Jean

It does, but I don't have a very good track record of actually living and putting the value of a meaningful life above and beyond when on this path, or any other for that matter. I was hoping for a change of scenery but I can deal with it. Hope, Schmopes and all that stuff, it is what we do, not what we wish, that matters.

Alright, picking a theme actually gives me a framework to work with: Week 1 is looking around and just trying to understand what's going on. Week 2 is applying one small change and seeing if it sticks. Week 3 is remodeling and setting myself up for a win. Week 4 is taking charge and getting things done. Week 5 is getting rich and famous from such a highly publicized success story.

Also, everything is better with a theme. This is a Gordon Ramsay challenge. Not the least because there's no shortage of facepalming gifs. I fear by doing this, I'll have to actually cook some sort of scottish version of a tiramisù and post a picture at some point during these next 5 weeks or some such thing. Brace yourselves.

Here for the new framing. Also this:

Oh girl, are you in for a lot of happiness! Enjoy the journey!

Keeping more of the same for the next challenge:

I am second guessing myself a lot, these days, and my mind is all over the place, saturated. I can't seem to take hold again (which is explainable, since I've gone through crisis mode dealing with the state of my town's infrastructure during stormy weather last week, but not satisfactory). I want to change that. I have no path forward as of right now. This challenge is about figuring it out, then taking it into motion. Edit: Alright, picking a theme actually gives me a framework to work with: Week 1 is looking around and just trying to understand what's going on. Week 2 is applying one small change and seeing if it sticks. Week 3 is remodeling and setting myself up for a win. Week 4 is taking charge and getting things done. Week 5 is getting rich and famous from such a highly publicized success story.

The good thing with friends is that you don't have to hide or pretend, and they don't have to either. Understanding doesn't mean agreeing or condoning, and I can think my friends are doing dysfunctional things, and they can think I am doing too, it just means realizing when deep talk about the topic is welcome, when it's better to get to another topic, and when it's just a time for enjoying time together and have lighthearted fun activities. On the other hand, not feeling heard as a friend is something I'd consider worth discussing with my friend at the proper time (when she's available for such a discussion). That is, of course, if that implies not feeling considered as your own person, worthy of respect, attention and friendship - not if the feeling comes from your friend not taking your advice, because, obviously, she is her own person as well.

Got this as a 404: page not found today. I needed it.

Spoilered because I'm turning political, here.

Well, this isn't happening. I had underestimated the scope of the battle, part of which means I need more discipline, to the point of breaking, part of which has me really, really, really tired of rich people having too much money and frivolous desires and sending 5 building permit requests for the same project, each time applying major changes to the first project (I mean, dude, decide what you want to do, then make a project, then send a permit request, you are commandeering a whole office of the local administration at a time when we should be focusing on quickly building solutions for the coming energy crisis we're likely to have this winter). Dealing with people who don't deal with reality is really tiring, and I'm tired. Putting my battle armor on once more, even tired and battered, I am a fierce sight to see, wouldn't want to stand on the other side of my blade.

Well, it's that moment when you know the war is won, but you still have to go through all the battles, because I've done it Sun Tzu style (which is the right style). This is what you get when you are working with amazing teammates. Feels good, but now is the time to perform and not the time to rest, the road ahead is a long one.

That's what I'm trying to do. Being rested and not hungry help a lot. Building my skillset and nurturing confidence in my ability to overcome things helps too. At my darkest and direst time of need, motivational speeches and uplifting music is what kept me going. To me, the order goes : general outlook -> affects mood -> affects feelings -> affects thoughts -> can be used to bolster or disrupt general outlook. I'd consider any point of the chain a good starting point and start with the one you feel easier to master. The way I'm framing/imaging it is that I have a sphere of mastery around me. Outside of it are the things upon which I have very few impact and must learn to do with, ignore or pursue. Inside of it are the things I have an impact on, and the closer it gets to me, the more mastery over it I can have. Working on getting mastery on the closest thing to me, which can be outlook, mood, feelings or actions helps to expand the sphere/shield radius. It's sad that Kipling wrote "If" for his son with male phrasings because it has very good anchoring thoughts that have helped me build equanimity. One of them is: "If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breathe a word about your loss;" Starting again sucks, but it gives rise to a whole world of new opportunities. I hope that won't disturb you too much and that you'll rise a more complete person out of it.

My own record is far from perfect. The important part, for me, is setting absolute priorities (getting to bed on time takes precedence over working) and genuinely trying to stick to them. Simple and few is all I can manage, complexity, for me at least, is the enemy of efficiency.

Well, there are good news: we've hired a new team member to finally allow us to meet our targets. We have everything we need to move forward and the future is looking great. However, that means that in the short term, we have to still keep our head above water while getting our new hire up to speed. I don't complain, this is very great, but we're going through the darkest hours of the night before the dawn breaks. I need a plan. Goals are: 1) fulfill our bare minimum achievements so that we keep functioning at all times. 2) provide a positive experience for the new hire to keep them motivated going forward. 3) quickly turn around to working efficiently as a team to meet our targets and build trust. It's going to get better with time but, for now, I need to be able to output double whammies. That means: 1) Discipline: go to bed in time, by 10:30 pm at worst. don't ever leave work without having the next day planned and objectives layed out on a piece of paper. Take time at the end of the day to assess relative success, what potentially went wrong and why. wake up early, at 5:30 am at worst. eat at least two meals a day. No excuses, no free pass. 2) Maintain a healthy and sustainable mindset: take time for myself. Either go to the vineyard, for a hike or some jogging early morning. There needs to be at least 1-1.5h of productive mind emptying me time at the start of the day. And that's it. I am going to stay focused, keep my eyes on the target and ace this.

Well, coming back on your dagger would be awfully uncomfortable so now you have no choice but to make it.

Because we want to hear the concert but not deal with the smell?

That's not a small "just". Take care and take heart.

High amounts of stress will do that to you. I wish you a relaxing and rewarding time enjoying being able to do even the tiniest of things like taking care of the dishes or having fun on the forum. A woman I know once told me to "come back with your shield, or on it". You, ma'm, have still got your shield.

Another use I see to them is that they allow for me to define myself: I am a person, myself, with my likes, dislikes, what I am willing to take (depending on how close I feel to a specific person), and the joy I derive from our relationship. I don't want to hang out with blurry sponges either, I want to meet real people with whom I can develop a way of interacting that suits us both. Those people need to have boundaries too and how we establish them, discover them, respect them and sometimes play with them is what makes a friendship a friendship. I want people and I want myself to feel empowered. None of that is possible if any of us wants to either trump others or act as a formeless tissue for others to use as they please.

I think in all of these thoughts and discussions, the word "friends" needs to be defined. Setting boundaries makes for a healthy friendship allowing for all the friends included in it to express themselves and feel accepted while not trumping others and making themselves overshadowing. As usual, your mind is in the right place. Keep going on and enjoy good company on the way. This... is awesome. Take care.

I feel both put pressure on the person toward whom the request/demand is directed and don't really feel much difference, but maybe that's just me. "You could have answered me" could be read in a neutral manner: "You could have answered me, but you didn't" implying that you choose to do something else with your time, which could have been more important than answering. The tone in which it is stated would do much to outline if it is meant as a reproach or an attempt at understanding why you didn't answer. "Next time, please, do answer me" feels highly biased to me. The use of "please" notwithstanding, the way it's formulated emphasises it as a demand more than a request: I would read it as the person asking having themselves made the decision that answering them was more important than whatever else you were doing at the time. I guess it's personal, I may just be very sensitive to the feeling of having people trying to impose their will/wants on me but I'd react kindly to neither of those.