Whisper

The three of us pass now along a high and narrow branch. Though our hands cannot be joined, I see your braid before me I hear her steps behind me. I am like a river in its bed. The path you make for me Will keep me on my way. Let us go now and thrust the stones of fruit we already digested into the nostrils of that guy over there.

Poem: “For One Who Is Exhausted, a Blessing,” by John O’Donohue When the rhythm of the heart becomes hectic, Time takes on the strain until it breaks; Then all the unattended stress falls in On the mind like an endless, increasing weight. The light in the mind becomes dim. Things you could take in your stride before Now become laborsome events of will. Weariness invades your spirit. Gravity begins falling inside you, Dragging down every bone. The tide you never valued has gone out. And you are marooned on unsure ground. Something within you has closed down; And you cannot push yourself back to life. You have been forced to enter empty time. The desire that drove you has relinquished. There is nothing else to do now but rest And patiently learn to receive the self You have forsaken in the race of days. At first your thinking will darken And sadness take over like listless weather. The flow of unwept tears will frighten you. You have traveled too fast over false ground; Now your soul has come to take you back. Take refuge in your senses, open up To all the small miracles you rushed through. Become inclined to watch the way of rain When it falls slow and free. Imitate the habit of twilight, Taking time to open the well of color That fostered the brightness of day. Draw alongside the silence of stone Until its calmness can claim you. Be excessively gentle with yourself. Stay clear of those vexed in spirit. Learn to linger around someone of ease Who feels they have all the time in the world. Gradually, you will return to yourself, Having learned a new respect for your heart And the joy that dwells far within slow time.

Walk up to my boss's boss. "You know I love my boss; he's like the son I never had..." Boss's boss: "and never... no no, what's up?" He's pissy about something that could be easily solved by talking to you, but you have no idea because he talked to your predecessor's predecessor about it, and now only complains about "corporate insanity". Can I have a spot to store some parts in that room over there? I really do like my boss. I really am looking forward to him retiring.

That sounds really awesome.

Really good to see you Bean

Woke up at 5, decided to sleep more. Woke up close to nine and thought I wasn't going to have time to dye my hair before going to a new church. I've decided that I want myself as fully put together as I want, as was causing "distractions" when I try a new church. I am clean, I am neat, do you have a problem with my presentation? While the dye was setting, I got the chili going in the slow cooker. In the shower, worried about time, I decided that if it was after 10 when I got out, I wouldn't go. Service was at 10:30 and about 15 minutes away. Got out of the bathroom at 9:46. Got dressed in my fancy flowing clothing, did my hair and got out the door. Was still nervous the whole drive there, but felt somewhat reassured by the pride flag in their window. Went in, was greeted warmly. There was actually someone there with whom I'm acquainted. Mother of the youth minister at (what do I call the church I'm thinking about leaving? "My church" "my old church"?) She didn't recognize me at first, but did as soon as I confirmed that she was who I thought she was. Ended up sitting next to some other first time visitors to the church; a mother and daughter from Japan. The daughter is going to university here. It was a little bit funny, the liturgy and hymns were familiar enough to me that I was able to help them follow along with the service. Small congregation, mostly older. Was pleasantly surprised that it seemed like everyone was actually singing and it sounded nice. Current church it is often hard to get the congregation to actually sing. I think I could see myself playing violin there. The Japanese mother was the only person to comment on my appearance; she called me "fashionable". A few people were complimentary of my singing after the service. I think I'll go there again next week. I took a walk through Michael's after church. Needed more titanium white, and wanted to try some fabric markers. Picked up a few other seasonal items to combine with the festive gourds I got at Wal-Mart yesterday and put together a little window display. I don't normally bother with seasonal decorations, but I'm really happy I did. Rinsed and washed the tie-dye items. Happier with this round than the last, but still learning. Chili sin carne turned out fairly well. Decided it would be better with rice, so final result is chili sin carne con arroz. Portioned out into 6 2 cup servings. 3 in the freezer, 3 in the fridge for lunches the first half of this week. Got things situated and my alarms back on. Should be good for a walk before work tomorrow.

I shall hug my cats and tell them they are loved

Sleep is just a crutch! (that my body says I need soon) One upside to my self imposed uniform; I never need to think about what I'm wearing to work. Thank you! I'm trying to make choices that make it easier for me to hit my goals. Toothbrush at work takes away an excuse. Umbrella ready for the rain. High vis straps and flashlight if I'm going to walk in the dark. Pills already sorted ect.

