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Everything posted by Ensi

  1. Thank you!! I agree with limiting social stuff to useful sites. It's a lot more meaningful for me to engage in something like this instead of just seeing what people have been up to in a quick Instagram post, even though it's fun to check them out at times Glad to hear that the kitchen rule works for you, too! Now that you mention, I might try to do that thing with cluttering, as well. I could spend some time figuring out where everything belongs, first Alas, I'm not visiting my parents quite yet, but I hope it will be possible in a couple of weeks. The epidemic is worse where I live, but I hope the current restrictions calm the situation down a bit... ** I'm terrible at keeping tabs on my goals. Let's take a quick look: My three habits: 1) Eat a proper breakfast and lunch Eating a big breakfast and lunch have proven to help me eliminate snacking and excessive cravings (some cravings are a-ok). I have been eating a big breakfast and big lunch, and now I want to focus on finding a couple of new lunch alternatives I'd like. - eat a big breakfast and lunch at lest 20 times a month - try out at least two new lunch recipes during the challenge I've definitely been enjoying proper breakfast and lunch every day. I've been pretty consistent with eating for years: I don't skip meals. The portion sizes have been the problem in the past, but I feel much better after increasing the amount of food I have earlier in the day. Right now I'm working on being mindful about eating sweets. I just somehow would rather have enough food during mealtimes so that I wouldn't feel the need to snack on sweets as much. 2) Journal a couple of times a day I will stack the habit of journaling on my other habits to make them stick better. 1. When I wake up in the morning and put on the lights, I write one page worth of text in my journal. 2. When I go to bed in the evening, I write another page. Small, but that's acclimatization, baby!! Haha baby has not been journaling that much!! It's been pretty irregular, a few lines here and there, but I've been feeling OK and attended my therapy sessions. Nevertheless, I could do some journaling today. 3) Do a strength training workout twice a week I bought a course that has workouts you can do at home. So, twice a week, I'll do a strength training workout Done!! I've been working out twice a week, and I've done my best to incorporate as much activity in my days as possible. I haven't been sure how to approach push-ups, but I saw this video on Youtube and started working on wall-pushups: I can do 40 consecutive wall pushups at best, so I'll keep working on them. I think it's a good and more gentle way to progress towards regular push-ups than just making myself to do 10 knee-push ups (tops) in bad form... I feel like my lower abdomen touches the ground before my chest does, and I don't think that's right. I need to learn to activate my corset more. Bonus: Do something nice for someone else and/or ask for help at least once a day I have issues with trusting people and thinking that they want to support me (I have experiences of bullying and being used), even though I have wonderful friends and family around me. I'm thinking that if I focus on making someone else's day a bit brighter, I might find a new way of looking at this issue. I tend to withdraw and suffer in silence, so I've tried to learn to ask for help when I need it and trust that I'm not a burden to others. So, I will either find a way to make someone's day a little brighter or ask for help when I need it every day. I wrote this just a couple of weeks ago, and I'm already feeling very, very different. A few days ago I decided to start focusing on the good in people, because believing that everyone is bad is not good for my mental health. So, I'm asking for help and doing my best to focus on the good. It's made a big difference! ** So yeah, I'm happy with how this challenge looks. I'm also keeping food diary just for a couple of weeks. Not to track calories or anything, but just to become more aware of what I'm eating, just like with my finances. Have a great day, everyone!
