Fae Rising

I'm just going to end this challenge here. According to the goals I put forward at the beginning, I failed miserably. But I'm NOT counting it as a fail. Why? Because I leveled up my life anyway. Most of my posts in this challenge centered around how I went through the whole roller coaster of interviewing for different jobs. I mentioned briefly after I was passed over for the first job I applied for that I had another interview lined up for a similar job in another department. Guess what happened today? So let's break down the awesome: I'm currently a bank teller at a grade 6 pay grade. The job I interviewed for is in administration for a department of the bank at a grade 8 pay grade. You get a 4% raise per pay grade. Currently, I work until 5:30 or 6:30 depending on the day (Fridays everyone works until 6:30). The new job's hours get you out of there at 5PM sharp. Currently, I work 4 hours every other Saturday, which means half of the month I work 6 days a week. The new job works no Saturdays. So I get this email this afternoon from HR, asking me to call from a private room at my earliest convenience. I call about 30 minutes later (I had to wait until another teller got back from lunch). She offers me the job. Then she explains how the salary works. Apparently, I'm paid so little as a branch teller that if she offered me the standard 8% increase, I wouldn't receive a salary comparable in today's market for the job I'm being hired for. Then she quoted me my new salary, and I made her repeat it because my brain died. Guys. The promotion comes with a $9,000 pay increase annually. I did the math. It's more than 30% of an increase from my current pay. I... just... what? I feel like this is a "you reap what you sow" kind of situation. In 2015 I wanted to improve my life by getting out of my job as an overnight gas station shift supervisor, so I actually took a pay cut to get a job as a bank teller. I wanted to do something that was a little more professional, so it was worth it. It was the best decision I could have made because it gave me stability, a foothold in this company, and the opportunity to go back to school. I've been feeling the strain here recently because the student debt is piling a bit higher than I'd like and I honestly want to move out of my parents' house this year. THIS WILL LET ME DO THOSE THINGS. I just can't deal. Challenge over. It won't get better than this in 4 days.

Spent the night in the ER with my parents. Basically he laid down for a bit this afternoon to watch TV. When he stood up, he felt off, so he started walking to the kitchen to check his blood sugar (he's a diabetic). He got about halfway there and fell into a chair. He completely lost control of his limbs. He ended up sliding to the floor and dragging himself to the other side of the room to grab his phone so he could call my mom. Something important to note is that both of my parents are medical. My dad's a retired firefighter and current paramedic, and my mom's a retired ER nurse turned nail tech. For my dad to call for help means something is seriously wrong. So my mom drops everything (including a spoonful of peanut butter) and comes straight home. She finds my dad on the floor, unable to control his limbs. She checks his blood sugar and does a neuro test. He's testing positively and seems equal on both sides of his body, but the way he can't coordinate his arms and legs, his nausea and dizziness still calls to mind only one word: Stroke. My mom calls an ambulance, then she calls me. Hearing that your father is on the ground and can't get up is truly terrifying. I was just leaving work, so I raced to their house just in time to wave as they closed the ambulance doors. My mom and I gathered a few things together and followed. We spent the night at the hospital while my dad had a CT scan, then an MRI, then a blood test. The ER doc finally came to give us the good news: it wasn't a stroke. There's absolutely nothing wrong with his brain. It was a severe attack of his chronic vertigo. They gave him a prescription and sent him home. Total time in the ER: 4 1/2 hours. I'm so thankful for all the doctors, nurses, and techs tonight. I'm so thankful it wasn't worse, but even during the not knowing phase, they helped allay our fears by remaining confident and relaxed. Something I've always appreciated about my dad is how he's dedicated his life to helping people, to saving lives first as a firefighter, then as a paramedic and a teacher. He's not only saved thousands of lives personally throughout his career, but he's also educated hundreds of EMTs and paramedics to go out and do the same. He's someone who's touched so many lives, and that was so evident tonight. Tonight, so many people stopped by to see how he was once they found out he was there. From doctors to nurses to EMTs. He taught one of the ambulance drivers that took him to the hospital. He worked alongside several of the doctors and nurses. When my mom and I were let back in his room at the ER, we found two extra nurses who just wanted to see if he was OK. An old firefighter buddy stopped by. None of these people were called. They just heard he was there and made time to check in. Honestly, that was probably the part of the evening that was somewhat not horrible. He is truly loved and valued by his peers, and I think that's cool. I don't even know why I'm posting this here. I think I'm still trying to process the night. I'm staying home with him tomorrow to make sure he doesn't have a weird reaction to his meds. My mom's job is a lot harder to call out of than mine, so I volunteered. I think I'm just rattled. My dad had a major heart attack when I was 9, so I've always kind of steeled myself for the fact that he could have another one anytime. I've always tried to prepare myself for heart problems: an attack, an aneurism, clogged arteries. I've kind of expected it, you know? It scares the hell out of me, but I understand it. Now he's had 3 intense vertigo attacks, and every time it resembles a stroke. I'm prepared for the heart, but the brain? For some reason, that freaks me out even more. Again, not even sure why I'm putting this here.

