Sambalina

Hey Guys! Well, the weekend was a bit less fun than it could have been due to lingering nausea, but I got over the worst of the tummy bug on Friday. I had to skip two gym sessions because it left me so weak! But, I'm going today after work. Today I'm also going social dancing for the first time! I'm kind of nervous because I've only been learning to dance for a month and a half, but hopefully it'll be a blast. I'm going with my dance teacher and a friend or two from class

I'm not getting to the gym as much as I have previously, but I'm so active with other things like dance and climbing, that I think it's ok. Right now meeting new people and getting in some activity is maybe more important to my health than solo gym time. I am still lifting twice a week, so at least I shouldn't be going too much further backwards.

My date on the weekend was fun. We went to a nice place for lunch and then headed to the zoo. When we got there we found it was shut down due to bird flu! Luckily the zoo is in a huge park with lakes, chairlifts, art museums, and even a theme park! So, we went walking, on the chair lift and to the modern art museum. Haha, if you want to find out if someone has a sense of humour, go to a modern art museum! It's fun interpreting all the art While it was a fun date, and he held my hand, it wasn't super exciting for me. I don't know if it should be? I know I still miss KJ, but it's more of a background occasional thing. I guess I just need to take it all slowly, date around, and relax

Anyway, diet is going well -improving slowly. Exercise is good. And my website is ready to launch at a food event I'm attending this weekend I'm at a bit of a loss as to what to do with the 'homepage', so any suggestions (on any of it!) are welcome.

Love you guys.

Hey guys - I wasn't super low carb - around 100-150g a day, but that might be 'too low' for me. I will experiment! 

But not for a few days... I caught an awful tummy bug and was totally bed-ridden or throwing up yesterday. It was awful! I'm feeling much better today, but still weak. So, I didn't get my third gym session in, but not much I can do about it. Ew!!

Hey guys,

Week 3 went well (it's week 4 now, right??). I've super busy with fun stuffs I've been to they gym twice this week, and am going again tomorrow. I feel like I'm getting back into the swing of lifting after not doing it properly for about two months. Much DOMS has resulted, but it feels good to be back on track. I've started back at level 1 of the NF academy barbell battalion, and will be moving to level 2 after 3 weeks.

My eating over the past two months has been WAY WAY off track. I'm ready now to begin the slow adjustments back to where I want to be. However, it's been a really interesting experiment. I've been eating a lot of stuff I think is unhealthy, like grains and sugars and processed crap, but have had a lot of energy. I was finding that my energy was flagging a bit on my pretty clean diet. Now, it might just be that spring is here, so I'm feeling more like moving, or I was perhaps restricting too much before? It's something I'm going to play around with. It could just be a calories thing, as I know I pretty much consistently undereat when eating clean because I have to eat so much to get the same amount of calories. Anyway, for the remainder of the challenge my focus is simply to eat more vegetables to replace some of the grains and sugar. Easy does it, and it shouldn't all fall apart

I'm extremely active at the moment, and feeling fantastic emotionally. I am so proud of myself for overcoming this and not throwing myself directly into a new relationship instead of properly dealing with the demise of the old one. I feel like I'm back on solid ground and stronger than ever. So, I am changing my walking goal into a business goal. By the end of the next three weeks I want to have launched my online bakery and have shipped my first lot of goods. I actually already have an order from a friend, but I'm not counting that

Tasks this week:

- Pricing

- Photos and descriptions on site

- test mail service + cost

Next week:

- Prep for food swap

- Launch site

- Plan future offerings

I'm attending a food swap on March 29, and am going to use it as a way to get my products and website out there. I'll be making not only cookies, but some candy as well, and packaging them up with my logo and web address Pretty exciting!

And on a personal note, I have a second date with flirty hiking guy on Saturday. He invited me out for lunch and a walk around the Seoul Zoo. I am looking forward to it.

Hey PA How's it going? Has walking earlier in the day been working for you?

Thanks guys - I'm starting to really love it. It's such a change from the long no-real-style-at-all that I've had for the past little while. I feel kind of re-vamped

So, I had my second therapy session yesterday, and my therapist wanted to try some art therapy. I'd never done that before and ended up drawing/painting this kind of diagram thing about my fears surrounding feeling negative emotions (and the idea that I'll get caught in an endless loop of it). We explored that for a while, she helped me see that because of the way I am, I can almost certainly deal with bed feelings in a constructive way, and I'm now supposed to write down any negative emotions that I have and how they make me think/feel. It was a positive session. I haven't booked another one though. I'm not sure I need to keep going at this point, but I'll see how I feel.

