Ensi

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About Ensi

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  • Birthday 04/02/1991

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    assassin

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  1. Me too! Especially the part where she talks about getting the tattoo, even though some of her family members didn't agree. It gave me some insight into a few things in my own life that I'm kinda holding back, because I think too much about what others think. If I think about those things and remove the pressure to please everyone else, it's a lot more clearer what I want to do about them. Life can totally be like that But it's been hard to allow myself to make mistakes and learn that it's not about never making mistakes, but handling them well...! Usually, I can handle the mistakes just fine. Practice makes perfect :'DD
  2. Does this happen after every meal, or at some particular time of day? Thanks! I decided to create this challenge so that we could see, what we're actually doing. "Listening to our bodies" is what we want to do, but it doesn't really tell you anything about how to do it. We don't get a meal plan or anything, which might be confusing after following diet rules for years. So, creating a list of personal activities and goals is a good place to start creating your own guidelines...! I was actually also thinking about you a bit when I was coming up with a challenge idea...! Maybe we could find you the first step towards starting? Right now you're educating yo'self and getting information, which is good for working up the nerve, but getting started at some point is gonna bring you actual experience, which is a lot more important than just reading about IE. Allow yourself to start taking small steps towards starting IE - you don't have to jump right into it Some suggestions: keep doing what your'e currently doing, but choose one meal per day that you don't track (breakfast, maybe?) keep eating the foods you're eating now, but without tracking or looking at the clock. Use the hunger-fullness scale Allow yourself to do this at your own pace. You don't have to start eating anything you feel uncomfortable eating! I started by eating the same foods I usually ate while dieting, but I didn't track anything. Instead, I listened to my hunger, and allowed myself to eat whenever I needed to, and as much as I needed to. I started eating my fear foods a few days later (*insert a picture of me eating bread, looking like Bambi in headlights*), and with time, I started to notice that nothing bad happened. The experience brought me the certainty to keep going Is there any small step you could see yourself taking? Another thing I thought about yesterday: we're allowed to make IE easy for ourselves. Especially when we're learning something new (eating when we're hungry, having an evening snack), we can make it intriguing and fun. It's not like we have to only pick healthy and "right" options all the time. If you have trouble having dinner when you're hungry, allow yourself to have your favourite dessert to end the meal with. In time, you can choose not to have that dessert, or keep having it - whatever works for you. If having an evening snack scares you, have something that you have thought about being "healthy" (fruit, sweet potato, oatmeal etc.). Bottom line: we're changing thoughts we've been learning all our lives. Let's not make this difficult by demanding ourselves to be perfect right away! Let's acknowledge our thoughts, accept them, and then move on the way we want to. We're allowed to have our own opinions about nutrition, and find our own guidelines. This comes with time and experience, and it's something very personal. Keep going, y'all ED; A new video from Jen
  3. Ensi

