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teddie.bare

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About teddie.bare

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  • Birthday 08/09/1978

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  • Location
    Colorado Springs, CO
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    assassin
  1. Ok, so I got good news: NO CANCER So that helps me out tremendously right now. First hurtle: done. My sister still has to have a hysterectomy on Monday. I still might end up with surgery myself. But for now, I can go the less invasive route. I'll be starting hormones this weekend, and I have a follow up ultrasound scheduled in 3 months. I have to watch for signs of stroke, especially the first month, and I'm behind on my mammogram and need to get that in... but it's a much better-case scenario for everyone. My husband is almost healed up from his oral surgery. He's still a little sore. The Chef is doing well after his surgery, which hardly phased him. And my sister only has to go one week between surgeries, so it's not like she'll be feeling much better and then get knocked down again. So all good news there. I had a decent dinner last night of homemade lasagna. I'm going to try to have some more for lunch. I've only had a protein shake and some cashews so far today. i actually got some sleep last night, so that was nice. And here we are, almost at the weekend again. Tonight I have a sleep over with The Chef, and tomorrow is my hubby's birthday. We have friends coming over, so that will be good. Sunday I'm going to deliver lasagna to a few girl friends who also just had surgery (seriously, wth 2016?!), and figure out what I want to do next in the decluttering madness. I'm tempted to stay in the kitchen and work on the crazy pantry and fridge first. Plus I have one more box of bill-paying stuff I need to address on the counter. so overall I'm feeling better today. But still lots going on.
  2. Mice are the woooooorst. Oh man. One time I brought in the tupperware of dog food from the garage (we don't keep it out there any more!) and went I poured it into the inside container PLOP... a little mouse poured right out, jumped up, and ran off. Man oh man was that a stressful day. It even ran right by an open door I tried to shoo it out of. In the end, one of our cats finally got it. My newest dog is part boxer, and a mousing queen. She brings us dead ones on occasion from outside (yuck!). I've always had pets, and that is definitely one of the bonuses! I hope they all get captured while you guys are gone. That is such an anxiety bomb! I'm glad you got your yoga DVD. You know you like that one, so hopefully you can jump right into it when you get back (and the mice are under control). You aren't going to have much time to work on that flexibility before baby if you put it off for too much longer, girl You know how much better it makes you feel. Maybe you could set yourself a 'just try it' time limit. Like, just do 10 minutes. And if you aren't into it, you can stop? I've always found that setting limits like that help me to start something, and then I feel fine and just finish it. Good luck on the desk search. I know what a pain that is. I ended up getting a very specific corner desk from Ikea years ago. After we replace the carpet in the living room I need some book shelves from there... but the perfect furniture struggle is real!
  3. You've made progress! that's great news. Keeping up on the house is HARD. I'm struggling just focusing on my kitchen counters. How do such little people make such big messes?! You're doing extra great on the mind stuff. That's awesome. I know that's important to you, so you definitely get a gold star for that. I'm glad you were able to find those Yoga DVDs, I know you were looking for them. Now you can really get into it since you've done all the mental prep, and removed the mental hurtle. All you have to do now is do it
  4. This whole 'make sure you eat' thing is going to be difficult for a while. Last night I managed to have some turkey taco meat lettuce wraps. That was it. And it took me 3 hours to eat. Today I have had: 1 protein drink. 100 calories of cashews. 1 cup greek yogurt. 1 cup berries. I am not doing amazing here. I had a minor mental breakdown last night followed by no sleep. I've been picking fights with people who love me. Trying to pretend like everything is fine is not working for me. I really hope we get biopsy results tomorrow so I can start to move on with a plan of attack. My sister is going to need a hysterectomy, and she's hoping to just get it done on Monday. That will depend on whether or not we get a call tomorrow. Then everything I have to do will fall in after that. I was supposed to do a yearly asthma check up next week, but I think I'm going to cancel it. Of all the things I have going on right now, worrying about something that isn't currently affecting me isn't high on my priority list. I'm going to do that tomorrow, and I already feel less stressed having made that decision. I'm going to have to really pick and choose what I focus on for the next few weeks. No gym today since I didn't sleep. And I'm too emotionally drained to put in extra effort right now. But I'm focusing on self care, and exercise will come when I'm feeling a little more focused.
