Whisper

Is this any way to talk to your manager?!? I really do like Jim. Could never have done this with the previous manager. But alas, I just don't see the company letting him do what he needs to right the ship. A night tech quit at the end of last week. Took a job paying $10/hour more. But sure, the wages are fine, even though we can't even get people to apply for the open day tech position. There's only 4 techs / shift. With a vacancy on both we're down to 75%, ignoring the widely held view that we were short handed before all this. Get just one person out sick or on vacation? The burnout is killing those we have left. Steve only made it an hour today before going home, he'll be out tomorrow too. Wednesday on, I've got a different guy on vacation. If Steve isn't better by then?

Hi Rookie! Once again, I've given up on the idea of catching up on posts, and instead am catching up on pictures. The horse painting is amazing. I have no idea how you make the hair look so natural. I'm always stunned by your art. I love the green dress! and the napkin to fix the neckline looks like it was meant to be.

Reminding myself of what my challenge is: Fill pill containers every Sunday. Done. Didn't actually take my pills yesterday, because I didn't eat at work and I take them with food, but doing good with them overall. Fill water bottle every morning. I filled my water bottle this morning. Haven't had any water in a few days, so just filling it counts as a victory. Drinking from it too, so that's nice. On any day off, walk around the block at least once. Took a lap around the block on Saturday morning, but no walking Sunday. Read someone else's post daily. Struggling with this, mostly because I feel so far behind. Trying to do more skimming to catch up some. Post something weekly. Doing ok at this.

I'm still alive. Another really busy week, albeit slightly shortened by the holiday Monday. HR and my manager are slightly displeased with how widely I aired the "dirty laundry ", but they can't actually argue with any of my points and frankly I don't think it is a me problem, I think it is a wider issue and SOMEONE needed to say something. They might not like it, but in a real way, it was a last ditch effort to save my job before I just walk away like so many other people are doing. HR manager says she'll push harder on getting the wage numbers and wants to do a weekly "touch base" meeting with me. Told my manager that with the small raise he was able to get me, I wasn't going to completely cut off the extra stuff I'm doing, but we need to do more to keep my load balanced, and that with no agreement (or even any answer) on my proposal from his manager, I didn't feel I could in fairness to myself NOT be looking for another job while the company decides if they're ever going to stop dicking me around. 10 hours holiday, plus 40 hours worked this week. My last paycheck had 118 hours on it. My next one will "only" have about 95 hours. Last night, my cousin sent me a picture she took of a waterfall from inside a cave. As soon as I saw it, I knew I had to get a canvas to paint it on. I know it looks like a tree right now, but I need something dark to put the white over. Once it is dry enough not to blend (oils, so next week) I'll add more white and it'll look better.

HR manager scheduled a meeting with me at 2:30; wonder what that could possibly be about 🤔

Made more words Saturday, but left out a line. Trying to decide if if is ok or needs to be redone. Worked a little on the snow tree painting, still messing with houses behind the tree, so no tree on the painting yet.

Managed to get Friday off, so enjoying a long weekend. Rested yesterday. Painting today, church tomorrow. And Monday? I'm going to celebrate Independence Day by polishing my resume and getting it posted on job sites.

No official response. Sent the email wide. Had a few people in person say roughly "good email, I'm happy you said something " In news that slightly steals my thunder, but totally reinforces my point, the warehouse day shift supervisor announced this morning that today would be his last day. And because when they replaced my retired manager, they put the new guy over both Maintenance and Warehouse... well, Jim's had a rough day. I've been feeling kind of giddy all afternoon.

Just sent the email. Added to the end: A small addendum: In the interstices between drafting this email on Sunday and sending it now, I have received a performance review, exceeding expectations in 3 areas (knowledge, communication and teamwork) and meeting expectations in all other categories. I have also been given a "merit" raise of less than half the Utah inflation rate of 10.4%, and less than the 5.4% Social Security cost of living increase this year. I am a hard worker and a valuable asset to this company, but I have been stuck feeling like I am doing three jobs poorly. I can't keep this up.

