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About Ensi


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  1. The Arruvia Conspiracy - Beast Mode

    What an awesome week! It's so cool that you visited Macau - I've only seen it in Skyfall You're getting a lot of valuable experience and knowledge about how different ingredients react, cook, and work together. You only get better by experience, and experimenting. So, doing the thing is totally enough. I just prepared a baked oatmeal with blueberries in the oven, a recipe I came up with when my fridge broke down and I had to prepare something with the frozen blueberries from my freezer...! It was a quick solution back then, but I've continued to develop the recipe, and it's turning out pretty nice I hope you're having fun with your experiments!
  2. Little Changes to Big Results

    Getting the secret out of your system is liberating, isn't it? Few things feel as good as having something that you may have considered shameful about yourself greeted with kindness and support! You can totally do this, I'm sending you a lot of good vibes
  3. Butt Stuff (Deffy # 37)

    Your meals always look so delicious!! As for "how not to buy stuff"... Like Snufkin from the Moomins puts it: “But that's how it is when you start wanting to have things. Now I just look at them, and when I go away I carry them in my head. Then my hands are always free, because I don't have to carry a suitcase.” (It's from the book Comet in Moominland by Tove Jansson. I recommend them greatly, they're fantastic books!) I also remember this person I used to know... I once told him that I'd like to own a cat, and he told me, "all the birds in the sky are yours, and for you", and I've never looked at birds the same way again. Anyway, the point is that you don't have to buy something in order to have it. It's not about trotting about and claiming everything for yourself, but just acknowledging that "hey, this wonderful thing exists, and I am happy to have experienced it!" and then just be content with that. This doesn't always work in practice, but it's a nice way to not feel deprived in the world, I guess.
  4. Ensi: The Beasts Of The New Year

    so... manly... can't... function... x______x ** It was a good day at work - busy, but good! I got to speak Russian with a customer, who turned out to be a Russian tutor - she gave me her number and told me that she could give me lessons in speaking Russian. I'll think about it :'D It was nice to realize that I understood her a lot better than I expected to...! After work, a couple of friends came over, and we cooked some food together and just hanged out talking. I had some ice cream in the evening, and some cream cheese with my morning snack, but that's about it...! There's no dairy left in the fridge, and I'm keeping it that way Goat dairy is fine, but no more protein puddings, ice creams or full-fat yogurt for the end of the challenge. My starting point was having some dairy on every meal. I might be imagining it, but I already feel somehow better and less-bloated... But there are so many other factors that I can't say it for sure. I need more data! It's Sunday, and I finally have a day off. It's really beautiful outside with all the snow, but it's also really cold...! I'm gonna go through my kitchen to map out how much food I currently have, and then make a low-budget plan for next week. I don't get paid until the 31st, and I'm running pretty low on money. Not impossibly low, though, and I trust that I can survive, if I just stay smart (oh no). It's only 10 days Mom asked me if I'm OK and that she can send me some money if I need it, but I told her that I'm OK. I want to make it on my own, because it makes me feel better about myself. I also feel like Mom is a bit too curious about my things sometimes, and I just want to keep some things private. And now that I type this, I realize that privacy is exactly what I need. I'm gonna rest, do pilates today, and revise for the math exam tomorrow. Yay!!
  5. Ensi: The Beasts Of The New Year

    It's a tough exercise, though! I thought that all the yoga and push ups I've done would have helped me, but nah. I'm gonna keep practicing it, too... ** My hormonal issues and such under the cut. If you're not interested in this area, scroll down for a manly gif. OK, that's about it. What am I gonna do to take care of my hormones, then? Well, I think I am currently in a healthy environment: I have a job, and my colleagues are all lovely, and I feel like I'm up to the task. This is definitely the most stable time I've had in a long, long time, and I think now's a good possibility to focus on taking care of my hormonal health The book I borrowed discusses a couple of foods that might cause inflammation, and it was really smart about it: it didn't encourage strict dieting, but only offered some guidelines to follow. I already decided to drop dairy for the rest of the challenge, and that's the only change I'm gonna make for now! I finished the yogurt I had in the fridge this morning, so now all I need to do is to skip the dairy section at the store. I'm still going to have goat cheese, though, because I've heard from several sources that it doesn't affect your hormones the same way as cow milk does. I'm actually very curious about this experiment...! I feel like I'm ready to do it: it's been over six months since I stopped thinking about food in such a black-and-white manner, and now I understand that this experiment doesn't have to be perfect. I can have a small portion of dairy every now and then, and it doesn't "ruin" anything Let's see how I'll feel in a couple of weeks! And here's a manly gif for us all:
  6. Ensi: The Beasts Of The New Year

