Khari

Thanks, Artemis! Right now support is needed every bit as much as advice, so I really appreciate it.

Imaginitive, I know. Hey guys. Long time no see. I got into a really good rhythm for a while there, but eventually got out of the habit of being on the forum. (I can be like that with social spaces.) I also made a lot of life changes and suddenly had way less time on my hands. Not all of those life changes were good. On the spiral back down, I completely stopped working out, I went vegan for a while for ethics reasons, then I started Daily Quarantine Yoga and Morning Walks, and then developed sudden, inexplicable knee pain. Now I'm in physical therapy and struggling to do the bare minimum -- 10-15 minutes of exercises, twice a day. I've got very wimpy excuses -- it hurts, I'm tired, sitting on the couch and watching this show is more comfortable/fun/less work. I have NO epic excuses -- my arm was rent from its place while I was saving the galaxy, I took a literal arrow to the knee, I'm too busy delivering the One Ring to Mount Doom, etc. And unfortunately, pretending everything is fine and waiting for the problem to just go away is not working super great. So here we are. I have zero fun workout goals at the moment. I hate most upper body workout stuff (I will do it on principle but that's it) and my physical therapist has outlawed yoga, walks over 2 miles, hills, and Good Times In General. I don't get horrible sudden pain since I stopped eating grains for a while there, and I'm trying to isolate what specific foods cause me problems. (Current learnings include Rice Makes Joints Loud and One Time I Screamed Because Of Ice Cream.) I'm committing to experimenting with following Physical Therapist's orders to the letter for a month to see whether my worst fears are right about it being pointless. (Hypothesis: They aren't, they're just really really persuasive, because they're comfy). I'm staying vegetarian and experimenting with what foods work well for my body. I just...don't want to be alone in the middle of this anymore. It's been tough, and I could use some accountability. Thanks, y'all.

@Sylvaa Good to see you again, friend! <3

What's a KISS challenge? *looks like a small, confused puppy* In other news, hi everyone! I'd say I'm running at a solid 50% for this first week. Food has been a wash; I keep waking up late and then scrounging for whatever food I can stick in my face as I run out the door. I walked to work twice and I went to the park for a walk (which turned into an impromptu 2k jog when I saw a runner about to give up on himself; couldn't have that, so we ran the way back together!). The last 2 days, though, since I haven't needed to go to work, I just haven't been getting out. Or getting exercise. I'm kind of disappointed in me. But I got some cleaning done at a volunteer site; it was in a building that's kind of outdoors, and I had to walk outside a bit to gather supplies? I've been plugging away at the meditation thing, but I haven't done that great with journaling. I'm gonna have to face the inner turmoil sometime, but I'm pretty nervous about the emotional upheaval. I don't want that. Can't I just keep unhealthily coping with junk food instead? I'm also noticing that I'm pouring a lot of my emotional energy into other people when I'm already pretty low on resources. That's probably not healthy. I should probably handle that. I've been nerding out about magick and crystals and tarot recently, so I've been reading a lot. I'm gonna say that counts for 'fun' this week. Even if it's actually just fixation on some element of certainty for the future. There will be a brief bout of radio silence, because Tomorrow is my long work day (and my last prep day before soft move); Sunday is my soft move (as much as I can for 3ish hours in the morning), so that's going to be a lot; Monday and Tuesday are my prep days before my Hard Move/Official Move (and Monday I also have a date, yay?); and then Wednesday is my *actual* move. And after all that, I may be exhausted for a couple of days. Wish me luck <3