    Ensi: Identity 2.0

    I only know his first name!! That's literally all I know!! Then again, I like it. My last fifty crushes (lol) have mostly developed by chatting through FB, and I very much like this way of communicating face-to-face. I'm gonna ask his age the next time, though. And I agree, I don't really care about age that much - but if he turns out to be 40 or more, it would probably affect the way I see him (just because I think he could be somewhere around 33-37). #sexybingo Huh. That would be a pretty good mental power move... Weaponize the Belly D8< Thanks! Still very tired today. I'm about to go to bed and read Freddie's autobiography
  4. That's where the magic is :DD I hope that listening to your body starts helping you listen to your intuition better, too! Thank you, too! For helping me and everyone else And for giving me advice when I was starting the group. It was really helpful ** Yay, my turn??
  5. Getting to know your hunger is one thing, and getting to know your fullness is another, for sure! Could it help you to remind yourself that it's OK to not feel completely full, either, because you do have permission to eat whenever you want? And if you're not sure if you're still hungry or not, it can be a sign that you're not, in fact, hungry. In those moments, could you drink a hot cup of tea to end the meal, find something interesting to do, and then see how you feel in the following hour? (This is not to ignore hunger, but to determine whether it's really hunger you're feeling.) This goal reflects the fifth step, "respect your fullness". Could it help you to use the hunger-fullness scale as a tool? I like it how you've started to notice, how eating effects your energy levels! And about the fear of gaining weight: you might, especially at the start. Your body is filling up on nutrients, and it's gonna take a few weeks until it realizes that the restriction is over. Allow yourself this period of transition! I remember when I started: I think I gained weight, at first, but then I actually lost some weight (it's hard for me to say that for sure, because I threw away the scales when I started). Besides, your body might change in other ways...! I noticed that I started having more round shapes, and (I always mention this haha) I have hips these days All in all, I like the changes that happened. So, there might be changes, other than simple changes in weight, and you might just like them. And I advice you to learn stress management. When I started to have difficulties with IE a year ago, it was because of the stress and depression. I wasn't present, and I didn't spend enough time to take care of myself. Always remember: taking care of ourselves in a loving, caring way is the right way. ED; Actually, the fear of gaining weight might hit you pretty hard. I remember after a couple of weeks I felt like I had gained weight, and I was an anxious mess. I walked down the street, wondering if I was wrong about this all, but I kept telling myself that there was no going back, and that I was gonna take care of myself in other ways now. I was horribly anxious at that moment, but I decided to stay gentle with myself. I spent some time wondering, why I felt so anxious about weight gain, and I realized that it was the fear of being left outside and seen as disgusting. I reasoned with myself that those people, who wouldn't like and appreciate me the way I was, weren't the kind of people I wanted in my life, anyway. The moment passed, and I kept practicing IE. But yeah. Be ready, and stay kind to yourself! Building trust between your body and yourself (or pretty much yourself and anyone!) takes time and effort...! It sounds to me like you have the right mindset about this You can't force trust, it builds up with time. Try to think of the past experiences you've had, and you might find things that you can already trust. Do you think that having a meal is something that takes away from other things? As in, you shouldn't take time to really relax and enjoy your food? Could you make it a priority for yourself to take half an hour to allow yourself relax and do nothing else but to eat your food and recharge your batteries? And to not stress too much about it: I usually start eating without any distractions, but I might take a look at some things online while I'm munching away. Demanding perfection with our eating habits isn't good, either: "if I can't sit still and do nothing else but to enjoy this food, I'm doing it wrong!" isn't what we're after. Enjoy your food, but allow yourself to get a bit distracted, too. Maybe start your meal with the idea that you're allowed to start reading whenever you want? Could that help with getting started? (It might not be food we're restricting, but maybe there are other ways to restrict ourselves...) Recognizing hunger from other needs can be tricky, right? That's why I think sleep and stress management are so important in practicing IE. I struggle the most, when I'm stressed and haven't slept well... Could you remind yourself, that having a small snack to big hunger is only gonna help for a moment? And how would you feel having some "junk" with your meals to make them more appealing to eat? I like having my main meal with mostly healthy foods, and end it with some small thing that might not be the healthiest option, but makes me feel satisfied
  6. Ensi