  2. It's been a whole week since my last update, but things have been going really well I'm working through some stuff with my therapist, I've cut down my time on social media tremendously and spent more time doing things that are meaningful to me. There's been a huge shift in my mindset, and I'm starting to feel competent again. I came across a Jordan Peterson interview on Youtube, and started reading his book 12 Rules for Life. Haven't finished it yet, but even the first two rules somehow clicked for me (sure, there's a lot in his writing style that I'm put off by at times, but I filter it - there are gems there and I can see that he has a genuine wish to improve the quality of life of other people). Some of the things are in line with what I've already been doing: I started doing the dishes and keeping my kitchen clean, which has rippled to other areas of my life. I cook more at home, and I made myself an Excel sheet where I track my finances. Tracking my finances has already prevented me from making impulse purchases a couple of times I try not to stress about it too much, but I'm very happy to see that I'm gonna be able to put some more in my savings account at the end of the month than previously. All in all, I want to take responsibility of my life and work for my goals. I haven't believed in myself and made things too complicated, but I'm seeing now that things can get better! Eating has been alright, and I try to focus on being aware of my eating habits for now. For example, I have a habit of having a sweet snack just before I eat (not sure why), but I try to notice it now. Just being aware of things helps to change them, as has been with my finances. I've been struggling to create a portfolio for UX/UI design, and I think it's because I don't have a plan on how to do it, exactly. I also haven't been sure if that's what I most want (front-end development really interests me), but I think it's good to start somewhere. I already have a lot on my plate (work and studies), and I don't need to do everything at once! I'm gonna spend some time now to create a plan and see, which steps I need to take, exactly. I'm pretty good at getting stuff done, as long as I have a to-do list The epidemic is getting worse here in Finland, but I hope I'll be able to visit my parents up north later this month. Stay safe, and have a nice weekend!
  3. Awesome job!! Cleaning something up and making a delicious dinner is always a win And well done taking melatonin, even though judging from your text you'd rather not have taken it. Getting some sleep is super important, though, and I'm glad to hear you slept well I hope your day was as good as you were hoping for!!
  4. Yes!!! Lindt's chocolate bunnies are available at the store!! I love them They can be a bit tricky for me, though, because moderation is hard when it comes to this chocolate... But today, I ate about one half, and then I had my regular "should I throw the rest away so that I won't eat all of it?" bargaining. But then I just kinda looked at the remaining chocolate, put it in my cupboard, and haven't really thought about it since. I almost had some more out of habit, but then I realized that I didn't really want it any more - I had had enough. This felt really good, and shows that I've managed to eat enough food to stop the cravings from being overwhelming. I keep reminding myself that I can have the chocolate, if I want to, though. I prepared some minced meat soup for dinner with rye bread and a pear + a piece of donut for dessert, and now I'm feeling pretty good. Before I had chocolate, I walked to town (got at least an hour of walking) and had lunch with my brother. I hate a falafel + mozzarella pita, which was delicious. There was no one else at the restaurant, which had opened just a few minutes before we went there, so it was pretty covid safe. Finland is gonna have more severe limitations for the following weeks to handle the epidemic, and I hope it'll help with the situation... I did some journaling earlier, and I'm starting to realize that I'm trying to live a life I don't even want to live, because I'm so scared of being left alone. My life isn't all that bad, but I'm constantly defensive about not wanting to do things the same way some of my friends and other people around me do. It's hard to explain it, and I'm not sure, what my kind of life I'd ideally want to live, but I'm starting to take small steps towards finding out I have been feeling better ever since the loneliness blame subsided, and I'm making plans for my future. I'm hoping to buy my own apartment somewhere nice and close to nature, but with good public transport to city centre. I'd like to find a new job at some point, where I could work with other IT professionals and grow (I'm currently kinda alone with my issues at work, even though I've learned to ask for help). A bigger paycheck wouldn't hurt, either, but I'm in no rush. Tracking my finances is a good compensation for now, because I hope that tracking will help me save some money...! Work was a bit hard this week, but I'm happy to say that I have become better at leaving the issues at the work place. I trust that everything will sort itself out Now I'll have a nice shower and study some math. Have a great weekend, everyone!
  5. It's possible that the fatigue is worse than usual, because the injury on your ankle takes a lot of energy to heal. Eat, drink, sleep, repeat!! Did you spend quality time with that delicious wine?
  6. I totally understand what you mean about going through anxiety and depression without fully recognizing it. It just sometimes creeps in until, as you said, everything and anything is just too much Happy to hear that you're feeling better now! Proceeding slowly with the strength training sounds like a good idea By the way, what kind of puzzles have you already tried? I'm also trying to find something else to do than surf online too much...
