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Zaethe

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Everything posted by Zaethe

  1. I just woke up from the weirdest dream I've had in a while. The main theme was that I had to take my Dad's cat to the vet, but his carry box had turned into a clear plastic briefcase type thing, with holes large enough for a kitty in the top around the handle. So I had to walk him there with one hand stuck in the hole because he kept jumping out and trying to ride horses at the sanctuary we were walking past.
  2. I've been using my thread as kind of a venting board for a lot of frustration for a few days. I promise that my days aren't without good points too The venting about it really helps.
  3. I'm being a grumpy baby because I'm fed up of these nights. It's every night now. I hate waking up at 11. I hate not falling asleep til the sun's starting to come up. I hate needing to be so tired I feel nauseous to be able to ignore the pain in my hips and shoulders enough to get some sleep.
  4. This all makes perfect sense to me. Having been in a similar position, the feeling of everything being out of control while constantly scrambling for a foothold is pretty reasonable and completely understandable. It's admirable that you're trying, and that deserves a hell of a lot of credit. Glad you have some good friends for support
  5. I thought I'd beaten the system, it was 11pm and I was SO tired. Settled down, let my body relax, closed my eyes.... and my joints said So now I'm back to shuffling from hip to hip in varying angles, just trying to find enough exhaustion to pass out. Yay. This is the biggest killer of my motivation.
  6. High fives for a good zero week!
  7. The weekend has been....loud. Today I had enough of the upstairs neighbours having shouty conversations at each other with one of them outside and the other inside the house, got in the car and went to my Dad's place. Played a little Skyrim, stayed for dinner. Finally got home at 9pm. Safe to say that I definitely got myself outside today. Ate lunch and dinner, didn't do the dishes, didn't drink 4l of water. The water thing is on track to become a problem. We're hitting that time of year where staying hydrated matters even more. I need to commit and get on top of this now, before I spend half of my favourite season in bed with heat exhaustion.
  8. Thanks, it's definitely appreciated My big overall issue with it though is the wishy washy nature of the way I've been doing things. I don't even commit until it fails. I make a momentary commitment and then alter my approach/change my commitment before I've even had time to gauge whether it's worthwhile or not. It's incredibly unproductive. I might not be content to let things stay how they are, but with that approach I'm making a regular cycle of changes that have zero impact whatsoever. I'm still sitting at the exact same weight I was three months ago, because I keep flip flopping around before I actually do anything.
  9. I'm starting to feel like I go through an existential crisis about once a week. It's getting very tiresome. In the end though, I have no one to blame for it but myself. The things I'm lacking in my world, consistency and discipline, are things that I can actively input into my daily life with a little mindfulness. Well, more than a little mindfulness. It takes discipline to develop discipline, it's a bit of a revolving door that one. But the fact is, I'm 31 and I'm still kind of just skimming through life without touching much of it. I'm dithering back and forth on this, and changing decisions so regularly I might as well not make them. It's become so common for me to get motivated in a space and time where action isn't a possibility, mentally commit to making a change, going to sleep, then continuing life as if none of that had happened until a few days later, where I do it all over again. It's honestly part of myself that I'm really ashamed of. I have such a heavy reputation for stubborness and being mule headed, but given anything I commit to on my own steam, I just flop out on it. I don't like that about myself. A large part of this problem is anxiety, which I'm learning has a much tighter hold over my life than I thought it did. I commit to something, and then I overthink it. Should I do it this way, or that. How much time and dedication should I put it. Then I start to worry about finding a balance so that I don't burn out, or injure myself. Then I fuss over all the possible ways that could happen. It leads to being perpetually stuck in place. I feel like I haven't grown in a lot of ways since I was a teenager. Physically, emotionally, yes. But there's so many pieces missing. I've dropped a lot of passions over the years, and when I look back I can't explain why I did. They just fell off by the wayside. Things that to this day I consider important. I haven't pushed myself intellectually in years. Hobbies have been tucked away on shelves and just forgotten about. Sometimes I genuinely feel like what there is of me that's purely me has diminished down so much that I can't actually quite find it, and the rest is the amalgam of societal, parental, platonic and romantic expectation. I feel like I ramble about these things to pick my way through them to solutions. But I'm not sure I have one for this, outside of get my shit together and commit properly to something.
