Emma Goldman

So, I'm looking for advice, or simply some motivational "It will get better" statements. At the moment I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'm 15 weeks pregnant, which is wonderful. But, the past two months have wrecked havoc on my physical activity level and the quality of my diet. At first, I wasn't nauseous, and I was seriously enjoying eating healthy foods. I was also keeping up with physical activity through going to Zumba a few times a week. Then, around week 7, everything changed. I started spotting, which was seriously scary. Through an ultrasound, I was diagnosed with a small hemorrhage in my uterus under the area where the placenta was forming. According to my midwife, it shouldn't cause long-term complications for the fetus, but she recommended that I stop or reduce any heavy physical activity (no more Zumba, gentle walks only), at least until the end of the first trimester. At first I felt rebellious, but then I resigned myself to waiting for the spotting to stop--considerations for the pregnancy come first! A few weeks later, nausea took over my life. On bad days, I was throwing up 3 to 4 times, good days would be 2 times. Even water made me nauseous. At first I shut down and stopped eating. I didn't want to throw up! On advice from my midwife, my husband went to the store for a variety of different beverages to tempt me with (coconut water, vitamin water, ginger ale, etc.). We were worried about dehydration. For about a week, my main meal was miso soup and occasionally cream of wheat. I have improved. I'm still nauseous all the time, but sometimes I don't throw up for two days. Still, food just sounds awful. Vegetables (which I normally love) are particularly objectionable. And it's really hard to cook when I don't feel like eating (unfortunately my hubby doesn't know how to cook me much more than miso soup). I'm eating out for my most substantial meals (usually pho), which have to be earlier in the day because I go downhill quickly in the evening. In terms of my physical activity, the spotting has all but gone away (only returns once about every other week), but I'm so nauseous I don't want to move. The cold air outside often triggers throwing up, so I have no desire to go on walks. And, on top of it, I feel weak... much weaker than before. It's hard to feel motivated to get out of bed when I feel so awful. Well... that was a pretty long post. Maybe I just needed a chance to vent, but I would appreciate encouragement or suggestions. I know that this stuff usually gets better in the second trimester (which officially started two weeks ago), but I'm feeling kind of awful and a little hopeless. All this stuff makes me feel seriously unhealthy, which exactly the opposite of how I want to live while my child is forming inside of me!

I'm stealing a moment for a quick check-in. At the moment: my life = crazy busy Still, I'm keeping sane (mostly), and I've managed to maintain most parts of the challenge. This week was the last week of class. Grades are due on Monday. Over the past week, I pushed really hard to catch up with grading and provide my students with as much feedback as possible before they submitted final projects on Thursday. And, crazy as it's been, I'm feeling pretty optimistic about my work. Now I need to grade a massive pile of 12 page research projects between now and 5pm on Monday, but I can do this. Perhaps the positive thinking challenge from last week made an impact... Unfortunately, my diligent focus on grading led to the first time I've missed a ST workout. Last weekend, I had Zumba on Saturday morning, but afterward I received a text from my belly dance teacher saying that our troop practice was that afternoon, not on Sunday. This meant my entire afternoon of grading was going to be a wash. I had to go to practice because we have another performance coming up this weekend, and we're changing the dances a little. Practice is necessary. So, that meant I had a ton of grading to do on Sunday. I was so good on Sunday. I just graded and graded. I even figured out a way to do it standing up! And I wore my workout clothes. Going to the gym was going to be my reward for finishing! Sadly, I didn't have a lot of time left when I finished, but I had enough... until I tried to shutdown my computer and it started acting super funky. In the end, it's fine. But sorting it out and backing up all my work (just in case) meant I had 15 minutes by the time I got to the gym. Not enough time. Alternatively, a quick trip to the grocery store meant I could make a good dinner--so I decided to invest my time where I'd have a bigger payoff. Anyway, this week (week 3 already? whoa...) is also likely to be problematic. I had Zumba on Monday and Wednesday, and I had belly dance practice last night. Today I'm fitting in a ST workout. Tomorrow, I'll go to Zumba. On Sunday, I'm performing with the belly dance troop. Plus, I need to grade... a lot. I'm concerned I may miss my second ST session. On the other hand, my time off will begin next Tuesday. Perhaps I can make up some ST workouts? Hmmmm.... we'll see.... Oh, the farm share part of the challenge is going OK. Not perfect, but pretty well. This week I found a couple little cucumbers that went soft. I tossed them. Otherwise, it's going really well. Now, back to work! I'll probably be on Nerd Fitness blackout until after my performance on Sunday and once I've met all my work deadlines on Monday. Wish me luck!