    It's been another good day. I slept OK, but the positive stress from starting the work has made me a bit tense. I worked out to get that tension out of my system: 40 minutes of strength training exercises! I also tried reversed plank to see what @DrFeelgood is crying about, and now I understand what DrFeelgood is crying about I'm gonna start tracking my exercises, and work slowly towards getting back to where I was before the flu season started. I've avoided excess sugar, and prepared some frozen veggies and sweet potato to go with chicken and BACON! I haven't had bacon in ages The worst bloating is somehow subsiding, and my stomach feels a bit better. I borrowed a book about how to take care of hormones (especially for women), and I'm gonna see what it has to say...! I have work tomorrow, and I'm meeting some friends in the evening. Sunday is for going through some final theory for my math exam, which is held on Monday morning. After that, I will have an extra shift at the new department (they needed their regular staff elsewhere), and I happen to have a shift with Vinnie. And we work together almost all day on Wednesday. Well I'm somehow better with having these feelings than mourning after HC - which, to be honest, I'm starting to quit. Hurgh who wants to buy my feelings? I accept payment in chocolate. Current earworm:
  7. New Wolverine in town

    Have fun with the exam!!
  8. Ensi: The Beasts Of The New Year

    Alright, I need to think about some changes. I've been tired lately, and I wake up hungry during the night. I usually take a small snack and sleep OK after that, but I want to change something to prevent waking up in the night... I don't want to make snacking at night a habit x__x I also have issues with my stomach: I feel bloated and uncomfortable all the time. The rash is also acting up... I see a few reasons why I'm in this situation: stressful autumn starting a new job falling out of listening to my body's hunger signal, falling into diet mentality eating too many sugary foods Well, the autumn and the new job are now taken care of, and I'm working on the diet mentality. What I would like to do next is to take two weeks to see, how I would feel with less sugar and dairy. I'm gonna do my groceries after work, and do a very simple meal prep. I'll keep goat cheese on the menu, but I won't buy any more dairy for the rest of the challenge. What I need now is: develop ideas for lunches and snacks have a small snack at 9:30 AM, and a proper snack at 2 PM That's it, basically. I really want to see if some changes in my food choices could help me with this constant blerghness x__x Just some small adjustments, you know! If you have any recipes you're loving at the moment, I'd love to hear from them It was a good day at work. There was an older man, who seemed grumpy at first, but I remained professional and helped him find a magazine that I had to pick up from my workroom. In the end, he was so happy that he wrote me an appraising letter that I should now take to the new library chef I was very flattered, and the note is now on my desk. I also took the beasts to the walk, and now I'm just chilling. I'm gonna solve one math problem, but that's it
  9. TRUE - January 30 Day Yoga Challenge

    I have to admit that starting a new work and being slightly sick have made it really difficult for me to keep it going - I've only completed days 1 and 2, and started 3...! But hmm. I could do Day 3 today, finally This isn't a race, right?
  10. Ensi: The Beasts Of The New Year

