Seraphina

I wanted to do a proper challenge, and failed again, so that's cool. Questioning the merit of doing these in the first place, as every challenge has ended with me feeling bad that I haven't kept up and I don't lose any weight. It just reminds me of all the goals I set that I never reach, even if they're small. I broke up with my boyfriend on Saturday, as planned. I was really, really sad afterwards. I still am, even though I'm sure it was the right decision. We were making each other miserable. Since then I haven't really interacted with other people much, and I realized that even though we were long distance, I talked to him all day, every day through texting and I don't really do that with anyone else. He agreed that he wanted to remain friends, but I don't think we'll talk often, especially not at first. I know we both need the distance, but I don't exactly have a giant group of friends to lean on. Or anyone. So I'll just play games alone, and feel bad, I guess. I brought this upon myself anyway. GOAL 1: MENTAL BANISHING SPELL IDK just have beer for dinner GOAL 2: RITUAL OF RESTORATION IDK my ankle hurts because I'm fat and I'm fat because I eat and I eat because I'm sad and I'm sad because I'm fat. So it doesn't matter what I do to try to "repair" my ankle, because the only thing that will help is not being fucking fat. GOAL 3: CAROLINA'S GRASP IDK I've spent countless hours on my portfolio, tailoring resumes, writing cover letters, finding jobs to apply to. I haven't had a single interview. K bye

I'm glad you're making progress with getting the bf on board with the 5k. These days, everything you do makes you a potential terrorist target if you want to get technical. They want everyone to live in fear of them, but the odds of it actually happening are so incredibly low. Live your life and do fun things. Sent from my E6603 using Tapatalk

Yeah they're prohibitively expensive here as well.... Sent from my E6603 using Tapatalk

In coming back to make a proper post, it occurred to me that we are no longer in week 2. I looked back at my tracking and my plan, and I honestly can't even say what I did on what day. Oops.... This weekend is THE BIG BREAKUP. I think after the weekend is over and I've processed it a little, I'll be able to come back for the final stretch and finish strong. It doesn't help that my plans changed mid-challenge because what I was doing wasn't working.

I haven't read the Four Tendencies, but it kinda sounds like I need to. I definitely do just fine with outer expectations, often to the detriment of myself. Glo run sounds fun!!! I've never done a nighttime 5k, I bet it's a blast

Thanks Raxie! You're right... the guilt is misplaced. I so need a love for this, like is not enough <3

If you gave it everything you had, it's a victory. I'm glad you decided to stay safe! Also, this isn't your last or only chance to do something like this, right? If you can try again, I'd start working on that plan to help focus your energy away from not making it this time.

Also, my head is so not in this right now.... again. A friend of mine called me at 5:30 yesterday. His girlfriend dumped him and kicked him out, and I offered to have him stay with me last night. While on the phone, I briefly touched base with him about what was going on with my relationship, and he was like, "Yeah, you deserve better than that, and, now that I don't have a girlfriend anymore, I can honestly say you are a beautiful woman." And I And the whole time he was here, I was super duper nervous, because I've had a crush on this dude for two years. We had a good time and nothing happened between us, but it totally derailed my start to the week mentally/emotionally. I felt like a shitty person for already wanting to pursue someone else/letting those feelings resurface so soon when I haven't even properly ended things with my current bf. I'm going to try to come back and do a proper update before the end of the week.

Thank you! I was definitely choosing misery for a solid month before I came to this decision. I know it will hurt him, but I think in the long run we'll both be better off. I hope he agrees that we're better as friends, but we so rarely see eye to eye on things it might not work out. And I'd be okay with that too, but I think it would make it substantially harder for me. I'm prepared for the possibility...

Yeah, it's definitely the right decision, for a lot of reasons. That imbalance has been there the entire time, and persists, and I don't want it to keep persisting. I really want to be with someone on my level. I'm not worried about things getting physical during the breakup.... I just don't want to deal with his anger and him potentially saying mean and awful things. Unfortunately, my brother isn't nearby. I do intend to break things off in person. I told my best friend about it... She lives 30 minutes away, and she knows exactly when I intend to do it. Honestly, I'm not worried about my personal safety; I just don't want things to escalate emotionally.

I like the new name! Sounds like you had a rough week I hope it gets better!

Haha, you're fine. I wouldn't think anyone here would "like" my sadness. And thank you... I'm definitely going to need it.

Ugh, I'm sorry work is crushing your mood I think OEPD might be the way to go if it's affecting you that much. I'm glad walking is helpful. It helps me a lot too when I'm upset too.

Good luck with the hike!!!!

Fashionably late, lol I'm going to burninate the job market by staying positive and putting effort into every application I'm going to burninate all my debt by reducing unnecessary spending now I'm going to burninate obesity by avoiding grains and eating vegetables with every meal