Hey Everyone, So I've been a little challenged with the last couple of challenges. I'm thinking it's partially due to pushing too hard on stuff I'm not ready for yet. (seriously, sleep is frustrating, I'm not sure why I can't get myself to go get some, but maybe I need a break from focusing on it all the time?) Partially also I think I'm overcomplicating a little. And both of those can be draining. This challenge, I'm also moving out of my family's home to a strange and new place. (An apartment. 20 minutes from here. Not that strange and new, lol, but enough that it has me kinda stressed.) Although I'm a ranger at heart, this move has me shifting into low gear on goals so I can...continue to function. Goals 1-3: Stress Management To come out of this with boxes actually packed, I'm going to need to stay relatively straight on my health game. So. 1: Get outdoors 4-6 Times a Week. This would be my workouts. I'm downshifting in that, rather than requiring it to be cardio or strength based, right now I'll settle for a 15 minute walk in the sunshine. I'll also be very excited for strength gains and/or endurance/speed work. But if I don't manage it, a nice evening walk is an acceptable solution. As long as I get out and breathe the free air! 2: Avoid the grains, the sugars, and the snackage! Honey okay, rice okay. The less processed sugar I have, the better my brain handles anxiety. Overall I feel better when I'm not inflamed and worried about how that cookie I ate is going to punch me in the gut later. (Can deviate 2x/2 weeks, as usual. Gotta survive, right? Already used one of mine for my mom's amazing chocolate zucchini bread. That stuff is dangerous.) 3: Self-care. In this case, keeping up with my morning/evening routines, at least a little. Mostly just meditating and journaling at least once per day. Stuff's important to my well-being, yo. Aaaand Goal 4: Stoke the creative/fun fires! Because I have enough stress going on, and I need the ultimatum to stick my butt in the chair and make me do something nice every day. Drawing, reading a pleasure book, writing, singing--as long as it's fun and in some way linked to that inner creative, it's viable. I read a poem on my break at work today; I walked to work today (and saw some really gorgeous flowers). I ate a fair amount of sugar and snacked like it was my day job. I haven't meditated today, but I'm gonna go do that right now. Gonna try to keep things simple this challenge and get back to a semi-centered place. Wish me luck. (And a happy Shakespeare Day to you <3) Onnwaaaarrrdddddd

Alright, kinda delayed on the update, but I'm here. The good news is, I'm moving into an apartment with 2 awesome people! The less good news is that I lost touch with a lot of the self-confidence I'm working on, and I let myself slide into less healthy habits to facilitate adulting as usual. I've been walking to work a lot though? There's not a lot to say right now on my goals, because to be honest, I haven't been pursuing them with my usual vigor. Thank you guys for being here <3 I'm working it out, but it's taking a while. Much love. Khari

Hey, Everyone! Week 2 Update here. I'm recognizing a lot of stress in my life that's manifesting in different ways, and I've figured out one portion of why it's so hard to get to bed on time. Part of my night time ritual (that I developed what, 2 challenges ago?) is a small amount of mindfulness. In a stressed out state, I tend to avoid mindfulness without realizing it. My subconscious knows that if I get all mindful and aware of my negative emotions, I'll have to deal with them, which feels exhausting and mentally way too much to deal with. So instead, I get really busy. Eventually, I'm too tired to be mindful about anything, so I end up having to skip out on it altogether and go directly to bed. Doing that makes it much harder to get up in the morning (because looking forward to my list of goals is half the reason I get out of bed); helps me stay in a state of exhaustion; and helps me waste time during the day, so that I feel like I haven't accomplished anything and need to stay up late. A self-perpetuating cycle. Having realized this, I'm trying to just stop and take 5 breaths when 9pm hits, just to recenter, refocus, and figure out what I need to do in order to make it to bed on time. Sometimes it's doing the dishes even though I don't feel like it, and sometimes it's stopping the task that I really wanted to get done tonight and recognizing it can be finished tomorrow instead. It's a work in progress (it hasn't worked yet) but I'm really excited to have found another piece of the staying-up-late puzzle! In other news, I'm having a little trouble getting my week's cardio in (due to the waking up later than normal and having to rearrange my morning routine to fit my day thing); I got a run in the park, though, and it was incredible! I couldn't quite run my whole 5k trail that I was running frequently by late fall, but I ran a little over half of it and added quick sprints through the rest of the distance. I'm really sore today though XP I guess that's what I get for challenging myself to do my best. (I've also been doing that with strength workouts, just giving myself all the pep talks ) I went kind of nuts on that weekend trip, I'm sorry to say. I've got to get a handle on my food emotions. I'm starting to wonder if there's someone I could hire or something to help me figure out a plan that works for me. Meditation's been good and for the most part I've been keeping to my morning and evening rituals. The creativity thing has started to lapse, but I'm getting right back on it tomorrow. At the moment, I've got some sewing projects going and a couple songs to work on; and I'm also hoping to work on some writing soon! And here I am, posting for the third time this challenge. Now to say hallo to the friendos and spread some love and support! Some exciting things going on mundanely right now; I'm applying for a few new jobs and I might be finally moving into an apartment! I'm talking with some prospective roomies on Wednesday, so wish me luck!

Aww, thank you Elastigirl! <3 <3 <3 I'm super excited to be back.