I FINALLY GOT TO THE GYM. [emoji1312] Proof. I think I love StrongLifts.

It's official; the 4.0 is dead. I have a B in one of my classes, and I'm not sure about the other one. Buuuuut it's done because of that one class. I decided I'm not going to punish myself anymore by giving those kids that money. Honestly, it was bound to happen sometime. I almost failed high school (laziness, not intelligence) and managed to keep my 4.0 alive until my junior year of college. That's reason enough to celebrate! So I bought myself this mug: It has a bunch of words that Shakespeare invented on it! GUYS. #WordNerd Also, today is the last day of the challenge! It's been a week of carb cycling, and today is 25C, 100F, 150P. Tomorrow we're supposed to weigh ourselves, take post photos, and eat all the carbs as a massive refeed. All of them. I've been preparing for this day my entire life. There has literally been 0 fitness done this month besides yoga. It's just been a stressful few weeks. Definitely heading to the gym in the morning before ANYTHING ELSE. Hey, I'll have the energy for it! #Carbs

I actually had an interview yesterday for a different job that I'd applied for at the same time as the other. I don't want her job; I want something in admin. Keep your fingers crossed!

Her announcement also just proves to me that I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE. I don't know if I'll be able to keep from chopping off heads without her. She's my vent buddy [emoji23]

Honestly, she didn't do it to spite me. It's a step in the direction of her ultimate career goal (and mine, but we won't talk about that). She's been with the credit union for like 7 years or something like that (I've been here a year and a half), and she's way over-qualified; this job is actually 4 pay grades lower than her current salary. She's just done working in a branch, so the pay cut is worth it to her. She's over it. We've talked about that before, so that wasn't out of the blue. I honestly appreciate her talking to me before she announced it. She wanted to tell me first since I was after the same job, and she's announcing it tomorrow so she didn't want me to be blindsided. I'm actually really happy for her. She deserves to go after what she wants, and she is literally my favorite manager I've ever worked for so I'm glad she got it. I'm also pissed that I didn't get it. My brain is confused.

My manager took me aside today and told me that she accepted the job I wanted. Because eff me.

I'M ALIVE. Mostly. Things have sped up an insane amount around here. I have two finals due this week. I finally got my old car sold. And I've been on one interview for a new job and have another one set up for next week. I'm most excited about that last one. I'm a bank teller and I've been trying to get a job in back office since last summer. I've been focusing my efforts on the mortgage department by applying for this one closer assistant position. It was one pay grade higher than my current position but I applied three times and never even got an interview. Then I applied for these two other jobs (one in mortgage and one as a coordinator for another department) that are two pay grades higher than my current but I got interviews for both? OK. Not complaining, obviously. I would just love to know their thought process behind that. So I had an interview with Mortgage last Tuesday, and I have the other interview lined up for next Friday. I'm confident that I'm qualified for either of them, but I'm really hoping for the mortgage position. Cross your fingers for me! In fitness news, nothing's been happening. I've kept my macros on point (when I don't have time to train that's one thing I CAN keep straight) but I haven't been training. I forgot about finals week when I set up those goals [emoji85]. I have lost another 5 pounds though, which makes 10 pounds since the beginning of the year. I don't weigh myself very often, maybe once every two weeks or so, which is the reason behind the big jumps. tl;dr It's been a good week.

