Harriet

A lovely blessing, thank you! Thank you, Sea! Cassis is on the Côte d'Azur, near Marseilles. It has lovely cliffs that the impressionists liked to paint, and we are near the sea. There are charming little villages, like Aix en Provence, that can be reached by car. But I will mostly rest and look at the trees and water and cliffs. Thank you, Ever! There's no specific internet at the house, only whatever my phone has, so I may drop in just briefly to say hello. I'm not really sure how much internet data my phone has. Probably plenty for browsing but not videos?

Today I did a walk and some packing and tidying and BG1. Things are okay. Off to France tomorrow.

I'm visualising this, with really long fingers going for the eyes and just taking them out. Oh, that's a long trip. I can take a 15 minute walk to mine, which is much better. Depends on the race. I like the humans in heavy or light armour, and the elves in the thief or mage sprites. The Dwarves look great in anything. I don't love the elf fighter sprites, which includes the druid sprite.

Very understandable that your tolerance for drama llama is reduced. I'm so happy that the lifting helped you feel better. That's awesome.

Did a somatic therapy via zoom. It didn't go well because zoom wouldn't open so I wasted ten minutes on that before the therapist just called by phone. She had only scheduled half an hour, so we did about 25 minutes after the late start. It was okay talking by phone but not ideal. She had some good ideas. I slept badly so the rest of the day was one short walk and then just BG1. I'm torn between the kind of class I want and the kind of sprite (the in game figures with different appearances) that I want. Dilemma.

Backstab eyeballs... from behind? But how? For me it's all about the gameplay. I spent a lot of time sneaking and throat cutting in Skyrim because Skyrim rewards that sort of behaviour. But I also like running up to enemies and frontstabbing them.

Ahhh, so a a zen-ken-sho-ist is a bard of sorts--good at everything. Arrange flowers, dispatch enemies, sit calmly. Sounds great actually.

Feed your brain some good food and better sleep, and let it predigest the problem overnight before journalling about it. I hope you feel better soon and that the socialising distraction is a pleasant one.

Right. I'm just feeling out some possibilities and their values, and one of the important things that has come up in my reflections is that an endless crash state is not unlikely, at least during the early years (but maybe longer, since my crashes are triggered by minor infections and emotional stress, or regularly overstepping my boundaries, which is very easily done and which characterised my life for about fifteen years while I studied and worked, even part time). And there's a real possibility that the utility of this scenario is so negative that I would rather be dead. I had suicidal ideations throughout school and my part time internship, not because anything bad happened but because I was overtired/under-recovered all the time, which doesn't sound that bad, but kind of is. It doesn't kill you but just creates permanent mild to moderate suffering (the unbearableness of this is not high at first, but increases over months and years) and causes your cognitive and emotional function to deteriorate, in my experience. In my understanding of my history, my depression lifted precisely because I wasn't working or studying, even part time. Hard to see how I'd cope better with children, which seems to push healthy people to their limits, but that's still open to discussion. Maybe there are some differences that are relevant like the time frame or the privacy and home setting of childrearing vs paid work, or increased coping skills now I'm turning into a give-no-fucks Hag. And all this is measured against the positives, which I'm also trying to feel out. I'm finding that stabbing someone directly to their face (like a MAN!) is much more convenient, yeah. Saaaaad.

Do the vegetables negate the sugar? Could be a good system.

Oh, we have something in common. I like looking at art. I don't necessarily like talking or reading about art. I got an AI to write some pretentious gibberish about my art once. I think it elevated it from "cool picture" to "conceptual masterpiece". But I felt sullied and hated myself and the AI afterwards.

Walks are such a good intermediate between total sloth and champion activity levels.

I love you too, Sovalis. I am glad I have something to offer, even if it is only that nerds sometimes spit their tea out. "To and fro, stop and go, that's what makes the world go round" I also don't make progress, about half the time. I'm wondering what would happen if I just accepted the downtime in the secure knowledge that progress would come again soon?