Oh! Thank you, Spider. That's so helpful! Of course, it will require room in our freezer (which is super tiny), but I'll keep it in mind! This weekend we've hit capacity on cucumbers. I know they're good for pickling, but I've never done that before... and I'm sooooo busy right now! Arg!

Well, I better update! I think I'll just take my goals in order and offer a little recap of my progress thus far: 1) Move My Body (ST 2 times a week + Zumba or belly dance 3 or more times a week) So far, so good! Here are my workout totals thus far: -Wk 1: ST 2, Zumba 5 -Wk 2: ST 1, Zumba 3 (plus, today I'm going to Zumba again, and tomorrow I'll have a ST workout and a belly dance practice) Part of my goal for this challenge is to devise ways to make ST more fun. If I don't, I'm worried I'll never make ST a habit. Thus, I've made an effort to listen to MY music during the past 3 ST workouts. I know that may seem obvious to other folks, but it's been a challenge for me. Normal ear buds don't work for me. Apparently my ears are shaped funny. Also, unlike most people I know, I don't own a smartphone, and I'm not in the habit of having an electronic device on me constantly. So, I had to do a little problem solving: I found these odd head phones that wrap around your ears, and I borrowed my sweetie's MP3 player. I have to say, it's a definite improvement. I'm enjoying myself more, and listening to headphones at the gym also makes me feel more insulated from other people... if that makes any sense. Somehow I feel more like... an independent operator. I'm also looking into doing more ST at home and trying a Bodypump class. Expect more about each in the future! 2) Make it Stronger (Gain mobility in my left leg, equal to my right) Really, this goal is about injury prevention. My left knee gets really achy, and I'm worried about injuring it again (like I did last summer). Thus far, I've done a few things for this goal: --I purchased a foam roller to use at home. --On a friends recommendation, I requested a library book called Letting Go: Roll & Relax Into Release. Hopefully it will be available soon! --I explored the Mobility WOD website. I still haven't found exactly what I need, but looking through the site encouraged me to try some different stretches and purchase a few lacrosse balls. --On the advice from my chiropractor (who I visited as part of the last 6-week challenge), I'm exercising for 10 minutes on a stationary bike once a week. He says it's one of the best things I can do for my knees. --I went to the chiropractor again yesterday, and he gave me a couple new stretches to do. If anyone has additional advice, I'd love to hear it! Hopefully I'll be able to feel a difference by the end of this challenge! 3) Feed it well (Eat everything in our farm share) Oy! This is getting harder! The CSA bounty is increasing, and I'm getting more and more from my garden as well. On top of that, it's been hot--which makes me NOT want to cook. Plus, I'm facing dissent in the ranks; my husband is ready to stage an anti-squash coup. Still, I think I'm doing well with this part of the challenge. Bits of a few things are spoiling, but nothing has gone bad all together (for example, two days ago I tossed the outside leaves on a head of lettuce and the last few wilted sprigs from a large bunch of parsley). We are still using the vast majority of the veggies. In order to respect my husband's plea not to eat so much squash, on Thursday I gave away some yellow crookneck from my garden. It will be a few days before we have more. Hopefully it will give him enough squash-free time to recover from last week's squashy overdose. 4) Cultivate peace of mind I'm doing my best to grade for at least an hour 5 days a week... it has not always been a "focused" hour, but I've done at least an hour 6 days a week. I'm using this week's mini challenge to help get into a positive frame of mind when I sit to grade. So far, it's been helpful, but yesterday morning my brain rebelled. I had a really impossible time focusing and felt very tired. I went somewhere without internet, drank coffee, took my focusing meds... and still didn't make much progress. But, after 3 hours of spinning my wheels, I decided there were better ways to use my time: I went to the gym for ST and went swimming in a lake with my sister. Now, today's a new day. I gave my brain some time off; today it better step up! As for the other two parts of this goal, my sweetie and I had a few productive conversations planning transportation and what we want to do in Victoria, but I still need to make reservations. I'm not going to worry about health insurance until the quarter ends in a couple weeks. I hope that update made sense. Again, I'm sorry for not updating much, but I'm on Nerd Fitness blackout when working. I'm enforcing a rule: no using Nerd Fitness for procrastination and self-sabotage! Gotta go.. it's time for Zumba. Yay!