Helllooooo! Details to come, but here are my goals: Fitness 1. Do something every single day. 5 minutes of yoga/foam rollings counts. 2. Strength train 12 times. 3. Run 12 times. Nutrition 1. Finish the Macroed challenge strong! 3 more weeks! 2. Add in MOAR VEGGIES -- have 1 serving of green veggies 5 days per week. 3. Get back on that meal prep grind -- prep food for the week in advance 4 times. Life 1. Film. A. Dang. Youtube. Video 2. Edit and post that sucker. 3. Completely outline new novel idea. 4. Create and implement a night time routine 3 times weekly. 5. Finish this Uni term STRONG -- $100 book shopping spree if the 4.0 is salvaged; $100 donated to those kids on the corner who buy lottery tickets with the donations if it isn't. GET YOUR BUTT IN GEAR.

Yay another writer! I love all your goals! Following Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

That month just flew by. Overall, I'm proud of what I did during this challenge. I was able to really dial in on my nutrition and worked out more than I have in months. Even though I didn't complete two of my goals (handstand training?! youtube?!), I feel good about what I did get done. There's been a lot of introspection this past month. I've thought a lot about my goals and why I want them. Am I doing certain things for me or to prove something to other people? All of this thinking has led to one conclusion: I don't want to do Crossfit anymore. OK, I know a lot of people around here don't know me, so what's the big deal, right? Here's the deal: back in 2011 or 2012, I was trying to figure out how to lose weight but I hated cardio. With a passion. What I didn't understand at the time was that I was trying to do too much, too soon, with zero rest. I started doing research on the internet and found Staci's article on NF. I fell in love with the idea of weight training and immediately hit the gym. I started with Jamie Eason's 12-week challenge off of Bodybuilding.com. I was completely bored with isolated muscle building. When I gained two pounds (GASP), I stopped weight training and went back to nothing. I hated running, I hated isolated muscle building, so I figured it was over. I'd just be fat. I wasn't happy, but that's just the way it would be. Fast forward to 2013, when I moved to California for my second year of ministry school. One of the guys in my class was a Level 1 Crossfit instructor, and he ran a pay-as-you-go class for students at the ministry school I attended. $5 per class, you can take as many or as few classes as you want. At this point Crossfit had just come to my attention (a box had opened in my hometown during the summer I was home) so I thought sure, I'll try it. I went to the beginner classes and was immediately hooked. I loved the community aspect, I loved lifting, I loved the idea of having someone there to coach me and watch my form. After I graduated and moved back to my hometown, I joined the box here. For a while, things were great. I was getting fit, I got my mom into it. Then I started noticing things I didn't like and found excuses not to go. Then I didn't go for a month. Then a year. Then two years. (Keep in mind that there were innumerable things going on in my life during this time period. I had a fallout with a good friend which ended up ostracizing me until I was essentially shown the door at my church, which led to a major depression. Took me a while before I could focus on anything else. It wasn't just about Crossfit.) Fast forward to this year, when I decided enough was enough. I was going back to Crossfit. So I have this month. I've gone two days a week, slowly working my way back in. I wasn't enjoying it. This week I asked myself a few questions: why am I doing this? What purpose does this serve? Here's the deal: my focus this year is on strength, endurance, and flexibility. I have goals in each of these three categories. The problem is, Crossfit doesn't fit into these goals all that well. Yeah, it'll help me improve marginally in these three areas, but it won't help me run a marathon or focus on being able to do the splits. I would have to do my own training on top of Crossfit. Which is fine, right? The problem is with my coaches. My current coaches are very much "Crossfit is the only way" people. They openly look down and mock anyone who isn't strict Paleo, trains for endurance events, or do bodybuilding style workouts. There have been dramatic blow-outs regarding people who count their macros or eat rice. They try to control people, and it's not a healthy environment. I've tried it their way, and it doesn't work for me. I love the idea of Crossfit, but I don't want to do Crossfit anymore. I want to take the pieces I love about Crossfit -- picking up heavy things, functional movement, and the community -- and incorporate it into my own training. I've got an idea of how I want to do that, and I'm super excited about it. I love Crossfit, but I think it was only supposed to be for a season. My season's changed. I'm excited for all the new possibilities.

