Whisper

10 hours ago, fleaball said:

, it doesn't say how much weight the chair holds and I'm fat enough for that to be a legitimate concern, yay.

I live with the same problem. It is no fun looking at something and wondering if you'll break it by sitting on it.

1 hour ago, fleaball said:

Is picking up extra hours at work or getting a side gig possible to make the worst case apartment complex more manageable?

I'm currently working 50 hours most weeks. Getting a side gig would be hard for the same reasons getting an apartment is hard, but I am going to explore some possibilities

1 hour ago, Diadhuit said:

You seem to have a very solid plan for how to tackle the situation, well done and good luck!

12 minutes ago, NicTheRugger said:

Oh gosh, that's definitely going to be a challenge! But it looks like you do have options available to you. Best of luck!!

Thank you. 

Ohhh kayyy

Things are not going to go according to plan.

The couple I'm renting from has several family members visiting over this week, which means large family dinners and I'm just not going to be comfortable (or rude) enough to break out the scale a measuring cups in the middle of that, so measuring out dinners isn't going to happen.

I also got a bit of hard news on Friday that I've been working on processing; I've been asked to start looking for a new place to stay. Things are still good where I'm at, but they're looking at their future needs. August and September will see even MORE people visiting, plus one of their daughters moving back in for a while (she works as a traveling nurse and is taking a local assignment). After that, they're planning to start the process of downsizing as they are having trouble keeping up with their home and extensive yard. So, yeah, moving again.

There are two things that make this really hard for me. First is money. I make decent (not wonderful) money, and frankly, most apartments are way more expensive than I would really like to spend on housing. I can do it if I have to, but it would really hurt my other financial goals of getting a strong emergency fund together, upgrading to a newer car, and paying off my student loan early. I don't want to be in a position where I am just scraping by.

The other problem is my younger self really screwed me over. My legal and financial background is such that most places simply won't rent to me, no matter if I can afford the place or not. I've been working hard for years to correct my past mistakes, but I'm still a few years from being able to clear everything off. I'm going to get a LOT of rejection this month.

The ideal scenario for me would be staying where I am currently at: I like the people, I'm saving money, it works really well for me! Sadly I don't think that'll happen though.

Real best case scenario, I find someone else that I already know to rent from.

Worst case scenario: I found an apartment complex back in February that was willing to rent to me, but rent, utilities, car insurance and student loan payments would eat up just about all of the money I take home each month

So, the plan:

1. Let people know that i'm looking for a place again and start working for my best case scenario.

2. Start looking for other apartments and options to improve my worst case scenario.

3. Scrap the unpacking plans, but do work on sorting through boxes and continue to clear out things that I don't need to hand on to make the move easier.

4. Keep up with current breakfast and lunch patterns, and try to make good choices at dinner.

5. Keep up with my sleep goals.

Things aren't going to be easy, but this is in no way an insurmountable obstacle and I will keep making progress.

I was feeling a bit bummed out at the end of the last challenge because my weight had ticked back up over 330lbs. I decided to take a step back and see how well I was doing so far this year, and I'm feeling much happier with my progress.

We are 26 weeks into this year, and I am doing slightly better than a pound a week overall. While part of me is screaming that "I want to change faster, damn it!" the more sober part of my mind is like "Good job, a nice study pace is going to serve you better in the long run"

I am largely going to continue with the goals set in my last challenge, but making some important adjustments.

Self improvement:

Continue with established habits: 1 Point for all 3

• Brush and floss before bed
• Read from Bible every day
• Take meds

Add new habits: 1 point each

• Improve my space: Clean something every day. Until boxes are done, go through at least one box each day.
• Play something on the violin (way too prone for not playing for over a week if not scheduled to play publicly.)

Bonus Goals

• Read Base Ringer's Handbook
• Find a budgeting system that works for me.

Nutrition:

I'm planning to stick to a keto-ish eating plan for breakfast (bulletproof coffee) and lunch, but am going to put my major focus into accurately tracking everything. My experience has shown me that forcing myself to keep track of even my "bad" eating choices helps me make fewer of them. Even on days where I have decided to eat whatever I want, looking at the nutrition information has helped me decide that I don't actually want something. My biggest struggle is with mindless eating: open a bag of chips and eat until they're gone. I'm also wallowing in ignorance about how much I'm eating for dinner. So for this challenge I am going to MEASURE things BEFORE I eat them.

