TGP

? I think I erased a long post talking about WHY I'm here and my goals of getting back into fitness. SHOOT. hopefully thats NOT a sign of things to come. BUT. it happens.

I'm not sure my drawings will be awesome for quite some time; but you guys have been with me since I started. and SHARING your drawings, esp your BEST drawings is such an important part of this. PS this was done during the tutorial "you can't draw" by smoothie77. seriously considering getting more information and better step by step video from him on patreon. I love his technique and maybe I could learn a lot from him. but time will tell.... PPS; I guess this is a pretty pleasant tourist destination in SW england. to have my english friends. Have you been there? is it all that?? it looks gorgeous...

the new image. Very ambitious picture- I didn't do it justice. Streams/Rivers are paticularly hard. I should sketch them regularly until I get it. ...actually drawing ANYTHING is hard. I'll keep working on it. don't be surprised if you see me "redraw" some of these pictures several months from now... they have so much MORE beauty then this. (this is the type of scene that inspires me...)

hey Liz. very quick to join up this time. Thats Awesome! sounds like a great challenge. I'll try to check up on you as often as time permits.

so, the challenge has ended? mm time goes so fast I do an announcement; I have run 26.2miles! woot. ("those who put themselves though pain" REALLY resonates with me right now) the "Woot" is very tempered by the difficulty I faced. it was Easily the very hardest run I have ever done! I was had my first muscle spasm in the first 13miles; and it Got so much worse by the end of the course. the 20miles mark (~30km) is well known as a particularly difficult challenge in a marathon and they knickname that part of the race "the wall" because of how many people struggle during that part of the marathon. for me, the wall, was particularly well named; with periods of cramping sandwiched between a weak, slow, shuffaling sort of run. it may actually be the most painful thing I've ever done in my whole life! the only reason I finished my marathon is that I went into a strict 4:2 minute run, walk. I have no idea why I suffered SO badly during this run; i had the salt, the course was littered with bottles of gatoraid, I was always drinking, and I had a bag of gummies that lasted to the end! as my Dad pointed out; I'm so hugely goal oriented that I was willing to endure significant amounts of pain to see it done. my time was ignomiously bad. 6 hours 15 minutes! on a blistering hot day that was a good bit warmer than 90*F (32*C). this is Closure for me. I didn't do well this (of preparing for a marathon) but I CAN (barely) run a marathon. i mean I DID (barely) run a marathon. hopefully I'll never have such a hard, hard run again. next year I HAVE to solve the problem of having bad muscle cramps during a marathon on a hot summer day. --- mentally things are improving for me. I'm feeling More like myself. I think in a while I can go back to scheming and planning on how to have an amazing exercise program and I'm already working hard at my drawings.

hey guys! TGIF its quiet slow day at work. Love those days! and needed a break from strain (my own thoughts are enough) I'm generally better then I was earlier in the week. I had some muscle strain/cramps during my last run last week. rather sore and nagging. its funny how pleasant it is, when that eases. even though it may only ease slightly. mentally, there's a lot of similarity. the biggest thing that happened this morning was that I had a bad dream. Maybe my head is processing it THAT way. thats fine, I spose. I'd rather have a bad dream, then a bad Life, right? --- there's a fun kind of artistic challenge I gave myself this week. its called, "urban sketching" Despite the name it isn't really "urban". the idea is that it is always drawn from life (not photos) a Sketch! meaning not a time consuming laborious "perfect" drawing its always a landscape; meaning that it is a Scene of something; not a picture of a person or a picture of flower meant to record a time and place; and possibly improve your enjoyment of that time and place by having you intensely observe it you supposed to share it online and urge your artist friends to do one; to profile different places online. anyways, now that I've told you about it... is my version of one. I thought briefly about including the ducks/geese that are often there and/or the people that sometimes hang around perhaps sitting in the park bench, feeding the ducks/geese or fishing. and I didn't go for it. too hard! 'sides. I really want to just learn (some day) how to draw a proper and pleasantly realistic tree. for sure this wasn't it- though it was more practice trying. so Urban sketching. yeah. definitely a sketch. definitely not easy to do. I'll keep working on it.

