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Everything posted by Zaethe

  1. Positive - I'm up in the actual morning, at a reasonable time, and I got a couple of things done I needed to do months ago. Negative - I'm running on about 5 hours of sleep, and spent the first half hour of being awake talking to the government. Which took five phone calls to get done what turned out to be a five minute conversation. So I'm pleased with my achievement, but by fuck am I grumpy about it.
  2. Thankyou! I fell in love with it the minute I saw it, absolutely had to have it. I am, for sure. I'm still paying attention to the losses, but the wins don't get drowned in defeats for sure. It really was, they were originally only holding onto it for a week, so they were super amazing about holding onto it for longer. And thanks pushing the fake it til you make it on positivity has been pretty useful over the years, for sure
  3. Yeah I've seen some of the crazy fruit costs. I watch Simon and Martina on youtube pretty religiously, and they've done a few comparisons of standard vs premium fruits, it gets a little crazy! I do know that you can get frozen berries at most konbinis, and berries in oatmeal are also crazy delicious, if this helps your fruity oatmeal cravings!
  4. Payday, which of course means I'm broke already. I'm recouping after some big bills, but I'm on top of pretty much everything and only barely in the red, so I'm okay with this. Picked up my cane today, I've been needing one for a while and the pharmacy had this one on hold for me for about four weeks bless them. It's pink and blue, with cherry blossoms on it. Very happy me.
  5. Sure was me! It's very delicious, and my heart breaks for you that mango is hard for you to get, especially knowing that Japan usually has amazing fruit quality.
  6. Better, after about 11 hours of sleep. Joints aren't too happy about that, but nothing that isn't manageable. I'm actually quite pleased that I've caught up on some rest I was lacking, so there's my silver lining. Got some fresh air, haven't eaten yet which I'm just starting to notice now, not enough water. Big surprise. Time to go chug some more in a half hearted attempt to catch up
  7. Caffeine helps sometimes, but today's one is stubborn, and has made a reappearance tonight, only I can't find a comfortable enough space to relax and take the weight off my skull to rest properly. Yay
  8. Stinkin' migraine all day, done barely anything except try to sleep it off. Head is still killing me, but I've been slacking on updating here so I wanted to at least get a little something down.
  9. I usually remember pretty well, a few months ago I was in hospital for a few weeks and everything has been upside down ever since, I'm having to work at getting back into a schedule. Making it a challenge isn't a terrible idea for sure, I gotta get it sorted somehow!
  10. Tea, I'm an Earl Grey girl. Herbals, I got some pineapple and peach infusions a few weeks ago that have completely replaced my soda intake, and are sweet enough that they don't need anything extra added to them. My doctor is aware, yeah. I manage stress just fine, it's dealing with the not managing stress that tends to cause issues. I seem to thrive under pressure. The anxiety is diagnosed general anxiety disorder, to match with the borderline personality disorder. But I don't get angry, really at all. When I take my meds I'm a generally cheerful, average person. When I don't I don't realise I've fallen off the deep end til I'm treading water. Pretty much this entire challenge so far, haven't been taking my meds. Thanks
  11. Well, on one hand, I managed to only get 5 hours of sleep. On the other hand, I'm up early enough that I actually had breakfast! At breakfast time!
  12. Nope, it's all good. It's an open offer, no obligation required
  13. The emotional difference between yesterday and today has been a complete 180. One of those, I didn't realise how bad things were until they weren't bad anymore, times. Got myself out of the house and feeling pretty good, drank my water, ate twice, all of the things. Mad how much of a difference my meds make.
  14. Meeeeee too. Whoever that was, I hope they've been fired. Terrible workmanship.
  15. I feel a hundred times better emotionally having taken my meds. Now to actually remember this, so I don't go through the nonsense again.
  16. I've actually had less issues with binge eating for a while, it's been great. The source of the problem seems to be not taking my meds, which leads me to believe that my binge eating issues have some major emotional roots. Not exactly a eureka moment, but useful to know! I think the thing with binge eating and bed, for me at least, is the comfort thing. Comfort eating in a comfort place, double safety!