Alright, here we go! The plan for food is as follows: grains (except rice) and sugar are off the table on normal days. Once a week, if I arrive somewhere with the intention to deviate, I can have 1 off-plan item (example: a single dessert, OR a drink, OR a freaking amazing piece of bread) at a meal, or 3 items at a party (because who doesn't want to try 3 different cookies at a party?). I also refuse snacks and kinda-okay foods (like dairy and snacking) on deviation days. And when I do deviate, my rights to whine about food are vetoed for the day. I eat the heck out of that thing, and I enjoy every bit of it, and if I start craving more, I focus on how freaking amazing it was and the happiness that exists in the moment I'm in and how awesome and healthy my body is. On days when I don't intend deviate (especially ones where non-plan options are abundant and salient), there is no wheedling involved. Even if it's inconvenient or feels like a 'food emergency'. I used to give my cravings way more power than they actually have. And when I reach my goals of 4-6 workouts in the week, I can make a paleo dessert to celebrate, if I want to. (Because I have frozen bananas. They were 99 cents. I'm excited. This just gives me guidelines so I don't eat them all like...right now.) I also make a conscious effort to eat every meal mindfully, and only go back for seconds if those 'seconds' are green vegetables. (Not, for example, roasted sweet potatoes, which I could easily eat my weight in.) And generally, only if I'm actually feeling 'hungry' feelings; if I'm not full, but I'm not hungry, then I'm satisfied, and I'm not getting seconds. When on trips, I eat the best food I can, eat mindfully, refuse to binge on food I don't eat at home, and give myself a lot of patience. <3 As long as I keep to the hard rules and aim at the soft rules, I'll be fine. I'm giving myself space about trips because, wouldn't you know it, I'm going on one. End of the week. Oh and my workplace is having a cookie party on Friday. Better get those 4 workouts in and dig up that almond cookie recipe! If that wasn't enough of a drag for you, here's the point system I'm working with to gamify my existence. In each category, I net zero points for sticking to the basics. Only on-plan food day; getting to bed exactly at ten; posting once during the week; working out 4 times. I use points in each category when I do something opposing the goals I have. Deviating from the food plan; getting to bed late; not posting during the week; working out fewer than 4 times. I gain points when I do something extra that furthers my goals. Drinking enough water. Getting to bed early. Posting more than once. Getting an extra workout in! Points don't trade categories, and I'm not allowed to beat myself up about them. They're indicators of whether I'm sticking to my goals or not. I total my points once per week to see what's working and what's not. I can save up points for a special event (ex: go to bed early all week with the intention of staying out late with friends). Food points are only cumulative in the 'positive' direction; deviations negate any positive points earned, but if I'm having a neutral day and then do different point-gaining activities (drink lots of water, pick three gratitudes instead of snacking, etc) then each of them can add up. Hope that makes sense XD Honestly, I think I could run a DnD campaign with these guidelines. This is intense. I'm trying to be healthy about it, but I'm not sure how I'm doing. We'll see how this works <3 There are gonna be a lot of hearts at the ends of sentences from this point on. Thanks for sticking with me

