Welcome to the 2018 battle log of a modern Pirate, Carbon Fox!
I will track my challenges of 2018 here, and I aim to become a balanced and
Those of you, who have been with me all year long, know that 2017 has been a pretty eye-opening year for me…! There was this whole realization that I had serious issues with my relationship with food, which helped me see that I had/have a deep-rooted belief that I am worthless and difficult to love. I’ve spent most of the year learning a whole new way of looking at myself and my life in general, and it’s been a mixed bag of emotions: I’ve been relieved to let go of some old beliefs, but grieved of letting go of familiar things at the same time, if that makes any sense. I also finished my thesis, which was mentally tolling, suffered a heartbreak + an identity crisis, had some financial worries, and got myself a second job to earn some money. Well, that’s life, and I think I can say that I have done my very best to deal with everything.
And after dealing with all the challenges this year, I do feel like my quality of life has improved significantly this past year I used to think that I’m a loner and hate people, but after a few years of spending time with actual friends and lovely/supportive people + working on my negative beliefs, I now enjoy having friends around me and I understand just how supportive close friends can be. I just feel like I’m emotionally closer to people these days, and I am making a conscious effort to notice what I have in common with others instead of thinking how different or unfitting I am. I have met some wonderful people this year (hello new NF friends!), and I’d like to believe that I’m worth of receiving unconditional love and support – and that I’m capable of giving unconditional love and support, too! So, all in all, I think I'm in a much better mental place than I was at the beginning of 2017.
I’m now gonna make a short recap of 2017 and write down some goals and guidelines for 2018. I’ve been struggling with goal setting this year because of my recovery (how to set goals without restricting myself?), but I recently realized that setting goals doesn’t mean that I need to control myself 24/7. I can make goals that I’m happy to follow.
anxiety levels are waaaaay down from January 2017
eating disorder recovery. 10/10 would recommend
I don’t base my worth on my diet choices or my grades or my work
I like the idea of getting to know new people, and I know how to set up boundaries
I enjoy spending time with people
from diets to intuitive eating
no anxiety about certain food groups (carbs are the best!!)
no more labelling foods good or bad -> I’m not good or bad (I’m evil)
awareness that some foods make me feel better than others
more food -> not thinking about food all the time
not feeling out of control around food
eating more carbs -> actual gainz!!
I now believe that I can follow a programme and get stronger
started working with startbodyweight.com programmes
I can do push-ups!
finished my thesis
completed all the courses for my master’s degree
made plans to continue computer science studies
had a summer internship at the library
odd jobs at the library during autumn
got myself a second job at the laundry
got a fulltime job from January to June 2018
got student support from the social services
earned money at the library
a second job at the laundry
2018 TREASURE MAP
You know what 2018 needs? MORE LOOT.
I have neglected fun and relaxation, but that’s gonna change now. I’ve actually taken some steps to make space for more fun already, but now I’m taking it seriously. No, wait…
I’m also terrible at rewarding myself for my efforts. I will have some special loot for completing every challenge this year to keep me excited I think all the mental health work I have done during 2017 helps me to start 2018 like no other year before! I suffered from some depression and exhaustion at the end of 2017, so I’m going to start 2018 lightly with a recovery January. Should be fun! <3
WHERE I WANT TO BE IN JUNE 2018
I manage my stress levels and practice positive self-talk.
I believe that I’m a likable person, just as everyone else, and deserve love and attention.
I take enough time for myself to have fun, and I sometimes take the day off from work and studies all together.
I have taken the university's free stress management course in January and continued to apply the techniques I've learned
I manage my disordered eating habits by filling my life with things that bring me joy: hobbies, art, spending time with friends, travelling, exploring my own home town, having Introvert Pampering nights, watching movies…
I have finally bought myself a PlayStation 4. Ha!
I practice intuitive eating.
I enjoy food, and eat it to nourish myself.
I eat mostly home-made meals.
I am aware that the foods I eat can make me feel different ways, but no food makes me good or bad.
I don’t think about my diet or my food choices all the time.
... but I am curious about how different foods make me feel, and I am taking some notes to find out, which foods suit me the best.
I have spent the spring building myself my own food guidelines, which I follow whenever possible.
I aim for flexibility and a good sense of my body -> yoga, bodyweight exercises
I started the year by taking it easier in January, treating my exhaustion with yoga and light bodyweight exercises (and push-ups, yo).
From February onwards, I have continued with the progressions at startbodyweight.com.
I go out for walks in the nature, and I enjoy biking trips.
I do a workout from Darebee every now and then for fun!
I have applied for the master’s degree in computer science, and attended an entrance exam for bachelor’s degree in CS. This doubles my chances of getting in
I have created 5 new projects for my coding portfolio during spring, and I am eager to learn about new web technologies and design trends.
I have gained work experience and made new connections.
I have asked people for help, when I’ve needed it, but taken responsibility about my own work.
I have kept my eyes open and discussed what I could do for the library with my computer science knowledge in the future.
I have sold five (5) art commissions.
I have continued living sparingly, and saved a good part of my salary every month.
By now, I should have enough money in my savings account to pay my rent for the next year.
I am also going to find out about the possible support I could get for my second master's degree from the social services.
... that's about it, I think! This plan is for the first six months of 2018, and I will plan for the rest of the year later on. I'm super excited to start planning my challenges and goals - and loot! I have a feeling that it's going to be a good year
And of course, I'll be rambling on NF forums all year long I'm interested to try some co-op gameplay this year...! But I will think about it a bit more later on. Thank you all for being so supportive, lovely and pervy. Let's have a wonderful year 2018!