  7. Thank you!! You're right, I'm making very small changes, but I feel like I can keep up to them. I bolded the part where you say you make a point of celebrating the little steps - that's a very good idea! I've been doing a lot better since I recognized the loneliness blame, but the eating part is hard to remember. But recognizing the control is the first step, and I'm gonna continue! Also, nice to meet you! ** Yesterday marked 2/2 workouts this week, and some journaling. My body has started to feel better after I've got in a few workouts, and the workouts themselves feel challenging, but not too hard. I went to therapy today, and the reception is on the sixth floor of the building. I usually take the steps, and I think they felt a bit lighter today than usually... I'm also making sure I eat enough so that I recover, but I basically do that by eating until I'm hungry no more. I don't count macros or calories, instead I'm trying to relearn to listen to my inner cues. Small steps, as usual: This morning I had an omelette, and felt hungry afterwards. Didn't negotiate with the hunger, but instead I had some yoghurt with apple granola. Eventually the hunger subsided, and I started working. I'll have my evening snack soon, and I'll try to pay extra attention to how I feel while eating As I said in an earlier post, when I saw how much money I spend on delivery foods, I deleted the delivery app and haven't spent a penny on delivery foods this week. This made me realize that maybe just seeing where your money goes helps you to be smarter about how you use it. I created an Excel sheet for myself, and I will put in all the money I spend. There are different categories (groceries, takeaway food, health&hygiene, savings, monthly bills, fun things), and I'll just jot down the total sums every day. I don't try to safe money, but just track where it goes until the end of next month. Maybe I'll find some places where I could make smarter decisions! My finances aren't a catastrophy haha, but I'd feel better if I was more aware of what I do with my money! There's been a lot going on at work, but I think the weekend will start well tomorrow Have a great day, everyone!
  8. A big intuitive eating breakthrough! During the past few weeks, I've made it my goal to eat a big breakfast and lunch in order to avoid snacking. This was a good goal and has helped me with cravings, but in this goal lies a mind trap: I'm having a big breakfast and lunch in order to avoid snacking. Which means that my goal is to control my hunger later on. Which means that I'm still worried about eating and listening to my hunger. And this is when I remembered, how I did this intuitive eating thing back in 2017: When I eat, I don't think about what I've already eaten earlier in the day or what I might eat later on. I just focus on eating enough right now, one meal at the time, focusing on how I feel at the moment. My body is rooted in this moment, and it doesn't really think about the future the same way as I do. And now my body feels relaxed, as if it realized that I am going to listen to it from now on. As said, my goal of eating a big breakfast and lunch has been a necessary step towards this realization, and I'm gonna keep doing that. But I will also focus on practicing the idea that I don't need to think about what I've already eaten or what I might eat later on Sure, there might be times when I do that, but if I can cultivate this approach 80% of the time, that's pretty good! As for other stuff: I've done journaling daily, and I took some time during the weekend to track my finances. Turns out I spend a horrible amount of money on takeaway foods, so I deleted a food delivery app I have on my phone Hoping to spend that money on something more useful!! I didn't exercise on Sunday, because I was feeling exhausted after a tolling week, but I went for a walk instead and did relaxing things. So, last week's total was 1/2, but I exercised yesterday and I'm aiming to get in three workouts this week. My energy levels have started to rise again, and I haven't blamed myself for being lonely anymore. I don't feel that lonely, either, so I'm doing pretty OK now Wishing you all a nice start for your week!
  9. I can imagine! I'm actually thinking of looking up a climbing gym here in my home town and maybe go give it a try I hope your ankle feels better soon!! *** I've had a tough time during the past few weeks with feelings of loneliness. Today I realized that I'm not only lonely, but also blaming myself for being lonely ("that's what you get for not being outgoing and social and having too high standards"). But it's not my fault. I can't help the circumstances, and I can't help it that I just haven't found someone I could see myself building a life with. Realizing how much I'm blaming myself helped me feel better today, and I don't feel so lonely anymore. I'm going to meet a friend today and go for a walk with her As for habits, I've been journaling twice a day and I've asked for help at work. Breakfast and lunch have been good, as well. It takes some effort to start changing habits and eating enough food, but I can feel the difference already. I worked out the day before yesterday, and I'm gonna do another workout tomorrow (2/2 this week). I think the loneliness and self-guilt have made me tired, so I'm trying to eat a lot of food and start regular exercising easy. I'll probably practice yoga today to ease my nervous system and muscles, and I'm gonna study for my math exam. I've tried to establish a study routine, and I'm happy to see that I've started to feel like studying more often than before! And even if I don't feel like it, I start every now and then, and then it's quite alright So, all in all, life's a mixed bag right now, but it's full of really useful things. Have a great weekend, everyone!
