Bean Sidhe

Hey, did you get your sheets changed for today and take that shower. That being said, I have about 15 things I need to do today and right now, I am mostly dressed and all I want is my bed. so it is not just you who is tired.

Everything feels challenging now. I hate I get tired walking when I didn't use to. I hate that I am just tired in general all the time. I will get there, but ugh, I don't wanna. The upside is the OT money will help. Things need done both at home and at work. But right now, I just always feel behind and that I missing things and I am so tired it is hard to play catch up. I just need a few days of sleep. that being said, its 730 and it is farmers market time with youngest agent

So I am going to try and be more positive for a bit. We will see if this helps thing to be proud of I am not as stressed since Coworker went out on medical I walked at like 8:30 at night since I like 3000 steps - it was the short, but I didn't let the fact I needed a flashlight stop me.

Hello all Well,. this a better sign. I am here twice in one week. So far challenge wise, I have done okay. Not amazing, but (knock on wood) I have yet to miss a getting all the boxes in one day. Not saying it will last, but it is something. My steps are varied because while I am trying to get back to actual walks, some days I am just tied to my desk all day. There were a few days where lunch was not great. I had one day where I had a meeting over lunch, I came back and literally sat down when Boss told me to go help New Guy (I may need a new name for him) since he needed help on a report he was not ready for. Took me 4 hours to get the report done for him (the last hour was me creating the pieces and another half hour saying "Hey, put this in and then do this). that day I got lunch at 4 pm when I was shaking adn excused myself to go eat in about 5-8 minutes. I have had some serious OT and I am not happy about it, but it needs to happen especially when Boss (Same day as lunch issue) changes my priority 3 times and says everything needs done by end of day. It is a good thing I can work fast and multitask and almost 12 hour days don't help. Home has been actually okay. Aside from the leaking roof at Moms (we think we fixed it) not much is going on here. I need to get school supplies for Youngest who starts next week. Brother S is moving in as well this week. I am doing what I can, and while my selftalk is horrid (I need to lose a billion pounds or Why can't I get more done a day) and my depression is bad, my anxiety is slightly better not worrying about coworker or what they are doing. So yeah, not sure if this is improvement, but its something I think. Back to work.

HI I have never had the cross pollination problem, but this is what I get from going "That looks fun" when buying plants. But They are doing really well, so I give them credit for that. You showed up, it doesnt matter when. Hopefully you got a post up if you wanted too. I am horrible right now about following others. That is next challenge. LOl

Glad to see you. Work is a mess, but with coworker out, it means I can actually stress less because I don't have to monitor what mistakes he is making every day. I can actually stop watching my phone as close. Although his first day out and he tried to call to talk to a couple of us. No one picked up since he is supposed to not be working. Welcome back. I am not yet at a point where I am around like I want to. I miss my daily checkins. But I am trying to do something. Thanks for the spares. I will need them. I am rather annoyed that the pepper plants had to have an attitude at me.

Apparently I have a couple traitor pepper plants. new goal, to mark the hot ones so I don't keep having to take test bites. Love you, I missed it here.

I am still alive. Work officially got harder. Coworker is out on medical leave for the issues we all see now at the busiest time of the year (at least 45 days), so I am doing things mostly solo. 11 hour days at work now. At least I get OT. In challenge news, I am actually doing okay. I have gotten all my boxes every day since 7/24/2023. There have been some days it almost didn't happen, but its something. Highest day was 62 out of 89. min is 21 pts. Brother S moves in with us for the next year or so, starting next week. Yay to having him, but it will be a change. And I walked today even tho I didnt want to. Still no spoons here. I am trying to rest and sleep, but I have other things to do.

Example of my morning. I went outside to grab sweet peppers off the plants for snack. Good thing right. I test bit one of them, its NOT SWEET. The test bite is due to about a week ago, I grabbed a pepper off the counter and just bit half of it off. I was crying for an hour. Now I have 2 traitor pepper plants and I hurt and this does not bode well for today because my mouth is on fire from the tiny test bite. Off to work I go anyway.

I don't know how to change the title. so it stays. seems appropriate that chaos is winning and I didn't know i used it before

Thank you. and

I just realized I titled the new post the same as this one. Wow, I am bad. Maybe I will change that

So I have been trying to sit down write out a "Hi, I am back, the world is still dumb, sorry I disappeared" post for a week and a half. Honestly, I have a word doc with notes and sentences and gifs and stuff on my computer open with these things. But the way I am writing this shows its not going well. I didn't mean to take last challenge off, it just fell off my radar. I was emailing @fleaball and told her I was just out of spoons. But this challenge has come around, my weight is a new high of 315, I am tired, I am stressed, and I feel like I work and come home nad collapse every day. I stopped all walking. I stopped doing boxes, I just kinda existed and I hate it. So I am trying again. Things are still bad at work, its the busy time, great time to reset. I mean I worked 12 hours yesterday and 11 the day before and well, more than that the week before that. So yea, I am back. I am doing boxes. I just need to do something because I really really can't keep doing this. I need my life back. Adding the Gifs I had collected to make a fun Hi, sorry I left post. Ugh, the second gif link is bad. this annoys me. Maybe someone can get it to work. I need to go to work. its almost 6 am. https://scontent-ord5-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/226379337_4383410528346736_5132151508722304137_n.jpg?_nc_cat=111&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=gGYkAQEWJ4UAX9_P2BD&_nc_ht=scontent-ord5-1.xx&oh=00_AfDjuxZqXChxAZ9OwtVa9z_Fsu4QpYDgXXCZaFV9uEJ9SA&oe=64C8DD5D (This is my life. Someone send spoons or help, or reminders that this is not what life is) That last sentence is really bad and I want to take it out. but at the same time. That is truth for you

In bad news, Coworker messed up BIG and new guy was trying to tell me it was okay because everyone makes mistakes. Meanwhile, found this on Wednesday before I left and I spent 2 hole days plus OT cleaning it up. but it is fine. (No, its not since I reminded him to do it). Then he tried "training" someone on something he hasn't done in 2+ years (but is a basic requirement of the system) and he confused them and they were totally lost. I told him to please stop and while I know he was trying to help, it made it worse. Apparently he talked to Roomie during 1st day of cleanup asking "Why is Bean mad" and apparently she said I wasn't mad, just horribly stressed out and busy and stuff like this wasn't helping when he can't even fix it. In amazing news the countertops are finally in. They were installed yesterday so we are hoping to hook up plumbing and maybe actually cook if not tonight, then tomorrow. I am hoping to start putting the kitchen back and then we can do the backsplash towards the end of June and then we will have a done kitchen. I lost the challenge around mid may. I am mad about it, but I have had no energy or motivation. I have a dr appt at the end of June (which will be all bad news) so I need to start doing something now. I am thinking about just setting up the new challenge and restart now that plants are outside, there are no seedlings, (all the cukes died, so seeds went in to the ground). I am hoping now that I can cook and we are not living on takeout I will get some motivation somewhere. And I really want to start walking at lunch again. I ahven't done it since my knee got bad and I miss it and even second and roomie agree that it helps my mindset. BTW, did I ever mention that depresssion sucks. Anxiety sucks, hopelessness sucks. So maybe when I start putting the house back together, it will get better.

I need to remember that, however, right now it feels like I am doing nothing. Its annoying. Thank you I am all for the running away option. I am in the same boat and I know I am uber frustrated with people and I am not the patient person I want to be. But at the same time, the whole "Why do you do this and add more work to me" is so frustrating.