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Whisper

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Everything posted by Whisper

  1. I've been having this mental block the last couple weeks where I don't trust my water bottle at work. I'm fairly sure that all I have to do to break this block is to clean the water bottle with the "clean and free" dish soap I have at work FOR THIS PURPOSE, but every time I look at it, it gets shoved into the endless mound of things to deal with later. So I'm not drinking water at work. So I'm not drinking, or grabbing soda. Because based on literally nothing, I looked at my water bottle and decided I didn't trust it, and refuse to fix it. Put a bottle of water next to my lunch box to take to work tomorrow. A lesser solution, but hopefully one that starts me in the right direction.
  2. Went to painting on Saturday. Couldn't think to do anything detailed, so just played with colors. Sadly the blue one got messed up.
  3. I've identified this as the moment everything went to hell. I don't think it's because of the wet hair, but I can't rule it out either
  4. Congratulations on the job. Sucks that the pay is lower, but I'm really hoping for a non toxic environment.
  5. Friday, I didn't take a shower because I was going to take one Saturday morning before a funeral I was helping with, and I would have plenty of time. Saturday morning I was tired and it was cold, and I didn't want to be tired, cold AND wet, so no shower. Ran into a whole mess of tech issues that I was barely able to work around before the funeral, like literally switching cables around 10 minutes before it started. Rest of the day went well, but a shower didn't enter my head again, so missed two days in a row. Today, technology worked at church. Decided to go to Michael's after and get some calligraphy markers and mixed media paper. Played around for a while. Been a LONG time since I've done actual calligraphy, but my normal handwriting has been a simplified form of it since college. I learned that Water color and acrylic do not work over ink or marker (expected) Ink and marker both work over watercolor, and marker worked ok over acrylic. Neither really works well over (dry) oil paint. I think I like the markers better than the pen and ink, but I would like to try out different sizes if both. I like keeping the letters a bit looser, even if it does make things take LOTS of space to write. Did laundry, which was used as a valid excuse to delay the shower, not enough water pressure for both. Started thinking about kicking the shower again. Decided "fuck that shit, worlds not gonna end if I go to bed with wet hair". I'll have to fix it in the morning, but that's much more likely to happen than a 4am shower. So I'm clean, and my hair is half dry with another hour until bedtime. I need to get better at listening to the smart voices and ignoring the dumb ones.
  6. Continuing the shower saga. Stopped at Walgreens to get my new antidepressant script and also picked up a hair clip while I was there. I'm thinking every other day is probably good for washing my hair, and while I was showering early enough today not to worry about it having enough time to dry, I wanted to see if the clip and caution would work well enough when it does matter to work in place of the shower cap. I have a freakishly large head and the cap was uncomfortably tight. Happy to report that the clip worked out very well.
  7. Today had a really rocky start. My alarm woke me up at 4, but the next thing I knew one of the other techs was calling me at 5:30. Managed to make it in around 6, but still, that's a full hour late. Was too tired to properly scold myself, so let me off with a warning. And turned my back up alarm back on. Busy day. Normal production stuff, getting ready for my manager leaving Friday, getting ready for a new production shop coming in in two weeks. Supposedly I'm moving the maintenance shop too. Took a shower before dinner. Checked my blood pressure and sugar for the first time in a long, long time. 128/86 and 97. I think that means those meds are working properly? I suck at getting blood from the finger stick, took 3 tries, which is why I had given up on checking. Don't do well with needles and having to do it over and over with the machine telling me there isn't enough blood...
  8. Driving home from bell practice tonight, debating the shower question with myself. The best reason not to that I could come up with (other than "tired don't wanna") was "late, don't want to go to bed with wet hair". And lo! did the heavens part! and doth it was revealed unto me that shower caps have totally been invented in this time-line. (I am freakishly proud of that sentence, even knowing I used "doth" wrong) Stopped at the Walgreens I needed to drive past anyway, got the shower cap, went home, took a shower. Victory for today. Heard back from my doctor today. She didn't agree with my going from 2 to 3. She wants me at 4. Sent a new script to my pharmacy. I'm good with trying this. A normal treatment range is 2 to 8, so we're going from a minimal dose to a medium one.