  10. So, this challenge offered me a nice time getting back on NF! I think I might come here twice a week from now on, so that I'll have time to do my stuff, but also stay up to date with whatever's going on over here. I have also succesfully made it a habit to do the dishes immediately after I stop eating, which has been a huge improvement in my day-to-day life. A new challenge is up!
  11. So, somebody developed a fixation on Mount Everest during these trying times. it's me, I developed a fixation on Mount Everest during these trying times I don't remember what got me into googling about the mountain, watching tons of gopro videos on Youtube and reading Jon Krakauer's Into Thin Air. Sometimes, when I'm exhausted with my life, I get fixated on stuff this way - but, in my defense, it's a pretty interesting mountain, alright?? Climbing Everest requires so much effort and resources that I will never do it (also, I'd die in 20 different ways), but rock climbing has offered me a perpective on changing habits and self-development. I have this idea that changing your life is like a movie montage, where you just magically end up where you're supposed to be in a fun scene. But in reality, change takes time and effort. There are setbacks and days when you're tired. This isn't a bad thing, but the way I've been looking at my life has been kinda impatient, thinking that I should already have this and should already have accomplished that, when I simply haven't gotten there yet! When climbing a big-ass mountain, you need to pace yourself, acclimatize, evaluate your decisions well and trust your team. I need to understand that I have no rush to be where I want to be (pace yourself), and if I take time to make small changes over time, I won't get overwhelmed (acclimatization). When a new situation emerges, I can think about where I'm headed and decide, where to go (evaluate your decision well). Also, spending time around like-minded people and asking for help when needed can help me reach my goals in a more pleasant way - and I can also support other people to live their best life (trust your team). So, this is gonna be my way of looking at things as I keep developing habits and systems, which I started in previous challenge. My three habits: 1) Eat a proper breakfast and lunch Eating a big breakfast and lunch have proven to help me eliminate snacking and excessive cravings (some cravings are a-ok). I have been eating a big breakfast and big lunch, and now I want to focus on finding a couple of new lunch alternatives I'd like. - eat a big breakfast and lunch at lest 20 times a month - try out at least two new lunch recipes during the challenge 2) Journal a couple of times a day I will stack the habit of journaling on my other habits to make them stick better. 1. When I wake up in the morning and put on the lights, I write one page worth of text in my journal. 2. When I go to bed in the evening, I write another page. Small, but that's acclimatization, baby!! 3) Do a strength training workout twice a week I bought a course that has workouts you can do at home. So, twice a week, I'll do a strength training workout Bonus: Do something nice for someone else and/or ask for help at least once a day I have issues with trusting people and thinking that they want to support me (I have experiences of bullying and being used), even though I have wonderful friends and family around me. I'm thinking that if I focus on making someone else's day a bit brighter, I might find a new way of looking at this issue. I tend to withdraw and suffer in silence, so I've tried to learn to ask for help when I need it and trust that I'm not a burden to others. So, I will either find a way to make someone's day a little brighter or ask for help when I need it every day. I'll revise my progress at the end of each week. Let's goooooo!
