thesmilingone

Jeeez, it's been a while! 

Hopping by to let everyone know that as of yesterday I am officially able to kick up to and hold a nice 15-second handstand WITHOUT ANY SUPPORT FROM THE WALL. Like, in the middle of the room and all! 

Picture evidence to come as soon as I can grab someone to shoot a couple... 

Moral of the story: I can freaking reach any kind of goal I set my mind to!

Gotta go back to normal... Last week was not as disastrous as the previous "episodes" usually were, I simply ate waaaay more than I should have. I did not gain back 5 kgs in 5 days either, "only" 2 kgs in 2 weeks... And my mood swings were not as intense as before, normally I would have needed to go on a couple of days' sickleave just to recover from all the binge eating... So I guess the above counts as an improvement, right? Right.

My mouth is also healed, so I am back on track with my kettlebell swings

In a moment of "I'm fed up with this sh*t, I'm changing my life for good", I also decided to revisit a nutrition program at which I failed miserably before... not because the program was bad or unmanageable, simply because I did not have the determination and drive to stick to it. I now have a calendar, a thousand coloured pens to mark each attribute of my days, and a training and nutrition protocol for the following 30 days.

This will be phase 1 of my transformation, till 14th of May.

I already identified my Kryptonite: meal planning (and cooking) and the one and only character fault I am famous for in the whole wide world, my seven deadly sins all in one: I'm FREAKING IMPATIENT! Seriously, if you have ever met a person who was so impatient that they wanted to have everything done, preferably already a week ago... well, then you might have a slight idea of my personality.

Now, this is quite literally killing me, because given my conditions, no matter how hard I work, I will never lose weight as fast as any normal person would if they followed the same lifestyle as I do. An average person would lose 4 kgs in two weeks, while I am happy if I don't gain weight... So, yeah, I MUST learn to be much more patient.

I have to start planning my meals as well, gonna get to it right away. I have my meals for planned for a couple of days, but I know I function best when all is laid out for me for a longer time, so I'll just outline the whole week.

I feel kind of devastated this week, I miss my kettlebells like hell. I'm still on involuntary "vacation" because of the operation.

Trying to figure out how to eat to satisfy both my body and my mind... it's a rough task for someone who has been at war with their body for so long. I notice certain patterns and feelings as reactions to certain circumstances, so I try to cope with them accordingly.

Nowadays I'm concentrating on WHAT I put in my mouth instead of how much. First things first, and I decided the quality of my food is more important than the quantity. I have time enough time to figure out the latter once I am 100% in control of what enters my system on a daily basis.

Mmmkay, so I survived my "bad week"

I filled up on bananas and apples and grapefruit, and the occasional protein shake here and there. These helped me cut the edge off my cravings and I feel pretty good about it all. I am also kind of preparing for the next such week to come (because it will come, I'm sure, as it has always came for the past 3 years...). I'm collecting easy-to-prepare recipes and stocking up on healthy ingredients such as for chocolate chia pudding... OMG I actually can't wait to make that

Unfortunately, I had a minor operation yesterday, so I need to take a break from the 300 swings for a couple of days... I hope tomorrow I can go back to doing them, it's seriously addicting. When I am done with my 300, I feel like "Crap, was that it? I wanna do more"... so yeah, I'm missing it like hell, even though I only missed one day so far.

Day #1 of 300 Swings a Day

It went like this:

First with 12 kgs, to grease the groove, two rounds of the below.

• two-hand swings, 20
• one-hand swings 10-10
• two hand swings, 10

• alternate hand swings, 50, only once

Then came Darya:

• two-hand 10
• one-hand 10-10
• alternate 10
• two-hand 20
• alternate 20
• two-hand 20

And there goes my first 300 swings

I also took a "before" picture, just to help myself keep motivated and stay on track. I'm looking forward to the "after" picture.

Food is still not 100% ideal, but waaaaay better than usual. I'm just looking to survive this week without ruining my efforts.

Everyone, I would like you to meet Darya, my best friend and companion for the following 30 days. We'll have tons of fun together, I can tell it by the look on her face. My kettlebell challenge starts tomorrow!

I've been having a hard time today, the little voice screaming "apples" yesterday switched to "bananas" today. Still better than all the junk I would normally shovel into my face with during these periods, but the amount is still too much and now I feel stuffed. Tired as hell also, but hopefully it will pass soon. I try to drink as much as possible too.