1 point for accurately logging breakfast

1 point for accurately logging lunch

2 points for accurately logging dinner

1 point for accurately logging snacks / dessert

1 point for limiting to a single, moderate, sweet each day.

Bonus Goals

• Try a Keto / Vegetarian recipe 
• Try a Keto / Vegan recipe 

Sleep

Things are studly getting better, but I'm still not as consistent with things as I would like. I'm going to make a big push this challenge to get up out of bed and touch the ceiling as soon as I wake up at 4, every single day. On days off, after doing that I can go back to sleep if I really want to, but I have to at least do that first, and hopefully that'll be enough to keep me out of bed...

1 point for Xbox off by 6pm, (I've added a reminder alarm)

1 point for all electronics off at 7:30

1 point for electronics stay off until 4:00

2 points for sleep start by 8:15, 1 point for sleep start by 9

1 point for not staying up if I wake up during the night.

2 points for physically up by 4:05, 1 point for 4:15 

Good goals!

1 hour ago, Lateral Planet said:

no more cheeky cups of sugary tea in the mornings that I pretend don't count!

Could you switch to something like Splenda in your morning tea to still get the enjoyment of it?

1 hour ago, Lateral Planet said:

2) In the last challenge the "reduce snacking" goal was not very well defined, so I aim to fix that now. Rather than having a little smackerel of something after lunch, then again when I get home, and then maybe some ice cream after dinner, I'm just going to limit myself to one of the above.

I tried going straight to zero on desserts and snacks and it didn't go well. I think I'll try matching  your "one a day" approach.

7 hours ago, fleaball said:

I wanted to buy a comfy chair because I’m tired of my bed being the only place to sit, but apparently they’re expensive. Target has a basic futon for only $20 more than the chair I was looking at which is on clearance. 

I think having a place other than your bed to sit is a really good idea. I'm working on breaking the habit of using my bed for things other than sleeping as part of training myself to sleep better and doing the same might help your sleep routine goal.

What are the advantages of the futon over the chair?

11 hours ago, NicTheRugger said:

Great job! Weight loss can be a tricky thing, but I feel like you've learned a lot about yourself and your habits, as well as what helps you succeed, for future challenges!

Thank  you. I figure as long as I keep learning, I'm heading in the right direction!

3 hours ago, Diadhuit said:

Yet if you have, as I have, insulin resistance, for example, cravings can be huge and cutting crap might be really tough if you don't add huge amounts of proteins.

I do not (yet) have insulin resistance. This is part of my motivation for losing weight now rather than later. I'm not yet suffering most of the common problems from carrying around all the extra weight, and I would like to fix things before that point. 

My over eating seems to fall into two major categories.

1. Daytime stress eating: something happens / is happening and my "fuck it all" switch gets thrown. Last week I hit that point, stopped at 7-11 and got two things of candy and a bottle of punch, which I consumed before dinner. I made myself look at the "nutrition" label and saw that I consumed well over 1,200 calories without feeling like I had eaten anything. 1,000 cals of real food, that I feel when I eat it.

2. Nighttime stuck eating: After taking my sleep meds, if I am not actually sleeping I can get stuck on tasks (thus a lot of the night routine I'm working on normalizing). If I feel at all hungry in this mode, I'm going to get stuck in mindless eating and doing whatever else I'm doing (reading, playing games, watching youtube...) Bag full of almonds? Yeah, I'm gonna eat that till it is gone. Chips? Anything else? Same.

I might look into upping my protein intake and seeing if that helps. 

3 hours ago, Diadhuit said:

How do you track your food? Do you have a food diary? Can you check if you can add mood/tiredness in that?

I've been doing all of my tracking (food, sleep, activity) through the Fitbit app and watch. For the most part that has been working fairly well (except the gusse work around home cooked meals). It, unfortunately, does not have a space for mood/tiredness, and I can see how logging that would be helpful for seeing more patterns.

Challenge Recap!

Weight started at 331.4 lbs. Gradually tracked down to 327.6, but bounced back up to 330.8, leaving only a loss of 0.6 lbs over the four weeks

Whisper Grows Up

Got the storage unit closed out and the sale done. Still have lots of boxes to sort out, so that'll be a bit focus of the next challenge. Did a fairly good job of keeping up with my habits.