Wow. I've been very busy with work, and I've barely had time to look at the challenge forums or update my thread. I stole a moment this morning to check for a mini challenge... and here it is: positive energy and peace of mind. This is perfect. It fits with my own life goal for the challenge, and it's something I need to cultivate right now... as I enter the work crunch at the end of the quarter. It starts now. I have an hour. I will focus. I will be productive. I will be successful. I can do this. Yes. When I sit to work, the first 10 minutes are difficult. For the next ten minutes, I am dismissing negative thoughts. If they darken my mind, I'll chase them away with positive words. I will not be derailed by feeling overwhelmed or distracted.

Reading this just made me really happy. Personally, I think we SHOULD drink chocolate out of a fountain, whenever possible... unless it's a suspicious or scuzzy looking fountain... but I might still do it... Yay! Go you! This is AWESOME! Have fun inventing a planet. Such an exciting goal! What!?! This is AMAZING! I hope you're super proud of yourself. I love discovering previously unknown abilities--that you "unlocked" without knowing. So, are you going to create a new goal, not that you've conquered the one mile run? I have to admit, this morning I was just catching up on your new challenge thread, and it just kept getting better and better! Just when I thought, "Oh, this is what I should comment on..." it would be followed by more awesomeness. Yes. You rock! Yay for Stareyedgirl!

Congratulations on all your success in the last challenge! You rock! When life gets crazy, it's so important to set priorities. Good luck maintaining your consistency throughout the challenge, with trombone, yoga, running, and meditation!

Good job starting the challenge strong! It sounds like you have a great strategy worked out to make progress building upper body strength. I admire your progress and your goals! For hand strength, they sell these odd grip things that you can squeeze. A few years ago, my dad got a couple and made a habit of fiddling with them in the car while driving. It might help. Of course, simply practicing your pullups will probably increase your grip strength--and I'm certainly no expert on the matter! You're definitely far ahead of me on this skill! Anyway, welcome to the challenge forum!

Good job staying strong and keeping your vow not to drink a second cup of coffee! Personally, I'm afraid I've increased my coffee intake this summer. Oh well. Your goals sound fabulous! Your aerial work sounds really exciting. I did trapeze when I was a kid. Now, a couple decades later, I sometimes miss the feeling of flying, and I'm considering making it a long-term goal to try it again, but I've got a lot a work to do before that's realistic. I also have trouble sleeping during the hot parts of the summer. Recently, I started taking a cooling pad to bed with me. I have one of those microwaveable heating pads (filled with beans or something). Instead of heating it, I put it in the freezer. It's cool enough to help lower my body temperature, but it's a gentle cold, not enough to be uncomfortable. I can fall asleep with it wrapped around my torso. Good luck with the challenge! And enjoy your vacation!

I love birthdays! What a lovely set of goals for the challenge. I think it's particularly good that you're focusing on rest and self care. I've noticed that folks who push themselves physically sometimes miss prioritizing rest and recovery. Enjoy your birthday challenge!

