Whisper

O come, Thou Dayspring, come and cheer Our spirits by Thine advent here; Disperse the gloomy clouds of night, And death's dark shadows put to flight. Advent is a season of preparation, and there is much for me to prepare for! I've survived my worst month of the year (November) now to make it through December with my sanity intact. 1. Prepare for Christmas and be of good cheer. a. Work on Bell and Orchestra music for various church services, concerts and Christmas Eve. b. Practice my bedtime ritual with a focus on greatful reflection. c. Keep good Christmas music cds in car so I can escape the dreck on the radio and in stores. 2. Prepare for the coming Wise Men visitors. The folks I'm renting a room from have a whole gaggle of family members coming for Christmas and some of the space I tend to think of as "mine" (it isn't really, I'm just normally the only one in the basement) is going to become shared space for a bit. I need to get things cleaned up better and ready for guests. I also need to continue sorting through all the stuff I have in boxes and getting rid of stuff that I don't really want to keep. 3. Prepare to go really low carb. Food craving issues seem to be a lot less prevalent when I stick to a low carb diet, but crashing into it is setting myself up for failure. I'm doing fairly well with low carb while at work, I'm doing at lot less good while at home, and really really bad on days off, especially long weekends. a. Continue logging food. b. Cut out desserts / candy / chips / soda c. Cut back on rice / potato / other carbs with dinner. d. Keep doing bulletproof coffee and plain whole milk yogurt with frozen berries for breakfast. e. Keep doing protein with frozen veggies for lunches. f. Do d and e on my days off! 4. Prepare for hiking. Last summer I discovered that not only do I really like hiking, I'm surrounded by really good places to hike! The trails are snowed over right now, but I want to keep moving so that I'm ready to go again come spring! a. Take 10,000 steps over the course of my work days. My job has me moving enough that with a little extra effort this is easily done. b. Climb up and down 10 flights of stairs back to back, every day. Help work the leg muscles for climbing and gets the heart rate up for at least a bit. c. Do something to Breath Hard Outside at least twice a week. Go for a walk, shovel snow, just do something! Once again stealing @Rookie's spreadsheet format to keep track of things. Week 1 Goal Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday Work on Music Bedtime Ritual Do some cleaning Log Food No "cheap" carbs 10,000 Steps 10 Flights of Stairs BHO x2 Extras Fix Apria Christmas CD in Car Refund Prescriptions Get Work Shoes And now, to add a splash of color, a progress photo of my current painting.

Gluten free, dairy free mac and cheese does exist... Probably can't put lobster on it with your budget, but might be worth splurging for a box of the stuff occasionally (assuming it turns out ok).

Hi Flea, You're a good person. You're taking good care of your cats, and better care of the house than anyone else in it. The tests can wait a bit, you're not ducking a responsibility, you're recognizing that tomorrow isn't a good time to do it given the storm. We had our first major snow storm of the season on Friday. Lots of wrecks as everyone seemed to forget how to drive in the stuff. I was happy I wasn't out in our's, you don't need to be out in your's. Rest well and be nice to my friend.

Mu resolve to be good about my eating didn't really work out, but I've set myself up for success in the coming week. Will update more tomorrow.

I do not have words to express how much I hated having to work with a partner in school. Occasionally it would be good, but most of the time? I would rather just be responsible for my grade.

I did get my fancy new Christmas Earrings!

I've found there to be a lot of really good stuff in the Academy. I hope that it serves you well.

Perfectly fine by me! Know it is a bit late, but she could still use one. She's doing lots better, but still not good. They kept M Thursday through Sunday afternoon, when they sent her home with a two week course of antibiotics. Saturday was blessedly uneventful. They finally got her CT scan done around 9am. Doctors came round shortly there after, results weren't back yet, but decided that her developing cough warranted a chest x-ray. They actually did that in room. Then we spent the day waiting for results which never came back. Figured that if there was something interesting in them, they would have come back, so assumed no news was good news. Sunday, went to church, played violin for the early service, then picked up some things for M. Got to the hospital room just as the docs were leaving. Scans were clean, fever had been low and stable for a while, other vitals looked good, so they decided to send her home. Waited for that to happen, then got her settled at home. My eating and routine was completely off while she was in the hospital. Even so, the good work done at the start of the week got me down a couple pounds to 354.1 I have not done my bedtime ritual since Wednesday night. Gave myself a pass with how late I was leaving M at the hospital, but could and should have done it Sunday and Monday nights, just couldn't talk myself into it, and my sleep and peace suffered for it. Committing to doing it tonight. Also getting back on my food log and sticking to overall plan. Tuesday and Wednesday should be easy for that. Thursday will be hard and might get a pass (U.S. Thanksgiving) Friday - Sunday will be a challenge, but shouldn't be insurmountable. I would really like to see another drop when I weigh in on Saturday.

)I have a few thoughts I want to share, and if it Doesn't add it, I'm sorry. I'm totally feeling the sedative kicking it, but don't want to leave a response hanging. 1. SciShow (YouTube channel) just did w video on how sex, from a genetic XX/XY or physical boy bits / girl bits perspective isn't nearly as binary as people tend to think. 2. Fist, she was Gabriella, then he was Michael, now they(?) are Rowen. If I'm having trouble keeping track of the name or pronoun, that's my problem, not their's, though I will beg grace where it is needed. 3. Why do so many of us have shitty mothers? I pray that with time you will be able to move past the voice and embrace yourself as a beautiful, complicated, child of our heavenly Father. God Loves You, and So So I

That thing is awesome. Embrace your inner serial killer and get it! You should also get a plushie gremlin.