Cut the Crap!

This was a lot harder than I anticipated and I might have tried to go too far to fast. Overall, reducing stuff helped me feel better, but really struggled with temptation. Over-indulging last week resulted in the weight gain I saw, and also made my body feel bad. I need to find a level that is more sustainable while still supporting my goals.

Learn to Sleep

I feel like I made good progress here, but still need to keep up with it.

Overall, I think I did alright, despite a bunch of extra and unexpected stressors. I'm probably going to leave the goals just about the same and carry them into the next challenge. 

17 hours ago, Diadhuit said:

I hate 90% of the people around me and I'm lonely. I am not OK.

That is a really hard situation to be in. I hope things improve soon.

3 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Also, that's a really good song and I wanted to post it.

My day was made brighter by that song.

Did really good at turning off my Xbox at 6. Then I decided to watch some youtube videos before taking my shower... This was not a bright idea. Didn't even get into the shower until after I should have been in bed.

Learn to Sleep

Sleep 8:59-4:01, asleep 6 hr 25 min, awake 37 min.

1 point for Xbox off by 6.

0 point for all electronics off at 7:30

1 point for electronics stay off until 4:00

0 points for sleep start by 8:15, 1 point for sleep start by 9

1 point for not staying up if I wake up during the night.

2 points for physically up by 4:05, 1 point for 4:15

5/8

4 hours ago, Tobbe said:

• Lots of energy
• Balanced hormones
• Good sleep
• High libido
• Full hair
• Strong nails
• Proper digestion
• Regular bowel movements
• Free from food controlling your life

That is a really good list. 

Two robots face one another, lost and bereft of purpose.

Couldn't take good pictures 'cause the space was cramped, but I spent a good chunk of the weekend getting my closet from utter chaos to "contained messes". Looks a lot better and I can move more easily! Next step will be working through the boxes of contained mess, but it is now broken into bite sized chunks. 

So, things have been kind of... yeah.

Lots of stress, lots of subprime eating, lots of not keeping to my sleep setup. Trying to get focused again and closer to track. 

I'm narrowing my focus for this last week to sleep. I'll try and keep up my food log in the background and checking off my habits, but sleep is the most important and I've let it get really out of whack again. Part of that is all the stress, part of it is also that I've been spending too much time on my Xbox with a few times not falling asleep "fast enough" and getting back up to play more.

NEW SLEEP RULES

1. No Xbox after 6 pm, all other electronics off by 7:30.

2. If rule 1 is broken, no Xbox at all the next day. Lots of other things I can do.

Learn to Sleep

Sleep 8:21-3:59, asleep 6 hr 48 min, awake 50 min.

1 point for Xbox off by 6.

1 point for all electronics off at 7:30

1 point for electronics stay off until 4:00

1 points for sleep start by 8:15, 1 point for sleep start by 9

1 point for not staying up if I wake up during the night.

2 points for physically up by 4:05, 1 point for 4:15

7/8

Bright side: despite the above issues, I still managed to go down another pound last week. Slow progress is so much sweeter than backsliding. 

6 hours ago, fleaball said:

I’m shaving the cats in the morning. 

I have had this thought soooo many times!

Took Em and her cat to the vet after work, spent most of the evening there. Jack (the cat) isn't behaving normally and suddenly lost a bunch of weight. They didn't really find anything wrong with him, but gave us some meds to help with appetite and an antibiotic. He seemed to be doing a bit better after that. 

When I started driving the car after work, I knew something was wrong. There was an odd sound and vibration. Couldn't figure out what it was, looked under car, didn't see anything. Called mechanic to see if he had any thoughts, said maybe a wheel bearing. He was gonna look at it today. Then, on the drive to work this morning, the wheel came off. This is not a figure of speech, the front driver side wheel literally came off. On the freeway. This was not fun. This could have been much, much worse. The tire stayed in the wheel well. One of the lug studs broke, and all the lug nuts were missing, but my spare had some lug nuts. Was able to get the tire back on and secured, which seemed to take care of the sound/shaking that I had been having. Finally made it in to work about two hours late.

2 hours ago, Diadhuit said:

I was soooo tired, arrived late at work, and felt crappy all day. Skipped dancing and sat on the sofa all evening. I needed it.