Go unicornassassin! Your goals are very sensible and achievable. Thank you for leaving such sweet words when you visited my profile. I look forward to celebrating our success together at the end of this challenge! Also, I'm curious: what is the "Big Book"?

About Me: What do you want to know about me? When I'm not out spreading revolution, you might find me sitting in a coffee shop hunched over a stack of student papers. I love dancing. It is my favorite form of exercise and my motivation to become stronger, faster, better. I am an academic, an old-school nerd, of sorts. I have never considered myself athletic or sporty, but I can move. I hesitate to say it, but shaking my hips seems to be my super power. You can read more about me in the last six-week challenge thread. My fitness/diet goals: Move my body - Do strength training twice a week + Zumba or dance class at least three times per week. (STR 1, DEX 1, STA 2) Make it stronger - Gain mobility in my left leg, equal to my right. (STR 1, DEX 1, CON 1, WIS 1) Feed it well - Eat everything in our farm share. (CON 1.5, WIS 1.5, CHA 1) My life goal: Cultivate peace of mind (3 mini goals): Grade for at least one focused hour, five days a week (during the quarter). (STA 1) Get health insurance. (CON 1) Finish planning our fabulous vacation, and go! (CHA 1) Extended explanation: Move my body - Do strength training twice a week + Zumba or dance class at least three times per week. In my last 6-week challenge, maintaining consistency with Zumba and strength training (ST) were in separate categories. Doing ST twice a week, all six weeks, was a huge accomplishment for me, and I feel great that I was able to gain some momentum and a little bit of proficiency. But, I still dislike ST. I need the goal or else I'm worried I'll lag. Zumba, on the other hand, has become habitual--because it's fun. A little mini challenge within this goal is to experiment with different strategies to make ST fun too. Experiments will probably include: creating a special soundtrack, trying home workouts, going to a "Bodypump" class, and anything else that seems reasonable. Make it stronger - Gain mobility in my left leg, equal to my right. For as long as I can remember, I've had a harder time stretching my left quad than my right. Since I've starting exercising regularly, my left knee is more sensitive and prone to injury. In the past month, I've also realized that my left hip has less mobility, and, overall, that side is simply weaker than the other. I want to fix this. My current plan includes: stretching more regularly and holding movements longer on my left side, purchasing a foam roller to use at home, and researching more about what's going on! By the end of the challenge I want to be able to do a standing quad stretch on my left side without grabbing my heel first or using a chair as an aid. Feed it well - Eat everything in our farm share. This is another repeat goal from the last challenge. So far, I've done very well. But nature's bounty is increasing, and it's getting harder to keep up! In the "off" week between challenges some fennel and a kohlrabi slipped past their prime. It was sad. Really, along with encouraging a more nutritious diet, this goal is teaching me how quickly some veggies need to be used, and forcing me to learn new recipes! Cultivate peace of mind During the last challenge, I struggled with the more abstract parts of my life goal. This time, I'm limiting myself to a few different concrete mini goals. Each is intended to help me gain balance and feel more secure: Grade for at least one focused hour, five days a week (during the quarter). Get health insurance Finish planning our fabulous vacation, and go! During the last challenge, I found some success with grading for a focused hour on a daily basis. That meant no email, no phone calls, no facebook--no distractions. It worked. In part, it worked because I could say to myself, "Just do it. It's only an hour." It also worked because I was trying to keep up with the challenge. Because the quarter ends half way through the challenge, I'll only need to work on this mini goal through August 27th. As an itinerant academic, my healthcare situation isn't completely stable. I have it, and lose it, and get it back... every year or so. I was uninsured throughout much of my twenties. But now, I'm in my early thirties and wondering if I've tempted fate a little too long. Also, financially, it's doable. But... I'm freaked out about it! Every time I look into getting insurance, it feels like a gigantic scam! Anyway, as part of this challenge, I need to deal with this issue. Last, but not least, my sweetie and are planning a vacation for September. It's actually scheduled for right at the end of this challenge. I need to finish planning, and then go! Character statistics: I've updated my character statistics to reflect my successes from the last challenge. Yay! STR: 4.5 DEX: 6 STA: 6 CON: 5 WIS: 6 CHA: 4

