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Posts posted by taymonsta

  1. Day 6




    • Breakfast: Greek yogurt, cheerios
    • Lunch: Spinach & artichoke dip, chips
    • Snack: Coffee & creamer, apple with caramel dip
    • Dinner: Half cheeseburger (applebees) 



    • Cleaning, walking dog



    • Put time in the studio

  2. 6 hours ago, Coco P Loco said:

    You're doing well!

    I totally get the 'bread/carbs are bad' feeling... I've been vegetarian for 27 years, but reading about paleo makes me feel that I should change... then I remember that I love bread and pasta too much <3   (Still, I'm trying to cut back on carbs a little, and build up my protein intake).


    I've started to eat more mindfully - appreciating the food that goes into my body to fuel me :D



    Thanks Coco :) I really want to look into mindful eating, as I see a lot of people talking about it. I think it could work for me rather than cutting things out. 

    • Like 1

  3. 18 hours ago, scottie said:

    When I had a bit of a freak out about "bad" foods last challenge you very gently reminded me that there were no bad foods, just food, and that's it. I'm here to do the same for you. *hugs* I think a wee stress along the way is normal!


    You know I've been looking at this stuff recently so it's fresh in my mind and I'm by no means an expert but it sounds like for you bread and pasta have fallen into that "scarce resource" category. So your brain is trying to ensure you secure as much of the resource as possible before it disappears again.


    It's really normal for food/control related thoughts to increase at times of stress. It sounds like maybe it's time to do a little meditation or have a bath or cuddle a cat or light a candle - something to help you find your centre.


    You can do this - just a day at a time. I hope tomorrow feels less stressful for you. Xo


    Sent from my SM-G901F using Tapatalk




    Thanks Scottie <3 and thank you for reminding me of my own words! Why is it always so much easier to be kind and supportive to others and not to yourself? I need to be a little more gentle with myself. And the "scarce resource" thing makes sense. Like my brain and body are trying to stock up before I deprive them of things again. I've pretty much spent this morning stress cleaning, so although its not relaxing it does calm the nerves and make me feel productive! 


    Thanks for the support, you're awesome and I'll look forward to catching up on your feed later today ! :) xo

  4. 20 hours ago, Plazmotic said:

    Yeah I've been there, had to get off the Paleo blogosphere because it was getting too judgy for me. All I'm doing is reducing my carb intake now, not eliminating it entirely, and I feel nicely balanced after each meal thanks to simply eating more protein and veggies.


    It's nice to know there are others who aren't eating paleo/ swear by it. I've been trying to reduce my carb intake, mostly just in terms of snacking and have been successful. Thanks for reaching out and helping me feel less alone! 

    • Like 1

  5. 23 hours ago, RevQu said:

    For NOW, it doesn't matter that it exists, or that it's fantastic for some people. For NOW, are you just simply eating better than before? Are you getting nutritious foods into your body that make you feel good? Are you making progress? Yes you are.


    That's more than enough for now.


    Thank you so much <3 Good enough for now. Thank you for reminding me of this. Yes, I have made small little changes and they have been leading me in a great direction. Little changes are enough for now. Progress is progress. I needed to hear all of that! <3 

    • Like 1

  6. Day 4




    • Breakfast: Oatmeal, apple, peanut butter
    • Lunch: Ham, mayo on ciabatta 
    • Snack: Coffee & creamer, cocoa rice krispies
    • Dinner: Two cheeseburgers, salad



    • The daily grind



    • Put time in the studio

    Okay, so this day was weird for me. I started having binge cravings and it made me pretty anxious. Sandwiches are scary to me? Like bread is "bad" or something? BREAD IS NOT BAD. I need to stop reading so many paleo blogs. The thing is, I don't think there is anything wrong with Paleo or whatever, but I don't think its the only way to lose weight. I don't want to give up my breads/ pastas/ cereals/ oats. And I think the past few days I've been telling myself that I have to, need to, should, etc. So it has been making me panicked and guilty/ shame every time I eat them. I also then feel like I need to sneak them as if they are bad. So I feel guilty and like a failure when I eat breads/ pastas. This is really not a good mindset for me to be having. I have also noticed my eating disorder thoughts have been getting a bit more intense... Especially with all the stress around thesis... F***kkkkkk. Deep breaths. 