    True! Then again, I am starting to think about other possibilities. Possibly creating a unique career for myself? Just enjoying my time alive (while making sensible plans, of course)? Ooooh little Ensleses! They would be wonderful people, I'm sure. Anxious little crybabies. I'd love them. I actually heard that there are two huge changes: when a kid is born, and when they move out. Have fun while waiting for that! Hmm... Maybe you still had that master's degree waiting for you, in a way? I'm not exactly sure where I'm going from here, but I'm currently happy with where I am. I guess I'm just doing the things I like, and hope that it'll take me somewhere good I actually realized that I would really like to develop library services in the future. I'll find out what it takes, and take that to consideration while I study computer science a bit more. I think the library branch is pulling me in...! ** It's been a good day! I was tired last evening, so I went to bed at 8:30 PM, woke up for a while at 10:30 PM, and then slept all the way to 6 AM. Work was good, and I did a light workout when I got back home. Then I spent some time online, until I went to spend some time with a friend. No studying or reading (so far), but ehh, it's good to take a day off every now and then Food's been so-so. I should do some meal prepping, but I'm lazy and out of ideas. Maybe I should check out some Youtube meal prep videos to get some ideas... That counts as studying, actually. I'll do that Even though I still think about what I could study in the future, I must admit that I'm happy with how things currently are. I like to take some time to just work, get some experience, and see how the world works. I really enjoy spending time in the new department, and I'm starting to get the hang of how things work there. I have a lot of fun with Vinnie, even though we're really different: he has a ton of tattoos, and he smokes, drinks, and plays in some bands every now and then. Then again, he has a wonderful sense of humour, and he treats people well. We also talked about the colleague who passed away, and he was really sensitive about it. He's very carefree and seems to handle every situation at work, and I guess I just rarely see people like that I've been surrounded by uncertain university students, so it's somehow relieving to hang around with someone who is way past that phase (I don't think he's even studied at university, though). He's pure rock 'n' roll, and it soothes my soul. It's easy to just joke around with him, but I do my very best to focus on the work u__u And there will be a lot of work ahead with rearranging all the books in our department (that's a ton, let me tell you...!), and moving the 2017 magazines to the warehouse. Whoot!
  11. Ensi: The Beasts Of The New Year

    Hmm there's also the lesson of learning to say "no" to yourself. I struggle with this :DD No one's exactly asking me to do these things, but I love getting myself involved in different places...! Which is why I have now decided not to get involved in anything else Instead, I should take a day off every now and then, travel to Helsinki, have fun, and such! I think I have started to appreciate these things more after I finished the thesis. Gosh, life post-university is weird. It's not so busy and I don't feel such a pressure to do things all the time.
  12. Ensi: The Beasts Of The New Year

    Yup, I recommend it. It offers some interesting views on eating disorders. It has two parts: in part one, the author tells about her own struggles, and the second part is theory and such. I'm now reading the second part... But I advance slowly, because I suddenly have a ton of books to read! What a positive problem ** It's been a good day! We were naturally sad about the colleague, but other than that, the day was fine. I would like to do a light workout in the evening, even though my muscles can still feel the pilates :DD I might need something a bit more different today, maybe some kettlebell exercises. I might try pilates again tomorrow I am also attending a course on graphic user interface design! It's a university course, and there's a group project. I posted a thread to the course's online platform to find a group for myself (I can't make it to the lectures), and a couple of hours later a friend of mine, whom I met in the autumn, sent me a message: she's taking the course, too, and invited me to join their group. Phew! Now I know that I have a hardworking and active group I'm gonna go through some of the course material in the evening, and keep practicing some math. I studied an hour yesterday - I'm not sure how the exam will go, but I'm not too stressed out about it. The language tech team also sent me a message back: there are some small tasks I could do in exchange for credits. I'll see how much I'll have time to do, because I still need to have enough time for my own nice things Right now, I'm a bit worn out with the idea of studying, though. It's not the studies, though, but the environment. I walked in the campus yesterday and went to study in the library, and I keep expecting to see HC somewhere, and I just have so many memories about so many places that it hurts a bit to be there. I tried to be extra kind to myself, and decided to make new memories to replace the old ones, and make the places my own again. Then again, maybe the idea of studying in the autumn is tiresome now that I have a job. But I need to remember that my job ends at the end of June, and educating myself a bit more will give me a lot more opportunities in the future. Then again, I notice that I am really excited about this GUI course! Time to read a bit, and then work out and study. Enjoy your Tuesday!
  13. Ensi: The Beasts Of The New Year

