thinking about what I admire about them and want to emulate. Of course there are real-life parents I want to be like too, but since this is a space where we're free to indulge in geeky fantasies and admiration, I thought it would be fun to look in fiction for parents whom I resonate with. The inimitable Molly Weasley comes to mind, Today I bought ingredients to make homemade pho and taco salad, and I'm actually super excited about the idea of cooking for the first time in ages, especially foods I really love. I also bought some comfy new clothes (without elastic waists, hallelujah) and finally satisfied my craving for deli potato salad. 🤤 Eamon helped me purge expired food and unused gadgets from the kitchen, a project that had been taking up mental real estate for a while, and we also donated a bunch of books to start making room in our bedroom for Little Bean. Even though I overexerted myself (and didn't drink enough water) and gave myself this headache, it was a really good day. And it's also an hour past our bedtime, so it's time to go take some Tylenol and head for bed. I'm excited for our upcoming challenge!

THANK YOU SHAAR, that really means so much to me!! I've known people who kinda made being pregnant their whole personality for nine months, and I've been terrified ever since of coming off that way. But as long as I'm not driving y'all nuts I'll keep doing what I'm doing for now, especially since a lot of the other things I have in the works - home improvement projects, crafts, wanting to start blogging or writing again - are feeling just out of reach for my current energy levels. I'll get back to them someday, and what's good will keep. AND thank you for the reminder that our journeys are unique and mine doesn't have to look like anyone else's! ❤️ Right back at ya, in case you needed that word today too! Oh that really gives me so much relief. ❤️ I don't know anyone else personally who felt this way, and I'm SO glad I'm not weird or uniquely disconnected or anything. And I reminded myself today - I've never done this before?? And pregnancy is so weird, there's literally a person inside me?? Of course I don't know how to feel?? Thank you so much for validating me!! I honestly felt such a weight roll off my shoulders when I read your reply! ❤️ {{Hugs}} Now that you mention it, I don't think I've seen any plus-size maternity clothes in my searches. 😮 I went looking at the thrift store today and didn't find any maternity clothes at all, so I got some loose, soft dresses that won't cut into my waist and will grow with me. I also have some legit maternity stuff coming from ThredUp in the next week or two. I realized I'm mostly buying maternity things to validate myself that this is really happening and I really am a mom - and you know what? That's a totally valid reason to buy a few clothes. I rocked my "Fiancee" T-shirt after getting engaged for the same reason.

Also Julie, I forgot to say that this really gave me a boost and made me smile, thank you. ❤️

Hi friends! Completely shocked to realize this is the last week of the challenge - where did the time go?? 😮 I'm absolutely just treading water right now and that is frustrating, but treading water is better than sinking?? 🤷‍♀️ Today I decided to push myself and go in to the office for the first time in a few weeks, and it went fine, but just like last time, once I got home I crashed and was exhausted and nauseous again for the first time in several days. I have permission to work from home as much as I need to, but with the caveat that I should come in "when I can." That being very vague, I'm struggling to interpret it. I can come in and have a good, productive day; but if I'm going to pay for it with a sick crash afterward, I'm not sure that counts as "can" the way I'd prefer. Anyway, I gave in and took a Zofran after dinner because I was miserable, and that's helping a bit. I also ordered my first maternity clothes and I'm ... I was going to say "excited," but honestly it's more like "relieved"?? I have very few clothes that fit comfortably right now even though I'm not really "showing" yet, and it eases my mind to know that some looser, comfier, hopefully more flattering things are on the way. ❤️ Eamon said he'd drive me to the thrift store this weekend so I could look for some comfy at-home maternity clothes for cheap, and I'm very excited about that too. Emotionally I'm definitely still dealing with massive and kind of disorienting mood swings, first of all. I'm also struggling a little with the tension between how I think I "should" feel, and how I actually do feel. I am very preoccupied with the intense changes in my own body at the moment, and I don't really feel a very strong emotional connection to Little Bean yet. Frankly, they just don't feel "real" to me right now, since they're so small, I can't feel them moving, and they don't quite look like a person on ultrasound scans yet. Even though I know it's completely normal to feel this way and many moms don't immediately fall in love with their babies (heck, some moms don't even feel connected to their babies until well after they're born!), I feel ashamed of not being as intensely excited as my pregnant peers are or as my friends and family expect me to be. 😕 It feels like everyone around me dreamed of being moms from the time they were little girls and that they immediately were filled with joy from the moment they saw their positive tests, and I feel like a selfish person for being a lot more scared, irritated, overwhelmed, and disbelieving than I am joyful. Again, I'm fully aware that none of this is fair to myself and that everything I'm feeling is normal, so I'm trying to just acknowledge the feelings (including the shame), remind myself what is true (it's completely normal and expected to have many conflicting feelings about becoming a parent, and everything I'm feeling is valid), and - the one I'm not doing the best at - try hard not to compare myself and my family to others. Our child will be uniquely ours and we will parent in our unique ways, according to our strengths and values, and that will likely never look quite like anyone else's journey. Now is just as good a time as any to remember that other people's parenting journey is not, and never was, the yardstick for ours. ❤️ The last thing I'm dealing with is nightmares like I've never had before. I thought my post-COVID nightmares that I've had for the last year were bad, but holy moley, I had not seen anything yet. 😮 They are vivid, they are complex yet cohesive, they are frightening, and between them and the reflux, I kinda hate nighttime right now. I do have the option to knock myself out with Benadryl, but I hate that groggy / drugged feeling too, so I'm holding off for now. I KINDA HATE THAT THE ONLY THING I HAVE TO REPORT ON IS BEING PREGNANT BUT THAT'S ... where I'm at right now. I have been taking some walks, I have been doing squat holds (thanks for the recommendation, Tank!), I have drastically upped my vegetable and fiber intake after Monday's digestive horror, and I'm valiantly striving to drink as much water as I'm supposed to. And ... besides work being busy and various family members having some drama, that's kinda it. Reminding myself that quiet seasons are okay ... I don't have to be boss-babeing and crushing it all the time ... rest and slow times are good too ... deep, frustrated sigh Anywho, I'm going to go prop myself up in bed and read until the reflux lets me sleep. I love you guys and I'm so lucky to be here with you.

