Defining

Deleted some musings, because they're all just more of the same. I feel insecure in my life/work/skills/etc because I haven't put the work into feeling competent in those areas. And despite whatever challenge, habit, or goal structure I try to implement, I still end up back at square one. I'm officially out of ideas.

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Apr 19 (30%  of the year has passed, yikes) - It's from our sufferings that we form our consciousness. - Lisa Bonet

On 4/17/2022 at 10:10 PM, Scaly Freak said:

 

Here: https://darebee.com/programs/age-of-pandora.html

Well that's intriguing... 

Just to play devil's advocate: sometimes our energy levels will wax and wane without any detectible input from us or our environment. It's possible that you will have 'normal' phases of more energy or less, without an obvious cause. Maybe if you hadn't done all of that work, you'd feel worse than sluggish!

If that were the case, the best argument to be made is to continue with the health-focused habits you've worked so hard on, in order to keep yourself on the best foot forward possible. You cannot control your energy levels, but you can control your habits to try to mitigate the most extreme parts of energy dips.

SO, I realised today that I missed my Q1 check in. I also have not succeeded with most of my Q1 goals. I kinda want to kick myself, but that's not productive. At this point though, I genuinely have no idea how to kick my ass into gear in a good way.

What motivates you? Apparently we're all supposed to have a 'why', and it's difficult to get much done without knowing it. I dunno if I believe that, but my stagnant goal progress kinda makes me wonder.

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Apr 18 - Hope will never be silent. - Harvey Milk

toddles off to google 'age of pandora'

I don't really have anything to report today. I feel like I keep living the same week all over again.

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Apr 17 - I believe that if you'll just stand up and go, life will open up for you. - Tina Turner

Busy but still going? Sounds like a win to me!

On 4/15/2022 at 2:59 PM, Aquarii said:

I would highly encourage you to take your current position with a grain of salt. 

I hugely appreciate that feedback! Fortunately this isn't actually my normal job, I'm doing some contract hours to help a different office get out from under their late paperwork piles. I might legitimately start to cry if that environment was my typical work.

As 'temp' as this work may be, it's totally thrown my schedule for a loop. I don't think I can cross of a single thing as 'successful' for my habit tracking this week. Which probably means that 1) I'm not regular enough yet to have things be actual habits to kick around (AFTER 5 YEARS?!), and 2) I'm only even a little successful with a ton of extra time on my hands. Good to know, and also sucks.

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Apr 14 - The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Apr 15 - Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place. - Zora Neale Hurston

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Apr 16 (Full Moon)  - No legacy is so rich as honesty. - William Shakespeare

Poked a few different spots  in the shoulder at physio today, so we have a few new directions to explore in the next few weeks. Office work is shit, life is busy, and I feel like I'm neglecting my dogs, diet, activity levels, and sleep. So, uh. Hurray for hump day?

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Apr 12 - There is only one happiness in life: to love and be loved. - George Sand (Amantine Lucile Aurore Dupin)

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Apr 13 - If you ask me what I came into this life to do, I will tell you: I came to live out lout. - Emile Zola

On 4/9/2022 at 7:09 PM, Keladris said:

(note to self: sleep, whole carbs , protein, Vit D and relxation are the  way!)

On 4/10/2022 at 7:55 PM, Elastigirl said:

Well, in the ongoing jean saga, I decided to go for it and bought new jeans. I bought a size up. I was undecided, because according to the size chart, I should fit in a 6.  But for a while my 6's have felt tight. So, I decided to buy 8. I bought them in short, because, I am short, but they were still too long, so I need to return them.  They fit alright besides that, but I don't think that brand does any shorter. And I only liked them so-so. I don't really like myself in jeans. We'll see what I decide to do. If I stall long enough, I can just wear shorts, which I like .

FWIW, I typically buy pants for the 'around' fit, and just hem as needed. At least short legs have easier adjustments than long legs? 😅

3 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

I don't mind hanging out at this level for a bit. I passed all the others on my first try, and so now I am at a level where I need to work at it.Plus, I'm rocking my chin ups still.

Such an awesome mindset.

Doing dumb office work like this reminds me of the worst kind of drudgery you can get stuck with, which in turn adds to my general anxiety/malaise around finding work I can tolerate and having a stable financial position. Also: I feel like shit now, thanks to poorly adjusted work stations. Same thing again tomorrow. At least I can keep reminding myself that this isn't my actual job, just a temp contract thing I took on to help.

Adulting effing sucks sometimes.

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Apr 11 - I learned that when life pulls you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breathe again. - Sheryl Sandberg 

Thoughts on weird needs for someone who typically identifies as 'introvert'

I will not complete any of my goals for week 2. But I DID bind a funky BUJO book for the next 42 weeks, and I kinda got a jump-start on the 'not reading in bed' because I'm tired. Flip side: I've been tired and unfocused all week.

A 'productive goal' is one where you can accomplish the goal around 85% of the time, in theory, right? So, I'm around.... 45% right now? I'm going to aim for 75-85% by the end of the challenge. That should be manageable. In theory, right?

Stupid shoulder stuff:

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Apr 8 - Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it. - Michelangelo

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Apr 9 - Can anything be sadder than work left unfinished? Yes, work that never begun. - Christina Rossetti

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Apr 10 - Tomorrow belongs to those who can hear it coming. - David Bowie (David Robert Jones)

How's prep going for your race tomorrow?

On 4/6/2022 at 11:42 AM, Aquarii said:

Here for the Klaus Mikaelson pics. The Originals is my guilty pleasure.