Went to the gym, had a bit of a rest, then went to visit my brother at his apartment. Berlin is so spread out that it's a 45 minute ride. Discussed the children issue with him and found it helpful. Now home and resting. Need to do a few things to get ready for trip to France. Tomorrow? Mr Harriet booked a session with the trainer at the gym. He is finally ready to work on his low muscle mass (he's skinnyfat, and it's affecting his posture and vertigo, and heart disease seems to run in the family) instead of just doing endless extreme endurance exercise and hoping it will shrink his stomach. The guy gave him a workout to do twice a week, on machines. Leg press, hip thrust, pec machine, cable row, lat pull down, and maybe one other thing. I forget. But those are the machines I use to supplement BB and DB, so I thought it was okay. No bosu ball shit or endless featherweight isolation exercises. His reasoning is that you can build muscle more easily on machines. Not sure if that's always true, but they're definitely less fatiguing than complex free movements so it might be easier to get more volume on them, and volume is crucial to hypertrophy. He recommended 8-12 reps, and that Mr Harriet should add weight if he gets to 15 reps. Overall it sounds like a pretty solid way to programme and explain to someone with limited interest and time, IMO. He also said Mr Harriet should eat 1g/lb protein, so about 150g. Possibly overkill, according to RP, and hard to achieve as a vegetarian without protein shakes. I did enter a sample day of vegetarian eating into my app that gave him 125g, though, so that he has some ideas how it might be done. Dairy helps.

Neato! Sounds like a really fitting endeavour for you. Sorry about the foot, though

Divinity original sin? I played both but finished neither 😳 I especially loved it in Dragon Age: Origin. Really loved seeing those bold critical hit numbers pop up. Precisely! But miniature giant space hamster is not a playable race 😡 I'm not sure what you mean. I'm considering what my life will be like later with and without children. I'm considering possible outcomes and their likelihood and utility. Why is that not exactly what one should do? Face smashing is an excellent and enjoyable modality.

Amazing! Such a mundane subject but rendering one material (cloth) with a very different one (clay) is wonderful.

Happy tears, I hope. I can't really see the object as it's too small but it looks like it's carved to look like a twisted sweet wrapper over a spherical giant toffee (I mean, it could be chocolate. Or a rock. But I think toffee.)

Cold water helps you sleep? I would have guessed it would boost stress hormones and prevent sleep, which is why I haven't tried cold showers at night, yet. Excellent! Bujos are so good for these insights.

I LOVE IT! Including his coquettish look 😛

No, 1 & 2! I want to backstab. *Stabbitty stabby*

I went to the fatigue doctor today and got blood taken. Got it to work first time. She said my blood is flowing easier and looks a better colour (I can't tell. Always neon purple normal human red.) Iodine test results: I have just squeaked out of the mild deficiency and into the normal range. Gotta keep taking the tablets, then. Went for a walk and took photographs of red maples in the neighbourhood to show Mr Harriet for our garden. Installed baldur's gate on laptop so I have a downtime activity in Cassis. TOO MANY CHOICES?!?! Good? Evil? Class? So many classes!?! Different considerations for BGI and BGII, as early levels favour ranged weapons and early spells are unimpressive. Same or different characters for I and II? Possibly a custom pair and only 4 NPCs, since they are annoying. Did laundry, groceries, walk. Not very energetic but not crashed either.

1. Helpfully pay for guest's ticket to elsewhere. 2. Regretfully explain that ticket money was taken out of rice and beans fund. 3. Starve guest out of the house like a reverse siege. 4. Victory dance! 5. Chocolate pudding.

Sorry about the scatter mind. I hate being in that state. I hope the scatterfog lifts and you get to focus on some satisfying stuff. Don't be ashamed, it drains your mental energy.

Fair enough. I think my hips are already strong enough for everyday. I want hypertrophy. Not necessarily true. If having children pushed me back to an endless crash state, which is what I experienced for years and years through school and uni, that would be a very, very, very wrong answer for me. Seriously I'd rather die than go back to being that exhausted all the time. Cheers! Very understandable. If I weren't sick children would be a maybe. I want enough energy for me to have an okay life. But of course I also don't want to be an absent, resentful mother. Pump somewhat correlates. Apparently the key mechanisms are time under tension, stretch under tension, and metabolic damage (correlated with the BURN), with time under tension being the most important. I think pump correlates to metabolic damage? Some say it contributes a small but direct amount to the hypertrophy itself, but that's unsure. Cell mechanisms are complex.