Thanks Nightside Thing is, 100-150 grams seem to work for me, because "normally" I eat a much lower amount. More carbs make my joints ache and my legs swell upp realy fast.

Today seems to be my worst day so far, I've been feeling exhausted and deconcentrated the whole day. And a voice inside keeps screaming "APPLES", so I'll just have some... I also consumed a lot of coffee today, and I had to "open" my eating window 1 hour earlier, because I was just getting crazy thinking about food the whole time. Strangely enough, I feel kind of calm in the midst of all this. No white fog, and I am conscious of my decisions, unlike before.

Maybe my inability to properly deal with stress is also at play right now. I had two practical exams in first aid today at school (I go to school on weekends, yeah...), which nearly made me throw up and faint. See, I have literally zero tolerance to stress, thanks to anorexia... my nervous system is a complete wreck, and when there is any kind of stress in my life, I react by instantly eating up everything in sight. I guess this is how mybody tries to protect itself from damage or harm, given that I put it through many life threatening situations lately. I have read somewhere that anorexics are very easily upset, because they have very very low body fat %, and that body fat acts like pillows for the nerves, i.e. it helps to keep calm and gives a sense of security to the body. I believe this is a kind of survival mechanism, so I try to find ways to better cope with stress. When I have the possibility, I take a walk or get into some yoga pose (this is really funny in the office, I do it in the toilet reserved for people with disabilities because it's spacious enough, and hardly anyone else uses it...), or grab my Girls - my kettlebells, they are   But it would have been a bit odd if all of a sudden I walked out from the exam or did a cobra to downward facing dog-pose among the dummy dolls, no? Moreover, I feel very very weak today.

Anyhoo, I think I'm doing good, no junk consumed. I try to focus on the quality of my food these days, not the quantity. I'll have time enough to regulate that once the bad days are gone.

Still going strong here

I was able to keep to the dietary guidelines I set for myself, and things finally seem to work out.

A little background story: because of my contition, for 2 and a half years now, I was able to keep a very low carb primal-style diet (around 20-40 gs), lose about 5-7 kgs and feel amazing. Then would come a third week when all the world seemed to disappear in some kind of white fog, and I would feel lethargic and motivation and energy levels would sink beyond zero, and this triggered a one-week-long cycle when I would eat chocolate, sandwiches, all kinds of junk food and pastries, literally all day. I was unable to concentrate on my job, or go to the gym, and sometimes even to sleep or breathe... It hurt to move, at times I was not even able to leave the flat because all my body was one big bloat. Not once was I on sickleave because of this uncontrollable binge.

Once the week was over, however, I was able to return to the very low-carb diet, again for two weeks. And then it would start again. And being the obsessive kind of person I am, I would not realize that such very low-carb and very high fat diet may not be my way. I so wanted it to work, because I have read all kinds of success stories about people for whom this lifestyle worked miracles. I wanted to be one of them, so bad.

Today, I sit here typing, and I am near to tears because I feel such gratefulness, appreciation, and maybe even the beginnings of actual love towards my body. I have put it through so much, so very much sh*t during all these years, and it is still willing to tell me, show me, guide me towards the things it really needs. And for the first time in my life, I am listening to my body, I am willing to cooperate.

Tomorrow marks the end of the second week. I have been feeling the same old symptoms since yesterday: I was lethargic and quick to anger, I just wated to lay down and cry, and today's workout was not really going as I wanted to... I am a bit afraid of what is to come next week, but I also have a plan this time. I know that it is carbs that are needed, so carbs is what I am going to give my body - from root vegetables, sweet potatoes, maybe some fruit. So far my daily carb intake was somewhere between 30-60 grams, but as I started to see the signs on myself, I upped this to about 100-150 grams. I am really looking forward to see how things will go during the next couple of days.

Body: I started to get really curious about my recent cravings of green vegetables, so I started to research why this might be. And I found that these vegetables support thyroid function and help regulate hormones... well, I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism in June. My dear body is really, actually, telling me what it needs!!!  And finally I am willing to listen to it and provide it with the nutrition it is asking for. I have never-ever in my whole life experienced this before!!!