Also, I had a date last night! With flirty hiking guy. We went to a jazz club in Seoul for drinks and it was a very nice date. He was totally normal! Friendly, funny, respectful. Certainly not the immediate fireworks I had with K.J, but I think that's a good thing. We did get jostled together on the very full train on the way home, and there were definitely some sparks there. I don't think I can handle anything too hot and heavy right now. It was a good date, and I'll probably see him again if he asks. 

What else? Got some pretty good deadlift DOMS from the gym yesterday. Dancing lesson tonight. First climbing lesson on Sunday.

Man, I am totally levelling up like a boss right now.

Hey-yo, Nerds! The walking tour was heaps of fun - no one to flirt with, but met some nice people and had some Korean food I'd not had before. Phew, did I ever get my walking done over the weekend, though! Such sore calf muscles from all the stairs on the hike!

I wanted to get to the gym this morning, but I had an upset tummy. I didn't fancy trying to dead lift in that state. I may go this evening, and if not, tomorrow morning for sure.

So I got kind of a major hair style change yesterday - totally by accident. What I got was not even close to what I asked for, but I kind of love it now. It was not going to be this short, or this bleached... but that's what the crazy Korean lady did. I'm gonna rock it anyway

So, second therapy session tomorrow, will get the gym in, and I'm looking at a productive week.

I've also almost got the first three recipes for my bakey sorted. I'm hoping to go live next week. Eek!

Thanks, Dom It is getting better all the time - today I feel almost totally normal! Well, normal for me 

Hiking yesterday was awesome. The mountain was beautiful, the hike not too difficult, and a really neat little bunch of people. And really multi-cultural! Three Korean guys, a Jamaican girl, and Iranian couple, and me (a Kiwi). Two years ago all you'd meet were North Americans, but things have changed so quickly. I spent part of the day joking and flirting with one of the cute Korean guys, and it felt great! Just to know that I can do that, I'm still attractive and fun, quite a boost I mean, I *know* those things, but after a breakup, you take a bit of a confidence hit whether you realise it or not.

Today I'm off on a walking tour of Seoul. It's actually snowing a bit though... and it's supposed to be spring! I'd better wrap up warm.

As far as goals go, I'm doing well. I've been to all my dance classes so far, been walking every day, and am so far totally avoiding slipping into any kind of depressive state. 

Thank you so much, Hira.

Yesterday was a bit tough. I'm not even sure why. Nothing new has happened or developed, I just had a bad day, emotionally. I almost burst into tears at lunch when I couldn't decide what to eat, and I spent the whole day anxious, worried, and brooding. I made it to dance class in the evening, and we were working on something I found REALLY difficult. I didn't find it as enjoyable as usual because I couldn't get the hang of it, but I'll keep practising. On the bright side, I didn't think about ANYTHING other than moving my body in the right way for about two hours. The mental relief of that 'time off' is immense. I'm going hiking with a group tomorrow (first hike of the year!) and I'm hoping it will bring similar relief.

I am so sorry to hear about your dad, Panczo. My best wishes are with you and your family, and big hugs for you. Like everyone's said, if you need some help or encouragement, just drop back in and we're all here for you.

I made it to the gym this morning for some light lifting. Today is going to be a tough one, I think

Hey PA Wonderful challenge goals!

How is your back these days? You've been doing those back exercises for a few challenges now, how's it going?

Here's to not only holding it together, but to getting a little bit better every day.

I am so down with that, Hira! You sound like you're well on your way to getting a bit better each day. I'm really glad to hear you general anxiety is down, that can make things seems so much worse than they are and be really tiring and overwhelming.

Big hugs and lots of support for your self-care <3

"We're going to Boonie Doon.... We're going to Boonie Doon...."

Hehehe, love that movie! So many good quotes!

I know what you mean about an increase in activity giving you sore feet. I think the dancing I've started doing has played havoc with mine. I do the rolling them on tennis balls trick, which seems to help a bit. 

Double post... because of your double awesomness.

Yowza, what a weekend, Blaidd I'm so sorry you had to deal with all that, but am so, so pleased you are looking forward into a happier, brighter, and more stable future. Due to my own stuff, I missed all of yours, I'm sorry I wasn't here for you. Huge hugs!

And despite the upsets, you have had a smashing first week! 