  17. I've found the easiest way to tell the difference is to punch a tree a few times. If the middle doesn't pop out of it, leaving the rest of the trunk hanging in midair, then I'm not in minecraft and need to get back asap.
  18. The tentacles look like they should glow in the dark, regardless they are fabulous!
  19. So as the above, some clever idiot didn't take her meds pretty much all week. This resulted in a five day slow descent into my own personal hell. It wasn't fun! My room looks like I've just been through a major depressive episode and I've barely moved out of bed for three days. Not good. At all. So I have taken my meds, I've touched base with a friend and asked her to check in with me for a few days to make sure I'm still taking my meds. I've but the slide of pills actually on my mattress next to where my phone sits, so I can see them and take them immediately in the morning. I can't afford these kinds of disasters, in the long run. I know it's only a week and I'm back on track, but if it happens at least once a month then it's 12 weeks a year. And that's a pretty optimistic estimation of how often. And every time I backslide. I'm back over the 180kg mark. I've been on a mad binge for two days. I ate an entire cheesecake. With a spoon. While sitting in bed. These aren't the activities of a healthy, stable person. I can't keep doing this, I'm going to end up having a heart attack before I'm 33. I keep thinking there's a lock somewhere in my brain that will just click one day and I'll stop with this nonsense, but even if that were true I can't keep waiting for my headspace to catch up, I'm gonna have to fake it til I make it. That or have an anxiety attack about every twinge in my chest.
  20. Note to self: Don't stop taking your anti anxiety meds. Even if you think it won't hurt for a day or two. You're doing fine because they haven't left your system yet. When they do you will regret everything. Don't do that!
  21. My life story reads like a Spanish melodrama I've learned over time to find the silver linings thankfully! Thanks It does, but it's one of those facts of life. I try to show compassion regardless of reciprocation, it can be very draining if it's over a long period of time but I sleep better at night that way. I'm glad too *Hugs* I know, the stories aren't exactly the same but we both have aspects we can relate to. If you ever want a shoulder just to vent, I listen well and am good at not forcing unsolicited advice on people For what it's worth, knowing how hard going through that was for me, you're doing an amazing job of handling everything the universe is throwing at you.
  22. I'm not a fan of most fruits, it's a texture thing. Apples and mangoes are pretty much it, watermelon used to be right up the top of the list but I'm allergic, my poor broken heart! And I'm not a fan of the apple in oatmeal thing, had a bag of frozen mango for smoothies and figured what the hell, give it a try. Turns out warm mango is insanely sweet, and I made an excellent choice it sucks that mangoes are harder to find for you! I'm sure there's a ton of tasty things there too though. If I ever find a solution you guys will be the first to know about it, since you're usually the fist to know about the overthinking anyway. Right now my big thing has been giving myself the okay to feel my feels. Growing up this was 100% not okay, and I spent most of my life bottling everything until it imploded, recovering, then doing the whole thing again. It got worse last year, with mum, spoilers for excess detail. So recently, knowing that the last year and a half I've been absolutely not dealing with my own emotions, and dealing with everyone else's stuff as a pseudo distraction, it had to change. So now instead of ignoring when I'm feeling overwhelmed until it goes away and I can stop thinking about it, I take a few minutes and I say to myself "I'm being a grumpy baby." it's not mocking, it just vibes most with the way I'm feeling at the time. And acknowledging it out loud is like actualising it, it gives me permission - in essence - to have a small tantrum, feel like a grumpy baby with no guilt attached, expel that negativity. Then I pick myself back up and I get on with what I have to do. It's not a perfect system, but humans aren't either. We're just muddling through from one memorable experience to the next. I've got my hopes set on the next one being a positive one.
  23. I have discovered that if I put chunks of frozen mango into the bowl while I'm heating it, the hot mango is so crazy sweet that any other form of sweetener is not needed. It's been a real gem of information!
  24. Note to self: oatmeal is delicious and filling and just as simple to make as any of the junk food you would usually gravitate to. Eat more oatmeal.
  25. It really does. The fact that you want to help means as much as any actual help that could exist though. Thankyou
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