  5. So, yesterday to eat I had: 1 bowl of oatmeal. 1 cup of coffee. 1 piece of cheese with 5 crackers and 5 round slices off of a sausage, 1 crepe with strawberries and creme and 1 crepe with green chili, broccoli and cheese sauce. Not the end of the world, but I didn't even bother trying to count the calories. Today I have had: 1 cup of coffee. 1 cheese danish. 1 handful of pork rinds. I've been staring at a cup of yogurt for 2 hours. It's safe to say i internalize stress in my stomach. I need to get the yogurt down in the next half hour and then try to stomach some dinner. In my immediate future (i.e. this week) I need to: Get my husband healed from major oral surgery Get the chef healed from his vasectomy Get my sister healed from her emergency ovary removal Not have a breakdown before we get the biopsy report from my sister's aforementioned surgery (hopefully Friday) Yeah, I think that's it. I have to take my daughter to a birthday party on Friday night (so much do not want) and Saturday is my husband's birthday. If my sister's biopsy comes back cancerous, I probably will have to have my own surgery/biopsy done on my left ovary on Monday. Although they may just go the extra aggressive route and schedule me for surgery with an oncologist right away, so we'll see. I just keep reminding myself that the probability of my baby sister and I both having ovarian cancer at the exact. same. time. is little to none. It's very likely that we were simply diagnosed with endometrosis at the same time, since chances increase 10-fold if a relative has it. There would still be a possibility of me needing surgery down the road, but it wouldn't be nearly as bad of a scenario. I think that's it for now No workouts yet this week. Mostly because I was trapped in the house and working from home for 2 days. I could have done something, but I'm a little on the worn-out side right now. I was hoping to feel better after my appointment, but I guess I get at least a few more days of super-high-stress.
  6. Well I'm a few days late to the party thanks to a giant city-closing snow storm and a whole slew of medical non-sense, but I'm here. This challenge is not going to be a normal challenge for me. I absolutely just need to focus on stress management and deal with whatever is thrown at me over the next few weeks. Even if things turn out best case scenario, I will have a lot going on, and self care is going to be very important. STAY SANE: Get my diet in order. I lost 5 lbs last challenge and I'd like to keep that momentum going. But let's be honest here - i don't eat when I'm stressed. Not "I don't eat well," just, I don't eat. So I'm going to focus on trying to keep my diet as healthy and normal as possible, while actually making a conscious effort to keep eating. - Eat! - Make good food choices - Don't eat crap I didn't bring to work (occasional popcorn allowed if I'm not eating enough) Strength Train Regularly. I feel better when I work out. I am going to be making up time at work from medical appointments and this massive snow storm. But I need to make an effort to stay active. - Exercise! Aiming for any kind, 2x a week. Preferably weight lifting Work on Decluttering My House. I made some good progress on decluttering last challenge. My kitchen is looking a million times better. I still have some areas that need work in there, as well as most of the rest of the house (eep!). Decluttering is something that takes my mind off stress and brings me peace. I need to keep it up in some form, even while dealing with life. - Get rid of something significant and measureable every week! MOTIVATION "You're going to go through touch times - that's life. But I say, 'Nothing happens to you, it happens for you.' See the positive in negative events." "Be strong when you are weak, brave when you are scared, and humble when you are victorious" PROGRESS
  7. Challenge Summary Diet: This went very well. I am down 5 lbs. Woot. I've been doing good tracking my food and making overall better choices. I like the new diet protocol I've been following, but found out on Friday that I need to get extensive allergy testing done to find out what I'm intolerant to. So the results of that could very well change my diet strategy. Strength: I REALLY like my Unapologetically Powerful program. Well, maybe like is putting it strongly. I enjoy the results and I feel like I'm seeing progress, both to my body and with my strength. I'm going to continue with this program for a while. Decluttering: I got all three of my corners of my kitchen 95% done. That's a big deal. I can tell that upkeep is going to be the biggest issue, but so far I've been doing well with it. I know it's going to be an ongoing battle, but it's totally worth it. Overall: Life handed me a big old bag of crap this week. My husband had major oral surgery. The Chef had minor outpatient surgery (vasectomy). My sister had emergency surgery for a hemorrhaging ovary (!) during a giant city-closing snow storm. I have to have follow up tests done about possible food intolerances. I also had my OB