Heya, P! Woooooow!! That concert must have been awesome! Talk about doing something fun Way to go!
How's the solitary stuff and meditation treating you? I must say, I am avoiding too much time alone like the plague right now! Our goals are kinda the same (to avoid depression), but methods are quite different. And I salute you in your wake up time goal, those can be so tough!

Well, whether he was trying to see if I can handle it, or if that's just him - I'm not interested either way!

I'm a bit disappointed this morning as I wanted to go to the gym, but I had hot and cold chills all night and got only about 3 hours sleep even after I took some cold pills, so I figured it was better to rest. The sooner I get over this cold, the sooner I can start getting stronger. Well, physically. I feel like I'm getting stronger mentally all the time. I am feeling so, so much emotionally better and I'm really looking forward to the progress I can make mentally with the help of my therapist. I have a lot to look forward to in the next month or two, and that is really helping me keep my spirits up.

Thank you for all the encouragement guys, you all rock

Hey guys! Yes, everything is fine - I'm just coming down with a cold But, I feel like I had a really strong first week. I am feeling much better, but still pretty messed up. My first session with the therapist was really good, and she was able to see some patterns in my thinking that I hadn't noticed before, so I'm hoping to be able to work through some things with her and fix up a few thought patterns that are maybe doing more harm than good. I've decided to go once every two weeks for now.

I went to dance class and had a blast. If I'm not too sick I'm going to go social dancing on Wednesday evening. I've also signed up to learn to rock climb! On a real mountain! So, if nothing else, this breakup recovery period is making me a more active an interesting person. And I wasn't exactly boring before, so...

I had my coffee date with the dentist this afternoon. I wasn't exactly that engaged because my throat was pretty sore and I wanted to fall asleep... but I'm not sure I'd bother to see him again. I was reading some news on my phone when he arrived at our meeting place and to get my attention, instead of saying 'hello', he clapped his hands in front of my face (um, rude?!). The date produced some excellent conversation lines such as "Many people think I like to visit Thailand because I'm sexually dysfunctional, but I'm not", and "don't worry, I'm not a communist". Lol, good times.

I hope to get around to all your threads this week. Work starts back on Tuesday so I will have some free time trapped at my desk in which to do it

Ok, first day of the challenge! I called the therapy place this morning and have an appointment for Friday. Korean health insurance doesn't cover mental health, so I'm not sure how often I'm going to be able to comfortably afford to go - I don't want to swap relationship anxiety for financial anxiety :s

I had a busy and fun weekend, and am feeling better right now. Huge improvement on this time last week. I have a really busy week ahead - I have to give two teacher training presentations tomorrow (and finish their PPTs today), have some training myself Tuesday and Wednesday, Social walking meet-up Weds night, go to immigration to renew my visa on Thursday, Swing Dance Thursday, first ever therapy session on Friday, Amy's 'I've got a new job' party all day/night Saturday, and then a coffee date Sunday afternoon. I'm not sure about whether I should be dating yet, and don't really feel like it, but he's a dentist, and I find talking to medical professionals outside of their work totally fascinating, so let's just call it a 'research date'

So, step one in my recovery plan: Make therapy appointment = complete.

Hey P I'm sorry to hear you're feeling crappy about a bunch of crappy stuff I'm sending you a BIG internet hug, ok?

It looks like you did a really good job on your challenge, though!

**** HUUUG*****

Thank you, guys, you're all such a huge support to me. I'm not at the end of my rope or anything, but am certainly a long way from 'normal' Sam. I've taken some big steps forward this weekend though, and I'm really happy about my decision to see a therapist. I'm in the process of getting an appointment for late next week.

Mitch Dee - I think the world needs more 'tackle hug enthusiasts'

Blaidd - you're a certified grief counsellor? Does your awesomeness know no bounds? Thank you for your offer - if I get in a bad way (though I'm hoping that sudden panic-attack bit is over now), I will keep you in mind. Thank you so much.

Dom - It is hard to see an end, but I do know it's there... somewhere! I haven't read that book, but I'll look it up now And that's good advice, I am hoping the swing dancing, baking, and crafting will do this for me.

Right now though, I'm off to church, of all places. My good friend Bekah (who's been through some truly, truly awful stuff and has been super fantastic to me) invited me for a day out on the Air Force Base. I'm mostly going because we're going to Chillis for lunch (you can only get that on-base and 'normal' folks can't get in), but I'm sure the service will be nice and relaxing if nothing else.

Thank you again guys, you all rock my socks.

New challenge thread posted.