ty very much for your concern. I'm a big one for feeling, no matter how crazy life is, that I'm generally comfortable with my thinking and the way I'm handling things. I'm far from perfect and am sometimes unhappy with the results of that thinking. but things are as they are.... and I have a certain acceptance about my own efforts, nearly all the time! sometimes your just in a situation where your best efforts are given sad "F" (and fall far from what is expected). this is often in part, often, someone's else problems IMHO because you knew you did your best at the given moment. if someone else has heaped on you a demanding expectation- there are partially responseable for making sure that expectation is reasonable. But even if that expectation is part of a goal; we are not accountable exactly to achieving goals. goals can be badly designed or unreasonable and our lack of wisdom in making them, doesn't alter the fact that there is a given "best that we can do" given the situation. this, feeling, that I'm doing what I can do most of the time is like an inner acceptance or tranquility. recently, though, that inner tranquility and acceptance has been really lacking and disturbed. I feel out of control in a way I rarely do. I don't think I can describe WHY I feel this way and why my inner peace is So threatened. I'm not sure whats causing it. Moreover, some people might find this whole thought nonsense or contradictory. I'm certainly not saying that I never get emotionally worked up, and never have moments where I might have done much better with a more determined try and espacially a little more extended effort (I'm a horrible procrastinator btw). perhaps even I wasn't paying attention or trying too hard. results will always be "meh" if there's no emotional passionate motivation to do something. but still there is inner acceptance that I did what I was trying to do and to the extent of my effort. So, why then, do I sometimes do spectacularly awful even when I AM trying; or why do I stop all efforts at trying when I feel passionate about the importance of something? for example I feel passionate about the importance of exercise and yet all the efforts at trying are less or not at all. GEt up and tell myself that exercise is a important, enjoyable and necessary and then slumber and do nothing. it makes me very unhappy with myself... stuff like that I feel unusually stressed and unhappy with myself sometimes. its like different parts of my mind is now grinding together and the whole mechanism is frighteningly unstable. I won't say I'm alarmed, more concerned to even disapointed. if I work things out in my head , WHY something is important; then its needful to give it THAT level of effort and Not dramatically less or skip it altogether. and we aren't even taking about times when the timing was simply unreasonable. ( as it sometimes is). there is a time and place for everything and is someone screws that up- I can hardly hold myself mentally accountable when someone made the job impossibe for me. no. this is more about ME and my ability to dictate my destiny when I DO have the ability and time to guide my behavior. ---- sigh. I don't ALWAYS feel like this ofc. in fact, NOW, I feel rather ok. a little demotivated, but this isn't quite about motivation- its more a feeling of inner sanity. ---- I have to put enough motivation in my sails and buckle down and strive through things so I can past this. but If I can't... break this bad batch of mental chemistry. perhaps some kind of counseling and/or medicine must be found. and btw, I have no feelings of reluctance in pursuing those kinds of helpful resources EXCEPT that mental health in my country is a MESS. you can go to a doctor over anything and with a little explanation and determination find treatment. this is considerably harder when it comes to a mental problem. Maybe I have the equivalent of a nasty cold or flu (in a mental way)? uncomfortable and much worse then normal; but If i came upon me- there's a chance that with patient self-treatment it might go away on its own... I know that drawings are Good, also in a dark moment for me; my wife was there for me and unusually kind, even when my behavior to her wasn't really very acceptable. also I NEED to do a long run this weekend that works and is near marathon length (and PLEASE! no problems ) to Run a marathon-sized run would give closure to the running program and I think help me move on. thats probably long and hard to read. can we say that when things are hopeful and inspirational it takes only short words and a pretty picture to summarize it but human beings are a MESS when they have deep personal problems!