Food: I adore (paleo)chocolate covered hazelnuts, and today I bought a bag of them. Normally, I would consume an entire bag, regadless of whether it felt good or not after a handful. Today, I set aside half the bag for later, because I started to feel full.

Body: Snatches with Darya (16 kg kettlebell) went smoothly on both sides.

Food: One of my colleagues made "Purple People Purifier" smoothie, which resulted to be green because he only had dried blueberries. Anyhoo, it was delicious!

Body: I love the way my hair curls up after washing it.

Food: Got an extra cookie from the owner of the Paleo Bakery today

Body: I did 3x8, and 6x5 assisted pullups today, using the assisted pullup machine, with 10 kgs less assistance than only 2 weeks ago.

Food: Loving my ganoderma coffee with coconut oil.

This thread is wonderful! Why have I not found it before? May I join?

Body: I have put my body through a lot before. Yet it is still capable of changing, getting stronger and healthier when I give it a chance to heal.

Food: BROCCOLI

In today's news: yesterday two of my friends from the kettlebell group told me it looks like I have lost weight recently.

This was my reaction.

Wait a minute. I have been doing what I do for like... FOUR DAYS! And last time I met these people was a week ago.

Could it be true that I have found something that actually works for me?

I say, I was positively shocked, but let's stay on solid ground for a couple more weeks and see where this path takes me. I don't want to build any high hopes and set unrealisti expectations again. Been there, done that, thank you very much. Still, moments like these help me to keep going.

I'm still craving green stuff by the way. So I keep stuffing my face with salads, broccoli, brussels sprouts, green olives and algae, along with some root vegetables like parsnips and carrots because they look nice on the plate together... and because I love the taste of baked root vegetables.

Day 1 went as good as it could. I ate to my heart's desire, loads of green stuff (salad, green onions, kale, spinach and algae).

I was missing a good workout though, but I still felt a bit weak, so I spent some time studying instead.

Also, I had one of the strangest dreams. I was eating chocolate bars all night in my dream, one after the other... and even in my dream I knew I should not be doing it, so I started to tell myself that I don't like chocolate and that it tastes like rotten fish. As a result, I got sick in my dream, and when I woke up I felt like I was about to throw up  

I guess I was overanalyzing food a bit...

Hey! Here I go again

So over the course of the past few months, things have gotten worse than ever around me. That's a nice intro, right?

I have been diagnosed with a host of lovely conditions as a birthday present in February:

• PCOS
• insulin resistance
• metabolic syndrome
• hypothyroidism
• gluten- and lactose intolerance

I'm mostly convinced that IR and MS are a consequence of PCOS, which is a consequence of me going through severe eating disorders in the past. It might not be 100% true, but it is easier for me to think it is so.

Anyhoo, I decided to take things to the next level, for once and for all. I think I have hit the bottom, mentally, emotionally, physically and financially as well, so things can only be better from now on. But I also know that I have to work for it, and finally I am willing to kick my own ass.

Out of the "crew", I chose PCOS to be addressed first, as this seems to be the root of many of my problems. After thorough research, I decided to adopt a full paleo diet, combined with IF, because that is the way of eating that has worked for me before and best fits my lifestyle. I have everything I need by now to start leveling up my life, so tomorrow will mark the first day of my journey to my level 50. I'm setting short-term and long-term goals as well, which at the moment are the following:

1. Focus on getting my eating habits in check. Take the supplements regularly, and focus on eating real, whole foods. I actually crave green vegetables most of the time, so I'll start listening to my body and provide it with the best nutrition I can. My body deserves the best, after all I've put it through.
2. Successful exam in June 2014 - I'm studying to become a Fitness Instructor, and after that I'll start to study nutrition and yoga, to be able to help people who are facing the same conditions as me. But if I want to be someone other people trust, I have to regain my health first.
3. Be in the best shape possible by August 2014. Because my best friend and I are going to a festival and I have a special someone to meet there... and I want him to drop his jaws when he sees me again

So, this is it.

I may have my vanity-related goals, but first and foremost, I'll focus on getting my eating habits and health in check. Nothing less, nothing more. I'm ditching the mirror and the scale as well, because these two tend to distract me. Health comes first!