I printed it and gave a copy to my manager. I had told the plant manager that I wanted an answer to my last thing by the end of this week. Told my manager that if I'm not highly satisfied that things are actually happening by the end of this week, I would send it on a wide distribution. He said he would talk to HR. At this point, I expect to hit "send" Thursday afternoon.

I'm thinking that the time has come to give this boat an almighty rocking.

Just looked at my message again. I used two semicolons in the same sentence. That might be grounds for not answering.

Jim is my manager. Tim is the plant manager. Sent message to Tim last night, copied Jim. Hi Tim, I'm sorry; I know you have a lot of other needs and priorities on your plate at present; but I kind of really want to scream right now, and in the immortal words of Adam "what actually is (my) job?" I need an answer to my proposal by the end of next week. I've been with with this company for coming up on 11 years and it has been 7 years since my only merit based raise. I am taking on ever more duties and responsibilities; if you can't get me a pay raise or promotion, then I at least need to know that you'll back me on claiming the experience. No answer. In person with Jim he brought it up and said he didn't answer because I had addressed it to Tim, which is fair, and it is Tim's response I'm waiting on. Told Jim I copied him so he wasn't blind sided. Tim is out in CA right now at a plant we're closing down, so does have other focuses. Hopefully he's waiting to talk with me in person when he's back, but some sort if response, even just saying that, would have been better. He did email Jim and I some questions about machine modifications that had been made, so, like, not "not talking" to me? 6 o'clock now. Seems like a good bedtime.

I started writing something, but the draft didn't save, it came back as the previous posts. Yesterday I was kind of really happy with how I did after work. Struggling with stupid voices, so only kind of. Still, I want to do a little bit consistently, and yesterday I managed to do a little bit after a long work day. Today was kind of even longer. Was working on some stuff today that is frankly the job of a lead or supervisor, and while trying to explain part of the hourly employee bonus information that I had just posted one of the guys kind of snapped "what actually is your job?" " just another maintenance tech" which lead to a small screed that basically amounted to "bullshit" He's not wrong, and he wasn't really mad at me, but this is bullshit. My manager has acquiesced to some of my demands: I'm starting to get on call pay for stuff on days I'm supposed to be off, or after hours, and I'll be filing monthly expenses reports to get compensated for the business use of my phone. What they haven't yet done is agree to the two most important things: making some sort of public acknowledgment that they're working on getting me a promotion and that I am taking on some of the duties in the interim, and that if my manager and the plant manager can't get me the promotion by the end of the year, they both provide me with letters of recommendation stating that I've been doing the work, and back me putting the title on my resume when talking to potential employers. Fucking hell people! You want me to do the work (and two other jobs) but can't get me a real pay raise or promotion, at least let me claim the experience! I started out as just another fairly inexperienced tech, and I worked and I became the expert in our most complex department and got valuable enough that they started sending me to other plants to work with their techs, and had me work with the engineers on all sorts of things and I kept working and started helping with parts ordering and eventually became defacto parts manager (while, you know, still having all my work as a tech still) and now I get to play at being supervisor or lead or whatever they might or might not eventually decide to call me. In just over a month, I'll have been with this company for 11 years. In all that time, I've received exactly 1 merit based pay raise, and that was 7 years ago. Ever more duties and responsibilities, but additional renumeration? Ha! Here's the same 2-3% we're giving everyone this year. If it weren't for what happens when you search my name, I would have quit years ago. Two more years and I can change my name. Don't know if I can wait that long.