  9. My cats' favorite sleeping position. Me on my side, left leg, with Sasha draped half over it, right leg bridged over Sasha, the covers over that, with ShyAnn stretched along my right leg. Both cats are there, x-ray vision required to see Sasha.
  10. Work was super busy today. Lots of stuff I just couldn't get to, including lunch. Hit a drive-through on my way home for my first solid food of the day. This is my manager's last week. He's trying to tie up loose ends, but there always seems to be more, and the company doesn't have a plan, so things are only going to get worse. Emailed my doctor yesterday (Sunday) about upping my antidepressant. Got an answer from her MA, saying she would talk to her, but no final answer yet. I kind of already upped it myself. Supposed to take two a day, but I have some extras, so filled my pill sorter with 3 per day for this week. Took a shower this afternoon. I've been finding it extra hard just to get into the shower the last several weeks. Afternoon me is tired and doesn't wanna, and says morning me can do it. Morning me is all like "are you fucking kidding me!?! We're not getting out of this bed until the last possible moment to get to work". So the shower keeps getting kicked down the road until I feel so gross that referee me finally grabs on of the me's by the ear and drags them into the shower. I'm fine once I'm actually in there, but just getting in the shower is inexplicably hard. I don't think the rest of my challenge is going to happen this week, so I'm thinking I might just replace my goals with "take a shower every day" for this week. Only day where there might be a legitimate obstacle is tomorrow. Working, then helping Maggie with some medical stuff, then rushing down for bell practice. Still, should be able to hop in the shower really quick before bed.
  11. Hi. I think I'm going through a depressive cycle right now. Probably been in it for a while. Reached the "wanting to cry for no clear reason" point this morning. Happy that I'm recognizing it and trying to take steps that will actually help. Got out for a walk this morning. Work was crazy and I haven't been able to get outside and walk there (including Saturday) and haven't gotten myself to do it after work. So walked, and it was sunny, but there was shade too, and it wasn't too hot. And I started thinking about how sunlight impacts us, Vitamin D and sleep cycles and what not. And I started to wonder, do sunglasses reduce the positive benefits of being outside, particularly for people that spend almost all their time indoors?
  12. Ended up in the manager meeting Thursday morning. I would like to point out that I've just been made a lead, so like at least two promotions below "manager". Basically called BS on her for two different things. I oddly seem to be her best friend ever since. It is creepy and I don't trust it.
  13. Week really not going well. Haven't been filling out my grid, would be a mix of red and green. Thinking best move is to leave it grey and start again tomorrow. Work has been super busy, and it is only going to get worse over the coming weeks. This week has been particularly vexing with the production manager that I loathe. We have an equipment vendor that is supposed to be refurbishing some of our machines. They were supposed to have one ready to ship to Mexico weeks ago, it wasn't, so we shipped one of the two we had in production down instead, with the plan to replace ours with the refurbished one. Twice last week, one of our engineers had me go with him to the vendor to check if the machine was ready. First day they couldn't show me the machine running, which is what I reported. 2nd day, we got there, they hadn't made any real progress, but while there were able to get it to do a few tests that I requested. Reported back to the plant manager that afternoon, and the next morning to the plant manager and the production managers and engineers "they've shown me that the machine is physically capable of running in the ranges we need it to, but none of the actual setup to run our products has been done. I believe that it is at a point where I could do the necessary programming and calibration myself, it would probably take me over a day to do, but we need to decide how much more time we give the vendor to finish the job we payed them for, versus biting the bullet and getting ourselves back up to capacity" Overall sentiment was that they needed to do what we had paid them for. I was supposed to go back out again with a different engineer on Friday but when he tried to arrange it, he was informed that the machine was already crated for shipment. So I arrange to have the crate delivered to us on Monday. Timing didn't work to get the machine in place during day shift, so I asked nights to get it placed so I could see where it was at. Tuesday morning I start looking at the machine and, big shocker, they haven't done what they said they would and it isn't ready to go. I start figuring out what I need for it, as well as the million other things I'm supposed to do. Around 11am, without ever