taymonsta

Hey ctparrilli, So sorry to hear that you are going through all of this I have a history of self-destructive behavior, not alcohol, but weed, self-harm, eating disorder. Weed definitely, I smoked everyday to a stupid point where I would binge. Sometimes going to work/ class high as a kite. I think the hardest part is to sit with yourself and really force yourself to find the underlying cause of the behavior. I find therapy extremely helpful. You can't do it alone. I am in a long term relationship and sometimes I feel so much shame if I "slip" or do something I feel guilty about. But if you love the person you are with, and they love you right back, sometimes the most healing thing is to be upfront about it and ask for help. I think often times these diseases and addictions thrive off of secrecy, isolation, and shame. So sometimes casting a bit of light on them and asking for help dismantles their power. I am new on this journey on NerdFitness, but one of the things that has stuck with me most is the small steps and little changes. I think quiting"cold turkey" is fine... but I think in order to be successful doing that you will need a plan and support team in place to catch you for the inevitable slip ups. Is there an AA meeting place near you? What about talking to your doctor and being upfront? Do you have close friends/ coworkers who can support you? Can you and your fiance make a plan for any set backs or anger you might have? It will not be a walk in the park, but it will be healing and it is far from impossible. You can count me in as one of your supports! I've been to treatment centers twice, and countless Intensive Outpatient facilities. I can talk the talk, and I am slowly learning to walk the walk. I can promise you it WILL get better. But the road is not always straight or direct. Be as patient as you can, and know there will be times when you feel angry or defeated, and it is those times you have to be kindest. One thing I learned in treatment that still stays with me is the idea of "Opposite Action". So for example, when I want to cut myself or hurt myself in any way, I try to instead put lotion on my body or draw with a marker designs. When i want to isolate and not go out in public, I instead force myself to find someone to talk to, call on the phone, or sit quietly in a room together, maybe not even talking. It is these actions that are sometimes the only way to break the cycle. Remember, you are not the first, and definitely not the last person to have these troubles. And also remember how much love and support already exists around you and realize those resources. I'm rooting for you!! Taymonsta

You sound like a rockstar! I hope to have done as much and helped as many people when I am your age. Truly extraordinary and humbling

Hey Dorcha! Welcome to the rebellion! I'm a newbie too.

Thanks!!

Hey everyone! My name is Taylor and I am happy to be here. I have been reading articles written by Nerd Fitness all morning and decided to just go for it! I've been struggling with accepting myself for over a decade now, and I think a lot of it has to do with not belonging to a supportive inclusive community. I love the message Nerd FItness seems to promote and the realness of everyone I've seen so far. I hope I fit in here! My wake up call came last week when I went to my doctor and was weighed. My weight is the highest it has ever been, at 260lbs, and it really rattled me. I just thought to myself - Never Again. I dealt with it in an unhealthy manner and the stress and anxiety led me to binge a bunch. I am hoping to go slow and steady. I have struggled with a eating disorder for many many years now, so food and exercise have always been a negative difficult thing. I am hoping to change that. Wow, I'm really laying it all on the table! Anyway, I am holding myself accountable to you, other rebellion fighters! I am looking forward to the 4 week challenge! And I am very much looking forward to interacting with all of you! Thanks! Taylor