  10. Ain't that the truth! Also that is adorably quaint, and reminds me why I'm fond of the southern states in general. Been a long time since I've been in that corner of the world
  11. Weekends in a gated community kinda suck for the grouchy. All I wanna do is curl up in some peace and quiet and catnap in the sunshine streaming in through the window, because my hips actually feel okay right now. But upstairs has a kid who loves to run in the house on the weekends, three doors down has forgotten that other people live in units attached to theirs, and has cranked their stereo to 11, the other upstairs neighbours are being as loud and obnoxious as they usually are, which mostly includes them having shouted conversations from the base of the outdoor stairs to inside their unit. It's gonna be a long, noisy day.
  12. Here's to getting stuff done! I'm terrible for mindlessly staring at the same unproductive thing for hours, this is something I need to work on too.
  13. Have I mentioned that I hate waking up at midday? I hate waking up at midday.
  14. In respect to the all guild challenge, I'm not familiar with this one either. I'd guess it's that we're not hiving off into guilds and such, and all threads may possibly be in a singular forum section. But it's just a wild guess, no actual knowledge. Of course, the man to ask would be @Tanktimus the Encourager
  15. I hear you on hearing that you need to take it easy and then completely backing off because of it. After the docs told me to be careful of my joints I stayed in bed for a week because I didn't want to damage myself more. It's a balancing act. Your goals look good! You've got this
  16. I hear ya on finding better ways to handle bad days, gym is a great idea!
  17. Whew! So it's been a mad couple of days. I get paid every other Wednesday, so it's always a pretty busy time. But I was late on paying the rego this quarter, so I've not been able to drive for about a month. Finally getting it paid and sorted was a weight off, and then my Dad invited me over for dinner, and I'm not about to say no to a free feed. So I trekked up there when I go up, spent the day playing skyrim because I don't have a tv or pc at home currently, so getting to play a game is a bit of a novelty at the moment. Then dinner with Dad after he finished work. Then on my way home I stopped in at a friend and picked up a little bit of weed. So that night I slept like a baby for about 9 hours, which has become a rarity at the moment. Getting to sleep is a struggle and then on bad nights I can't stay asleep. The smoke helps me not kill the pain, but make it tolerable enough to actually rest. Which is nice once in a while. So then yesterday I went out and did a little grocery shopping, came home and finally got more on top of my dishes situation, cleared up some boxes I still had yet to pack, and then my spoons just kinda ran out and I ended up falling asleep at 2am after half catnapping for a few hours. It was nice to get some productive things done, and also take a little time for myself to get some real rest. I don't do it a regularly as I would like to, but it's real nice when I do.
  18. Updates are coming, it's been a long couple of days, I just have to get a couple of things done today while I have the spoons before I sit down and reply to posts properly
  19. Right now the issue has been getting on top of it. Leaving them for a week causes buildup. Once I'm through the bulk it's just a matter of washing a couple of dishes a day luckily. I live alone so there's very little mess I make in a single day. Alo those sound good! I'll look into besan fritters, thanks! Thanks I try I try
  20. Looking good! Going back to basics never hurts when there's a big project on the horizon. Good luck with nano!
  21. I do this too! If I'm gonna buy a drink when I'm out why would I pay ridiculous prices for fiji water when I can have something different.
  22. It's Australian slang, my bad! It's short for 'registration'. In this case, my car registration, so I can legally drive on the roads.
  23. Well I got paid, and five minutes later I have 6 bucks in my account. Yay bills! At least my rego isn't due again til december
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