  12. Sorry to hear it's a struggle right now Advance in your own pace and allow your ankle to heal. I know it's tough, but you deserve to rest and get better! I hope you have a good time writing your new novel! And, if not, it's OK not to be OK
  13. Ouch!! I hope your ankle heals soon I fell down last summer and sprained my ankle. It took a few days to get better, so all it takes is patience and rest. (Not to mention my knee, which was wounded so badly that I had to go to the hospital to get it cleaned, and now I have a pretty cool scar!) Your challenge went really well, and you're totally gonna find your center again If you want to get more scripture writing and stretching in, maybe try stacking habits? Find some habit you have that you could stack scripture writing on, maybe. I have managed to make doing dishes immediately after eating a habit with this method ("when I'm done eating and put the dishes in the sink, I do the dishes"). This morning, I drank a cup of coffee after breakfast, and was about to go and do all the dishes from having breakfast - but I had already washed them, without even realizing it! It's become automatic at this point
  14. Oh yeah, food is totally something I adore, as well! This brings me to my intuitive eating course check: at the beginning of the course, I started to be braver about eating when I'm hungry. During the past three days, I've made it a point to eat a big breakfast and lunch. I remember that in 2017 I figured out that if I had a big breakfast and lunch, I had no cravings or other hunger-related issues in the evenings. And hey, it's working again. I haven't experienced the same level of cravings I typically have, and I have started to feel my hunger again. I also slept really well last night, and woke up hungry for breakfast. I don't track what I eat, but here's a review of what I've had today for breakfast and lunch (I don't count calories, because that's unhelpful to me. I follow the basic food plate model): Breakfast An omelette with two eggs (plus a tablespoon of cream, prepared with a bit of butter), a slice of oat bread, blueberries with yoghurt and a cup of coffee with oat milk, two pieces of chocolate - a cup of coffee with oat milk before lunch Lunch Chicken with wok vegetables and rice topped with a bit of mayonaise, a glass of butter milk, a small portion of liquorice ice cream for dessert I have definitely started to recognize my hunger signals again, which I think is all thanks to eating enough. I can't say that I feel as strong a satiety as I did back in 2017 when I first started eating intuitively, but back then I had just stopped dieting and was reintroducing carbs back in my menu. I was so, so scared of carbs, but eating them gave me a lot of energy, helped me not to think about food all the time, and I started to feel satiety (one of my fav things was that I also grew HIPS. I didn't use to have hips, but my body changed significantly when I started to eat a varied diet!). I'm starting to feel all these benefits again, though, and I do feel satisfied Glad to keep this going - this course was the support I needed to start paying attention to the things that matter in eating again
  15. Hi everyone! Popping in to write down thoughts and ideas I'm working on the intuitive eating course, which has already been pretty helpful. It's been interesting to read the thoughts and stories of other participants: I'm not alone with my troubled relationship with food. I've started to work on the relationship by journaling and learning to recognize my thought patterns, and done some online research on the topic. The most helpful thing that I've done for myself is that I'm cultivating self-compassion. It's no wonder I have a strained realtionship with food, when I've been pressured to lose weight and dieting has been a huge part of my life, but I can take responsibility and learn how to deal with these feelings. Self-compassion has helped with the fear of having to eat perfectly, and I've started to learn to listen to my body more. I also need to eat enough food during my mealtimes to feel satisfied, which helps me not to think about food so much. I also realized that food is almost the only source of joy and pleasure in my life, and I am trying to come up with other things. I was browsing Wolt, trying to find something to order (#justquarantinethings), but then I realized that I wasn't even that hungry, but needed something to make me feel good. I attended a yoga session (I'm on day 14 on Adriene's yoga journey), and now it's almost time for dinner. I prepared some veggies with goat cheese and rice for lunch, and I'm having a second portion in a bit! So, all in all, things are going better. I'm trying to find balance in my life by discovering things I enjoy and spend time on them in addition to working and studying all the time. I haven't really thought about these sorts of things in a long time, because I've been so concerned with finding a job and getting a good education. Fair enough, those are important things, but my well-being is also very important! And living a life where food isn't the ONLY source of joy. So, I've been trying to get curious and listen to myself, and be compassionate towards myself. Everything's OK Have a great day, everyone!
