Whisper

372.4 lbs this week. That's down 4.6lbs from last week. I won't be surprised if the number bounces back some next week; that seems to be the pattern on really big weeks. 

BUT the scale is under 375, so I need to decide between an air fryer and an electric kettle. Leaning towards air fry, but quickly hit decision paralysis when looking at them. By eye was drawn to one that also grills, but would it be a good multifunction, or do two jobs poorly? 

Also, under 373 means I've lost more than 20 pounds since October. I don't see any change in my appearance, or how my clothes fit yet, and no one else has commented, but I have noticed that my overall foot pain has gone down. Part of that is surly acclamating to my new job, but I'm sure relieving some of the burden on them has helped too.

Got a call during my lunch break asking if I could do an appointment with a psychiatrist an hour later. Checked with my manager, took them appointment, and left work. Virtual visit, so did it from home. Talked 1 hour, 7 minutes. 

Major depression and general anxiety. Agoraphobia. Indicators of PTSD and ADD

He's going to try me on Zoloft, and also recommends I get talk therapy. 

I have a virtual appointment with a psychiatrist scheduled for April 5th.

Hope your head gets feeling better.

Weight was still moving in the desired direction when I checked on Saturday, everything else is solidly stuck in "needs improvement".

Sleep start the last 4 days: 7:30, 10:30, 8:30, 10:30. Not exactly consistent. 

After I hit post I'll log my first food this week.

Did ok on the chore breaks over the weekend, but not hitting them week nights. Added check boxes to my board to help remind me; need to erase the ones from Sunday. 

Big goal for today, take another step towards getting mental health treatment. 

13 hours ago, Whisper said:

Want to put this in writing so I don't chicken out: after work today (and feeding cats so they aren't yelling at me) I am going to call one of the Psychiatrists my doctor gave me a referral for.

Got stuck at work 45 minutes late and didn't get home until almost 5:30. Knew the place would be closed, but called anyway and left a message. They actually called me back.  The person I was referred to isn't there anymore, but they did put me on their waiting list to see someone. 

Want to put this in writing so I don't chicken out: after work today (and feeding cats so they aren't yelling at me) I am going to call one of the Psychiatrists my doctor gave me a referral for.

My Aunt sent me a fancy wooden bow tie for Christmas. Sadly, I can't wear it while playing the violin, but it is a lot of fun when playing bells.

I got to play music at church this morning. If I've done the link right, it should start at 49:49, I Want to Walk as a Child of the Light

Victories for today; I got the new whiteboard and violin holder put up. Put my goals on the whiteboard as a nice reminder of what I'm working on. 

The (relevant) view from my chair

379.4 lbs this morning! That's down 2.6 lbs from last week; really happy.

graph

I'm either going to get myself an air fryer, or an electric kettle when I pass 375.

27 minutes ago, Emma said:

 So good luck to me.

Good luck!

Bonus Goal:

Look for things that will make it easier to succeed. 

Example, in order to help me play my violin more, I've ordered a wall hanger for it, so it is easily accessible, but safe from the cats. 

I got one of those old folks gripper things, hoping it'll help encourage me to get random crap off the floor if I don't need to bend over for it.

I'm thinking putting a white board opposite of where I sit could be helpful for remembering goals, and tasks I wanted to get done.

On October 14th, weighing 393lbs, I set a goal for myself to be under 300lbs by my 40th birthday. In order to do that, I would need to lose 1.6 lbs per week. To be on target, I should weight 375.4lbs currently; I am almost 7lbs over that, at 382. Oh, shucks, I've only lost 11lbs in the last 11 weeks!

The trend line is definitely heading in the right direction, even if it isn't as fast as I was hoping. I'm still going to hang on to that goal of under 300lbs on my 40th; it makes a nice personal rallying cry and motivator. BUT, if the trend line holds true, I'm not going to be upset. 335lbs would still be an amazing victory!

