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About Vendettaressa

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  • Birthday May 30

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    in the screaming sounds of silence
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  1. If Blethanland is anything like Vendiville, there are about eighty good million reasons and almost no socially acceptable reasons.
  2. It didn't even occur to me it could be used for that, especially given that we're trying to diagnose/determine root cause of a cerebrospinal fluid leak and not having dates for when things were worst/good days is a real pain... This is an excellent plan!
  3. yay health issues! So this four (technically three) week challenge is going to be me doing what I know I need to do. 1 - Walk my new dog every morning and evening for at least 20 minutes. 2 - Cuddle my dog for at least 15 minutes every day. 3 - Complete all schoolwork ASSIGNMENTS by Friday rather than Sunday. 4 - Journal for 5 minutes a day. There. That's it. Any bonus objectives, I'll be more than happy to accomplish, but baby steps.
  4. So so so many down and depressed days. Made it through the holidays. January hit and I became an emotional wreck on the verge of becoming an alcoholic. it's taken three weeks to recover from the worst episode yet, and my husband has found a dog to adopt that will be acting as a companion for me. we are working to get me in therapy, but this requires answering a phone call to schedule appointments, which I don't do. My grades are also severely slipping and I'm likely to not make President's List again this semester even though I've made it the last two semesters. This respawn, I'm going to be focusing on journaling, taking time to meditate, taking time to do my schoolwork, making plans for things I need to do like finish cleaning for the dog we're adopting and all the things she'll need. I also want to start exercising once a week while my doctor looks into possible Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. So today, I'm hitting the accept button on the spirit healer's offer in Dalaran, respawning, and dealing with the equipment damage and increased damage debuff while I get back up to where I know I can be. If anyone has any recommendations for planners or spreadsheets to help me track time and accomplishing goals, I'd love recommendations!
  5. So I'm clocking in and joining a week late, but the extreme depressive episodes have finally gone down enough to where I might function. So I'm getting the spreadsheet up to date with the school I did yesterday. I'm going to focus on being a mage for now since that's where I'm struggling most, but I would love ideas for where to put walking since I usually have to use it to clear my head and breathe.
  6. Well, keeping up with the forum failed. I've done great at keeping up with the facebook group, but I can't remember to update here. -.-
  7. As always, holidays spin me into mental and emotional turmoil. To restore a sense of balance and peace, I'll be visiting the druids for a little while! Mental: Faithfully log food/walking/soda/workouts every evening before bed. Read a Korean board book once a week. Begin mindful meal preparation every Monday evening. Physical: Complete Water Series A or B three times a week. Walk a different path of Christmas lights once a week. Spiritual/Relational: Participate in one family event every week with different family (bio, in-laws, sworn, and clan). Develop a cleansing ritual for high stress relief.
  8. I'm still on the very first one called General DOMS. Not gonna lie, if I progressed when I thought I could, I would get nowhere. That's one of my problems, and I'm trying to overcome it by "yes, I've done this for a month, I can try now". Would muscle soreness be a good indicator? If I'm getting less and less sore when doing these exercises, Is it time to move to other exercises?
  9. fPROGRESS UPDATE! LIFE Finish my first year in college with As. Last class of the year! Still on track to make straight As! Get a promotion. Officially Network Technician 2! Become more fluent in Korean. I can now read without mixing syllables up and I can tell you what parts of speech a word usually is. However, I am going to change this goal to: Write a lullaby in Korean. Become more fluent is far too vague and doesn't allow me to set timely goals. HEALTH Get down to 200lbs. Still hovering at 230, but I'm working in the Academy now and seeing a strength difference. Eat 2K calories every day for a month. I am going to change this to: Eat 1k calories every day for a month. I'm still hovering around 800 and hitting 1K every three or four days, so I need to set a more realistic goal for myself. Get off soda. I have soda maybe three times a week, with plenty of night shift and 3am travel excuses. From here to Thanksgiving, I'm cutting back to once a week; in December, I will go the entire month without. They're changing my schedule off of night shifts so I won't need it and don't want to give myself any leeway for slipups. FITNESS Plank a minute. I am up to a 25 second plank after three weeks in the Academy! Swim an average of an hour a day during pool season. This has been canceled. For Fitness, my new goal is: Beat General DOMS and The Widowmaker. Get flexible. I enrolled in yoga classes as well, but this goal is still far too vague. This is updated to: Complete Water series Level 1. HOBBIES Read the entirety of my Kindle library. This is completed! FINALLY GET FLYING IN DRAENOR AND SURAMAR. This has been canceled. This is not a priority for me because it is not one of my long term goals. Just get to level 30 in League already… This is completed. I have also completed my placement matches and finished at Silver IV. My new goal for the end of the year: Download a tracking app and improve my warding score. BONUS QUESTS Hobby: Indie-publish a short novel. This has been canceled. The new goal is: Write a short novel. Life: Actually take a small vacation. We have planned a vacation for Thanksgiving week. This goal is getting updated to: Travel for a holiday with healthy snacks. Health: Cook or prep all the meals for the week on a specific day for a month. This is too vague. I have set a time limit of a month for this. Fitness: Be able to dance along to Gfriend's "Me Gustas Tu". I have been given permission to start this quest again.