This is so so so good to hear!! I can hear the lightness in your tone and that makes me smile! ❤️

These kind of times are the worst and I wish I could give you a hug. ❤️ Like Shaar said, I hope there are some unexpected glimmers of hope (or even just something interesting) in your trip. Sending a prayer and digital hugs to you and Rox. ❤️

Henlo frens! Today was a grueling day and I am completely spent, so I am sitting with my feet up, wearing my husband's baggy clothes, watching Legally Blonde and eating peach popsicles. I'd hoped to do some yoga tonight, and still might, but honestly I feel like I could sleep for fifty years, so I may take it easy and try again tomorrow. ❤️ I hate feeling self-indulgent but sometimes, you just don't got it, you know?? Short version of why today was grueling, the anti-nausea meds I've been taking for a few weeks have a side effect of slowing digestion, and I didn't take everyone's admonitions seriously to keep up with fiber, water, laxatives as needed, etc. So ... today that all came back to bite me, as they say, in the ass. 😬 Several hours and an emergency trip to CVS later, I was left feeling, ah ... relieved ... but also completely exhausted and fully convinced that everyone who warned me was in fact right, and I need to take better care of my guts. And that's also why I feel so sore and tired and not much like doing yoga. 😜 Tomorrow will be better. And I also haven't had to take the anti-nausea meds for several days, so hopefully that will help things reset a little too. Not much else to report; eating was hard, as you might expect, but I had a fiber bar for breakfast, blackberries and a bagel with cream cheese and arugula for lunch, and mac and cheese with ground turkey and salsa mixed in for dinner. And a peach popsicle, and lots of water. Love you guys bunches!! ❤️

Rho!!! Look at you GO!!! Everything really is easier once you've gotten over that hump of the first draft - I know there will be a lot of hard work left, but you've done the hardest part. And I am so fricking proud of you!!!

Oh Jedi, I am so sorry for all this chaos and I also really hope this is a wonderful fresh start for you guys. This sucks and you absolutely do not deserve to be treated like this. Same goes for me, please message me anytime if you need to talk, vent, process, whatever you need. I'll be praying for you!! ❤️

Hello from the mood swing express!! Today has been a fun rollercoaster of a day, for literally no reason at all besides Hormones. A word to the wise: Do not think about "WandaVision" when you're hormonal and pregnant. I can testify from experience, waterworks will ensue. Anyway, today has been a good day. Physically I'm feeling really good, just a little tired and with occasional waves of nausea, but nothing at all like the previous few weeks. This afternoon I took a cool shower and put on one of my old, old depression playlists from the Bad Days of college and cried over that, then had a delicious dinner that made me feel very happy and motivated, and am now shopping for secondhand maternity clothes and feeling sleepy. 😅 It's a wild ride over here! Activity-wise, I pushed myself outside for a very short walk this afternoon (apparently the high levels of progesterone in early pregnancy make you breathless, and that's definitely happening for me - I was wheezing like a freight train the whole time), which was ... honestly not very nice, because it's hot and very humid. But I did it and felt good about doing it. Last night I desperately needed to move but it was too late for yoga, so I just laid down on the floor and did a bunch of stretches, and that felt soooo nice. ... honestly all my feelings tonight are making it hard to say anything particularly concisely or rationally, so that's probably all I've got for tonight. I'm going to do some stretches before bed, keep trying to chug water (I feel like I'm on the precipice of a UTI and need to get ahead of that), and keep ... crying over Marvel videos, because that's what I'm doing right now. It's okay, I'm fine. Love you guys so much!!