Hi guys! This meal was so tasty, I couldn't let it go to waste

Here's what you need for the pork:

• pork thigh (I used 0,5 kg piece)
• 1 teaspoon coconut oil
• spices; I used oregano, marjoram, black pepper, chili pepper, and paysley, all of them quite liberally

For the side dish:

• 4 medium carrots
• 1 large onion
• about 0,3 kg fresh spinach
• 1 garlic clove, minced
• 1 tablespoon coconut oil
• spices; here I used cayenne pepper, black pepper and chile pepper and some parsley

Here's how to make it:

1. Preheat oven a little bit (no idea of the temperatures, sorry).
2. Rub the pork thigh with coconut oil, place in a baking bag and add the spices. Add 2 tbsp of water to the bag, and close it. Pick some holes on it with a knife or a pin and put in the oven for about 70 minutes.
3. While your pork is cooking, heat coconut oil in a pan.
4. Cut up the onion and add to the pan. Next, peel and cut the carrots and add them too. Pour some water over the vegetables and simmer for about 10 minutes. Then add the spinach and the garlic clove and let simmer for an additional 10 minutes.
5. After about 70 minutes, cut up and unfold the baking bag around the pork thigh and put it back to the oven for 10-15 minutes, until it gets some nice color.
6. Portion the stuff on a plate and... Eat!

Thank you guys for the kind words

To be honest, when I did my first handstand, I was near to tears... I was just sitting on the floor, hands shaking and I was half laughing, half crying because I could not believe what just happened.

I think this handstand challenge was great help, it gives you time enough to become more comfortable and feel more secure in an upside down position. Give it a try, girls

Hi All!

I'm just so incredibly happy nowadays, because I conquered two of my greatest fears durint the past few weeks.

One was the bridge... I have always been afraid of falling down, and of my hands and legs going out from under me. So I never intended to do brigdes, until in April my coach started to nag me about it. I did my first proper bridge in October...

The second one was handstands. I am terrified by being upside down, and I was afraid that my hands would not be strong enough to support my weight. But I have recently lost about 7 kgs, so I thought I'd give them a try. I completed the 28-day handstand challenge and now I am able to hold a full 1-minute handstand, although far from perfect in form. But I'll keep practicing.

Hello there!

I have just discovered this topic, and I thought there might be some fellow Hungarians lurking around?

Hello again... I'm back for my final report on the 21 DSD.

Epic amount of work during the week resulted in not logging anything. I just didn't have the strength for it, I went to work one hour earlier only to leave two hours later than usual. I can hardly remember the way to or from the office, even less what I did during the day, but the job seems to be done and running all right, so I must have been efficient... It just feels like I spent most of the week in some kind of white fog, surrounded by Excel tables, PDFs, salary increases and pension data...

I didn't have the strength to cook during the week, so I just split up my lunches into two (this new company delivers HUGE portions, so it was not a problem at all) and had red bell peppers when I felt like killing somebody... I wouldn't have been in the place of those peppers, I was chewing so hard sometimes I thought my teeth were going to crumble.

But the 21 DSD will be over tomorrow... I sat down today to construct an action plan on how to go on with my diet afterwards. And, I decided I just don't want to change so much. I want to cut ot pork rinds and cracklings, but that is all. I am not craving fruit andmore, and to be honest I feel strange when I think about them. I feel like they would be too sweet for me. I might try green apples, but... we'll see. I just can't imagine myself snacking on fruits again right now. Red bell peppers are much more filling and I love every juicy bit of them.

My skin has cleared up so much, I love how it feels soft and smooth, everywhere. I am amazed by my hair as well, it is so shiny and soft too.

I noticed before that my legs get swollen and painful after 8 hours in the office, but guess what... it is gone

I think I am going to prolong this "sugar detox", let's see what more I can achieve. Pictures coming soon... once I get the courage to post pictures of myself

Day 15/16

Yesterday (day 15) was hell.... I was so busy at work, was so tired the whole day, I don't even remember what I did during the day. It feels as if I spent the day surrounded by some white fog. I also had a setback with regards to food, I ate a lot of pork rinds. Like, A LOT of pork rinds just got shoveled into my mouth in no time. Nevermind. I'm over it by now.

The kettlebell workout in te morning was kind of the highlight of the day, I always feel better with weights in my hands.