  10. So I have my starting point. I'm literally starting from 0 on the bodyweight exercises. I have no shame and no qualms about admitting that, because I'm going to get better! I want to end up as an Assassin. I want to be able to freerun and do parkour and free climb. I've been training for almost three weeks and I feel pretty sure I can beat the first boss battle here in another week. But I want to set up my goals with dates so I can actually give myself incentive to train. Should I be following the bodyweight exercises the entire time, move to gym stuff, how long should I be spending on each tier of exercises, and when should I join classes for rock climbing and parkour? What kind of timeline should I be following?
  11. So I have been working extremely hard lately to pretend like I don't care. hahahahaha. I care. A lot. Painfully so. During one of my suicidal and depressive states very early this month, I bought Academy and Yoga. I figured, wth, maybe exercise will kill me as bad off as I am. NOPE. I've actually taken a lot of joy in my bodyweight squats and elevated pushups and planking. It's surprising when you find yourself somewhere you always wanted to get to but thought getting on the path would be too hard/too time consuming. Not even kidding. tore through the mindset quests. I know I'm supposed to not overload myself and try to do everything at once, but I keep devouring it. It's like finding something that's actually life-GIVING and less life-sapping. I still have to do my yoga benchmarks, but I printed out that sheet tonight and I'm going to have my husband help me measure. I've been keeping a food log on myfitnesspal for a week now, and I'm getting around 800 calories a day since I started keeping track. I'm going to stick with it. Because I know I can. Because I know I'm happy for the first time in my life.
  12. How to hold myself to it. I want it, but I can't manage to break through the fog of desperately needing sleep and then being slammed during work so I don't even get a lunch break or a meal sometimes. I can't wake up early because I work from 2p-3a, and I have to watch the kids at 7a, so I barely sleep as is. I just don't want to give up and I can already feel my priority list shifting to edge it out. How do I hold myself to this?
  13. Welp. Back in the tavern of starting over again... Unlike normal, I am not actually starting over during a manic high. I'm starting over because I've been suicidal for two months straight. I'm the only income in my family and the only chance my children have to survive. As suicidal as I am, death isn't an option. So pouring that self-hatred, rage, and hopelessness out and transforming it into something else is where I'm starting today. Signed up for the Academy last night. Turns out, it was the wakeup call I needed, to change my mindset and fight again. One of the most key thoughts during the entire mindset module was to set your goals as "I will" and "I am". I'm not going to identify with my eating disorder anymore and instead identify with who I want to be. So far, I'm actually making a decent amount of progress in the... two hours I've been working through the mindset quests. Slow but steady! Any tips available?
  14. PROGRESS UPDATE! LIFE Finish my first year in college with As. I'm in my last week of a class now which puts me 2/3rds of the way through my school year with straight As. I also made President's List for the first semester. Get a promotion. I did interview for one and did not make it yet. However, we are setting up a new system at work that will allow us to easily identify where everyone falls and I will get a promotion from Network Technician to Network Technician 2 or Senior Network Technician 2 out of the assessment. Become more fluent in Korean. I just got up the courage to sing happy birthday for the first time ever last week. HEALTH Get down to 200lbs. I started at 240, ended up spiking by the end of May to 260, and have dropped back down to 230. Net loss of 10. That's still pretty big for me! I have three months to get the other 30 pounds down. Eat 2K calories every day for a month. Not even remotely close. I'm back to 700 calories a day and blacking out. Today was 760. I can and will do better. Get off soda. This is actually my main caloric intake right now. :/ There are days where I go and only have soda all day. I need to work harder at this. FITNESS Plank a minute. I haven't tried this due to ACL injuries since March, and I'm back in PT. I'll see if this is advisable to pick back up. Swim an average of an hour a day during pool season. I couldn't find a bathing suit that fit due to unnaturally large chest sizes. Wish I was kidding. Instead, I worked on my sleep habits and I'm up to 9 hours a night instead of 4. Get flexible. No progress noted here. I sit on my leg at work and it goes numb within a matter of seconds, and my hip feels like it will die. HOBBIES Read the entirety of my Kindle library. I haven't even looked at this, to be honest. I need to create a spreadsheet so I know which ones I've read. FINALLY GET FLYING IN DRAENOR AND SURAMAR. Nope. Not yet! WoW account has been down since April. Just get to level 30 in League already… COMPLETE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 That's right, I completed one! Now, what I haven't done is finish my placement matches. BUT I accomplished the original goal. BONUS QUESTS Hobby: Indie-publish a short novel. I would have to write first. Part of my current accountability thread is writing 100 words a day now. Life: Actually take a small vacation. Unlikely. We have nothing planned but maybe I will consider it over Christmas since I'm off three days a week now. Health: Cook or prep all the meals for the week on a specific day in advance. I have not scheduled this out yet. Fitness: Be able to dance along to Gfriend's "Me Gustas Tu". I've learned the dance, but cannot complete this with the ACL injury. After therapy I will look into this and see if it is advisable to pick up.
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