ultrasound today. I have three cysts. Two of them are whatever. But my doctor doesn't like the look of the third one, especially after my sister's massive hemorrhage this week. So, I'm basically waiting on the pathology from my sister's surgery. Where I go from there will depend on her results. I am armed with 3-months of a very low dose of birth control and a follow up appointment if everything turns out OK with pathology. If not... well I'll be having at least one ovary and my uterus removed tout suit. So I'm in the hurry up and wait phase of a possible stress shit-storm. I really shouldn't take birth control, but I don't have many options (estrogen gave my sister breast cancer and my mother a stroke). So really it's like, take my chances with a very low dose of meds since all of my genetic tests came back negative, or have major surgery and remove all of my reproductive organs. So, not a lot of positive there. I do have an official endometriosis diagnosis now, and hopefully it's as simple as that. Best case, I take low dose meds, cysts go away, live happily ever after. Worst case, I lose both ovaries and uterus and get chemo/radiation for cancer and be thrown into medical menopause because I can't take high-strength hormone replacement. Yay life.
  8. I have a LOT going on. Let me see if I can do a week 4, and then I'll do a wrap up. Week 4 Diet: This week good, i think? I mean, i tracked every single day. That was good. I'm still having a hard time with macros and those kind of suffered towards the end. Which is ok. I still tracked. And i was still aware of what I was eating. and hey, I'm down some weight! Weight Check: Challenge start weight: 184.8 Current weight: 179.8 Strength: I got hosed in the strength department last week. I had appointments and work and life and grr. I did lift on Wednesday. And then on Thursday I did a 4 hour photoshoot, which required me to be on my feet and in weird positions. So I'm totally counting it. Saturday I starting hooping and then my boss called to ask a favor. Sigh. But i DID get some headstand practice in after that, and I'm totally counting it as well. And man, am I rusty in that dept. I haven't had a chance to check what my lifting weights are again, but maybe I can do that tomorrow. Decluttering: I donated a box of household goods and a box of toys. And i almost have a bag of clothes ready to go. I kept up on my clean corners. But it's hard. I have a shiny sink, and tons of newfound counter space. Overall, not a bad week.
  9. Well my hubby and I had a major blowout this weekend. We're working through all of the residuals from that, now. But I think it'll be good. I'm just going to update until now: DIet: This could be better. I had a small bag of cheetos and a rum ball for dinner. I am under a tremendous amount of stress right now. But I've been tracking, and making conscious decisions. I did have one thing at work yesterday that I didn't bring, but if I hadn't have purchased a coffee, I wouldn't have gotten one. Which would not have worked for me since I hadn't slept in like 6 nights. Little one is growing, giving her ibuprofen before bed last night helped keep her in her own room all night and I FINALLY got some rest. I'm trying to do good, but I don't have an appetite really with all this drama going on in my life. But I'm trying. Strength: today is the first day I got to the gym this week. My body REALLY didn't want me to be there. As soon as I walked into the locker room my non-injured shoulder started nagging. But I got deadlift day done. I did sumo deadlifts with resistance band pull aparts, rack pulls with overhead press, and then I got to the last sets... i could not do a one arm kettle bell swing. There is nothing on this earth that could have made me do it today. So I listened to my body and instead of doing 2 sets of 2 exercise super sets, I did weighted hip thrusts, weighted crunches, and bent over barbell rows. I was wrecked at the end, and I'm glad I went, but I never really wanted to be there. Decluttering: I'm doing very well keeping up on the kitchen so far. And my hubby is helping (this is one of the things we fought about). We have a lot going on, which I might talk about when I have more time. But we're working through some pretty big stuff, and having him re-focused and helping has been a great start. We have a long road ahead of us, and keeping the kitchen from turning into a disaster area is just the tip of the ice burg. Hopefully he got to the dishes today. I'm super busy at work but wanted to check in while I had a second. Thank you for checking on me