 

Also love your challenge. C++ is super useful, whether you use it or use it as a foundation for learning other program languages. Have you ever studied any others or is this your first leap into computer madness? 

C++ is the first foray, I'm hoping/wanting to be able to use it with Unreal Engine. I may also at some point try to learn C# for Unity as well, depending on how frustrated I get. 🤣  The Originals shouldn't be a guilty pleasure, I find the family dynamics vs 'teen love triangle' stuff from TVD to be much more interesting. And the soundtrack is incredible.

I had a sudden bout of anxiety today about work/earning/living/adulting. Brought on by a reminder that I didn't even manage to complete the 'Essays 101' online uni course I signed up for last year (thank you avoidance tendencies), and compounded by being asked to help out with a business temporarily for some office work that I am uniquely capable of helping with. I really, super duper really, do not want to have to consider office work for future endeavours just because I loathe finding real estate clients. This gig is very much temporary though, and I asked for a considerably higher hourly rate vs last year when I helped out, because if you're going to ask me to do work I dislike at the drop of the hat, you can pay for it.

Quietly reminding myself that I am not on any kind of deadline, I am in a stable situation, and I am technically perfectly decent at my work; albeit unenthusiastic about it.

I completely forgot to start another BUJO this week, and it feels like a waste to fill today in since I'm about to go to bed. But I suppose there's always tomorrow.

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Apr 7 - I will not have my life narrowed down. I will not bow down to somebody else's whim or to someone else's ignorance. - bell hooks (Gloria Jean Watkins)

New article out on non-medication interventions for lowering blood pressure, if you're interested:

3 hours ago, sarakingdom said:

4L.

US gallon is 3.8L, but the Imperial Gallon is 4.5L.

Need to check in but don't have much to say. I suppose I should just get off my ass and do something so I have something interesting/new to report.

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Apr 5 - Action is the antidote to despair. - Joan Baez

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Apr 6 - Mystery creates wonder and wonder is the basis of man's desire to understand. - Neil Armstrong

Making some notes for myself, on courses/classes/experiences I'd like to try this year. A different/old pipe dream would be to have a small 'artisan shop', where I can live next-door and have a workshop for stuff like basic glass, wood, metal, and leather work (maybe a bit of pottery too?). I really don't think it's financially viable, but the first step in putting that idea to bed is to get a feel for how I actually like the work (and what my shoulder thinks of that work now, blargh). 

31 minutes ago, Harriet said:

I drink about 2L. A gallon is.... let's see. 4.5L??? That seems a little excessive! Is there any reason to think it would help?

I'm not an expert, but I really can't see how it would. Many people are chronically dehydrated, but if you're already at around 2L/day that's better than most. I guess you could try to bump it up a bit until your pee is mostly clear (if it isn't already), but you definitely want to be including electrolytes (sodium, potassium, magnesium, etc.) to ensure that you're not messing up your body's fluid balance either.


 

4 hours ago, Brovatar Korra said:

A gallon of water a day is excessive?

4.5L would mean, um, a lot of bathroom breaks, if nothing else. 🤣

Yeah, it's been a while since I've been this far into a sleep deficit (between sleeping in a strange space and early morning appointments). Definitely increases pain levels and upsets my gut. Dumb body.

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Apr 4 - So no matter how hard it gets, stick your chest out, keep your head up, and handle it. - Tupac Shakur

15 hours ago, Harriet said:

Thanks for the suggestions. Walks are good. How early do you think it has to be? It gets a bit warmer and sunnier in the mid morning. Plus I like to go to the gym after breakfast--not sure I want to go on an empty stomach. And is it good to walk AND lift weights on the same day? Unsure. Oh, what's with cooling one's palms?❤️

'Sun in eyes' and the palm cooling are both from a podcast I've been listening to in the last couple of weeks (ttps://hubermanlab.com if you listen to any of them, skip to 7-9min in to avoid the intro ads). If you apply something cool (10-15C) to your palms and soles of your feet between sets, it should in theory aid in recovery and work capacity.  The early morning walks are apparently recommended to be within the first 30-60min after you get up, to go outside and walk/be in the sun for at least 10min to improve circadian rhythm (which in turn helps with cortisol stuff).

15 hours ago, Harriet said:

I have done a lot of CBT and work on thoughts/framings. I don't think I have an emotional problem tbh.

 

Not really. If you mean a therapist I'd rather not do that again. If you mean a doctor, then no, the only specialists on CFS are the Charite, and there's a very long waiting list for appointments, and they are prioritising people with long covid. My own GP doesn't know much if anything about it.❤️

I was thinking more therapist, yeah. I could be misinterpreting, but I hear a lot of anxiety in your posts about finding 'the right way' to deal with your challenges, and I guess I'm just of the mind that there's probably no 'one right way', and worrying about it could actually make things worse.

15 hours ago, Harriet said:

I'm not planning to play with my diet as such; I think low carb/keto is good for now. I just need some heuristics that keep me on track without stressing me out. And I need to give myself permission to stop trying to eat healthy things I hate, like fish. I do have some sauerkraut and lots of yoghurt but kefir also sounds good.❤️

Speaking from personal experience, the 'magic' of fermented stuff really starts to kick in once you're eating at least 2-3 servings a day. Which, I KNOW, sounds like a ton of fizzy stuff, but it can definitely help with gut health and the various knock-on effects.

Also, this just popped up in my feed and I thought of you: https://www.outsideonline.com/health/wellness/water-gallon-challenge-month/. Obviously a gallon of water is a bit excessive, but you could try to aim for maybe 2L/day (plus electrolytes) for a month to see if it may help.