Today is a good day to DYE! Just finished up a big round of tie-dying. Results tomorrow. Plan to also dye my hair today. Way too much root showing. (Mounting fatigue might see this kicked to tomorrow) Slept in a little this morning, then spent a LONG time in Wal-Mart. Needed some home goods stuff and was better to see it in person than online. Got some glass food containers for lunches and a bunch of other stuff. Also, got what I need to make slow cooker vegetarian chili. that's the plan for tomorrow. I've been intending to try eating somewhat vegetarian for a while now. Health reasons, environmental reasons, the fact that I HATE touching raw meat, so things like chicken often just don't get cooked... Friday Daily tasks Take meds✅ Morning constitutional AM & PM prayers✅ AM & PM oral hygiene✅ AM & PM Spanish✅✅ Cleaning / sorting✅ Creativity. Painting, drawing, coloring, violin ect.✅ Growth reading. Fun reading✅ Ed to Go✅ Specific goals meal planning prayer book cat litter bags cat litter cat food clean out car Saturday Daily tasks Take meds Morning constitutional AM & PM prayers AM & PM oral hygiene AM & PM Spanish Cleaning / sorting Creativity. Painting, drawing, coloring, violin ect. Growth reading. Fun reading Ed to Go Specific goals meal planning prayer book cat litter bags cat litter cat food clean out car cook chili

I got permission to take one from work. It isn't a fancy light up one, but it should be fine for in the park. Stayed up WAY too late reading last night. Woke up with my "sunrise" around 5:15 and decided more sleep was needed, so fed the cats, killed the lights and alarms, and slept until the 7am "leave for work" alarm. 10 minutes from alarm sounding to driving away, so not much morning prep happened. Fortunately, I now have toothpaste and brush at work, so my mouth doesn't feel gross. I regret staying up so late and missing a morning walk, but I think the sleep was the right choice. A point of clarity that no one has asked for: "specific goals" are not necessarily things to get done TODAY, but things to get done soon, or that I feel the need for a reminder about. Thursday Daily tasks Take meds✅ Morning constitutional✅ AM & PM prayers✅ AM & PM oral hygiene✅ AM & PM Spanish✅ Cleaning / sorting✅ Creativity. Painting, drawing, coloring, violin ect.✅ Growth reading. Fun reading✅ Ed to Go✅ Specific goals Mop kitchen floor✅ meal planning vet appointments✅ prayer book cat litter bags cat litter cat food clean out car reflective straps✅ Friday Daily tasks Take meds✅ Morning constitutional AM & PM prayers✅ AM & PM oral hygiene✅ AM & PM Spanish Cleaning / sorting Creativity. Painting, drawing, coloring, violin ect. Growth reading. Fun reading Ed to Go Specific goals meal planning prayer book cat litter bags cat litter cat food clean out car

No! Embrace the smile lines! They're the best and most attractive of all wrinkles!

Today is off to a wonderful start! I woke up with enough time to get ready for work and take a proper walk. First time I've done the full lap of the park since Labor Day. Had the praise music going and just felt really good, and the positive mood is lasting into my work day. Maybe I don't need more of the antidepressant, maybe I just need to get back into walking. It is getting to be uncomfortably dark when I'm starting my walk, and only going to get darker. I'm thinking some high visibility straps and a flashlight would be a good idea. Duolingo has added math and music to its offerings. Played around with them some and had a bit of fun. Thinking I'll count the music section for "creativity" Lowering the bar from 30 minutes to "do something" has also helped. Wednesday Daily tasks Take meds✅ Morning constitutional AM & PM prayers✅ AM & PM oral hygiene✅ AM & PM Spanish✅✅ Cleaning / sorting✅ Creativity. Painting, drawing, coloring, violin ect.✅ Growth reading.✅ Fun reading✅ Ed to Go✅ Specific goals Cook food Renew driver's license✅ Thursday Daily tasks Take meds✅ Morning constitutional✅ AM & PM prayers✅ AM & PM oral hygiene✅ AM & PM Spanish Cleaning / sorting Creativity. Painting, drawing, coloring, violin ect. Growth reading. Fun reading Ed to Go Specific goals Mop kitchen floor meal planing vet appointments prayer book cat litter bags cat litter cat food clean out car reflective straps

I like the 10% happier book. It feels like a nice, reasonable goal. Not promising to turn everything around, but who wouldn't like to be just 10% happier? Also, you don't owe your father an apology. "I'm in therapy, go away" is a perfectly reasonable thing to say.