    • Like 2

  7. Day 3




    • Breakfast: Oatmeal, apple, peanut butter
    • Lunch: Almonds, banana
    • Snack: Coffee & creamer
    • Dinner: Chicken meatballs, quinoa, kale



    • I took my pup on a walk :) 



    • So many meetings today! I talked with both of my Thesis advisors as well as another trusted professor. I also went to therapy! Huge day! :) 
    • Like 2

  8. Day 2




    • Breakfast: Greek yogurt, cheerios, banana
    • Lunch: Chicken, green beans, orange
    • Snack: Coffee & creamer
    • Dinner: Penne noodles, cheese and tomatoes 



    • Just moved about on my daily grind, nothing special today, but I just felt tired.  



    • Showed some of my progress work to people, and got some great feedback :) 
    • Like 3

  9. On 3/15/2017 at 6:09 PM, scottie said:


    Cats eat when they're hungry.  Then they're done.  I'm working on embodying this in this challenge.  I learned last time that a decade and a half of establishing strong negative cognitions about food is exarcerbated (in my case) by calorie counting/tracking.  I spent the last part of the challenge trying to trust the signals my body gave me instead.  Eventually I'd like to get to the point where I follow the basic principles of eating intuitively: eat when hungry, stop when full, eat what I truly choose/desire, nothing is "forbidden".  The idea is that this removes any subconscious beliefs about scarcity created when you blacklist certain foods, which I have learned has been a binge trigger for me in the past.  




    THIS. Yes yes yes yes yes!!! 

     Exactly how I feel too. "Forbidden" / restrictive diets (like Paleo etc.) will never work for me. They always just lead to guilt/shame and then binges/ disordered behaviors. I think its super cool to see lots of people embracing something similar to this for their goals this challenge! Y'all are awesome and make me feel less alone. <3 


    I'm super excited to follow along your challenge! :) 


    And a five minute plank?! Daammnnnn :) Killin' it! Wishing you lots of luck!! 

    • Like 3

  10. I love your goals! :) 


    And I think its awesome you realize how great you have been doing and can recognize and appreciate that!! :) You are doing such a wonderful job! Keep up the good work! I'm really looking forward to seeing your sketches !

    • Like 1

  11. On 3/17/2017 at 0:18 PM, Talos said:

    Finally, I need to keep working on rebuilding some of the social connections that fell by the wayside when I was fighting my way out of my cave of misery. This goal is to do something social with at least two friends during each week, or at the minimum track them down for a proper phone/Skype conversation.



    Oh man, I feel this so much.. I have really neglected a lot of people by way of my own isolation/ depression. Trying to reconnect and make amends to those that got hurt/left in the wayside of my tidal wave has been rough, and definitely a mixed bag. It's also hard to tell who should remain by the wayside (toxic ppl). Wishing you lots of luck with this. When it goes well it feels great, that's for sure. Really looking forward to seeing how it goes for you! :) 


    Also, I've been wanting to sign up for a race/ event thing to look forward to. I think I just might! thanks for inspiring me! 

    • Like 1

  12. On 3/17/2017 at 5:06 PM, RevQu said:

    I don't like how I feel when I make too many rules about food. I have obviously made nutritional progress even though I was far from perfect last challenge; I know my overall eating is much better than its been in a long time. That's enough for now, because I get discouraged and upset if I make the 'rules' too strict and slip up. I'm going to keep track so I get a sense of the big picture, and avoid processed sugar because it makes me feel crappy. Other than that, just going to keep slogging along in the 'make better choices' frame of mind.




    5. Take a picture every day.


    With the real camera, not my phone. Of anything I want.


    Yes, yes, and YES! Soo important to recognize!!! Ugh I wish I could copy and paste what you said above about food rules into my brain/ on my skin. Perfectly sums up what I am trying to do too. Such a great reminder/ goal. 