    Ensi: Identity 2.0

    Thanks! ** Well, I'm down with a cold! Some guy sneezed and coughed behind my neck the whole lecture on Monday, so... T__T Well, I think I've had such a hectic couple of weeks that I haven't taken enough rest. I was pretty hyper on Monday, but I've managed calmed down during these past two days. The library tried to call and ask me for a job gig on Tuesday, but I told them that I'm busy with studies until Friday. I'm happy to have taken a couple of days off, because I've been able to focus on creating art for the video game we're making I have another gig on Saturday, so I'm trying to take some rest now... No exercising during illness, of course, but I was gonna spend the week doing yoga and other relaxing exercise, anyway. Eating's been fine, I've barely thought about it...! It's become something that I don't feel anxious about, which I'm happy with. I just make sure that I eat enough, and don't take too long between meals, and it's going pretty well. I do have some issues with waking up at night hungry, so I might need to eat more, or have a small evening snack before bed. I do struggle with hoping that my belly was smaller, though, but I've decided to start writing about it so that it's out of my head. I already talked about it on IE group, and it helped me realize just how much it bothers me - an unhealthy amount, my dudes! I just try to remain compassionate towards myself. It's a good belly, keeps my organs in place and stuff And I saw Kyle yesterday!! I had a lecture, and then I walked to the library to pick up a Freddie Mercury biography I had reserved, and saw him outside with his friend. I stayed and chatted with them, and then the friend left and we stayed and talked for a bit longer. A couple of notes: 1) it's really easy talking with him, he asks me how I'm doing and encourages me to live my life the way I want, 2) I feel comfortable telling him about myself and my plans, and he talks to me about himself and his plans, too, 3) he has a wonderful sense of humour, but 4) he keeps telling me that he's old, and even though he doesn't look too old to bother me, I'm too scared to ask HOW OLD EXACTLY :DD and 5) he plays Xbox, and as a PlayStation girl, I'm not sure if this can work out, after all Just joking. I'm just gonna roll with this, and not try too hard. I've spent a lot of mental energy on library, and now that I've taken some time off, I've been able to create art and get my studies sorted out. So, I'm gonna take time to myself and not stress about people and relationships. (He did tell me that he has a lot of work shifts at the nearby grocery store these days, so I might change my routine every now and then and do my groceries there ) And yup, I totally borrowed a Freddie Mercury biography, because. Well, because Freddie Mercury He's helping me feel creative, so I might paint a picture of him at some point, too. I'm gonna attend a lecture I have this morning, because we have to plan our group work, but then I will crawl back home and keep resting. Have a lovely Thursday, everyone!
  7. Ensi

    Terah - Finding the beat

    Try to remember this in the future, as well! I often feel hungrier the day after working out, too Having an evening snack with carbs (oatmeal, fruit, sweet potato etc.) helps to recover during the night. It's great to hear you're seeing benefits like this already Keep going! And congrats on the products!! Really happy for you
  8. Thanks, Terah ** Time for a new challenge! This week we're gonna take a look at what we're currently doing in order to make IE work for us. Maybe you're just starting out, or maybe you've already practiced it for a while, but list out the things you are doing to practice IE. If you're just starting out, you might be learning to listen to your hunger signals. If you've practiced IE it for a while, you might have learned that you get hungry on your way home from work, and you always have a small snack before you leave work to prevent being ravenous when you get home. Maybe you haven't started yet, and are not sure what to do. In that case, you can start thinking about things that you could start doing: learning to eat enough, trying to eat every two to three hours... You can also write down the thoughts that keep you from starting, and we can discuss them together and help you get over the fears. So, that's the challenge for the week! Just think about the things you do, and reflect on them. Do they work? Would you like to do something else? Are there problem areas in your habits?
  9. I love reading about your experiences! And that bread recipe looks really nice, Terah...! I might try it I had some nut bread today, and I loved it! It was a bit sweet, and I guess it had almonds and walnuts inside. Yum! As for what I struggle with, is probably accepting my body as it is. Details under spoiler: I've lately started to treat my thoughts about my body with compassion: I don't need to love every part of my body, but I can be compassionate towards myself. It's a lot more helpful than trying to aggressively love myself, and then feel bad when I can't. But yeah, that's what I struggle with. I think it shows in the way I act, because I stay away from getting involved with men, especially, and nothing ever happens. BLERGH. (I also never talk about this with anyone, because I feel ashamed, I guess. Well, here it is!) As for the new challenge... it's coming up. Stay tuned
  10. Ensi

    Ensi: Identity 2.0

    Thanks, you two I'm happy, but there is a lot to do and only so many hours a day...! I'm sorry for being inactive with keeping up with your threads. I'm actually thinking about dropping my own challenge threads for some time, and focus on the IE group. It's basically all I need, and I'd have more time to keep up with other threads
  11. Ensi

