Tobbe

I'm such a geek, but I couldn't help but notice my leet post count

If you, like me, had never heard about them before, or seen them. Here's some content from Wikipedia - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jujube

Sounds delicious! I love a good nutty taste, and dates really are very sweet!

No! Definitely not! And I've been feeling this myself. It feels like I'm bingeing more often than I used to. Can't hold off as long anymore as I used to. I'm afraid this is because I've sort of given myself permission to do it. Telling myself "It's not my fault. I can't help it. It's just my illness. It's inevitable when eating like I do. Poor, helpless little me. Someone please come feel sorry for me while I eat." And it makes me angry with myself that I feel like that. But the more I read about binge eating, intuitive eating, health at any size etc, the more I feel "everyone" validates the need to binge. Kind of making it something that's a-ok to do, which it isn't! Well, yeah. But I've kind of made this a self-fulfilling prophecy by excluding any triggering food from my regular diet. So a lot of what's outside of what I normally eat is a trigger for me. If it wasn't I'd eat it more often. I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not. Didn't feel super-hungry when we got to the restaurant. And also not super-full when leaving. A mindset problem I need to work on is the "need" or wish to feel almost sickening full when leaving a restaurant. Unless I'm so full I feel a little sick I'm not satisfied, and want to eat more, just because I can, and just because I'll "never" be able to eat that much again. (Of course I know it's not "never" - it's probably, at the most, not further away than next weekend - but then and there it feels like that.) I can't remember where I read it, or heard it, but it was a bit of an eye-opener for me; I've been told, and known, for a while that if you don't eat properly/enough for a long time you're more likely to eat too much when you get the chance, because the body/mind takes the chance to really re-fuel when it finally has the opportunity. But as I said - this is no news. Past actions will affect your eating. What was new to me is that the way you think about the future can and will also affect you. If you tell yourself. "I'll just have this last piece of cake today. Tomorrow I will start eating according to my plan again" you're setting up some kind of "last supper" mentality, where the brain/body will make you eat more (of the cake) to prepare for the coming food restrictions. So if you come to a meal/party/dinner with a history of eating too little, and a mindset of "just this once I'll let myself indulge" you're setting yourself up for failure from both your past and your future. Burning the candle from both ends so to speak. Accelerating the bad eating behavior. But again - I hate that it feels like I use this knowledge as a way to justify my eating at that single event instead of using it as a way to fix my day-to-day way of eating

You're probably right. But I don't want to have to make it a goal of some challenge just to properly feed my body and brain. It should come naturally! FFS! How hard can it be?

Word!

No need to be gentle. Sometimes what's needed is a big slap to the face! Yes please! I would love to be able to trust my body to tell me what/when/how much to eat I want this to be a gradual change. I think that's the only way I'd be able to do it I've read and thought about this kind of fear before, but never felt that it applied to me. But the more I read, and with (very much needed) comments like this I'm starting to come to terms with that I might actually have a lot of fear. And that it's taking a lot of energy to try to handle that fear. This is one way to try to manage my fear. And it's one of the things that takes a lot of time and energy. No. And I don't think that was ever my idea/goal. It's all been about eating "good" or "according to plan" (which has taken on the meaning of eating as little as possibly) during the weeks, to compensate for binges during weekends. I think you're right. I'd love it if someone could just tell me exactly what I needed to do to "fix" this. To get rid of all the ED thoughts. But it's like you say - I need to figure out my own path, but with help and guidance from others. That sounds like bliss right now! Anxious, afraid, stressed out, uneasy, panicy... Those are all feelings I'm afraid I can indeed relate to Makes my chest feel all heavy Doesn't matter. It means the world to me that you take the time to write all of this out for me to read!

Eat enough and you might feel like you have a small food-baby in your stomach

I've been feeling anxious and stressed out about the end of this week for a while now. It has really sucked a lot of energy out of me Knowing there'd be sweets served Thursday night when we had friends coming over, a huge dinner at a restaurant with lots of alcohol on Friday night and sweets plus not the healthiest food during the weekend when my parents were coming to visit. I've had a hard time focusing on anything else besides how to plan/handle all the ("bad") food... I'm kind of grateful it's almost over now. Still have some warm smörgåstårta left that I don't know how to handle. I mean, it was really tasty, so I want more. But lots of bread, cheese, creme fraiche etc, and just a tiny bit of salami for protein... Not the healthiest choice. According to the recipe there is only two servings left of it. But I did the math, and each serving comes out to be 1000 kcal

I read "pregnant"

Good to have someone one the inside

Day 100, part 2 Noteworthy challenges Between lunch and dinner the rest of the family, and my parents, who were visiting, had more of the cinnamon rolls that my wife had baked. I wasn't sure, going in to this weekend, if I was going to be able to say "No" to the cinnamon rolls on the Saturday. But I did it! Wasn't even as difficult as I thought it would be. It's much easier for me to make good food choices when my parents are around. Plus, as I've said before, cinnamon rolls aren't really my favorit kind of sweets. Especially since they weren't freshly baked anymore.

Day 100 Saturday, 20/10 Food Log  Breakfast - 08:30 Quark, kefir and müsli Lunch - 13:15 Buffalo chickpea chili on a bed of lettuce This was really tasty! Love anything buffalo flavored as long as I get to top it with some blue cheese Much better than the chili we had the day before yesterday! Dinner - 19:45 Warm smörgåstårta Swedish food alert Now this is a kind of smörgåstårta I enjoy much more than the regular one. This warm version is a relative new concoction (like 10 - 15 years old, while regular smörgåstårta is more than 50 years old. Warm smörgåstårta is more like a stacked pizza This time we tried a new recipe, that was more heavy on the vegetables than the traditional version. We had bread, tomato, basil, salami, creme fraiche, zucchini and carrots in three layers. On the top player there was also paprika and then topped off by a bunch of cheese (some regular hard Swedish cheese, and parmesan). So yeah, think three salami pizzas stacked on top of each other with some extra veggies and some creme fraiche in between Biggest differences compared to the regular recipe is that there are fewer veggies in the regular one, and bacon instead of salami. Fitness Log  Morning walk All the leaves are falling off of the trees now. There's actually a road going in to the left, but you can't see it because it's covered by a thick layer of leaves

To be honest it wasn't the best I've made. I had piri-piri chilies in it. (A tiny, very strong, chili.) While cooking I ate an entire piri-piri-chili, which numbed out my tastebuds for a little while. So I couldn't properly taste, and consequently season, the chili But some extra hot sauce when serving it made it at least alright