THIS THIS THIS. If my workout options are only things I hate, I will find every excuse in the book not to do them. The workout endorphins don't cut it for me if I'm miserable through the whole workout (looking at you, running). And to complicate matters, what I like changes around. I go through spurts of loving weights, then hating them; loving rowing, then hating it; loving walking, then hating it - etc. Sometimes I'll just go to the gym intentionally with no plan, and just sort of follow my body around and let it decide what it wants to do? Like, if I feel agitated and need to burn energy, I'll try an elliptical or rowing machine. If I feel sad and low-energy, I'll try stuff that's sitting down on the floor. And I let myself play around with the stuff I don't usually use, like medicine balls and barres, and just see what feels good that day. And on the Very Bad Days, I will sometimes just lie down on my own floor with my kettlebell and ankle weights and just - move? Wiggle around, stretch, bend my knees, pick up the heavy things off the floor and hold them over my head, etc. Do people still play Pokemon Go?? Or maybe one of those "Walk to Mordor" apps?? I love this idea!!

Oh my lanta, I need this in my life. 😮 So glad you got your trip, and glad you stopped your workout when your body told you to!

Definitely agreeing with everyone else, I've been absent because of my own life being chaotic, not because I'm not interested in you or eager to hear what you have going on (yes, even when it's hard to talk about!). ❤️ I'm so glad you got to go back to your old therapist, and I'm so jealous of your little cafe near your house. I hope that becomes a place you can go to relax often! Never forget we think you're awesome and amazing!!

Aw friend, you have way more on your plate than you deserve and I'm so sorry. I really can't say much to make anything better, other than to validate that it IS hard. Your depressive symptoms do not make you lazy, antisocial, etc., so please say kind things to yourself when you can. And when you can't, please let us keep saying them to you. ❤️ We're so proud of you and we've always got your back, even though it's from afar.

Henlo frens! It's been a minute! ❤️ I am doing well, just short on mental energy at the moment, and I've spent a LOT of hours scrolling, playing phone games, eating takeout, and reading garbage fiction instead of doing things that might nourish me and help me feel good. But that said, I'm also trying to be kind to myself and give myself some grace, because sometimes, just surviving is quite okay. Last week we had our first ultrasound, and Little Bean looks strong and healthy with a wonderful heartbeat. *explosion of joyful confetti* Growth is right on target and we got those first amazing pictures that look like an out of focus gummy bear. And we love them and put them up on the fridge immediately, of course. It still doesn't feel real that there's a little person growing away in there, but now I've seen it with my own eyes and heard it with my own ears, and that's pretty darn remarkable. ❤️ Most of my symptoms have actually been easing over the last week or so, which has been a huge blessing. I was very stressed leading up to the ultrasound (I helped a friend through an intense miscarriage last year and had fears come up that I was going to go through the same thing, so I was afraid of what the ultrasound was going to find) and that made me feel worse for a few days, but as my stress eased back to normal I felt better again. It's sooooo tempting to play the what-if game and wonder how long I'll get before I feel sick again - but I'm working hard to just enjoy feeling good and remind myself that I'll be okay if I feel bad again. And who knows, the worst could also be past. I can't predict the future. Right now my most pressing problem is that my Zofran prescription is really screwing up the rest of my digestion, and I haven't yet found a combination of products that keeps things moving. I have another doctor's appointment next week and will talk to them about it then. Currently, I'm tentatively looking ahead toward starting to get more active again - which does include exercise (I really want to do some gentle yoga for my circulation and joints; I've basically been sitting for 6 weeks with an occasional short walk), but I also mean gently bringing a little more discipline back into my schedule and eating, making real plans to organize the house and shop for baby gear, etc. Physically, it has felt good to get lots of rest, but emotionally, I will feel better when I start feeling like I'm making forward progress again. I feel super boring but I don't have a whole lot else to report at this point! I'm truthfully struggling a little with how quickly my body is changing and don't like how I look right now, so I'm starting to work on my self-talk in that area too. My body is working so hard and doing exactly what it needs to do to build my baby, and even when that's uncomfortable and strange, I'm thankful for it. ❤️ Now I just need to take better care of it. 😜 I love you guys and hopefully will be around more often in the next few weeks!! ❤️