Spoiler for weight chart and graph, just so they don't take up so much space

I think the thing I'm most happy with is that the two weeks where my weight has gone up both followed a week where it was WAY down, and didn't go above the week before the big drop.  Thinking about adding a third line set to 1lb a week, rather than 1.6...

ANYWAY

For this challenge, I want to make a focus on pulling some of my shit back together. November and December are both really hard months for me. My eating has been ok, but would like to be more solidly on my plan with BistroMD. My sleep schedule has been all over the place. Brushing has been inconsistent. The apartment is a total mess. And I've once again been confronted by my need to take active steps to improve my mental health.

1. Reinforce sleep schedule and bedtime routine.

With the exception of roughly one day a month, I start work at 7:30 (tomorrow I need to be in at 5 😢) so I could, like, get up at 6:30,  and scramble to be out the door by 7... but I've discovered I like having time to start my day.

So I'm gifting myself an extra hour in the morning, and I'm gong to stick with it 7 days a week.

Schedule Asleep by 9:30pm Awake by 5:30am

Routine: 8:30, alarm, wrap up what I'm going, practice Spanish if not already done

9,  take sleep meds, brush and floss, read in bed until 9:30

Just set a program into the "smart" blubs in my bedroom to test out.

2. Do better with food.

I'm going with a Bistro MD plan that provides launch, dinner and 3 snacks, 5 days a week. Follow plan Mon-Fri, if a meal get's skipped, that can be eaten over the weekend. 

Log all food in Fitbit

3. Walk "to work"

Started doing this, but it feel by the wayside as my sleep schedule went to heck. Circle 1-2 blocks every morning on my way to the car. Aiming for a pace that get's me breathing harder.

4. Cleaning house

Going to try something different with this. Instead of trying for something big, I'm going to try for a bunch of somethings small.  Most of the games I play have some level of rhythm to them, so as the rhythms come, I'm going to take a moment to stand up, and do something small, before going back to playing. 

5. Mental health.

I saw my doctor a few weeks back, she gave me some meds, and sent out some referrals for Psychiatrists. Nothing's been "normal" the last few weeks, so I can't really tell how the meds are doing, so I'm going to keep taking them as things go back to normal the next couple weeks, and pay attention to how I'm doing with them.

I haven't yet heard back from the referrals, but given the timing that isn't surprising. If I don't hear back by next week, I'll start calling one of them a week until I do. 

If all 3 don't work out, I'm going to try calling the UofU clinic near me and see if they have mental health services there. (damn that was scary to type)

Her to follow and cheer you on. 

My sleep has gotten so screwed up lately. 

Friday into Saturday had trouble going to sleep.

Sat into Sunday was even worse. I was supposed to run video at church on Sunday, but wasn't functional. Called AV scheduler at 6:30 and went back to bed. 

Yesterday (Monday)  was hella long with not good sleep going into it, didn't have time for breakfast before work. Did have lunch, then went to my doctor's appointment. Appointment ended up starting about an hour late, so didn't have time for dinner before bell chior practice. We suck. We suck soooo bad, and Christmas Eve is knocking. 

Had trouble getting to bed.

Today, work again, and an extra bell choir practice with the vocal choir (we're doing a song together). Took the new meds this morning and actually felt really good for the first part of the day, but near the end of the day I was so damn tired, like getting close to not being sure I was safe to drive tired. Got home with less than an hour before needing to go to practice. Decided to have an energy drink with dinner. Figured it was a bad idea, but like, less bad than falling asleep driving home after... 

Practice happened. We still suck. I don't know why we suck so much; we're only doing two songs, they're not that hard. We added an extra practice Saturday. 

Got home. Tried going to bed. Failed. Got up. nearly 1am now. Going to try going back to bed soon. 1am is when I take the 2nd dose of my narcolepsy med, hopefully I can get a solid half night's sleep. Got a dentist appointment after work tomorrow, so another too long day ahead.

Just checked my email, and I got a note from my doctor! Most of it is the appointment notes, but I'm fairly sure the all caps at the start and end are actually added by her. 