Hellloooooo awesome nerds. I'm going to be honest here: I haven't worked out at all this entire week. And it's been glorious. To be honest there's been a lot going on in my life. Work stuff and home stuff and school stuff and sick stuff. I've been completely worn down and mentally and emotionally exhausted. Getting up at 5:30 AM to go to Crossfit just felt like one more thing I had to do, one more thing pulling at me, one more obligation to keep, one more point to prove to someone else. So I dropped it. And I did other things. Instead of going to Crossfit, I did yoga (badly). Instead of stressing about how I got slapped in the face by upper management work, I bought a couple new books that got me excited. Instead of further destroying my soul with my PR homework, I worked on my outline for my new story. In other words, I kept my diet on point, kept all of the important obligations, and spent the rest of the week indulging in self-care. Was it the most efficient use of my time with regards to my goals? No. I could have spent the week training, forcing it, and hating every second. And then I could have burned out in a few months, dropping everything, and going into hibernation. I don't want that to happen again. Tomorrow I'm waking up and going for a run. I'm going to work on homework, clean my old car out so I can sell it, and food prep for next week. I'm going to set my goals and get back on track. After this week, I feel ready and fired up again. Lehgo.

Decided on yoga. Good decisions were made tonight. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Being sick is hard, man. Being stressed while sick is worse. Yesterday was deadline day for basically everything for school this week, plus an assignment where I had to do a query letter and synopsis for my current WIP. Problem is... I don't have a current WIP in my chosen genre for the course. Might need to rethink this Creative Writing major. Anyway. I put off the assignment for a week, and yesterday was the absolute LAST day I could turn it in without getting a 0. So obviously I woke up at 6AM and started working on it. If you believe that, I've got a tower in Paris I can sell you cheap. Yeah. I ignored it. I watched Netflix and scrolled Facebook and played games on my phone until 2PM. But you want to know the fun thing about being a writer? Sometimes procrastination is your best friend. While I was doing all that, I was ruminating in the back of my head about this idea I've had for a while, but just never managed to flesh out. It finally, officially took shape in my head yesterday afternoon. I grabbed my computer, wrote the query and synopsis, and sent it out. It's not perfect. I hate the names of my characters, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to change the gender of the main. There are multiple plot holes I've got to fill. But I DID IT, and I'm excited. This is the first story idea I've actually fleshed out to completion in years. I'M BACK, BABY. In other news... All that yesterday meant that I didn't eat until about 7:30. PM. Needless to say, I did not hit my macros. Probably ate 700 calories total. NOT. OK. Today is the official start to the 5th week of the challenge, which means my macros got messed with again. 50-75 carbs, 65-85 fat, 150 protein. Tomorrow begins the "New Year, New Year" challenge at work. Basically we weigh in, and the people who decrease their body fat and/or increase lean body mass over the course of 3 months win prizes. I think the pot is at $7000 now? So yeah, you can bet I'm going after that. [emoji857][emoji857][emoji857] My department weighs in Friday, and there's 4 of us doing this challenge. Should be fun. I will smoke all of them. I'm not competitive at all. What else is starting this week? 5k training! 8 weeks to get to a 5k, then starting a 30 week training program to run a marathon. This will line me up pretty perfectly to the marathon I want to run in November, with a few weeks buffer time. I'm insane and it's fantastic. Hoping to hit up Crossfit tonight. Either that or yoga. Not sure yet.