I've been so inactive around here. sorry feeling Not-so-good. been trying to fight it! still drawing, as well... I don't know if you can tell on this digital coy- but the darks are extra dark! thats because I figured out how to add charcoal pencils , and they are Much darker then you can get with the normal graphite pencil. incidentally, I think this is too ambitious for me; I'm not able to really accurately record the river or the forest canopy- though I tried. I'm going to try to do 2 drawings at once, so I don't have the feeling like I want to rush and finish up a given drawing. we'll see how that goes.... hopefully the rest of my life will feel better in awhile.

ty for all the compliments, I did indeed draw another picture this weekend, and like so many pics there are things I like about it and things I don't. I'll say this about this drawing. I think its a more artistic approach; not just literally drawing what I see from the pic but trying to add a soft lightness to suggest the look of rain.

yes there's no shame for letting it out. we're your friends and we're here for you. ❤️ that being said, I don't want to minimize how hard this is for you. your dad does sound very sick and he's surely fighting for his life. the advice about making good memories is really good advice. the best you can get in this hard situation.

brill pm ty about exhibitions... maybe! maybe but I don't want to exhibit my drawings. I don't think they would be appreciated, or sell. "color" is one of the elements of art! and moreeover, you simply can't do much with color with a pencil. now don't get me wrong; that's also one reason why I'm USING pencil. one less thing to trip me up. but colored pencils now come in a dizzying amount of types, and kinds. in the fall I'm thinking of jumping into that world and trying to make something beautiful.

sitting here this afternoon - doing my crude distillation and learning a little about art exhibitions and specifically virtual ones (now quite common, with covid in all) and Idk me and my fairy tale head. found out there is a virtual exhibition in the nearest city to me through the buffalo society of artists. I've asked a few dumb questions from liz, cause I'm no artist and have no clue. but I can't shake the thought that well, it would be neat to do something like that someday. ------- this Last weekend I missed my long run. I really MUST have a nice long run this weekend though. I must! sorry for being so scarce. I am struggling.

WOOT! you did it ! yay!!

hey liz, checking in on you. glad to see that your dad is home. I think aramis has given the best advice; so I'm just going to say that I'm thinking about you. feel free to complain, we're here for you. ❤️

this is me recently. ha actually this was prolly an overly abitious project I did yesterday and today. I had the idea of examining some video looking for a spectacular example of bad weather. my video reference shows a guy on one side of the boat cling to life while another guy loses in a spray of ocean water. and... umm yeah the video was a little low quality. so there's too much improvising of what an angry ocean looks like. not too mention distorts of the boat; which was difficult to avoid, since the video shows a big fat bar in front of the boat. ... but idk. a fun idea is still a fun idea. oceanscapes aren't something I've tried to do before... this was my very first! I also did a great deal more blending then I've done in a long while. so that was interesting too! --- hopefully your all hanging on to the boat pretty good. (so to speak). photo reference is attached (2 scenes of the same video) so you can see what I started with. lots guessing in this drawing!

question: I've never had the experience of being a women with someone being creeply/pervy. do you think being very forceful, helps getting other people to help you deal with this kind of behavior. OR. is your experience that non-confrontation is the best solution? maybe this is the question for the whole thread, with no easy answer. my advise though is along the lines of tell them to leave you the f alone. thats what I would advise, if my daughter (or loved one) was in a similar situation... regarding escalation. do this confrontation in a semi-public place; like the gym exactly where the guy is doing all this creepy flirting. he's unlikely IMHO to escalate it at that place and time- as the whole gym is full off witnesses if he does. Now what if he stalks and approaches you in a scary setting. a very valid concern. I think friends are your big savior in this case- pull any sympathetic friend as close to your life as possible. I totally agree that your trading one risk for another- and while telling him NO very forcefully might get a lot of clarity it has its risks. so IF I did advise my daughter etc I would do all I could to make sure she had friendly eyes watching her.

I agree with all the responses so far (espacially tank) but just had one additionally thought. given that you are being harassed and it seems to be escalating ... your definitely entitled to tell him off. I say this not because I'd find that easy to do (if our roles were reversed) but because maybe its the strongest clearest way you CAN handle the situation. it makes it absolutely Clear that you have tried to do everything you can. and any outside authority now, I think, must take into consideration that you have done all you can to rule out some kind of innocent mistake. if You tell him you are NOT interested in him and that you don't want Candy or Cake, but that you want left alone !.... and he doesn't. IMHO it is actually harassment at least. I'm no lawyer but I'm sure its a violation of the law for him to further pester you. Now this step would be difficult and unpleasant. I wouldn't want to have to make it and I don't think very many people wouldn't. as other people are saying- you Shouldn't HAVE to make it. but you have a right to make it. no one can say this guy doesn't have it coming to him. you've clearly tried all less confrontational approaches. the fact that it hasn't worked, to me, Does seem creepy and alarming. I hope things this is resolved.