    Ensi: Identity 2.0

    They're the Nero model by Sound of Sweden! The sound is OK, but I should break them in by playing music at different volumes for several hours. I'll see about it... But they stay well in the ear while I run, and the mic is good for phone calls, as well I went for a run to test them out on Saturday, and it was really convenient to be able to change the song by just cliking the button on the remote! ** I emerge from a weekend of chaos! It started on Saturday. I went for a run in the morning, which was lovely, but a pigeon shat on my head. :DD To every cloud a silver lining: it hit my forehead and spared my hair, eyes and mouth. Phew! I wiped it off, finished the run, and did some pilates and push-ups back home. I was feeling tired and unsocial, but went to see Bohemian Rhapsody with a friend. It was a very emotional experience for me, even though I've never been a huge Queen fan (though I love some of their songs) or don't know much about them, but it just changed my vibe. Seeing the band fight to keep their own style and art was exactly what I needed to see: I'm now more inspired to work for my own art and let people see it. (And the scene where Freddie says something like "keep your pictures and stories" to this one douchebag and walks away was a small, but important moment for me for reasons) Anyway, I was feeling hyper after the movie, and couldn't fall asleep. I tried eating, but it didn't help: my brain was in hyper mode :/ I decided to just roll with it, and got up to do some sketches for a comic book idea I have. Eventually, I ate some banana with peanut butter at 3:30 AM (living the life!), and got to sleep a bit after 4 AM. I woke up at 10:20 AM, and had lunch at 11 AM I worked on a group project and finished my part of it, after which I went to town. I bought myself two new shirts and realized that green is totally my colour. My wardrobe is blue, and I wish to go through it and refresh my style... The day went OK, and in the evening, I decided to start journaling again. Even though I don't feel like I need to journal, I think it could help me stay aware of my thoughts and be helpful for letting things out of my head. Then I kept working on the group project again, and I'm happy with how it went Last night was better: I listened to a podcast until 1 AM, and woke up a bit after 8 AM. I journaled first thing in the morning, kept working on the group project, and now I'm just hanging out until my lecture starts at 12 PM. So, the weekend was somewhat chaotic in a sense that my routines flew out the window and I was tired and cranky, but I enjoyed it. Living without a proper schedule for a while and waking up hours later than usually helped me see that I could cope and be calm without my routines I did have some low moments when I was fitting for clothes, thinking that my belly is too big, but it was only a thought that didn't last for long. Instead of checking the mirror, trying to look as thin as possible, I looked at my face and realized that the colour of the shirt I was wearing made me look really good, my hair looked nice, and I looked overall happy. I smiled and started to like what I saw, and then I bought the shirt, because it made me feel like myself...! I'm not saying that I'm completely fine with my body, but I am aware of my thoughts, and I know that beating myself up is dull and pointless. Instead, I focused on the colours and how they made me look, and went for it. I just want to start making the best of what I have instead of trying to change and be something else all the time. I do compare myself to some other women and I know that I'm not beautiful, but it's started to matter to me less and less. What matters is that I can get my shit done and try to be a decent person while doing it! I ate intuitively in a sense that I didn't think about food all that much. I ate every few hours, and I ate enough. I had a big breakfast this morning, and I decided to have a rest week with yoga and lots of rest It's been hectic lately, so I'm gonna have an introvert pampering week. Even though I'm feeling fine, I know that I need to make an effort to calm myself down before I go hyper again. I'm gonna start with some yin yoga now... Have a lovely start for your week, everyone!