Hate headaches.

DL renewed at lunch; VICTORY! They're saying 6-8 weeks to send out the card which seems kind of ridiculous. Also means that my current license might expire before the new one arrives. Printed out a temporary license just in case. Also managed to schedule an appointment with a neurologist. First appointment I could get is Nov 13th. Dropping the dose on the antidepressant seems to have helped, but not eliminated the headaches, but I think I'm also struggling more to function on the lower dose. I might switch back to higher next week and see how things track.

I hope your game Meetup goes well tonight! The flowers are so beautiful.

I don't think it's so much teeth on this one, as poor alignment of moments when I think of it, and moments when I'm in a position to do it not aligning. I brought it to work with me, I'm hoping to remember to do it on my lunch break. But, reflecting on your advice here is part of why I adjusted the other goals, so thank you.

Didn't work Monday, mostly stayed in bed. Did make it to work yesterday (Tuesday). It was really hard to get up and almost called out again but was fine once I got moving. Internet is still being a pest. Sometimes fine, often says connected but nothing will load. Landlord contacted the ISP, someone should be out tomorrow. One of the annoying aspects of this is that it messes up my normal wake up lights. Bedroom has "smart bulbs", I need to be able to turn them off with the app, not the switch at night, so that they turn themselves on properly in the morning. I haven't been able to do that, so the switch gets turned off and I don't get my gradual lighting. Was able to turn them off with the app last night, and it was really nice to have my "sunrise" this morning. Had a nice proper shower and shave this morning and feeling much better inside my own skin. Got some trash out for trash day, but ended up running late this morning, which brings me to the changes I'm making to my challenge. I was running late this morning and hadn't brushed my teeth. If my goal was "AM & PM brush and floss", I would have done nothing. But the goal is "oral hygiene", so I quickly swished some mouthwash and achieved "more than nothing". The 30 minutes goals and the 2 lessons goals is mostly resulting in nothing, so I'm dropping that part. Any level of engagement is better than none, so any level gets me the check mark. Daily tasks Take meds Morning constitutional AM & PM prayers AM & PM oral hygiene AM & PM Spanish Cleaning / sorting Creativity. Painting, drawing, coloring, violin ect. Growth reading. Fun reading Ed to Go Specific goals Cook food Renew driver's license

Feeling meh. Decided to play hookie today. Feeling a little bit guilty about it, but not too much.

Internet isn't working right at home, so having trouble posting/following. If it doesn't self correct, landlord will call ISP on Monday. Can't blame him for not wanting to deal with them. Painted today, it was good. Wanted to have it done tosay, so teacher spent a bit of time finishing it for me.

That does not look comfortable. I don't think I would want clothing rubbing against it either.

Got my new glasses yesterday. They're nice, but for some reason my right eye didn't want to focus right with them, like there was something blurry in part of my vision, but the glasses themselves were perfectly clear. Put them on this morning and had something similar, but it resolved itself by the time I got to work. By the time I got home, I felt like I had hit a wall and was totally tapped out. Didn't get much done. Did get to the park this morning and took a slightly shortned walk. 20min instead of 30. Felt good. If I can get my staring into space down just a bit more, I'll have plenty of time for the full walk and get to work on time. Tuesday Daily tasks Take meds✅ Morning constitutional✅ AM & PM prayers✅ AM & PM oral hygiene✅ AM & PM Spanish✅ 30 minutes of cleaning / sorting 30 minutes of creativity. Painting, drawing, coloring, violin ect. 30 minutes of growth reading. 30 minutes of fun reading✅ 2 Ed to Go lessons Specific goals Pick up new glasses!✅ Cook chicken and veggies Hang clothes Renew driver's license (I don't know why I'm procrastinating on this; it's just an online form) Wednesday Daily tasks Take meds✅ Morning constitutional✅ AM & PM prayers✅ AM & PM oral hygiene✅ AM & PM Spanish 30 minutes of cleaning / sorting 30 minutes of creativity. Painting, drawing, coloring, violin ect. 30 minutes of growth reading. 30 minutes of fun reading 2 Ed to Go lessons Specific goals Cook chicken and veggies Hang clothes Renew driver's license (I don't know why I'm procrastinating on this; it's just an online form)

This entire time, my brain has insisted on reading "total" as "today", and I've kept wondering "why is today always so much better than yesterday?"

I admire her dedication to perfection by making sure it has the exact right amount of fluff inside it.