  10. Week 3: Diet: Pass I did as well as I emotionally could this week. I tracked all of my food. That is one of the things I'm really trying to start doing regularly, so that's a great start. My calories were good, even when my macros weren't ideal. I didn't go too crazy on the carbs any day, and that's one of my weakest points. I just still need to get used to more protein. Overall it wasn't a bad week. Strength: Fail I went to the gym 2x. That is not bad. I am seeing and feeling results from my new lifting program, which is what should be happening at week 4 on it. I am not at all displeased with my progress. And the workouts I did get in last week were killer. I just didn't get in a third bonus workout, which I knew was going to be my struggle this month. I can do better. Decluttering: Pass Kicking ass and taking names in this department. Well, sort of. I still have work to do on my last corner. There's one small basket of 'catch all' stuff that needs to be gone through. This was MEANT as a bill-paying station. With envelopes, stamps, return address labels, etc. For some reason it has acquired a bunch of other things, like Kinetic sand, KT tape, and other misc who-knows-what. I need a smaller box that isn't falling apart. And the rest of the stuff in there needs a home. It's a HUGE improvement, and I've managed to keep up well with the other two corners while working on this one. It's been SO NICE having cleared counter space to work with. And this smaller organizer is working so much better than the poor 're-purposed' banana basket. It has a much smaller footprint and serves our needs much better. I had been in denial about needing a spot for 'stuff', now that I've addressed it appropriately, it's working out much better for me. I even have a 10-pocket folder for all the misc paperwork that needs attention, but doesn't need to be on the counter. I still need to scrub this corner, but at least I got the majority of it mucked out. I still call this measurable progress Summary: It was kind of a long, annoying, trying week. But I got through it. This week doesn't look much better, but I'm doing a much better job making the gym a priority even when things are crazy at work (like today). I just need to keep up this balance until all my doctor's appointments are done over the next 3 weeks, and then hopefully things will get back to 'normal' for a bit.
  11. I've been trying to respond to this for days, for some reason this specific message won't post. I'm going to try again without the quote: Do you think it's a side effect of the procedure last week and the anesthesia stuff? Or maybe your body is just purging through the brain rather than the stomach >_<. Either way I hope it gets better soon. I'd start to consider getting ears/passages checked or something if it doesn't. I think after being with my husband for about 10 years now, I've just gotten used to the things I have to clean up after. I make my own messes in a way (he comes home and I will randomly have a project spread all over the table or house) but his are just a lot more regular. We still butt heads on occasion with the kitchen because he is Mr. Food safety and I'm Mrs. All the inspiration-cannot stop to clean until I'm done. We each act as janitor of sorts for each other's messes. I guess all that to say, there will always be that balancing act? Haha. I did appreciate your commentary about having wind down time when you get home. Dr. Focker is frequently amped up from work and needs to decompress, but the kids and I are usually ravenous by the time he walks in the door. I'll have dinner ready and want to sit and eat right away, and he wants to change clothes, relax, hang out a bit. So hearing you reflect about that helps me understand that I'm not helping the situation and I need to work on meal timing better, like snacks for the kids at a better time, etc so we eat at a good time for him. Thanks! Sent by my Navi-powered device! For some reason I totally thought the after work dinner rush was an issue only I had! I'm glad I was able to give you some insight on it. Work can be a dang drain. And then you have to commute. And when I walk in I just want to put on my pajamas and relax for a minute before having to shovel my dinner. I also have an after work but before dinner routine that I like to do so that the next day is easier on me. I'm SO not a morning person. I wish we had a better janitor balance, as it were. Basically I clean up and he and my daughter make the messes Now, he does cook dinner every night. He also takes out the trash, vacuums, unloads the dishwasher and does his own laundry. So it's not like he just exists. He'll clean the stove when I ask, and occasionally will fill the dishwasher. But he's just a messy fellow by nature, and doesn't CARE like I do about where things are **until he can't find them. He's also doing all the daycare duty right now while he isn't working, which is kind of a given. When he does work, I drop her off and he picks her up. We kept her in 3x a week, and then 1x she goes to my inlaws. So he has her one day plus drop off/pick up. That's been a huge help. Marriage is just one of those things. I changed my attitude about the messes, and it's helped a lot. Instead of being mad that he doesn't do things, I just do them and then I'm happy they are done. I think once we own less stuff it'll be easier to keep it tidy. We're working on that, I have two big boxes in my Jeep to drop off at the thrift store tomorrow. Oh I bet the bag of clothes in my closet is almost full, too!