  12. Good Saturday morning, everyone I just wanted to write about the thoughts and ideas that this group has given me, because writing here has helped me understand myself and intuitive eating a lot better than before. The thing is that even though I write a lot about my recent successes, I am still very much growing and learning, and I sometimes think about what IE sounds like to a total beginner. One of my biggest fears is that I make this IE thing too hard or too scary to try out...! I'd like to be able to make it sound sensible and safe. And I realize that "just listen to your body!" is a very abstract concept to someone, who's been dieting for years. And that might even make them believe that it's just another strict rule to follow: eat when you're hungry, stop when you're full. And so, "just listen to your body!" is not the point here. The point is, like Evelyn Tribole said in the video that @Terah shared, to become the expert of your own body. I didn't have lunch yesterday because my body told me it was hungry: I was too stressed to hear those signals. Instead, I trusted the knowledge I've gathered while learning to "drive manually" (instead of "autopilot" on a diet), and had lunch, even when I wasn't that hungry. I know that if I don't have a proper lunch, I will become lightheaded and it's difficult to focus. So, when you start intuitive eating, you do not have to know yourself right away. You don't have to surrender all decision-making to your body, either. There will be a stretch of weeks and months, where you learn to know yourself and your body (keeping a diary and writing down ideas and thoughts is really helpful in this process!). How does stress affect you? How often do you like to eat? Are you hungrier, if you've slept badly? Do you really like avocado? (I realized that I fricking HATE avocado after having eaten it on pretty much every single diet. Yuck! ) What I'm saying that instead of jumping into a new world of "gotta listen to my hunger and ONLY to my hunger!!" isn't what you want to be doing. You want to build a system, where both your thinking mind and your body have a say in what you're eating. Try out different foods, different portion sizes, different times of day to eat. Study yourself so that you can build a system that works for you. I know you nerds love that sort of stuff Story time! About the morning when I started all this last year I still remember how confused I was that one morning I stopped following my latest diet and listening to my hunger. I didn't eat breakfast right away (I usually got up and had the same breakfast every morning, and I would just stuff it down my face, just thinking about the calories and how it would have to last until lunch), but instead, I waited for a while, until I started to feel hungry. I examined, how hunger felt, and what kind of thoughts it made me think. Then I decided that I wanted to eat. I was like a careful little raccoon just going through my fridge, "what would I like to have...?" Gosh, I was scared, but I decided to stay curious. I had my breakfast, chewing slowly, and told myself that I may eat the exact moment I feel that similar hunger again. After a couple of hours, I started to want to feel hungry again. I said, "alright", and had a snack. Wasn't hungry anymore. And then I had a really emotional realization: my body is telling me what it needs, and I'm listening. You must realize that I had been restricting myself in many ways for years, so when I finally listened to myself and gave myself what I needed, it was such a huge relief that I cried a lot during the next two days. Just out of relief! And it felt so good that I decided not to ever diet again. Maybe I sounded a bit fanatic there haha, but I was in a pretty bad place after years of restriction of many things, not only food. And when I allowed myself to listen to myself and my needs regarding food, it started to ripple to the other areas of my life, too. It's been a long way, and I still grow and learn every day, but I'm much happier these days when I listen to myself and my feelings. Practicing IE can make you think about other areas of your life, and that's a good thing. It's about creating a life that works for you, and you being the expert. Well, that was my Saturday morning special :DD I hope you're all having a good weekend!
  13. Ensi