one of my quickest drawings... nonetheless, I kind of like it. mind you I see LOTS of flaws... but I feel like this drawing evolved better. and 'sides. drawing is theurapeutic! better then pouting thinking about my canceled marathon. had the chance today to spend some significant time with my dad, getting wood chips for my garden. my uncle also came along and it was really nice to talk to them. my uncle did some drawing in the day Himself! made for an interesting conversation. probably one of the best talks we've had since my aunt passed away. my uncle might be getting better (though he'll always deeply miss her- they were married 35years!). things happen, life moves on. nice to see my uncle make progress on that.

tomarrow I have to take a day off to get some things done... so today is my TGIF day soooo... ugh. not a good week. very much demotivated to exercise. I can think myself out of the marathon news; but I can't yet ease the dissapointment. it haunts me. I will endure this demotivated feeling! skip could do no better. time will pass and I'll feel better later; until then, I'm trying to force myself to keep up with the notes and numbers. past experience proves that passion brings lots of analysis and notes... and demotivation does the opposite. I feel better about drawing, and the last project was ... somewhat better IMHO then other drawings. I have to reset my google page to get it on the net; when I get a chance I'll post it. its a drawing of a climber; might as well use drawing to look ahead a little. I think I might do a picture of a runner next. drawing pics showing figures is hard, but so long as those pictures aren't very detailed; plausable figures are possible. slowly working on landscapes, people, and buildings simultaneously. there's nothing dramatically different about drawing a tree or a person; its still forms, textures, and shading. sorry for being so absent here. I've done a bad job checking on everyone. being plugged in HERE is also easier when I feel inspired to exercise. that not exactly Fair though. lots of great rangers;doing the inspirational- I should be reading their thoughts to FEEL more inspired shouldn't I? feelings are a B! anyways; if I can I will try to catch up on some other people's story this weekend. please HAVE a good weekend and thanks for reading about me.

actually, I'm REALLY grappling with this right now. my "go big" reason to run has now dissapeared. there is no possibility for another event this year- most are being canceled. the USA is ramping up on COVID cause some states got anxsy about the delay and felt they could not hold back the economy any more. only states that were absolutely brutally stricken seem safe(r). but politically, philosophically I can handle covid....... keeping up the running is much, much harder (for me). (and yes I missed my morning run. .) it feels mentally like I'd been given a DNF for my marathon training. ugh efforts MUST remain though; but they will seem small and unimportant and that is hard for me I think we are SO much in the same boat. a crashing exercise program becoming very small very quickly and feeling uninspired and knowing that if I drop it; I'll really really REALLY regret it. I hope we can both keep up the small efforts. bolder inspiration will come another day- but gosh darn it! the health is too precious to give up on.

that needs emphasized because its SOOOO easy to get in the "go big or go home mentality", then life happens and people entirely give up on their goals and dreams. not good. little changes mean Everything!

Hang in there Liz! maybe the bad chili is your prompt to make something wonderful. (OTOH; maybe just making Anything somewhat nutritious would be a victory. some days are like that)

PS there really IS a good side of this. I'm not ready. I could have endured it , but my time would have been horrible. I simply did not do enough Long running this summer. Covid and all its madness but a crimp in my training in a very important time. I needed to build up mileage much earlier than I did. 16 if not 20 weeks is what I needed for a marthon training. as I recall, my schedule was actually a little less then 12. and hopefully all Numbnuts TAKE THE D***G vaccine when its available; its ruined so many events and activities. (not to mention the economic impact!) can't wait until "COVID" is out of the news. peace out and don't worry 'bout me. I'm DEFINITELY still doing one more hardcore week; then I'm putting running where it should be, about 3x a week. climbing is available, fun and begging to be worked out. and I did all those Pullups for a REASON.

Woot! what a bike. I love the vibe!! best of luck with the OCR; and, if you haven't already REST! most people Taper before any big athletic race,etc. Last minute exercise does very little to help you in the competition. but truly Resting will make sure your not fighting fatigue in anyway before you even begin. (IMHO ofc)