    It is weird...! I remember when I started intuitive eating. It was like switching off the autopilot and actually learning how to drive the car o__o And it's interesting that you mention the affect of the medicine...! Have you read Brain Over Binge? (I almost wrote "bread over binge" lololol) The author discusses how a medicine she took at some point took away her urges to binge, and this helped her understand that the urges weren't necessarily caused by psychological problems, but physical aspects. Maybe check it out at some point And thanks, it's been a lovely day! Well, I didn't get all the stuff done on my list: mid-cycle shenanigans made me really tired...! I stayed in bed and took a nap. After all, it was my day off But I took the bus to the laundry and got the rest of my stuff from there in the morning, and then I paid the bills I'm gonna take care of the doctor's appointment tomorrow, and visit the tax office on Friday. I also studied math today, and sent some emails about a couple of courses. I spent an hour in the afternoon doing exercises with the foam roller, and then some light stretching and yoga. I think I've achieved enough today! Woodkid and I have been chatting during the past few days. I notice that I have no expectations about this situation at all, but it's nice to chat with him - maybe I've finally gained some experience, and I don't stress about dating or such as much anymore And it's not even dating, we're just chatting. I think I'm starting to get comfortable with my current situation, and find my own way to date or not. I received a very sad piece of news in the evening, though: a colleague of mine has committed suicide I knew him, and I'm very sorry to hear that he couldn't find another solution to whatever his situation was. It feels really weird to know that he's never gonna be at work again. I hope you all have a lovely Monday, you're super important to me <3
  14. Ensi: The Beasts Of The New Year

    At first, I wasn't sure if I liked her style (she's very energetic and positive, which hits my melancholic Finnish soul like a sun ray hits a vampire), but she's a wonderful instructor and I liked the exercises, so I have nothing to complain about It's the following morning now, and I can definitely feel that I've been exercising, but it's not too bad. I'm gonna do some light exercises today, as well Not pilates, but maybe some kettlebell and yoga. The flu seems to be finally leaving my system...! My intuitive eating issues were fixed pretty much instantly when I dropped the intention to lose weight. When eating only has the goal of making me "not hungry", I can really listen to myself and decide what I need. Intuitive eating is challenging, but at its best, it allows you to learn these kinds of things about yourself and your body, right? Today's to-do list is boring: visit the laundry to pick up my work shoes visit the tax office to ask about a couple of things book a doctor's appointment pay a couple of bills ewwwwww To counterbalance: have lunch at my favourite university restaurant do yoga journal to find things that inspire me That'll do for now... I'm gonna finish watching a weird Finnish film from 1952 that Vinnie recommended me, and then I'm gonna take the bus to the laundry. Let's do this!!
  15. Ensi: The Beasts Of The New Year

    Alright, pilates is tough, and I love it I started with the following PIIT28 (Pilates Intense Interval Training) video, and did the circuit twice: ... after which I was pretty dead I finished with a BOOTY WORKOUT: ... after which I realized that my muscles were DONE. I'm gonna keep doing this same workout for two or three times a week, until I can complete the PIIT28 circuit three times. Sure, the PIIT28 workout wasn't maybe beginner friendly, but I could follow through the workout and the exercises were pretty similar to yoga. I did my best to stay mindful about my body, and keeping my core activated, and I actually had some fun I really liked the dancing dog (moving from downward facing dog to upward facing dog), and I think this is exactly what I've been looking for: mindful, yet challenging! I really like working out these days, because I don't have an exact plan and a bunch of goals I need to reach. I can keep surprising my body with all sorts of exercises, and pick the intensity that suits me on the day when I'm working out. Then again, I'm gonna keep practicing push ups once the flu is completely gone... So many things to try out!! We had Chinese food with my brother, and I've eaten when I've been hungry and stopped when I'm full. Some mid-cycle shenanigans + the pilates workout made me hungry in the afternoon, but I just had a bigger snack than usually, and carried on. I'm gonna keep reading now, and hopefully get a good night's sleep