  12. I guess I'll do a weekend update. Friday night I found out that a dear friend passed away the day before. He was 38 and died of a heart attack. That was the start to a difficult and emotional weekend. I still can't get over that. A 38 year old had a heart attack. Diet: My weekend wasn't horrible. I stayed in my calories for the most part (I think i went over by 17 one day). My macros could have been better. The Chef and I needed some alone time after a long emotional week, so we went out for dinner Friday night. Saturday was just a bad day. Lots of issues at home. My husband and daughter fought ALL. DAY. He was just in a mood. Then our friends came over and I had a piece of pizza, but I honestly wasn't that hungry because of the stress. Then of course he was being rude to me in front of our friends, which I don't tolerate. I ended up putting my daughter to bed and leaving. I stay at The Chef's on Saturday nights, and I couldn't get out of my house fast enough. When I got home yesterday I was getting the cold shoulder, and that eventually ended in a huge blow out and FINALLY some decent communication. So we'll see how that goes. We ended up having a snack at McDonald's yesterday so my daughter could burn off some energy, I had gone out to breakfast, and then I had a hard time choking down dinner (even though it was my favorite stuffed salmon). I haven't slept well in like 5 days now, and I'm just drained in every way. Strength: I didn't get a 3rd workout in this week. I don't even feel bad about it. I thought about it at various times over the weekend, but I just didn't have it in me. I thought about it while I was getting dressed, and I've decided to focus on the positives. I am seeing results from my new Unapologetically Powerful routine. I noticed it last week. The workouts are starting to feel good instead of impossible. I am starting to see results here and there. My biceps look fuller, my stomach is flatter, and I'm feeling more confident and capable. The scale is being a jerk, but I don't even mind that much. Physically, I feel really good. AND my nagging shoulder pain is noticeably better. I hurt it last March in crossfit and it's been hurting all the time every sense. It's finally down to a dull roar. I think the accessory work for bench is helping a lot. Decluttering: I managed to work on the last corner of the kitchen on and off both days this weekend. It's not done yet, but it's a lot better. I'll post a photo when I go out to my car at lunch where my phone is. I got a different organization thing and got rid of this banana basket that turned into a catch-all. I admit I moved one of the 'stuff' baskets to the study without even looking at it. But I read somewhere that just removing things from where they don't belong is a good first step. It's all stuff that does not belong in the kitchen, so I feel OK with that. I need to get something for my 'bill paying area' because that box has turned into a 'stuff' container and is falling apart. And I have some important paperwork that I need to take care of. But I had friends over Saturday night and they told me how amazing and clean my kitchen looked, and that felt good. I've managed to keep up on the other two corners, and my husband even helped to tidy up more this weekend. There's definitely progress. So, yeah. Bad weekend after a bad week. I feel very emotionally vulnerable and exhausted right now. But there are glimmers of hope. I am progressing in some areas, which make it easier to deal with the frustrating parts. I guess some days that's all you can ask for
  13. My migraine finally subsided yesterday. I don't know why I occasionally get migraines, but that's the worst one I've had in a while. I'm just glad it's gone! So today was my OB appointment. I have to get an ultrasound done on the 3rd. They are thinking run of the mill cysts and fibroids, but want to make sure. There is one cyst on my cervix that they want to look at closer to see if they want to get a biopsy, but she's not seriously concerned about it. My left ovary is also inflamed which she said is consistent with cysts. Let me tell you what, I am in PAIN today. This is getting ridiculous. I'm not sure what my options are even if it is just cysts and fibroids. I might try some progesterone, but I can't take estrogen (gave my mother a stroke and my sister had to have a double mastectomy from breast cancer). I'm hoping it's nothing serious, but I still have a ways to go with figuring out all my health stuff. Despite all that, I am still chugging along. Diet: Yesterday was fine. Now I admit I did have two grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner. But