Well, I'm having a little bit of trouble deciding on my goals for the next challenge. I wrote in my journal a little and came up with themes: Health/Fitness Move my body Make it stronger Feed it well Life Goal Cultivate peace of mind And for each of these themes I have multiple goals. Is that cheating? Or is it OK because I'll still only have 4 "grades" at the end of the challenge? The themes build on what I did during the last 6-Week Challenge, but I've worked some additional steps into each.

Oh, dear! I may have waited too long to post my final grades/assessment for the our June through July challenge. Ha! It seems way too appropriate... Anyway, better late than never! I did awesome, and I welcome the invitation to brag about it a little, even if no one else reads it. I want to celebrate what I did! My goals fitness/diet: Do strength training twice a week. (STR 3, STA 1, WIS .5) Final Grade = A+ Eat everything in our farmshare. (CON 2, WIS 1, CHA .5) Final Grade = A Continue Zumba (or belly dance) 3 (or more) times per week. (2 DEX, STA 1, CON 1) Final Grade = A+ My life goal: To improve my time management and reduce procrastination. --- Basically, I want to do things with more intention. (WIS 2, STA 1) Final Grade = C+ Extended explanation: Do strength training 2 times a week. So, when I started this challenge, I was seriously uncomfortable with strength training. I'd dabbled a few times, but never managed any kind of consistency or confidence in what I was doing. In late March, I even paid for three meetings with a personal trainer so that I could learn a routine. The sessions went well, but life got exciting (my sister had her baby), I got distracted, and I didn't do a single strength training workout on my own... until this challenge. During this challenge, I successfully completed two strength training workouts every week, one "Push" and one "Pull." I have to admit, at the beginning of the challenge and on days I felt crappy, I spent time AVOIDING going to the gym. At first I was ridiculously nervous, but I went to the gym with my workout log and detailed notes about what I was going to do. In order to overcome my anxiety, I took things in little steps: first, get get to the gym; second, sort out the locker; third, warm up on the elliptical and think positive thoughts about what I'm about to do; fourth, look at the instructions for my first movement... and ignore the feeling that I don't know what I'm doing; fifth, do it! I bumbled through two sets of all the movements and got out of there! And I was soooooo sore afterward! But, overtime, I became more confident in the movements. I increased to three sets of each exercise, and on some I needed to up the weight in order to feel challenged. In my workout log, I have a record of what I did each time (reps, sets, and lbs), as well as notes about how I felt. My soreness also changed. Instead of just feeling horrible during the day or two afterward, I learned to identify what muscles were hurting most and started doing targeted stretching to help. Now, I'm aware of imbalances in my body, and I want to work on those so my overall fitness can be better. Anyway, I could go on forever about details, about the days when I didn't want to go, or the times when I got weird looks (and some inappropriate comments!) from strangers. But, I overcame feelings of discomfort and insecurity--and I triumphed! Final Grade = A+ Eat everything in our Farmshare. The farmshare part of the challenge also went very well. Only a few things spoiled (a bit of dill, some leftovers, and a few strawberries I, sadly, didn’t eat fast enough—silly me, trying to save them for the next day). In addition to eating more veggies, we’ve also been eating more fruit (in particular, my sweetie has been eating more than he normally would). When I go to the Farmers Market every weekend, I have more money for buying other stuff (because I’m purchasing fewer veggies). So, I’m being a little more extravagant purchasing cherries and other delicious seasonal fruits and berries. Here's some of what we've gotten in our CSA boxes so far: snap peas, shell peas, cilantro, fresh dill, curly parsley, flat leaf parsley, garlic scapes, green garlic, music garlic, carrots, radishes, green onions, kohlrabi, lettuce, broccoli, red