Seraphina

OMG I totally understand. I have the same problem when I meal-prep sometimes, and I've discovered that for me a huge part of it is just wanting a fresh meal. I've been trying to combat it by prepping only some of my meals, rather than all of them, and giving myself a set of choices for one of the meals each day. That way I can have a prepared meal and a "fresh" meal each day.

Weigh-in Wednesday So I already spoilered my weigh-in this week (I lost just over a pound, yay), but I do intend to weigh in every Wednesday, so I figured I'd get in the habit of posting. I really wanted delivery last night. Like really, really, wanted it. I didn't, but man, it was the hardest night since stopping last week. I realized that the reason I've been so sad and tired lately and I've been having trouble sleeping is because I'm still unhappy and conflicted about my relationship. TLDR; is that it's long distance I am 100% propping it up right now because he can't drive to where I am ever. There's some other, more personal/TMI type stuff going on involving him treating me like a leper because I'm fat. Except I've been fat since we got together nearly 7 months ago. This is not new, nor is it news. His words are affectionate, and he tells me he's "not worried" about me losing weight, but the actions aren't there. His actions tell me he doesn't really accept my body as it is, and by proxy, doesn't accept ME as I am. It's like he's just waiting for a thinner version of me to magically appear and THEN he'll be a good boyfriend in that regard. Potentially. Ugh. I love him, but this relationship sucks for me. I give a lot and there is no parity in any aspect of it. I talked to him about it, and he seemed receptive, but I also haven't seen him since that conversation, so I don't know if anything actually stuck. Last night he brought up part of the conversation trying to tie in relevance to what we were talking about at the time, but it wasn't relevant and he couldn't remember what I said. That is really ringing alarm bells in my head. So I'm contemplating taking a break from the relationship. I have a lot going on right now, as this is my last semester of grad school, I'm doing a thesis, presenting at conferences and symposiums and writing papers to be published. It's a lot of stress and a lot of money and time involved in going to see him, and then I show up to see him and it's nice but it doesn't feel like an adult relationship at all. His aversion to touching me just makes me feel gross and unwanted, and I don't need or deserve to feel that way. I think if I go this weekend and nothing has changed after our conversation, I'm calling it. It's scary, but I think I need to do it. I'm miserable, and something has to give.

Ugh, I'm so sorry. I think having a hard time being motivated when you're grieving is totally normal. Self-care always helps me stay motivated when I'm sad. I also try to accept and recognize that sometimes I'm just going to hug my cat and cry when I get home from work and not do anything else for a while... or the rest of a night. I tend to shove my feelings into food, so allowing myself to actually feel things helps me move on more quickly and stay on track with my goals.

Thanks!!! That's a good idea! I have whiteboards stuck up all over my apartment to remind me to do stuff and to help me with planning and adulting... maybe I can re-purpose some of the ones I routinely ignore for affirmations!

Tuesday Check-In Okay, so I know the scale and I are supposed to be seeing each other less often, but this morning I couldn't help myself. According to that non-intelligent box, I've lost 1.3 pounds since last Wednesday. Considering how much Valentine's junk I've eaten, I'll take it! Main Quest: Stop Lonely Binges I'm happy to report I haven't had anything from a restaurant since last week. Smashing it! Secondary Quest: Beginner Fitness I missed my walk at work yesterday and felt really weird. It was in the teens outside and with the snow and ice on the ground I had to wear my boots, which are still being broken in. By noon my heels were already blistering, so I didn't want to risk really hurting myself by walking more than I had to. Still, I missed it! The day was so off after that and I felt so sleepy all afternoon. Today, it's 50 and sunny (because lol Colorado), so I'm really looking forward to getting outside today. I have really fallen in love with those walks and I get a rush of happy brain chemicals when I'm in the lobby with my headphones on about to start the walk. I finally understand that whole "once exercising is a routine, it's hard to stop" thing. I've completed 1/2 of my scheduled workouts. I did some dancing Sunday, and tonight I'm going to do some circuit training. I'm getting my exercise knocked out early in the week because I'm leaving town later on this week. Secondary Quest: Building Self-Confidence I've already forgotten about the daily affirmations goal, so I haven't done any yet... I'm going to write on my mirror so I see it in the morning. That will remind me to say something kind/motivating to myself in the morning. And just to kind of make up for the last couple days, I'm going to write out some of the positive changes I've made for my health already: In January, I quit binge drinking for good and started walking every day at work. In December, I quit smoking. It's been a few years since I've been a fan of fast food and it's not a part of my regular diet (With some exceptions, because Chipotle is life.) It's been 8 years since I regularly drank soda or juice. TFW you want to celebrate your small victories but you know your motivation is high right now so you have to reign in the excitement to avoid burnout