they were on sprouted grains, and I stayed in my macros. My husband and daughter had eaten at my inlaws and it was that or fend for myself. Grilled cheese is one of my comfort foods, and since i could fit it in my day, i figured what the heck. Strength: Yesterday was bench day. I am totally thinking of doing my weight lifting on Tues and Thurs - I was ALONE in the weight room for most of my workout. That was so nice. I am almost always the only woman in there, but I don't generally have the place all to myself. I'm thinking that and then doing a 'fun' workout at home over the weekend. I need to get back into my headstand practice and yoga/stretching. I did dumbbell floor press with resistance band pull aparts, close grip bench with box pistol squats, barbell row with weighted crunches, and reverse flies with weighted glute bridges. It's funny that my glutes are what hurt the most the day after bench day Decluttering: Man last night is a blur. All this health stuff had me pretty anxious. And then The Chef decided he needed to have a deep emotional conversation. That pretty much resulted in me crying most of the night. I know I picked up the kitchen, and grumbled that my husband hadn't emptied the dish washer. I got my clothes for today picked out. I cuddled my daughter and talked to my hubby some. We watched some TV while texting The Chef. I went to bed way too late and way too emotional. I looked like hell when I got up this morning, puffy eyes FTW. And I know none of this has anything to do with decluttering, so suffice to say I didn't get much done in that arena. The moral of the story is: I'm way too old for pregnancy scares and way too young to be worrying about girlie cancer. Sometimes life just likes to throw you a bunch of stuff all at once. I'm sure I won't update about the rest of today. Today is a rest day. I have all of my food packed in my lunchbox. Besides massive pelvic pain, today should be pretty uneventful. Tomorrow night we have our friends over and it's my bi-monthly "cheat" night. I'll figure out a workout to do sometime over the weekend. I also have the last disaster corner of the kitchen on my radar. I'm not sure what it's going to take to get that area under control. Seriously, it's the worst spot. I need to find some kind of desk organizer for the things I just know are always going to end up in there. That's probably a 2-day project. I sure hope I'll have good progress to report and amazing after photos. I'm just so emotionally drained by walking into the house and immediately being affronted by that mess.
  14. Things are still going well this week.Let's see, so yesterday: DIet: My eating was fine. Right on track. A little lower on calories, which was fine since it was a rest day. Macros were good. I need to stop eating my afternoon snack so late, but that's really the only complaint I have right now. Strength: Rest day, and I was thrilled that I was just normal-people sore. Finally getting my body accustomed to the new lifting program. I'm still a little sore today, so it's working fine, just not "omg I can't sit on another toilet or I'll die!" sore. Decluttering: It was another light day in this area. I finished loading the dishwasher and ran it. Straightened up my clean corners. I know that the 'coffee corner' is going to be a continual struggle. This is where my husband likes to do food prep, and he's absolutely incapable of putting things away after he uses them. We've had many fights about this, and I'll never win (he literally put the olive oil right in front of the platter that it goes on to control drips. derp). I have brown place mats that sit under the Keurig - these literally saved my marriage. He grinds his own coffee, but he's a slob. So every. damn. morning. there would be coffee grounds all over the kitchen counter. Now they are contained by the place mats, and I just toss them in the wash once a week. Best idea my mother ever had. My head was absolutely pounding by last night. My "emergency" prescription meds weren't even touching it. I was pretty much a useless mess. The kids managed to be good and not destroy my house for once, so that was good. I just laid with my head in The Chef's lap and he pet my hair. I didn't sleep good last night, which is the third night in a row now. I woke up and the headache is still there. It's a little more dull than it was yesterday, but not great. And I don't dare take anything else too strong because of my stomach inflammation. So, it's going to be another hazy day of wanting to put a pencil in my eye. But at least it's bench day.
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