chard, rainbow chard, red beets, golden beets, zucchini (different varieties), fresh rosemary, fingerling new potatoes, yellow fin potatoes, fresh rosemary, lemon thyme, fresh lavender (which we didn't eat), Purplette onions, sweet onion, cucumbers, red cabbage, and fennel. In addition to the CSA box each week, I have an enterprising little container garden which has thus far produced: cilantro, sugar snap peas, a few ripe tumbler tomatoes, yellow crookneck squash, and a handful of strawberries. It also provides a constant supply of fresh herbs. Plus, sometimes I was gifted other veggies or purchased them (because I wanted more kale in my life!). Overall, this challenge made me focus on what I'm cooking. I am surrounded by bounty, and it's good to take the time and make the effort to appreciate it. I've nourished myself, my husband, and our friends with deliciously fresh local organic veggies. Yay me! Final Grade = A Continue Zumba (or belly dance) 3 (or more) times a week. Yay, I kind of knocked this part of the challenge out of the park. Below is my weekly workout tally. It includes strength training (ST) as well as Zumba and dance classes/practices. Week 1: Zumba 4, ST 2 Week 2: Zumba 4, Belly Dance Troop Practice, ST 2 Week 3: Zumba 3, Belly Dance Troop Practice, ST 2 Week 4: Zumba 5, ST 2 Week 5: Zumba 5, Flamenco Class, ST 2 Week 6: Zumba 3, Flamenco Class, Belly Dance Troop Practice, ST 2 I think my workout tally speaks for itself: I'm clearly a sweaty, hip shaking, crazy lady... and it feels good! Final Grade = A+ To improve my time management and reduce procrastination. In this part of the challenge I had more mixed success. I'm in the midst of a long-term struggle with attention deficit disorder, and it makes many areas of my life difficult, particularly my work. Since this goal is fairly general/abstract, I broke it into a few more specific steps. I'll comment on them individually. --Make appointments with healthcare providers (dental, well-woman annual, massage, and chiropractic). I totally did this. I know that scheduling appointments may seem simple, but I have poor follow through with this kind of thing, particularly if I'm nervous about it. Yay for taking care of myself! --Create and stick with a clear schedule. --Use the schedule to maintain strict boundaries between “work” time and “free” time. These are connected, as is my failure to make this goal work. I'm still struggling to figure out how to schedule my time effectively, but I'm making progress discerning what my body and brain need in order to accomplish efficient and effective work. Also, one of the weekly challenges helped me realize that sometimes one hour of focused attention can be really helpful. I will defeat this dragon! Someday... --Plan an amazing vacation, and make it happen! Well, we started planning. We have a time frame (early September), time off work, a destination (Victoria, Canada), and a few ideas about what to do there (more suggestions are totally welcome!). Plus, we ordered a passport for my husband (this means that next year we're totally going to Europe!). It would be nice if the reservations and itinerary were already set, but at least it's in the works. Go me! Wow. My life goal really was a LIFE GOAL. Focus and using my time effectively are challenges I'll struggle with always. I can't fix this in six weeks, but I can make progress! And I did! Final Grade = C+ A few final woots! Before I finish this entry, I need to brag a little more. Here are a few more culminating highlights from my awesomeness: Yesterday the personal trainer (who is also one of my Zumba instructors) measured my body fat percentage. I've lost 2% body fat in the past four months! This afternoon I'm preforming belly dance at the local county fair. I'm excited! I had to buy new pants--because my waist is shrinking. My father saw me last weekend and said, "Well, you've clearly lost weight." My husband told me that my perseverance is "impressive." I got my postpartum sister to come to Zumba with me several times in the last month (her baby just turned 4 months old). At the second session she purchased a 10-week punch card for our Monday night class. I feel empowered.

Congratulations on your progress this challenge and on your decision to follow your passions!