Hellda

Woo I've managed to keep some pasta down AND I went outdoors today!! In other news, I've signed up with an online nutrition and powerlifting coach. Shit is getting real.

I got too ahead of myself. I ate some rice. Now I think I'm dying again. I miss food. I miss the gym. I miss outdoors.

I'm finally starting to feel human again - after losing 5lbs in 4 days :/ I have not, I meant to look for it and got distracted!

Also, I think @SpecialSundae may have talked me into getting up on the powerlifting platform. Fuck.

I can't remember everything I've done in the past week or so without going through my instagram, whoops! I did, however get a new PB in laps on Sunday at derby training - 23, wooooooo!! In other news, I was 30 yesterday and my children gave me a lovely gift of a vomiting bug I can't eat. I can barely drink and I generally feel like death. Joy.

I took the day off derby training today. Not because I'm sore or tired or can't face it, but simply because my 4 year old needed me. I've been working lots recently and I hadn't seen her since Thursday and she asked me to stay home. So I did.

Oh hello DOMS.

Yes! I should hopefully have some time off coming up soon.

It's your doing, if you hadn't inspired, and subsequently got me going then I wouldn't be here. Thank you ❤

Squats: 2 x5@20kg 1 x5@40kg 1 x3@52.5kg 5 x5@62.5kg Overhead presses: 5 x5@22kg Deadlifts: 1 x5@60kg 1 x5@70kg So, so pleased with those numbers tonight!!

I swore my way through the gym today. So much so that I think I scared people. That's some goal right there! Squats: 2 x5@20kg 1 x5@40kg 1 x3@50kg 5 x5@60kg Bench: 2 x5@20kg 1 x2@35kg 5 x5@30kg I was supposed to move up to 35kg for bench today but I just couldn't move it at all. So instead of beating myself up I dropped weight and will build up again. Rows: 2 x5@42.5kg 1 x3@42.5kg Abandoned. There is something very sore in my left wrist. It doesn't affect anything apart from rows and I can't fathom it. I don't particularly want to wear a support but I might try next time to see how it goes. Anyway. Rest. Refuel. Derby training tonight.

A musing - at the moment I'm pretty much hitting PRs every single time I'm at the gym. I'm lifting heavier almost every time. It feels bloody awesome! I know eventually I'll get to a point where the increases get further and further apart and there will be days that I can't lift what I was the week before, but I'll face that when I get to it and just enjoy the feeling now.

Didn't get to the gym over the weekend. I was physically and mentally exhausted both nights - I actually fell asleep before drinking my bedtime cuppa last night and I *never* waste tea. Gym this morning and had to cut my sets short because of nursery run. Squats: 2 x5@20kg 1 x3@40kg 5 x5@57.5kg Overhead presses: 5 x5@21kg Missed my deadlifts so will slot them in on Wednesday. Back on shift tomorrow. I'm so tired. I want to switch off my alarm and sleep.

Well, woke up feeling great so decided to go to the gym this morning. Squats: 2 x5@20kg 1 x3@40kg 5 x5@55kg Bench: 2 x5@20kg 5 x5@32.5kg (Wooooooo finally broke the 30kg barrier!) Rows: 5 x5@40kg Programme called for 42.5kg but there wasn't a spare bar available so next time! I've got pole class tonight and then I'm on shift Saturday/Sunday. I might not get to the gym at all over the weekend because of this, but I'll try!

I got home from the ward today and literally collapsed on the couch and fell asleep. I've taken tonight off so tonight's exercise is an exercise in self care. Pole class tomorrow night.

I do love derby training. I'm exhausted and sweaty now but I do love it. One thing I learned from tonight's session is that I need to start my laps further back on the track as I was finding it really difficult to get my stride and up to speed.

Woo, my fraction plates arrived! I don't think I've ever been so pleased to have 2kg of metal delivered before. Also, what is it with eBay sellers lying about the condition of things? If something is sold as new without tags, I don't expect it to be very worn and smelling of washing powder! (Not the plates, it would be weird if they'd been washed, and stupid!) I'm very fidgety just now, it's a good few hours til training tonight.

Oh God I need to catch up again. Umm I've done stuff? Yesterday and today I can remember. 30/1/17 Squats: 2 x5@20kg 1 x3@37.5kg 2 x5@37.5kg (realised that I didn't load the weight for my work sets, whoops) 5 x5@50kg Bench: 2 x5@20kg 2 x5@32.5kg 2 x4@32.5kg 1 x5@32.5kg Not my best but bench is definitely one of my weaker lifts. Rows: 5 x5@40kg Rows were easy peasy for a change! 31/1/17 (less than 12 hours later) Squats: 2 x5@20kg 1 x3@40kg 5 ×5@52.5kg Overhead presses: 5 x5@20kg I've deloaded these and I'm waiting for my fraction plates to arrive so I can load smaller and work back up. Deadlifts: 1 x5@65kg. These are getting tough. I ended up doing 2, 1, 1, 1 to get through them but I managed!

Stupid Edinburgh traffic made me miss pole class tonight. I am more than a tad grumpy about this!

Tonight was derby training. It was a good session but I've pulled a muscle in my leg and I left feeling a bit off. I'm one of the slowest skaters, and that's mostly cool with me, but when every other person is waiting on you finishing a task so that everyone can move on, it's intimidating and makes me feel quite embarrassed really. I try not to let on that it's getting to me but it does and I feel myself fighting back the tears at times. I'm not naturally athletic, I never have been and speed is not my friend so I do struggle. Ah well. Just keep skating!

Welcome! I can wholeheartedly tell you that THEY were wrong. We have similar stories - I was the chubby, smart kid at school, picked last in sports, told I wasn't good enough etc and I can completely feel where your fear is coming from but you can and you will get fitter and stronger and the forums here are a very good place to start.

Hey! For me the secret was to find that one thing that I loved so it didn't feel like work any more. I was lucky and found two things - roller derby and powerlifting. I'm explicit. I don't do cardio (unless there's skates on my feet). I don't do gym based classes because I don't like them. I don't run unless I'm being chased - you get the picture. But I *love* the feeling of a barbell in my hands, feeling the weight pull through my body, I love feeling stronger and stronger as I build the weights up. And roller derby is fun - there's something very liberating about hurtling round a track at great speeds. I'm a mum of 3 young girls. I'm also a full time student midwife and I work long hours. I make time for my gym visits and derby practice because it keeps me sane, it gives me some much needed me time - when I'm not a mum or wife or midwife, I'm just Hellda.

Having calculated my TDEE and BMR, it appears that I probably am eating too little!

I didn't go to the gym last night. My head wasn't in the game and I would have injured myself. Managed to get an afternoon session in today though. Squats: 2 x5@20kg 1 x5@35kg 5 x5@47.5kg Overhead presses: 5 x5@20kg I deloaded these because I was struggling so badly - now the program wants me to go up in kilo increments and my gym doesn't have any plates smaller than 1.25kg. Hmm. Squats: 1 x5@60kg. Feeling really good about today's workout. Then I took a gym selfie and my belly is hanging over my leggings. Ugh. Regardless, the workout went well! On a related note, I feel like my body hates me a bit at the moment. It seems that no matter what I do, the weight refuses to budget. If I drop any more calories then I feel like I won't have the strength to lift. I don't even know if undereating is a thing? Am I eating too little to build muscle and is that why I'm not losing weight? I meticulously log everything I eat and I'm coming in at a deficit every day- I'm not eating back my exercise calories either. I don't get it.

The "ohmygodmyvaginaisgoingtofallout" feeling.