talking to myself, my manager, or the engineer, the production manager decided to send an email to the (currently out of town) plant manager with an all caps URGENT subject line: "The old-new machine was placed on production last night around 6pm. Now almost half the day is over still not working and I don't see anybody even working on it. When and what is the plan to get this machine working and released back to production?" Texted my manager "If I reply to her "urgent " email, my answer is going to be "fuck you, you fucking fuck" There were more emails that I fortunately didn't see at the time, with her claiming that she was told that the machine was going to be plug and play. Nothing NOTHING is ever just plug and play and she knows it. She was in multiple meetings where we talked about delays with this vendor and them not meeting expectations. SHE WAS THERE WHEN I SAID THE MACHINE WASN'T SET UP. The engineer was able to get a jump start on the programming for me, but even with that I spent all day today on that thing, fixing things that should have been done, dialing in and adjusting and calibrating and testing. After 11 hours today, I got it to the point where it would be good to run limited production on night shift, with a buggy feature turned off that they could work around. Not once in the full day I was in her shop, working on her machine, did she say a single fucking word to me. And on the one hand, I really never, ever, want to have any interaction with her, but on the other hand, any other production manager would have checked up on me "how are things going? Thanks for all the work you're doing". Best you ever get from her is "why isn't this done yet?" I hate her so much. She is the only person that I actually, personally, hate.
  14. Feeling like I'm rolling a bunch of ones this morning. Can't seem to wake up, couldn't get out of bed, stumbled into work over half an hour late. I've had one can of Monster, but still feel like I could fall right back asleep any moment...
  15. Started another attempt at your picture. Liking the sky and water better so far, but kind of miss my funky horizon.
  16. Yesterday, I got my last two paintings framed, and today I donated them to a group that does summer camps for kids in foster care, to be sold at their fundraiser/auction. I'm feeling really nervous about this; kind of naked or exposed. I've only sold one painting so far, and that was to a guy at work. Every other painting has been given away. They wanted me to set a price on them, and it has felt like a huge war between setting it too high and risking having no one bid, or undervalueing my work. Set the waterfall at $150, and the tree at $200. Person taking the paintings seems to think they'll definitely sell, and for better than I'm listing, but I still feel exposed and jittery. Paintings, with frames.
  17. Week One Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun Active on Forum Fill Water Bottle Avoid Sugary Drinks Veggie w/ Dinner Walk Outside Do Yoga This week has taken a lot of spoons. Today has been a mess as well. Yoga hasn't happened, but holding most things together. My new manager is going to retire at the end of this month. Kind of feels like I got promoted to the position I've been filling, just in time to have a whole bunch more stuff heaped on me.
  18. Thank you. I kind of like my wonky horizon line. I mean, Picasso couldn't paint a straight line, why should I? I'm not really happy with how the water turned out, and the sky is too much of a line. Got some thoughts on how I might do it differently, but my painting teacher want's to work with me on it.
  19. Week Zero Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun Active on Forum Fill Water Bottle Avoid Sugary Drinks Veggie w/ Dinner Walk Outside Do Yoga Week One Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun Active on Forum Fill Water Bottle Avoid Sugary Drinks Veggie w/ Dinner Walk Outside Do Yoga
  20. I'm here. I'm doing ok on most fronts. People keep buying me drinks, so yellows not greens there. Work running extra, so no yoga yet this week, but still good on walking. I'll try and update and post my grid tomorrow, but wanted to post at least something before going to bed tonight.
  21. Getting back and being here can be the biggest challenge of all.
  22. Had a meeting with HR manager and my manager; promotion finally went through. Lead Maintenance Technician, making an extra $4/hour. Not going to change what I'm doing much, but nice to have it formally recognized and compensated.
  23. I feel this far more than I would like. I don't understand it at all, even got a little note reminding me that I'll feel better if I just get in the shower, but still it gets procrastinated. Finally took it, feeling lots better for it. Hoping that you were able to find something you could do and feel better for having done.
  24. Did two laps around my building yesterday (1 mile) Got out early this morning and enjoyed wondering around the neighborhood. 26 minutes, 1.3 miles.
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