Whisper

Thursday was a bad head day. I'm not sure if I should blame it on stepping on a scale. I hadn't weighed myself in a long while, and yesterday I stepped on a freight scale at work. 390 pounds. I think I was 384ish last I checked, so not exactly a huge shift, and I was relieved to see that I'm still under 400 pounds.  Before stepping on the scale, I was already thinking about food, about trying to shift what I'm keeping at home, not to lose weight, but to try and feel better, with hopefully a byproduct of having to haul less around everywhere.  Yesterday I could feel the thoughts of fat/ugly/lazy/corpulent/stupid pushing into my conscious. I don't follow them, I try not to even let them fully form. 

Had bell practice last night. Spent the entire drive home debating stopping and getting food while knowing I wasn't hungry. Stopped at 7-11 again, got chex-mix and candy and went home and got in bed and ate it all. 

Hi Sky, 

I'm sorry you're having to deal with all of this in one big lump. I hope you and Eamon are feeling better soon and things work out with the new med and therapy. 

Dumb ramblings I feel safer putting that there.

3 hours ago, Ranger Hal said:

Me too. I feel like it's Thursday.

I left work feeling extremely Tuesday this afternoon, but all the proper Tuesday things happened yesterday. Trash went out, Factor box came in...

I'm feeling strangely disconnected from time this week.  Every day doesn't feel like the day it is. I know it is Wednesday, but I keep feeling like it is Monday or Friday. Is the week just starting or almost over?

11 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

Amazing that she might know what she's talking about.    

It always amazes me when a therapist says to do something that feels like it is too small and stupid to actually, but when I get over myself enough to actually do it, damn if they aren't right. 

I hope Eamon is starts feeling better soon. 

Overall, yesterday went well. Helped Maggie a bit after work.  I helped get her rent situation worked out, but they did apartment inspections on Monday and "tested for chemicals" and she's worried that they're trying to find another pretense to evict her. Talked to her for a while, then helped get some of her trash out before heading home.

Got everything in the blue box and a few extras done. Had a really annoying shower. It often takes a few moments for the water pressure to kick in, and yesterday it just wasn't.  Thought maybe the landlord was doing laundry or something.  Took an entire shower under little more than a trickle of water before I tried adjusting my shower head to see if the "jet" mode would rinse me off better. At which point I realized that the problem wasn't water pressure, I had somehow left the showerhead halfway between settings. Gah, wanted to kick myself, but figured an attempt would just have me fall in the shower. 

Woke up with a headache this morning. I'm wondering if it was because of poor timing on my meds yesterday. Day meds were taken several hours later than normal, night med was taken a bit early, both have a blood pressure pill. Maybe should have skipped one  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Took some headache stuff when I got up, drinking some water, it is subsiding. Overall, I'm feeling fairly good today.

First day of Week One, and I forgot to check my goals, getting a red box in the easiest box to make green 😭

It is going to be an interesting week with my guy out. He normally opens the building, so I need to be an extra 45 minutes early every day. Also going to be hard without his expertise. I talked to him a bit Sunday evening. His speech is good, which is a relief after a stroke, but he was still in the hospital, hoping to get out sometime Monday. He's going to have rehab for a while, and doesn't know when he'll be able to come back. 

Week Zero

Thursday was clearly a bad day, and I didn't hold to my bedtime over the weekend, but overall I'm happy with how it went and what my goals are.  I would like to see more green in the "Extras" section, but even lightly tracking (no red) is helping me do more on average.

Thursday was a total nightmare.

Lots of machines broken at work, wasn't able to take any sort of a break until 7 hours into my shift. Then when I took Maggie home, we found a 3 day eviction notice on her door, which resulted in much muchness. 

By the time Bell Choir practice was over, I was just done. Stopped at 7-11 and got all the junk food on my way home.

And this morning I find out one of my techs had a stroke last night. Surgery to remove the clot went well, but don't know much else yet.

I think we should forbid Thursdays. 

Wednesday was fairly good. Had some energy after work so finally went to the pet store.  I generally don't do well with stores, end up getting really anxious, but I've been trying to transition my cats from free feeding dry food to meal feeding wet food, but how much to feed them each meal gets confusing, so wanted to look at several brands / feeding guidelines to try and figure it out. I'm trying to break it down to 3 meals, when I get up, when I get home, and before bed, but the balance between how much they'll eat in a meal, and how much they should eat in a day doesn't seem to be balancing for 3 meals, but with being out of the house 11+ hours every day, I'm not sure where to try and put a 4th.