Rest and feel better.

2 hours ago

I tell you something it took me way too long to understand, not sure it applies to you: forgiveness and being a doormat are not the same thing. Sometimes you need to walk away (as Jesus did when they were trying to push him down the hill in Nazareth).

Forgiveness has been a long and complicated process, but I have sought to forgive her (and others) more for my own peace than for her. Unforgiveness is a toxic thing to have to carry, best to lay it down. It does no one any good though to leave one's self in a position to constantly need to forgive the same thing over and over.

I've been thinking, yesterday and today, about the Sins of our Fathers, being punished for generations. I think this is what that means: not that God takes active mesure to punish us for our parent's and grandparent's transgressions, but that the consequences echo down the generations. My mother's upbringing was extremely abusive, so was my father's. I cannot tell you the first name of either of my Grandfathers. They did the best they could, but their best was not good enough. I have sought healing and growth and I'm much less screwed up than I once was, but should I ever have children, the echo will still be there. I would do my best, but I do not trust that it would be good enough.

I spent over 7 years estranged from my mother. There was no big fight, no final meltdown, just her apathy and my unwillingness to fight it. She was never good about returning calls, often busy and not wanting to talk when I did call. Too involved in online games and her "online sons". After two years of struggling to find work, I landed a good job and called to tell her about it. She didn't have time right then, but was going to call me right back. That was the last time I called her. Sometimes mother would reach out through my sister, asking if she could have my phone number. For a few years I would say "yes", but she still wouldn't call. After that I would say "don't bother giving it to her". Last year, on my birthday, I got a call from my mother's mother, and low my mother was there too. I agreed to text with her, but tried to set boundaries. She's not good with boundaries. 

Trying to figure out how to block her on my phone.

19 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Apparently my cold turned to bronchitis, which can last up to 4-6 weeks.

That sounds like a whole mess of not fun.

5 hours ago, NicTheRugger said:

The new room is lovely! My bedroom is pretty spacious, and it's nice that I have my own little sitting area. I actually spend a decent amount of time curled up on a very comfy leather arm chair haha. 

Awesome!

5 hours ago, NicTheRugger said:

I did have a nasty shock when I found out that my health insurance coverage doesn't start until September, which means I need to get temporary insurance

That is one of the biggest things holding me back from looking for another job; the insurance gap. I'm on a ridiculously expensive medication and there is no way I could pay out of pocket for it and doubt I could get temporary insurance.

5 hours ago, NicTheRugger said:

I feel like I've never seen a pull-up bar at a high school track in my life!

Elementary school playground should have something that would work too.

No problems with Em Tuesday, so instead it was time for family drama. My mother (whom I dearly miss being estranged from) sent a text basically saying that my little brother was washing out of Navy basic training for "psychological reasons". I forwarded the text to the group chain I have going with family members that I actually like which got an "unreliable source: ignore her" response from big brother, and pissed off my sister that mother would tell me and not her. Sister has a valid point, I don't have any relationship with little brother (15 years younger, not around while he was growing up), and where I'm willing to trade some text messages with mother, Sister actually talks to her and is close to younger brother.

Got stressed out, did a bunch of stress eating last night and stayed up late playing on my Xbox instead of sleeping. 

Looks like family drama get's to continue today with a text from mother that really makes me want to block her on my phone.

Monday W3D3 

Whisper Grows Up

0 Point for checking off all established habits

3 Points Work but nothing else productive.

3/6

Cut the Crap!

2,210 cals,  56% fat,  18% pro,  26% carb No valid food log with overeating at night.

0 Point for not eating crap

0 Point for cals between 2 and 3 thousand. 

0 point for fat > 50%

0 point for carbs < 20%

0/4

Learn to Sleep

Sleep 11:33 - 4:06 asleep 4 hr 0 min, awake 33 min.

0 point for all electronics off at 7:30

0 point for electronics stay off until 4:00

0 points for sleep start by 8:15, 1 point for sleep start by 9

1 point for not staying up if I wake up during the night.

1 points for physically up by 4:05, 1 point for 4:15 (was awake on time for 2 points, but not up)

2/7 

12 hours ago, Unikarm said:

Waiting for my first day of work is getting boring. 

Any more cooking adventures?