Spent the morning at the hospital with M. Got a call from my sister which I didn't pick up cause I didn't want her singing at me. Got a call from my maternal grandmother which I didn't pick up cause I was worried my mother might be there. Got some texts from other family members, and emails from every medical place I've ever done business with... Took a brake around noon. Ran to CostCo to get cat litter (holy balls it was crowded) and then over to M's place to take care of the cats and get some things for her. Called my sister back while I was out (her voice message promised not to sing) and we talked for a bit, which was nice. Back to the hospital. Used her phone to update some people. She started to get into bad shape, couldn't stop shivering or feel warm. Nurse came in, measured a 106.7 degree fever, twice, and then warned that a LOT of people were going to be there very (vary? Damn it, I'm tired and don't want to look it up) soon. Flood of people came, counted at least twenty, could have been more in the hallway. Much fun was had by all. They decided to do a CT scan on her abdomin. That was still pending when I left. Had dinner with her, stayed until she got her night meds. Warned nice male nurse that it would be better if a woman were the one to wake her up. Gave them my phone number in case they need me. Went home. Lady I rent from made me a cake, I'll look at it tomorrow. And that was my 35th birthday. Overall? Meh, I've had worse. Good night.

They got her out of the ER and into a shared room around 8pm. Stayed until 9. Grabbed fast food on the way home, skipped bedtime ritual and just went to bed. Back at the hospital again. Her fever had gone back up to 104, but they got it managed before I got here.

At the ER with M, waiting for her to be admitted with a major infection.

Too bad "You idiots! These are not them! You've captured their stunt doubles!" won't fit.

Those are both really cool shelves! I also like "Insert Positive Quote"

Sometimes M makes me want to scream. She had surgery a couple weeks ago to remove a kidney stone, and they found that her ureter was blocked. She has been in persistent pain since than, and I have repeatedly urged her to contract them about it. She had a follow up ultrasound on Monday, I told her to try and get with the doctor or MA while there... She called me while I was driving home from work. I picked up, told her I was driving home and asked her what she needed. Said she just wanted to talk, so we hung up and I called back when I got home. Note, her home is much closer to my work than mine is. Much easier to divert to her place than to go home and than back. Her place is at least a 20 minute drive, longer at this time of day. So, I call her back. She sounds miserable, keeps feeling really hot, or really cold, and extremely dizzy. Doesn't know if she could drive to an unrelated appointment tomorrow. So, I'm worried that she's having all of this so soon after the surgery. She doesn't know if all of this is related or not, or if this much pain is normal, and over and over I've said "that's why you need to talk to them!" Asked her if she had tried going to the clinic two blocks from her that handles most of her medical stuff. She hadn't, and it is now too late. Asked if she wanted me to come back and take her to the ER. She can't decide, doesn't know if she should. Asked her if she had a fever. Didn't check. I just baught her a new thermometer... Asked her about pain, couldn't get a clear answer. Told her I could either come back tonight, or she could get an uber to the clinic tomorrow and let them decide if she should go to an ER. She opted for that and said she would be ok for the night. Part of me feels bad for her, but most of me is just so frustrated! Fun fact: yesterday I got an email offering half price tickets to the Hip Hop Nutcracker tomorrow night. Got 4 tickets, M, myself, and a couple we're friends with at church. No idea if that'll happen now or not.

I would often stuff my face with gooey cheese. Would a giant quesadilla help you feel better? Might be worth the comfort. But if eating it will make you feel worse, than maybe need to find another way to self sooth. Easier said than done, I know.

Good on you!

We try (and fail) to pretend it isn't happening. Birthday is one of the big stressors of November, and no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get people to just leave it alone. I don't have a problem with getting older, it just pokes at a lot of past pain.

Forgot to say: made major progress on my FSA yesterday! I finally got a call back from the person I needed to talk to at that doctor's office (first call was on Oct. 11). She refunded the $312 that was overcharged back to my FSA, and sent my an itemized receipt and payment history. Uploaded all that to the FSA people, so the ball is now in their court. I don't see the refund on the FSA site yet, so it might take a few days for all of that to process through. Once it does, I need to repay my CPAP supplier, so that I can order more supplies, and then I need to work on claiming all the stuff I paid out of pocket while the FSA was frozen; so much fun!

Just so long as you don't get a visit from the Verruca Gnome.

W4 Tuesday Food went fine. They had a birthday lunch for me at work, so that was off plan, but logged as well as I could. Had a bunch off the veggie tray. Took care of the registration after work. About 15 minutes in and out. Everyone was really nice, didn't need to deal with a crowd. Need to remember that it really isn't that bad. Still ended up in a bit of a funk after and didn't want to go hiking at all, just wanted to go home and hide. Went back and forth with myself, but finally went and did some. Felt good to get out and enjoy a little bit of solitude at the bridge before heading back. Hit my step goal and got stairs done while at work. Still in a funk came back again after getting home and ended up staying up too late watching YouTube videos instead of taking a shower and getting my sheet music put together. Finally got myself to close the laptop and start the Bedtime Ritual. Going through the steps helped, and while I didn't feel like sleeping when I first got into bed, I made an agreement to at least try and sleep for 30 minutes before getting back up, and fell asleep quickly. I've got time to get the sheet music sorted before orchestra today, and should be able to squeeze in a shower either before or after. Gonna "forget" the laptop at work so it doesn't distract me.

Good use of delegation. It is understandable that people would want to know, but it is more understandable that you need space and they can put their curiosity on the back burner.

We need to figure out a way to convince them that they've always wanted to go on a long road trip, and now is the perfect time to do. The National Parks are slow right now, maybe they can be convinced to take a tour of all of them...

More good bits than bad bits is good to see.