    And I adore your photography goal - being creative is so important and necessary. Gotta keep that mind spongey and playful! 


    You have awesome goals and I'm super excited to keep up with your challenge! :) Go you!! 

  13. I LOVE your goals!! <3 Especially the "Be strong like a cat" and "Be clean like a cat" !


    And huge embarrassing confession: For the longest time I thought inclined push ups were done with your feet on the stair/ counter and hands on the floor (Like a wheelbarrow) ! And so when I saw all these threads talking about doing incline push ups using a table/ stairs I tried it and I was like "WHY IS THIS SO HARD FOR MEEEE" *face plants*... And when I described my annoyance to someone they were like "Oh... you know your feet go on the floor right?" lol 


    Anyway, I wish you lots of luck!! :) 

    • Like 4


    • Breakfast: Oatmeal, peanut butter, apple
    • Lunch: Chicken with ranch on a roll
    • Snack: KIND bar, orange juice
    • Dinner: Pork Tacos



    • I did two rounds of the BBWW this morning :) ! I also walked a bunch around town. 



    • Nothing too much today, but I did get started on two videos this weekend! 


    I'm feeling pretty ready for this challenge! I've definitely developed a groove, and I'm using this challenge to keep with it. Thanks everyone for your support <3 @Mr.Six @RevQu @scottie @Skomenk <3  and I'm looking forward to keeping up with your challenges too! :) 

    • Like 3

  15. Day 28


    BREAKFAST: cheerios, milk, greek yogurt


    ACTIVITY: walking


    LUNCH: Ham on white with mayo (subway 6"), bag of chips




    DINNER: arugula gorgonzola and apple salad, 2 slices of garlic bread, a few bites of lasagna



    Man I have really missed working out the last two days. My knee has been feeling MUCH better though, so I think it is for the best. Hoping to put in a solid workout tomorrow! 


    It's important to me to acknowledge all the progress I have made these last four weeks. It has been Major and sustainable. I am so tired right now though, I think I'm getting my period in the next few days or something. Hormones feel kind of off, and i'm just exhausted and a little moody... I was hoping to write a super long and motivational inspiring thing for my last post but tbh, I'm tired as hell. I know what I've done and didn't do, and I think tomorrow I'll be able t process everything a little more. Anyways, just wanted to make sure I at least posted something :) 

    • Like 5


    I'm finally caught back up with your thread!! Yay!! :) 


    SO first off, I want to like quote everything you have written in the past week because I can relate to all of it so much. 


    On 2/25/2017 at 4:53 PM, scottie said:

     I really don't trust myself, or my body, around food.  I've been "watching what I eat" (quotes because that's clearly been unsuccessful given my current circumstance) since I was 12/13 years old.  So now, if it's not tracked or scored or calculated or whatever, I get antsy.  The idea of having complete, unrestrained freedom around food terrifies me.  As if, once given unrestricted access, I will gorge myself until suddenly I am featured on some crappy TV show about needing to be winched out my bed.


    It's back to that whole rational/emotional mind.  My rational mind says "You'd never get to that point", and my emotional mind - in a panic - cries "But you got here!  What's to say it won't get worse!  OH MY GOD STOP IT AND GET OUT THE CALORIE COUNTER!"



    Yes, I feel this. I was around 9 when my eating disorder developed and I started compulsively tracking everything I ate in a notebook, until I got older and found the internet and all the joyless calorie counters. Food is scary and it's especially scary when we have been conditioned to think of it that way. It has taken me 10+ years to finally wrap my head around the idea that foods are not "good" or "bad".  Over TEN Years!!!  One of my favorite mantras is "There are no forbidden foods - forever". 


    I think the more I told myself I couldn't have something, the more I wanted it. And the longer i deprived myself of something, the greater the failure I felt and therefore the more I ate. What has been working for me so far this challenge is letting myself have the things my mind instantly says  " no" to or labels as "bad". It rewires my brain and each time i survive eating a cookie or piece of cake, I enjoy it.  I  notice next time I see something I don't have craving for, or I'm too full to eat, I can easily pass it up because I know if I really want it and have a hunger for it tomorrow, I can always eat it. It makes things feel less finite. 