  16. Failing in a safe environment sounds wonderful!! Maybe it will help you see that it might be safe to fail in other areas of your life, as well And you're right about snow! It's lovely and lightens up the place during this dark time of year
  17. I know exactly what you mean! BUT a funny thing is that stacking one habit has helped me to develop another one. What I mean is that I stacked the habit of doing the dishes right after eating ("after I'm done eating, I will do the dishes right away"). This way, I have a clean kitchen at all times. And when I have a clean kitchen, it's much more easier for me to start cooking healthy meals. This has lowered the threshold of doing meal prepping, which is another habit I've been wanting to take up. It became easy after taking up the habit of doing the dishes right away! Didn't plan it at all, but I really enjoy spending time in clean kitchen (the principle of making a habit pleasurable might be at work here...). Thank you I was THIS CLOSE today to texting my ex. But then I didn't. I'm just so strong and awesome. HAHA! And yes, we are enough! Actually, today I told myself that I am a wonderful, smart and beautiful person. Not in a narcissistic way, but it felt nice to give myself some affirmations I would love to hear from others, I guess. "I'm enough" is good, but it also feels good to tell yourself "I'm a lovely person", you know!
  18. Sorry to hear that it's tough for you right now. Did you go climbing?
  19. The intuitive eating course started yesterday! I watched the opening video, and there was one part that rang true in my head (heavy paraphrasing, ahoy!): "The problems with feeling hunger are usually caused by attempts to control hunger. You might have a lot of thoughts and ideas surrounding food, and when you feel hungry, you might start thinking, 'am I really hungry? What kind of hunger is this? What should I do?' when, in fact, you could just eat. You have to eat as you please, not like everyone else around you eats or thinks everyone should eat." And that's true, for me: I constantly question the food choices I make, the feelings I have in my body, etc. So, last night, when I got hungry, I had my evening snack right away and didn't start my usual overthinking routine. I will try to unlearn questioning my choices and feelings surrounding food. In that note, I also realized that my life feels so tiresome at times, because I have this idea in my head of how I should be and what kind of life I should live, when in fact the idea is very narrow and limited. I think I have to always be proper and never make mistakes, when in fact my personality is not calm and collected - I am a pretty dynamic person, and I'd rather act than think endlessly - and sometimes I make mistakes. I started to realize this when I realized, how much I enjoy telling jokes at work and doing creative work. So, I'm now going to work on allowing myself to be who I am There are reasons I've tried to stay as invisible as possible, but I'm working on those things at therapy, and I need to put myself out there and see, how it feels to just be myself. What could possibly go wrong...??
  20. This week has been alright! I feel lonely and grumpy, but work has been a lot more interesting and I'm working on building systems and habits. I'm reading James Clear's book Atomic Habits, and even though I wasn't so sure about it at first, it has given me some really good tips. Stacking habits is something I'm working on, and I love the idea of making better habits as easy as possible and bad habits as difficult as possible. I've been able to study more and wash my dishes immediately after eating (I don't have a dishwasher) by stacking them on some other habits I have, which has made me feel a lot better For example, "after brushing my teeth, I will sit down and study for 15 minutes" and "after I finish eating and put the dishes in the sink, I'll wash them right away". I'm currently thinking of other habits I could build by stacking them on top of the old ones I'm also working on the perfectionism, as I said in the previous post. My mood has been better, and I really like the idea of living in a world where I'm enough as I am, but also free to set goals and chase them. I am capable and smart, but I've been pressing myself down with huge goals and criticism. In reality, I am healthy, I am on my way to having two master's degrees, I have a job and good friends. It's enough, so I would like to focus more on what makes me happy, not what makes me enough. I think it would be a better use of my time! Have a great day, everyone! Bonus 1: It's been also nice for me to realize that I can be a part of NF, even if I don't come here every day Bonus 2: Just completed a Darebee workout + some crunches and yoga mobility movements. Grumpiness reduced!
