gWally

I just worked out that OP means original poster. Took me long enough!! I'm not so sure about feelings of guilt that are a direct consequence of viewing excessive amounts of porn, more so feelings of guilt due to lying to those close to me. I'm looking at possibly seeing someone about it, but I'm a bit cashstrapped, and I can feel my self-discipline is growing stronger by the day, so it may not be necessary. But if I need it I will definitely make it happen.

I'm pretty sure I have hit rock bottom...I damn well hope so!!!!! Thanks for the link, I'm watching now.

Thanks everyone. It's been a week. Things are going awesomely!! I signed up for Tough Mudder this afternoon. Thats it, no going back - No matter my uni workload or financial state, Sunday September 23rd 2012 will see me on that course. Already pumped. And yes, the plan has been put in place - Sort of. I'm starting off with the Angry Birds workout here on NF - trying to Keep Things Simple, as the TM workout plan needs all sorts of extra stuff. Going to begin trail running in a few weeks when I have access to a vehicle so I an get to the trails, but for now I'll train for running just on the roads/paths. Theres a good hill near my place as well which will be a challenge, so I'll kill myself on that a few times a week! Thanks for the thoughtful reply!!

Wow, this has gotten interesting. I'm not going to address all of what was said on the previous page - I respect their right to rationalise it and won't attempt to sway their opinions. There's nothing constructive that can come from addressing it, as it will just start a flame war - what works for them doesn't work for everyone. I have a very addictive personality, so maybe that plays into it. Thanks for those stats MrsDave. It's a really controversial topic, as it seems to be polarised between those who think the definition of "being a man" means to look at porn or to not look at it, and it's not worth getting into. I'm just doing what I know is right for me and my situation, and I appreciate everyone who supports me in that =). And yes, polarised is spelt with an "S" down here =).

Thanks heaps for all your encouragement, particularly to those whose points of views are different to mine - I really appreciate your understanding. @Sambalina: Yes I have spoken to her about it. She's the main reason I'm doing it - not the only reason, as I've been unhappy about it for quite some time - but I guess the best way to describe it is that she's the reason I went from merely wanting to change to actually wanting to change ENOUGH to do something about it. I've been really busy with uni work over the last few days but I've set myself the deadline of sorting out my fitness plan for TM by 5pm Tuesday afternoon (May the 15th). I'm going to base it off the plans on the TM Website, and depending on my schedule with uni work, I might also incorporate some bits of "The Angry Birds Workout" here on NF. I've also been looking into a few adventure races or other events that I could get into before TM, just to have a more short-term goal, as I work better with short term goals. Anyway, thanks for the warm welcome, it's been an up and down last few days. I've doubted whether or not I can really achieve this goal over the last few days and it's been great to log on and see another encouraging message, so thank you all very much. Greg.

Thanks for all your replies. @KnightWatch: I have the same feeling as well. I'm not here to get help with that aspect of my life - I'm getting help through other channels for that. I'm here to develop the habit that I want to replace this negative one. My plan for mudder is undefined at the moment - I'm going to come up with it in a day or two, I have some big university assessments which I need to study really hard for. I also have a habit of setting myself goals which are too extravagant when I'm in moods like this, so I figure it will be best to wait until I've settled down so I can devise a realistic training plan. Thanks for your reply and your encouragement =). @Mandy75: I've just set up the online accountability software with a partner who will DEFINITELY keep me accountable. That and I have had an app called "Self Control" installed on my macbook for a while, so I'm entering sites as I remember them into a blacklist which that app uses. But technology can only go so far...Thankyou for your encouragement!! @msurro: Thanks for that link. I'll go have a look now. Thanks for your reply! @MirGSS: Thankyou for appreciating it from my point of view =). I don't run much at all, I thought I was pretty fit as I have the metabolism of a racehorse but I had to run to uni a few days ago and i was buggered by the time I got to the end of the street (200m or so). So definitely a new interest, and it will be a humbling one.... Thanks for your reply! I just want to emphasise for anyone reading this that I didn't sign up for this forum to get help with porn. I know this is a fitness site, so I signed up here for that. I just told my story because it needed to be told. Cheers, Greg.

G'day everyone, My name is GWally. I'm 21 (soon to be 22) years old. I've had the rare fortune of growing up in a stable family, with parents who had their differences but graciously waited until me and my sibling/s were old enough to not be adversely affected by them. My parents worked hard to provide for me and my sibling/s, and all in all I had a great childhood. The reason I told you all that is so you'd understand who I am. I wasn't abused as a child, I wasn't exposed to anything a child shouldn't be exposed to. Excluding normal adolescent curiosity, I had a normal childhood, my two loving christian parents to whom, despite no longer sharing those beliefs, I am forever grateful for raising me in the way that did. Warning: I'm not going to hold back in this post, so I'm giving this warning to any females who may read this. It deals with an issue that you may well find offensive but that a lot of men struggle with. Please keep this in mind if you continue to read it. In short, my childhood was normal. Except for one aspect. I have been addicted to online pornography since I was about 13. I have tried countless times to stop, but every time I have just gotten even more addicted. And every time I have tried to stop, I've tried to do it on my own, too ashamed to ask for help or to tell anybody so I could be made accountable to them. I was content to go along in life lying to those around me whom I cared about, knowing that my behaviour was repulsive but being able to somehow justify it to myself. Short story was: I was able to live a lie. And I continued to live this lie after I met the girl of my dreams, a bit over 2 years ago. I continued to tell her I loved her and then view this material. When we fought, I would view it more regularly. At first I felt terrible lying to her, but after a while I, like always, justified it to myself that I was "protecting" both her and our relationship. Fast forward to tonight. Early in the morning of May 10th, 2012. I have had enough. I have known it was wrong ever since all those years ago, when I first found an x-rated magazine in the gutter at the end of my street on my way home from school one afternoon. I don't know why it's taken me so long to draw my line in the sand but this is it. I'm going public with this, knowing the only way to succeed is to tell people, and to not just rid my life of this negative addiction, but to replace it with a positive one. Hence why I'm here. I'm going to replace this negative, life-destroying addiction with a positive, life-fulfilling obsession - fitness. I'm not telling you this purely to gain your sympathy or other warm & fuzzy feelings. I'm telling you this because I've kept it secret for so long, and even though I know nobody here, it's the first step towards telling everyone close to me who I've hurt over the years. But enough about porn. I know that to really succeed, I need to set myself a goal, and not just any goal. I'm going to dream big, and set myself a goal which will require an enormous amount of work and discipline. My goal is to not only "get fit", but to get fit enough to compete in the 2012 Tough Mudder in Sydney on September 22nd/23rd 2012. I know that to achieve this, I will need to train EVERYDAY. Training everyday, with my hectic uni workload, will mean even less time for porn. I know I can achieve this, but just to motivate me, I have decided to maintain a blog documenting my progress on both TM training and porn addiction recovery. It may be here on NF, or it may be somewhere else, but I'll be making it damn hard for myself to hide it anymore. Thankyou for reading my story. gWally