The cats themselves are being a little less than fully co-operative. They both like the wet food fine, but Sasha is highly food motivated, and ShyAnn is fairly skittish. I put the food down, they both start eating from their bowls, but if I don't police them, Sasha will leave his food half eaten, and start eating ShyAnn's, and after a few moments of sharing with him, ShyAnn will just leave. But if I do try to keep Sasha to his own bowl, ShyAnn will still run off. I don't want to have to lock Sasha up in the bathroom for feeding, but I'm not sure if there is another option that doesn't leave her underfed. 

Once again, energy levels tanked as soon as I left work, but not as far as Monday. Found it kind of interesting Monday was a like a 10 falling to a 2, yesterday was like a 5 falling to a 3. I'm happy with what I got done after work. Went to bed on time. The cats refrained from puking on my bed, so fell back asleep quickly after my 2nd dose.  Feeling good this morning, maybe a 7?

I really, really hate it when someone starts doing something you didn't ask them to do and when you ask them to stop, they indignantly reply "I'm just trying to help"

You just put a PLUNGER on my DESK. You are not helping, and you have no room to be offended that I didn't like you putting a PLUNGER on my DESK!

6 minutes ago, Rookie said:

Lunch today

You ate the poor doggos for lunch?!

2 minutes ago, spezzy said:

Here's a pic of him now (He's 2 weeks old)

Such a cute baby 😊

My thread is tagged "rebel".  This is appropriate, but I don't think I remembered to do it myself.

The moment I sat in my car after work yesterday, it felt like my energy levels fell off a cliff 😢

Got home and was seriously worried that if I sat down, I wouldn't take care of the cat box, so did that first.  Stayed totally beat the rest of the evening, but I did everything inside the blue box of importance, and managed to hit a couple extras. (Thinking I'll share the extras section at the end of the week)

Went to bed a little early, slept well until I woke up for the 2nd dose of my sleep med, at which point one of the cats decided to barf cat food on my blanket. Got that cleaned up, and then just didn't go back to bed for 2 hours. Wanted to eat. Wanted to eat more. Wanted to watch a video... My sleep meds, they either make me sleep, or they make me dumb. But for the cat, they would have worked fine, but too much moving around right after taking them slid me into dumb land.

I'm feeling not good this morning, but not bad either. I was able to get up properly even with the missing sleep in the middle. Yesterday I felt GOOD for a lot of it. Today, nowhere near that, but maybe a bit on the "ok" side of average for me? I'm still feeling hopeful. I felt GOOD, it is possible. I don't hate the world right now, so that keeps me on the ok side of the line. The average is trending in the right direction.

13 hours ago, fleaball said:

someone please harass me like mid-afternoon/evening and make sure I've done the following things:

- wash sheets (ugh)

- clean my humidifier 

- take a shower

- and then once the sheets are clean they need to go on my bed but it's unlikely that will happen in this timeframe

I feel good this morning (hold me I'm scared)

When was the last time I felt good? Particularly on a work morning?

Had some trouble falling asleep last night. Hit the stupid point with my sleep meds where I fight to stay awake instead of just letting them work, ended up taking about two hours to actually go to sleep.

But I woke up before my alarm, and decided to doze for a bit, and when my alarm went off, I felt rested. I got up, got ready for work, listened to some music. I'm at work now, and I feel kind of happy. 

I've had the same job for 11 years now, with an early start time. Used to be 6am, but for the last five years, I've started at 5am, and I've never adjusted to it. Waking up was the worst thing I did every day, my entire body screaming in protest, so hard to just get up. Then tired all day long, and the time of day that I was least tired? Bedtime.  This new med is really helping fix that.  I'm starting to be tired (not sedated) at bedtime. I'm starting to wake up comfortably when I'm supposed to be waking up.  I actually kind of feel like a functional human being. 

I'm feeling better than I have in a long while.  Work has lightened up some with the new manager. My Narcolepsy doctor added an extra medication that seems to be helping a lot. For the first time in probably the better part of a year, I don't feel completely burned out. I feel like I can finally start making some real progress right now.

Today, I made a list of all the things I really should be doing if I want to be a healthy/ functional adult. They're all fairly small, modest goals and I honestly feel like all of them should be achievable. 

Yeah, sure, all that should happen. But most of it doesn't happen with any consistency, and while I might manage a day or two of doing most of them, experience shows that I won't stick with them. Instead, I'm going to make a goal to look at my goals every day, commit to keeping up with 4 of them that I'm already fairly consistent on, and add just two little things to establish. If this works well, I'll try adding a couple more next challenge, until I've got myself a solid set of healthy daily habits.

@Waanie I think you were the person that uploaded this:

Correction, the original was uploaded by a different cat avatar person @Chesire

I did a painting of it that I liked, but wasn't totally happy with.

Today, I finally finished my 2nd attempt at it.

I think I'm happy with Jerry now. Also painted a tree.

Kitties!