  21. Just bolded out some parts. If your goal is to move to recover a bit, maybe focus on that goal for now? If your body is tired and out of shape, it definitely feels overwhelming to think about bigger goals that you might have in the future. Your exercise routine doesn't need to be perfect, but some movement is a lot better than nothing! And once you feel recovered, you might find that you are a lot more excited to start thinking of other goals Could you do animal flow on a couple of days a week and yoga a couple of days a week? And do this routine for a month or two, and then see how you feel? And maybe shift the focus from specific goals to feeling good for now? (Sorry if I miss something important here, I only know what I'm reading from your post )
  22. Haha, I'm going around everyone's threads and was about to go back my own to report on my experiences with Atomic Habits I was a bit reluctant to work on it, but it's actually great! One thing I've started to work on is that I stack habits. Yesterday, I decided that "after brushing my teeth, I'll study a few math problems". And also, "after eating, I will wash the dishes right away" (I don't have a dishwasher). It worked really well, and I'm gonna keep tracking some other habits I have that I could stack new habits on. The allergic reaction sounds rough! Hope you're doing better today That's a good attitude: you're not in a race, so there's no rush to get better. Hopefully filling the wheels will help you run lighter!
  23. I think my perfectionism is rooted in fear: something bad will happen if I'm not perfect, and I have to be perfect in order to be good enough. I'm trying to recognize all the fears I have, and tell myself that the reality is a lot kinder than I think. I have managed to study for my math test this week with a lot less anxiety this week, after I've allowed myself to just sit down and start practicing. I'm gonna try this with creating illustrations and doing web design, too: just sitting down and trying small things is enough :) I'm also trying to recognize some unfair rules I have for myself. I sometimes think that there's only one way to accomplish some thing, when in reality there might be several paths to the same goal. Freelancing is totally what I would like to try out! In Finland, we need to have a trade name to do that, and I just haven't got around to setting one up (it costs some money and I have to take care of the taxes. Then again, I would figure these things out, too...). That being said, I have actually done commissions in the past! Last month, I created a couple of illustrations (this is such a small volume that I don't need a trade name) for my friends. I'll put them on my portfolio to showcase my illustration style :) Right now I'd like to create a UX/UI portfolio and apply for some companies. I think I do have enough material, but I just haven't been able to put them together into a portfolio with confidence. I agree that examination lessens anxiety! I've noticed significant improvement this week, even though I still have a feeling of "I don't know enough" when I think about working on the things I want to master. I'm dealing with this by setting up smaller goals, and staying aware of the fact that my anxiety is not rooted in reality. This pandemic has totally made this more diffult for me, because I live alone and I have a lot of time to think about things... too much, actually! It would be good for me to work at the library more often. Working remotely is great, but finding a balance would probably be a good idea.
  24. Thanks for the support! Perfectionism might be a nerd thing... It's very strong on my father's side of the family, for sure, and I think I've got my fair share. I've tried to be mindful of it today - I was somehow anxious at work, feeling like my boss was surely tired of me after I had asked a couple of questions, without her showing any negative feelings. So, I kept challenging those ideas and tried to listen to myself and get to the bottom of the reason I felt the way I did. I've noticed that getting curious about anxiety helps a lot, and I was able to recognize that I was feeling anxious because of my false perspective. I've also felt kinda nervous after getting this permanent position, so I recognized that it's one of those things that makes me anxious (I think that I still have something to prove). It felt good to challenge those ideas instead of thinking that I'm probably anxious for some actual reason, when it's in fact the maladaptive perfectionism. I'll keep working on this, for sure I drew a poster for our communications team, and they told me that I'm welcome to create more graphics for them in the future! This makes me happy, because I really much enjoy creating graphics and making things look great. I also bought a Skillshare subscription (got it for 40% off the price), and I'd like to take some courses on Adobe Illustrator and vector art. Right now I'm studying for my math exam, though - I have one coming up next Monday! I've been putting off studying, because it's been a kinda challenging a course, and the perfectionist in me has been kinda scared to work on it. Maybe the inner perfectionist can be seen as an inner scared kid that just needs some support Have a great day, everyone! It's nice to be back here on NF!
  25. OK, I'm just gonna muse here some work-related thoughts: It's also Shark Week and I've felt really tired But I'm working on not putting so much pressure on myself. I've done some reading on positive vs. maladaptive perfectionism, and I think that's something I should look into more. More precisely, I should try and figure out, why I'm so scared of failure. It's very tiresome to constantly think that I'm not good enough, very tiresome. I've come a long way in therapy already, and this is my next thing to work on Have a great day, everyone!
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