I feel better today, and it's already day 16... amazing how time flies. I am still not sure if I want to stop at day 21 of the Sugar detox, I feel so comfortable eating like this. Especially now that I foud this food delivery company with their paleo lunch options. I was positively surprised yesterday by my lunch and today's menu looks just as great as well.

I conducted some more research on IF and decided to refine my eating habits and see what happens. Thing is, I FEEL like the goddess I want to become already, it's just I don't yet LOOK like it Sometimes I jut get terrified by the amount of weight I am aiming to lose and altough inches seem to go away, my weight has hardly changed and it makes me feel bad and it results in setbacks like the one yesterday... because I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel... gotta start believing in myself, I am already in so much better shape than at Christmas or a few weeks ago and I am also gaining strength. I want to feel just as great as last week.

Day 13/14

Yesterday was my 13th day of the Sugar Detox. As every Saturday, I went to the local farmer's market to buy my share of veggies and meat for the weekend and for dinner during the following week. I found lovely beets, so that is what is on the menu now

I also went to my favourite Hot Iron class, and I was amazed by the amount of sweat that covered me already from the warm-up. I wanted to test how strong I am, so I did the leg part with 18 kgs and the bicep-bench press part with 10. Result: T-rex arms

I also noticed some developments in my strength: I could do turkish get ups and cleans and military presses with 16 kg kettlebells. So far I could only do these with 12 kgs. Next up: snatch with 16 kgs.

As for food, I find that nowadays I am craving fat instead of sugar. Wow. It's mostly animal fat, so I gave in and bought some pork rinds for dessert after lunch.

Day 13 Food:

• 11 am, during training: 10g BCAA
• 12:30 am, after training: 10g BCAA
• Lunch 2:45 pm: one big beet, half chicken breast, 100g pork rinds
• Dinner, 9 pm: quarter of a chicken breast, one medium beet

Day 14 food is gonna be:

• 10 am: 10 g BCAA
• Lunch, 1 pm: homemade sausage with 1 cup sauerkraut and 1 small beet, 100g pork rinds
• 4 pm: 10g BCAA
• Dinner, 6pm: same, without the pork rinds

Tomorrow my first officially paleo lunch is going to be delivered to the office, I am so excited! I don't think I have ever looked forward to a Monday this much.

Day 12

I officially challenge myself to keep up these great feelings I have and the positive changes that are happening in my life.

I had an amazing kettlebell workout today, with lots of running and sprinting, snatches and burpees and swearing I was surprised that my workout pants kept falling off, so I decided to take some measures. And HOLY CRAP, I lost 4 cms (1,6 inches) both from my waist and hip during the last two weeks. I'm astonished. In a good way, of course.

I also decided to change my diet a bit, so I quit the protein shake and added more BCAAs. I got the idea from Leangains, and since Martin Berkhan is one of the fitness personalities I absolutely adore (and he has that accent in Swedish that just makes you want to listen to him forever) I decided to try it.

So food looked like this for today:

• 7 am, before and during training: 10 g BCAA in 0,5 l water
• 9:30, 11, 12 am: 10 g BCAA
• Lunch, 2 pm: half a head of cauliflower, chicken breast, 1 medium red bell pepper
• Dinner, 6 pm: same, just replaced the pepper with one cup of sauerkraut

I felt like sizzling with enegry throughout the day, I like it

Day 11

Today one of my colleagues remarked that I look better and better each day I seem to get compliments on a daily basis now. Keep them coming I say

No workout for today, but I climbed the stairs 3 times to the 5th floor and walked 40 minutes outside. In snowstorm. In March.

Food was tasty today and I feel satisfied with how I do on this Sugar Detox.

• 10:30 am: protein shake
• Lunch: 12:30: kale and sweet potato stew, grilled chicken breast, half of a large a red bell pepper
• Dinner, 18:30: 3 eggs, 3 slices of bacon, one medium red bell pepper. I wanted to skip the BCAA drink for today so I added more eggs

I'm also thinking about electing to seriously limit my fruit intake after the Sugar Detox as well. I just feel so light and energetic, and I love the way how vegetables start to feel sweeter as well. I haven't had an apple in two weeks now, I'm wondering how it would taste. Knowing my binge eating past though, I am a bit afraid to touch anything with sugar in it... We will see.