    And as a person who is at her highest weight ever.  I was horrified that I got to this point. And even though I have lost 5lbs (woop woop) , and I have done it slowly and healthily, panic still sets in just as you described. The "what if I get worse again" !! voice. 


    Changing the way we think about food and our bodies is one of the hardest things in the world. Because the emotional struggles around food manifest themselves physically on our bodies. Which can increase feelings of shame because it makes the struggle/ problem visible. 


    I just want to tell you that you are not alone <3 You are lovely, and sharing all of your feelings is so powerful. 


    On 3/8/2017 at 5:22 AM, scottie said:

     Historically, when I've been on teaching I have weighed myself daily to "punish myself" for my poor choices.  I put that in quotes because I was so surprised to realise this was my thought process.  But genuinely, I used to stand on the scale and think to myself "See?  You see what you've done to yourself?  You stupid idiot.  And you're going to do it again today.  You're useless."  And so on.


    That's awful.  And although I was aware of it, I wasn't fully appreciating the toll this takes.  Yes, I was making bad choices and yes, this was impacting my weigh ins.  But that right there is the most unhealthy behaviour of all.


    This time, I'm still making poor choices.  I'm aware of that.  But I'm accepting them as my choices.  While I know I could do better, I am being more fogiving of myself because I know as soon as I'm back to my usual routine this will readjust back to normal.  Except this time, I don't hate myself.


    This is a quiet revelation for me.  


    This is such an important revelation to make - realizing you are being cruel to yourself and that you do not deserve this cruelty. 


    And I would even challenge you further by removing the labels "bad" and "good" when talking about food and your choices around them. You are never bad for eating. Eating should not be something that makes us either "good" or "bad" people. You are an incredible, intuitive, caring, and inspiring person, and that doesn't change depending on what food goes into your body. The choices you make about food don't change your capacity for love, or determine the amount of love you deserve. you deserve all the love! Especially your own! :) 


    I'm just really super proud of you, and I think you are amazing. I believe in you, and your ability to conquer all the challenges you are facing. xx

    • Like 3

  17. On 3/2/2017 at 8:43 PM, Talos said:

    Well, I did it - I bit the bullet and actually filmed myself playing one of the main songs I've been working on as part of this challenge. And then I filmed it two more times 'cause I screwed it up.

    And since it wouldn't really count for my bonus challenge unless I actually showed someone (if a song is sung in the forest and nobody's around to hear it...), well, here ya go. Enjoy the low-fi audio.


    "House of the Rising Sun", by the Animals, and performed by yours truly.





    Filming this brought several things to my attention:

    - after a lot of practice, performing (for a camera) was not nearly as bad as I expected.

    - I look very young on camera.

    - I also dance a lot when I play guitar. I was actually TRYING to dance less than I normally do. :P 


    Do I get bard achievements yet?



    Damn that's awesome!! :) 

    You are very talented my friend! And I love that song! 

    Congrats on keeping up with the goals you set for yourself! :) It's been super cool watching your journey this challenge

    • Like 2

  18. On 2/27/2017 at 4:57 PM, Inazea said:

    Bit of a late check in but I injured my right hand and using it in any way was pretty painful.


    • track intake: 7/7
    • no sugar: 4/5
    • no cereal products: 4/5
    • strength training: 2/3
    • running: 1/2
    • studying Spanish: 5/7
    • books read: 1/3

    I'm still pretty happy with how it's going, especially not eating sugar (I even refused the cake at a birthday party!)


    That's awesome!!! :) Keep it up, you've got this! 


  19. 1 minute ago, fleaball said:

    Haha I definitely went and definitely wound up crying. It was less helpful than I wanted because I was in such a weird mood I forgot the things I wanted to talk about and was just like "yeah. It's all good." Oh well. 

     Hey, kudos for going regardless! :)  

    • Like 2