    Ensi: Identity 2.0

    I know what you mean...! And yesterday, I discovered a couple of other things about my coworkers that made me realize that my intuition about them has been right (they're not as well as they constantly tell me - all in all, if someone keeps telling you that they're "X" [X being good, OK, etc.], they're most probably not actually "X"). And my intuition is also telling me that I want to spend more time with other students and less time studying alone in the library. So, to the unhealthy BS I've kept going on: I've been in my Witch mode lately, cherishing and cultivating, but now I'm gonna need some Pirate energy to get myself moving. It all starts with planning. The evening at work was very, very quiet, and I had time to make myself weekly schedule templates on PowerPoint. I printed out a few, so now I can easily make myself weekly schedules I'm just gonna mark down clear working hours so that I'm not in a constant "should I be doing something??" mode. I''m also gonna make time for creating art and doing something extra for the web application course. I don't want to stay and work in the library forever, and I need to start taking steps to developing skills that will help me get a job in IT. A portfolio is also a must, so I'm gonna take some time to get it started, and start making graphics and coding assignments. I'm not saying that I've been slacking, lately, but I'm saying that the library and some people have taken more time and energy than I'd like. I'm gonna take a step away from all that, and allow myself to spend my time more wisely. I'd also like to buy myself a new shirt or two... I definitely want to shift things around a bit As for current stats: Sleep was OK. I left the library at midnight, and was in bed at 1 AM. I couldn't fall asleep, though, and I realized that I was hungry...! I had some banana with peanut butter and a couple of pieces of chocolate, and a bit of almond liquor with oat milk. This helped me sleep all the way to morning, and I woke up hungry The stress made me eat less yesterday during breakfast and lunch, I think, so I'm gonna be more mindful with eating today. All in all, the IE group has helped me understand a ton of new things about intuitive eating, and I'm gonna write more about them later...! Right now, I'm gonna put on my running gear and go test out the new earphones and the remote control! I could take the buss to get closer to my favourite forest and run there... Have a lovely Saturday, everyone!
  14. It was really exciting at first! I felt like I was shifting from autopilot to manual drive. It's taken some time to learn, but I prefer it this way. It doesn't always go "right", but as long as it goes so that I'm satisfied, it's good :) And that's true! I was actually nauseous this morning in the shower, and couldn't even think about eating. It was only after the presentation when I started to get hungry - the "fight-or-flight" response started to wear off. My thinking has gone from "I am eating too much" to "am I eating enough?" and "should I eat more?" and all other sorts of ways of thinking :D It's taken time, but I do know that if I go without eating for too long, it might not show as an actual hunger (the feeling I get in my stomach) but as nervousness, tenseness and lack of focus. So, it's good for me to eat every few hours...! CONSTANT ENERGY LEVELS!! :D That's what I started to have at the beginning, too. Eating is not only about "gaining or losing fat", it's about having energy. Yay! And my personal experience was that when I ate enough, my body relaxed. Like, I wasn't constantly thinking about food or stuffing my face. I relaxed, and my body composition actually changed. Take your time and enjoy learning to drive manually! I'm super glad to hear that you're starting to get it, because it's really worth it
  15. Welcome to the IE Group! This group is for everyone, who wishes to practice intuitive eating. It doesn’t matter, if you’re just starting or if you’re a seasoned veteran: everyone’s welcome! This group is for sharing ideas and experiences around intuitive eating, and to offer guidance with issues that members might have. Rules: Intuitive eating is a very personal experience, so we’re not here to tell one another how to do it “right”. Instead, we support everyone to find their own way and navigate through their issues Discussion should be mostly about intuitive eating and everything that has something to do with it Personal venting is allowed, but put it under spoilers Do not share material that encourages dieting or food restrictions - this group is not the place for that Sharing material on intuitive eating is allowed Avoid discussing exact calorie amounts or goal weights, as some might find this triggering (or put them under spoilers, too) Taking part in challenges and other activities is optional. Use this group in any way you find helpful Taking part in discussions that you find difficult or emotionally taxing is not expected of you. If something's too much for you to handle, feel free to skip the discussion It is very likely that there will be discussion surrounding eating disorders and/or unhealthy relationship with food, since many discover intuitive eating after a long time of dieting or suffering from an eating disorder. This is why it’s important to understand that we are not trained psychologists, therapists, or dietitians: this group doesn’t replace getting professional help for your issues with food, but we’re here to offer support to one another. Some of us might have a healthy relationship with food, some not, and it's all OK: we're here to learn and grow How to join? Come and say hello! If you wish to give a brief introduction of yourself and/or a link to your current challenge, that would be lovely ( But don't feel pressured to share any information you'd rather keep to yourself.) What are the challenges about? The point of the challenges is to give one another mental support as we do things that are new and/or scary to us. For example, we might try eating our fear foods, or spend a week paying extra attention to our hunger or satiety signals. We encourage you to come up with your own challenge ideas and tell us about them: this is a wonderful opportunity to get support for something specific you're struggling with! Current members: Ensi Terah Tobbe Mad Hatter TheGreyJediRanger Arkania Tanktimus the Encourager Upcoming challenges: - to be decided -