Henlo frens! I made the horrible mistake of buying "no sugar added" prune juice at the store, so while I pucker my whole face and try to slug it down, I am thinking of Worf, and trying to do so with a mighty Klingon spirit. The rest of this week was a little stressful due to work, but still good. Yesterday I woke up feeling amazing and decided to go to the office, which was a relief since I'd been stressing over whether I would make it in for my mandatory two days or not. And while I felt pretty awful after I got home, I felt better again this morning, and finally made it to the grocery store for the big shop that we'd been putting off (Eamon has been unwell due to the smoke). It was such a relief to get the fruits and veggies and snacks I'd been craving - being mostly out of food and trying to wrangle my irritating cravings and aversions was surprisingly stressful, and I felt almost panicky this morning trying to get breakfast. 😕 Thankfully we have lots of yummy choices now, and Eamon even encouraged me to buy extras of things in case my cravings change during the week and I want something different. ❤️ Emotionally, one interesting thing I've noticed over the last few days is that I think I'm wanting to be mothered, as it starts to sink in that I am and will be a mother myself. I've noticed myself seeking out things that remind me of my childhood (cartoons, music, types of clothing), and really aching for the presence of my mom, grandma, and sister. I don't really know how to ask for that kind of mothering care because it feels weird and isn't really done in our culture. Talking about it in therapy might help, but it doesn't really fill the ache either. So - something to think about, and maybe call my mom this weekend just to chat and ask her to share stories of her pregnancies. Another thing I've noticed is that I am not really treating myself very well, in terms of self-talk and being patient with my body. When I have hormonal surges that make me cry or feel angry, or I'm craving a food that feels silly, I've been reacting to myself with ridicule and disgust instead of patience ("Yup, there she goes, being an emotional pregnant woman again"; "Your aversions aren't that bad, just make up your mind and eat something"; etc.). If a friend or partner were saying those kinds of things to me, I'd call that abuse and leave. So why is it okay to say those things to myself? It isn't, of course. My body is working so hard at a huge job it's never done before, literally building a new human being, and it deserves to be treated gently and kindly and with compassion. Of course I'm not always "rational" or "logical" when my brain is swimming in a completely unfamiliar cocktail of hormones - but who said anyone had to be rational all the time? Who said I wasn't allowed to have big and unfamiliar feelings and needs? Point to all that being, I'm making myself sadder and more stressed by being mean to myself, and I'm going to stop that now. Tonight I'm listening to Eamon and friends play "7 Days to Die," I got a lovely shower, and I think we're probably staying home from church in the morning since it's still very smoky and Eamon's asthma is still struggling. The prune juice is almost gone and I will likely treat myself to a Pop-Tart afterward. Things are hard at the moment, but ... hard doesn't mean bad. This is also a really special time that I'm going to tell myself and my family stories about for the rest of my life. And it's also revealing to me how out of practice I am in asking for help - whether that's asking my loved ones, or praying and asking God for help. Times that teach us to lean on others are rarely fun, but learning that we can lean on others is a sweet and important lesson to remember. ❤️ Love you guys so much!!

Just adding my BIG WOW to this and saying I'm so freaking proud of you. ❤️ I'm sorry, Sal, that does sound like a tough day. I hope tomorrow is better too. ❤️

Yes, thankfully my boss is very supportive - and, by happenstance, a new piece of legislation went into effect this week that says employers with more than 15 employees are legally required to provide reasonable accommodations to pregnant employees. My boss's boss actually put in a request for the disability office to help me fill out paperwork to request that I can work from home throughout my pregnancy and get accommodations when I am in the office. None of that has actually happened yet, but it's in progress, which I'm really thankful for! Oh what a great course of reading!! Believe it or not, my library was hit by a cyberattack this week so no one can access the ebooks until further notice - but I may have to look for some of these on Amazon! Thank you, EG, I needed that reminder! ❤️ I read such a good post this week about how Jesus suffered so much when He was on Earth, and when we surrender our suffering to Him, He reminds us that we are His body and He is suffering along with us, caring for our weaknesses and accepting our offerings of praise and trust. It really helped me to remember that I'm not left on my own to just figure all this out, but that He is with me and in me and working His will in my suffering. ❤️ I've also been listening to this song and praying the chorus often: I just picked up prune juice, Dulcolax, and fiber supplements today! I feel like an old lady but hopefully it will help! I am so uncomfortable! And THANK YOU for your belief in me, that means the world!! ❤️❤️❤️ I'm trying not to complain because I know so many others have it sooooooo much worse than I do, and really most days I'm able to function really well, but even being just "mildly" sick feels like I'm constantly being low-grade poisoned. This week it's slowly starting to feel real that we have a little one on the way and I'm getting a bit excited for it - I've bloated out of most of my shorts and pants and that's helping it feel more real! SHAAR THANK YOU SO MUCH ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ I hope and pray with all my heart that Little Bean will grow up feeling loved and safe and so secure, and even though I'm not the biggest fan of pregnancy so far, I'm so excited to get to know them and for Eamon and me to add a new member to our team!! And a new little Rangerling to the Rebellion!!!