Hey ladies, I'm new to this website but I need some advice...obviously.
For years I've struggled with anxiety since middle school if I remember correctly. Now as a 28 year old it seems to be worse.
I've always had weight issues, mostly ingrained by my morbidly obese mother. It wasn't her fault, I know, she just didn't want me to end up like her and my father. It worked for quite sometime, I ate literally everything I could without fear for the longest time, thanks to gymnastics and dance. At about 16 years old my social anxiety increased, my little sister had very sever psychological disorders that caused her to be in and out of our home, when she was home it was in no way pleasant, I started a brand new school with triple the students and I didn't know a soul.
My grandmother passed away in December of that year and I completely lost it. I dropped out of school, did find myself a job but mostly just tried my hardest to overcome my anxieties. Since then it feels like I'm puzzle constantly being put together and then torn apart trying to deal with my issues.
For the past year or so I've noticed myself gaining weight right and left. December of 2015 my father passed away unexpectedly. He, like my mom was very overweight, diabetic, and many other health concerns, he was a day shy from turning 49 years old, exactly 20 years older than me. While I don't have the same health concerns that my mom and dad (have/had) I am dealing with my own weight issues and the loss of my father has only made it worse.
I am currently at my highest weight and it's not from muscle weight. It's all congregated from underneath my breasts to my hip line. Now I know my weight isn't terrible, it could most definitely be worse considering my gene pool.
My partner and I joined crossfit back in March and loved it. The last week of our intro class we missed due to a vacation to visit her family in Virginia. I tried to get myself to workout while I was there but I couldn't talk myself into it. My partner wasn't as into it, but she doesn't necessarily need to be. (At 40 she weighs what I weighed 10 years ago.)
When we got back from our trip we only went back one time, for an early morning class (I think I enjoy those more due to less people in the class). But again my partner absolutely loathes the early morning hours, she would sleep until noon if I let her. Moral of the story is we never went back after that although we do remain in contact with our intro coach.
I've wanted nothing more than to go back to crossfit but every time I try I wind up taking myself out of it. I do have social anxiety, so all the people and everything truly does stress me out. I know it's irrational.
I purchased a Groupon for a crossfit gym closer to my house about two months ago but have been signing up and not attending each time. I wanted to do the intro class to hopefully help with the anxiety. The days leading up to it I'm excited and pumped but each time I talk myself out of it the day of. I've talked to the owner and decided to just have him evaluate me coming into the gym at my own time but now I'm even more nervous. All of the what-ifs are killing me.
I want to commit to this and actually make a change in my life. I have a trip coming up in December with my partner's family to Disney World and I want to be in better shape for that. I'm just lacking motivation and the anxiety is killing me.
Anyways, tl;dr if anyone has any thoughts or tips to help me please let me know. Thanks in advance!