On 12/18/2023 at 5:29 AM, Chesire said:

What would you bring?  Or make?  Or suggest?  There is literally no rule excluding anything as too much or too little

My grandmother used to always make German Sour Cream Twists around Christmas. She would shape them like candy canes, and sprinkle with red and green sugar. 

I haven't had them in a really long time, and I'm not much of a cook, much less a baker, but I stumbled over her recipe the other day, and I've been thinking of giving it a try.

Saw my primary care doc today. She sent referrals for me to 3 psychiatrists and gave me samples of Sunosi to try.

She was also happy with my weight loss trend. 

2 hours ago, Chesire said:

it would be way easier if any counselor or therapist ever called back so he or we could get in.  ugh

Feeling the pain of trying to find a therapist right now too. Wishing you both the best of luck, and success in growth and healing. 

Weight is still kind of going the right direction, but still lagging behind where I want it to be.

On 12/10/2023 at 10:58 PM, fleaball said:

Suggestions: (I will shut up at any point if you tell me to)

Suggestions are welcome. 

On 12/11/2023 at 5:52 AM, cn3wton said:

Sadly it is not easy. I was able to find help for my mental health by first speaking with my primary care for someone they would recommend. 

On 12/10/2023 at 10:58 PM, fleaball said:

can you regular doctor/NP get you started on something med-wise? 

This would require me to actually see my Primary for the first time in over a year...

So, I'm seeing my Nurse Practitioner tomorrow. I've been off everything she's prescribed for a few months now. Ran out of refills back in July and her office said they couldn't do any more without me seeing her first. Trying to figure out what to say to her. I don't want to go back on everything all at once; want to move slow and see how things make me feel. 

5 hours ago, fleaball said:

I start looking on Psychology Today's website. They have a "find a therapist" tool; therapists create their own profiles and put their specialties and interests and whatever. And then once I have specific people I'm interested in I'll check my insurance website to see if they're covered. Because yeah the process sucks balls. 

Looked at a few people there. Lots aren't taking clients. Looked at Better Help a little too, like that they're actually trying to match, not just "here's a list, good luck loser", but couldn't find a straight answer on insurance, and it does say their people can't diagnose or prescribe medication, and my brother was really clear on wanting me to see someone that can prescribe...

Psychology Today does have a psychiatrist section. Looked at it a little before giving up. Kept the tab open; I'll try to un-give-up later.

Didn't go to bed. Decided to try looking for a therapist or something, and instantly want to give up on dealing with the health insurance website. Keeps listing the same thing over, and over and over again. Like literally, "Do you want to try: Sundance Behavioral Resources or Sundance Behavioral Resources or Sundance Behavioral Resources or Sundance Behavioral Resources or Sundance Behavioral Resources?"

Don't like those options? How about Catholic Health Initiatives Colorado SIX FREAKING TIMES

That's basically the first two pages. I'm not even in Colorado. I'm also not Catholic 

Tried looking through the University of Utah, have other health stuff with them, but best I can find is Angela listed 6 times in a row. 

Honestly, how does anyone ever find a therapist?

Feeling kind of conflicted. I've been kicking the can on getting together with some folks. They invited me to Thanksgiving, but I didn't leave home. We've made rough plans of "Maybe Sunday " the last few weeks, but it's switching between "I've got too much happening " and "I'm not leaving my house"

I could visit them tomorrow, but I'm not scheduled to do anything at church tomorrow, and I went to a store today, and really want a day where I stay home.

I don't want to visit them. Honestly I'm not sure that I'm psychologically able to want to do anything. But I know that if I visit them,I'll be happy I did. But I think staying home is going to win. Did lots of social stuff last weekend...

Should go to sleep now. Maybe after listening to Fire Maple Song

6 hours ago, cn3wton said:

This is why it's so important to have other goals and metrics to track success.

Logging food as accurately as possible is a success unto itself.  

Walking and getting active minutes isn't about losing weight, it is about improving just about every other physical and mental health metric.

I would just really like some relationship between what I'm doing, and what the scale says, but staying more focused on long term trends then individual weeks.