My home, I did not leave it, and it was a good thing. Feeling a bit more recharged and ready for this week. Mostly just played Fallout and napped with the cats. Did get laundry washed and dried, not so much on put away. Got new sheets and made my bed with them and I am loving them! Goals: didn't leave my house, so didn't go for walks and can't actually bring myself to regret it. Pill holder didn't get refilled on Sunday, but was filled before work Monday, so no missed meds. I've been filling up my water bottle on my way to the time clock at start of shift. Just having it full of cold fresh water does wonders for drinking. Somehow waiting till I'm thirsty just ends up with soda. Didn't read anyone's posts over the weekend, but did yesterday and today. This post exists, so that goal is checked.

I have decided that the best thing I can do for my needs hierarchy is not to leave home for a couple days. So that's my plan for this weekend.

I have a friend that has been going through the same thing with Adderall; apparently there is a nationwide shortage right now.

For a long time, my work has consistently ran about 50 hours a week, and I've been kind of burned out. The last 4 weeks, we're getting closer to 60 hours, and I'm really really burned out. I've been recognizing troubles with basic self care getting worse, and I haven't managed to keep up with challenges for a while, but I do better with taking care of myself when I'm at least trying to do a challenge, so this time, the challenge is the challenge. A little bit of setting myself up to take care of myself, a little bit of moving when I tend to be overly sedentary, and a little bit of being here. Fill pill containers every Sunday. Fill water bottle every morning. On any day off, walk around the block at least once. Read someone else's post daily. Post something weekly.

Good challenge. Love the gif

Trying to be here, but can't seem to move off of "spent". Really hoping to manage to not leave my house at all this weekend. Need to recharge. Did some painting last Saturday, but had to work after church on Sunday. I think I've come close to 60 hours worked each of the last 3 weeks.

Gif of the tree's creation

So, I've been listening to the music the last several mornings and it really does seem to be helping. I'm finding it easier to get up and moving in the morning, actually getting to work on time, and in a better mood with positive thoughts staying in my head. I did give my manager the letter yesterday; he laughed when he got to the cookie. He seems to think it is reasonable and is going to talk with the plant manager. Not as good as an actual promotion, but if they want me to take on the responsibilities anyway, I need a bit more real backing, and I want to be able to claim the experience. Really proud of how things went today. Had to go in to work. We had a scheduled power outage today, so myself and another tech went in early to make sure everything was shut down properly. Only took about an hour. We'll be back in again tomorrow morning to make sure everything comes back on properly, so things run smoothly Monday. Anyway, came home from work and finally made more progress on sorting and cleaning in my living room. Still a mess, but I cleared out some space for paintings to dry, and got a desk set up as a space to do painting. Felt good to make progress. Speaking of progress, I also prepped 9 canvas boards to try stuff out with writing in the paint. I like the concept of the stuff I did before, but I want to do better with the execution. Made two more attempts at words, one of which got blended out, but the other I really like. I think I'm finally finished with my tree painting. Started working on it back in December. I'll sit with it a week or two to see if I want to add more details to anything, but right now I'm happy with it. I also started working on my next painting.

I gave my manager a list of demands today.

I love what you've done with the edge area; it is truly beautiful!

I find myself of roughly 3 minds tonight. Part of me is thoroughly convinced that the single best thing I can do to improve my well-being is to go back to listening to praise music, especially when I first wake up and while driving. I haven't been listening to much music at all lately, and when I do it isn't generally uplifting. There has always been a lot of praise music when I'm at my best psychologically. Part of me is like of course! It's basic manipulation and indoctrination, using major key tonality and rhythm to induce a sense of euphoria, while blocking out other influences (I tend to listen to the news in morning and car). It has nothing to do with God or faith, you're just brainwashing yourself into being happy! Part of me is like, by that logic, all of psychology is nothing but brainwashing. Don't practice thought interruption when you're beating yourself up, that's self manipulation! Don't exercise; that might trigger dopamine! Not doing something BECAUSE it works is fallacious. A small part of me is like, is it possible that the God that made us knows how we work and uses that for our good? Anyway, I think I'm going to put a Playlist together before bed tonight.