Damn it! Here I am doing yet another 'Sam's recovering from a break-up' challenge. This one has hit me hard, and I'm not sure I can go it alone this time around. So, this challenge is focused on trying to get back to 'me' and less on my lifting numbers or healthy eating. Any eating at all is welcome at this point in the break-up process. It's bad, folks. Not so bad that I've lost hope, and I do know I will get through it, but I am sick of this happening to me and not having any control over it. So, the plan for this six week challenge is:

Main goal: Don't become depressed. I was diagnosed with depression once about 6 five years ago, and while my doctor and I were able to treat it med-free, I am truly terrified of ever going back to that place, emotionally. So much so that I'm beginning to suspect I suppress some negative emotions that i should be dealing with out of a fear of it spiraling out of control and becoming full-on depression. Given my living situation so far from home, with a limited (though I suspect not as limited as I think) support network, I am too afraid to really get down and dirty with m bad emotions. So, in the interest of becoming more awesome in the long run, I'd like to try and fix this, and not fear depression. The three ways I'm going to achieve this:

1) Find a therapist and go.

I've found somewhere that looks good online, so I will be making an appointment next week. I've never done anything like this before, but I am really tired of being at the whim of these mostly unreasonable and seemingly unnecessary emotions. It's not just this one isolated event, but I'd like to learn some more effective coping strategies for the things in life that really have a disproportionate effect on my happiness, such as disappointments, dating, and so on.

2) Walk at least 30 minutes a day. I've found that if I'm moving, I can't feel the pain. I no longer feel ill or want to cry. If I stop moving, it comes back. So, for at least 30 minutes a day I will be calm and anxiety-free by walking around my town.

3) Lift gently at least twice a week. I will not be aiming to increase any of my weighs, just to get those endorphins flowing and keep me in the habit of lifting. I am going to add on a little cardio to get my heart-rate up, because doctors have recommended this to me in the past as a way of improving low mood.

Life goal*: Complete my 5 week swing dance class.

This is something I really want to do, but it's tough to motivate myself to leave the house and try new things right now. I am committed to this, though. I've paid for the whole thing upfront, and am just going to be a robot. I don't have a choice, I have to go to dance class.

*My life goal was going to involve my mini-dream of opening a little online bakery and craft store, which I am still pursuing. However, I felt I needed a smaller and more manageable goal for now. Perhaps in a couple of weeks, once I have a handle on this thing, I can upgrade my life goal. 

I'm not sure how much I will get around checking everyone's challenges to begin with. I do care about you guys, and will do my best, but if all I have the willpower for is getting out of bed and showering, then that's what I've got to go with.

Thanks guys, I basically agree with your assessment too. Still a bummer, but I've been through MUCH worse I'm back in Korea now, and I'm actually struggling more with missing my family than with anything else.

So, this six week challenge is over. I don't even want to look at my progress or anything because I'm pretty sure there wasn't any. Well, I did get most of my work done, but that's about all. I'm not too worried though, I got back into the gym this morning, which was great. 

Ergh... I hate this part after a breakup, and you know you're going to be fine, but you have to just WAIT to stop feeling crappy. But, on a happy note, I'm going to the home store tomorrow to buy some stuff to set up my mini-business! I need to get baking and take some photos, get a logo, set up my site, and all that. Should be enough to keep me distracted and feeling better/progressing.

Hey guys, just a quick one.

Happy Valentine's day! 

I'm heading back to Korea this afternoon. I'm a little sun burnt, but a lot happy that I got to spend an awesome three weeks with my family. I've decided I'll probably return each year - might even try for Christmas 2014. Family is so important to me, and I'm so, so glad I decided to take the time to come see them

On a less happy note, KJ and I are on a break and/or broken up as of a couple of days ago. His work situation has hit nuclear zone, and he said it wasn't fair on me to hang around waiting for him to deal with it. He said he'd "get me back" when he was more stable. I don't really know if that's the truth, or some attempt to just break up with me in some less painful/guilt-free way. I'm going to treat it like a break up, get on with my life, and if he comes back, I'll decide what to do then. I'm upset, and hurt, but dealing with it ok. If anyone has any thoughts or suggestions, fire away.

I have some exciting plans for the near future too. Along with being thrilled to be able to get back to lifting on Monday, I've decided to start my own (very small) cake, cookie, and craft store online. I want to sell yummy stuff to people, as well as have something to do with the crafts I love to do. I will keep you updated, but my next challenge will probably be pretty focusses on getting that up and running.

Ok, I'm off to enjoy my family before I leave <3