Following!

I really thought this weekend would be me having a "last hurrah", full of multiple binges where I ate as much restaurant food as I could because "omg I'm going to cut off restaurant food on Monday". I didn't, though! Granted, I still ate poorly at times (sugar is a huge vice of mine), but I have already stopped eating restaurant food and started cooking at home. I've been finding healthier versions of the foods I love. Like low carb tortillas that taste just like regular flour tortillas?! Amazing. Most of the low carb "breads" taste like grass, lol. I can't even tell you how good it feels to have made the choice to start early, for myself, by myself. It's really empowering. AND, I actually wanted to work out today, even though I didn't have a workout scheduled. So I did, and it felt awesome. Who is this new person? I like her, haha. I mentioned in my first post that I'm a reformed serial dieter/overnight lifestyle over-hauler. I've dieted many, many times over the years, always with some amount of weight loss. I've lost 50 pounds, 35 pounds, 20ish pounds at a time, and I always eventually put it back on and then some. I was that dieter stereotype. I didn't think of myself as a dieter back then, but that's exactly what I was doing. The number on the scale was everything and made or broke my day. I went full tilt every time, put everything in the frame of "just do it for a little while", that it was all temporary, and mentally I focused on depriving myself "for now". I'm over it. I'm changing my life, and taking my power back. I'm not helpless. I can beat food addiction/binge eating. I have all the tools from therapy that I need for the mental/emotional piece, and now it's all about making gradual, sustainable changes to my life. And not ever going back to the way I used to live, because I don't want to live that way anymore. Now I'm ready for Monday like

Thanks! I'm not following any particular fitness program... I'm basically giving myself a choice between a beginner strength workout (I like Neila Rey's stuff), dancing, or walking. Just something to get me moving and get me in better shape. I'm super out of shape and programs tend to burn me out quickly. I've started many, and I can't tell you if I've ever even finished one exactly as they outline it. The only one I can remember finishing in the past was C25k, but that one took me several months to finish... I had to repeat a lot of days and take more rest days than they schedule. I tend to start a program and not be even remotely close to being prepared for it in terms of my fitness level. Cue injuries, inflamed joints, hating it, losing motivation, etc. So just getting moving and increasing my activity is the name of the game with the workout quest. And I know that those things I mentioned are things I like to do and I know I can do them for a solid 20-30 minutes.

Hi, I'm new to the Rebellion. I've been in some version and pursuit of weight loss forever, but I've recently realized that what I've been doing my whole adult life thus far is the very definition of insanity. So I'm here in an effort to change my approach and hopefully learn enough to be successful in the long run. Main Quest: Stop Lonely Binges Stop ordering delivery (of all my problem behaviors related to food that lead me to gain weight, this is the raid boss) No non-social eating out (as in, no more takeout or eating at restaurants by yourself either-- which is what I will default to if I stop delivery) Secondary Quest: Beginner Fitness Schedule and complete 2 planned workouts per week Secondary Quest: Building Self-Confidence Say one positive thing to myself each morning when I look in the mirror