OptimumKitten

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About OptimumKitten

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  1. I may have been a bit vague with my description of him which is unfair to his image. He is very supportive of me in many ways. He encourages me with new projects, he cheers me on when I have new ideas or suddenly change direction because I get bored easily. He tries to encourage me to do my yoga but I can be very persuasive when I don’t feel like doing something. He still buys me junk but he does try to tell me to eat something proper before I touch the junk. Sometimes he hides it until after 10pm so I’m forced to eat something helpful. I understand that him not wanting to change may seem unsupportive but that isn’t so. He’s supportive in his own way and I would never expect him to change just because I said so. He’s trying to understand my longing for health and I’m trying to understand his longing for comfort. We’ll meet half way eventually, I just need to focus on getting my health up to scratch by myself instead of succumbing to temptation. My SO is in no way trying to keep me fat, lazy or unhealthy. He just wants me to be happy with myself and believes that I over-stress myself with this stuff. It’s just a different view. There is no emotional manipulation; he genuinely just wants me to be happy and comfortable and this just happens to be his idea of that. He is always trying to build my confidence. He tells me how good I look and how attractive he finds me regardless of what I look like. I was much leaner when we met and he’s never made any kind of negative remark about it. I don’t want to throw away things he buys me either because he’s coming from a place of love, not sabotage. I feel it would be hurtful and rude to do so, so I’d rather calmly explain to him. I need to rely on my own willpower. He’s under no obligation to change his lifestyle for me; he’s already made plenty of changes in other ways that are important to me. Thank you for words of support though, and I really appreciate your views.
  2. Thank you for support and advice! I have tried doing the different sides thing which does help a bit. He’ll have fries while I’ll have nuts and veg. But as you said it’s not perfect. He won’t eat anything healthy except my homemade chicken curry and occasionally a roast dinner with meat and two veg. Other than that it’s chicken dippers, pizzas, burgers etc. It’s difficult to get him to try new things because he has stomach problems and I’m just glad he’s at least eating something some days. I don't buy junk food at all except for dinner items for him. I buy nuts, frozen fruit, veg etc. I currently leave him responsible for what we call “munch.” If he wants junk, he buys it which we both see as fair. But he gets excited when he sees junk I like on offer and comes back with chocolate, cheese puffs, crackers, biscuits, ginger ale. I’ve explained it’s better if he doesn’t get me anything because then I’m forced to get creative with healthy snack making. But if my back acts up, he sees getting me junk as comforting and tells me to just relax enjoy myself for one day. My energy is too burned out to resist which is my own problem. Again, thank you so much for your help!
  3. Thank you so much for your support and advice! Getting a new SO definitely is out of the question. Our values and principles match up in most other way - just not with health. He doesn’t care for his, but he is supportive when I want to change mine. I’ve tried telling him that if he doesn’t want to look after himself for his own sake, that I’d appreciate if he did for my sake because I plan on having him around for the future if it’s possible. He agreed and told me he understood and some small things have changed - but eating and moving are not some of those things. He’s been alone a long time and lived this way a long time so if there is any scope for change, it’ll be a long time coming and in very tiny steps. I don't want to suddenly overhaul our lifestyle because that kind of change could put a lot of stress on our relationship. This is why I’ve been trying to focus on incrementally improving mine and then I’ll have more assertion when I need him to think about his lifestyle. Unfortunately, I have zero self-motivation. I’m only motivated by others. If he was the one who wanted to change, I’d be exercising every day and cooking healthy meals. If a friend asked me to join a fitness group for support, I’d be there every time. I struggle with doing things for my own sake, even thought I know how vital it is to my own health and vitality. I already do all of the grocery shopping and most of the cooking unless I’m having trouble with my back (as I have lately). But, he doesn’t eat most things and his tastebuds are dead from years of salt and sugar so healthy food doesn’t taste good to him. The best I can get him to eat is a homemade curry and occasionally homemade fajitas. Everything else has to be fully processed. You're definitely right about structure! I’m going up the walls without routine. And the idea of getting out within 2 hours is a great one. On day when I have things to do, I tend to be more motivated. I apologise for my post being a bit disprganised and repetitive by the way. I wrote it on my phone while doing something else so I didn’t pay attention or proof read. Thanks again so much!
  4. Hey ladies, Tl;dr: My SO has no intention of changing his lifestyle which is creating obstacles for me trying to change mine again. I don’t know how to push myself past the easy comfort. I joined the Academy last summer with a fistful of motivation and the winds of ambition driving me forward. My lifestyle for about 6 months looked like this: 04:45 Wake up and jot down my important tasks of the day with a peppermint tea. 05:00 Feed the animals and take the dog for a walk in the local heritage grounds right next to me. His puppy dog eyes always motivated me to get out. 05:45 Study Japanese for a half hour and respond to my language exchange pals. 06:30 Off to the gym for a bit of incline jogging and minor strength moves. 07:30 Breakfast and shake 08:30 Work with packed lunch and healthy snacks 17:00 Home from work and last meal of the day (paleo too). Another dog walk and visiting family. 20:00 Into bed with a good book and off to sleep around 22:00. This seemed easy to me. Too easy. I was in a relationship I wanted space from, and money wasn’t an object for healthy food or gym memberships. I realised later I was using this new life as an escape from the miseries of every day. Fast forward one one year since the beginning and I’m in a new home, with a new partner, no animals and next to no money. I’m in a more stable environment, with somebody who loves and supports me, and a lot less money because of it (not a complaint, just a fact). I’m also unemployed now but I start an adult ed course in September. A fundamental part of my personality is to want to better myself but my lifestyle now looks like: 09:50 - Get up and sit at the back door getting some sun 11:00 - Bowl of porridge 12:00 - plan out the things I want to work on and subsequently feel overwhelmed and throw my Xbox on and eat whatever is in the cupboard: rice, yoghurts, biscuits, rice cakes, nuts, chocolate - doesn’t matter what as long as it’s easy to eat. 14:00 - Possibly take a break to visit family. 16:00 - Change to 3DS with a tv show in the background. Possibly have a healthy dinner depending on whether it’s my partner or me cooking. I’ll make from scratch chicken or fish dishes. He makes any frozen convenience food he finds with no veg and maximum salt. 21:00 - Snack on chocolate, crisps, crackers with butter, cereal etc 01:30 - Possibly sleep The only thing I’m currently doing right is drinking plenty of water and at least trying to do some yoga 3 days a week - though it’s not nearly enough. My partner has no intention of changing his lifestyle so it has become a matter of moulding mine around him. I can’t afford to buy two separate grocery lists but he only likes processed foods and he’s also an intense gamer with a love for tv and movies. He’s the personification of the bad voice in my head that says I can veg out all day no problem. Other than work, he doesn’t do anything active and has no intention to do, which is making it hard for me to try to change my lifestyle. I feel so overwhelmed and lost because I can’t afford two grocery lists and I’m using him as an excuse to become stagnant and unhealthy. I feel heavy and bloated, I’m underweight with high body fat, and I have a back injury that I also use an excuse to give up physical exercise. If any of you beautiful ladies have any advice for coping with an environment that enables your bad habits, please share!
  5. Any rebels out there in the Emerald Isle?