Greetings, fellow adventurers! The story elements of Khari's journey are taking a break for a little bit. I've got a wide variety of projects going on right now, and I don't want to pressure the story by force-writing it right now. (Please feel free to imagine force-writing as a person madly scribbling in ten notebooks by sitting in meditation and using the Force. This has been a Whimsy PSA. Thank you.) Although I'm a whole week late to the challenge, it just didn't seem right to throw in the towel just because I didn't get a post up in time for the official start. So here I am <3 In the meantime, on to goals! Firstly, to continue investing in mental/spiritual wellbeing during transitional parts of the day. This is the stuff I worked on during my last few challenges on morning and evening routines. (Also, as I consider it, walking to and from work so I don't feel like I'm rushing, get to enjoy some nature and movement and uplifting podcasts might also count in this direction!) Adding creativity as a norm for my mornings was a blessing. I feel ten times more alive. It's awesome. I need to figure out how to scale it down a bit (or just make sure I don't make it all pressurey and guilt-laden if I don't follow it exactly. So far so good, but I can get excessive and am not yet sure how to combat that.) So, morning routine, creativity every day, evening routine, going to bed by 10. Daily. Details below. Secondly, to make every meal as life-giving as I can! The strict cut-off of all things sugar and grains (end of last challenge) worked in some ways and didn't in others. It was way easier to resist nutritionally damaging foods, because I had decided that "I don't eat those". On the other hand, then I did eat those. Once took me out of the headspace I had accumulated, and I was kind of back at ground zero. Although I didn't go ballistic or anything, it was very much a 'respawn' kind of scenario. But without having saved before starting the last segment or 10. Also, I found that I was suddenly giving myself license to eat anything labled 'paleo', sometimes in excess. This challenge, I want to work on that. All I know right now is that my goal is to spend the entire spring on eating the best food I can. I'm sitting down and writing out a plan for 15 minutes (minimum) tomorrow morning before going out for coffee with a friend. I will also give myself enough time to post the plan here. Thirdly, to challenge my body's limiting beliefs! My body is convinced that it's bored of running and that it can do exactly 3 sets of somewhat wimpily-accomplished 10 of any activity. I've discovered that this is not necessarily the case. SO I'm aiming to watch where I start settling for mediocrity during my workouts and push for at least a little more from myself than I'm giving. (Until I hire a person who can call me out when I'm only living up to half my potential, I guess that's my job ) (This includes the whole 4 workouts every week minimum thing <3) Finally...to....to..... Aw heck. There are so many things I want to do. I keep collecting books from the library that I want to read, only to have them sit there, looking sad and a little startled not to be being handled and flipped through and understood. I keep having ideas that sound great and really really wanting to do them. I keep finding new things I'm good at or curious about and not exploring. But right at the moment? Three hard goals (ant: soft goals) is enough for me. I'm giving myself some love and some space and a lot of thought these days. That said, there is one more thing I'd like to do. Finally, to post on this forum at least 1x/week, and to follow up with my party members. @Jupiter and @ladyofthebog, you two are my comrades in the trenches around here. I'm sorry I disappeared on you last challenge; this is your hand-written coupon for 1 Large Apologetic Pie if it happens again. It smells like apples and rosewater and a sprinkle of remorse, but I don't plan on needing to bake any of those, so don't get too excited. XD (Also, this isn't in any way discrediting the awesome amount of support everyone else has been hurling my way. I deeply, deeply appreciate it. I'm inspired by those of you who have been doing this a while and I can watch as examples of badassery. I just wanted to call a couple nerds out for yelling encouragement into the void and being covered in the start-up struggle-muck with me.) Alright, as y'all know, I can't seem to create challenges without complex stat and HP tracking systems. (Or might as well be; why am I like this?) So I'm re-instituting the point system I used last challenge; it was good, but needed a few tweaks. But explanation of those tweaks can wait for the AM. Gnight my nerds.

And so, Kharissandra gave herself no permission to foods of the Fair Realm. It was excrutiating at some points, but at a temple where everyone ate vegetables for breakfast and enlightenment for dinner, she had a much harder time throwing herself a pity party. Thankfullly, she had other forms of self-destructive acts to derail her efforts. As she focused more on resisting the weakening fae's pleas, the ritual she and Elra had concocted began to sit idly in her memory. THWACK! Khari glared up at Aliza from the ground, favoring her stinging torso and a bruised ego to match; Aliza stared calmly back, the sparring staff she had just rapped Khari's ribs resting between her hands. "And that is what happens when you fall asleep while meditating. Focus." ________________________________________________________ That's all I have for the evening, but hello friends! So far, the cut-off from sugar and grains is going pretty well. I'm compensating a bit with on-plan sweeteners, but I don't binge them nearly as easily as I do sugars + grains. Also, I made fish taco bowls tonight, and they were really good! Woot! I've been loving the creativity challenge, especially because I added it to my morning routine. It's so freaking refreshing to just sit down and give myself permission to do something fun and creative. I feel like I'm re-discovering a part of my soul. It's pretty amazing. There is a draw-back though. I've been all kinds of off-balance this week (over an interview. I have some really deep-seated issues with job stuff, you guys; I hope I figure it out soon). And so far I haven't been in bed before 10:30 all week! Oh. And the one night that I'm in pjs by 9:30? Still almost completely on-time? It's daylight savings time tomorrow. So I lose an hour. So it's effectively 10:30. Sigh. I'm giving myself permission to sleep in tomorrow. And I've been journaling like mad and trying to get my head back on straight. It's just been...it's been a week you guys. I'm really excited for tomorrow, just because I'm taking some time for reading and going on a run and I'm hoping to do this decluttering action plan thing to get a better idea of my process for moving some clutter along. (I'm pretty sure the nebulous-ness of the task is what has me a little more stuck right now. :P) Thanks for all the support, you guys! @Elastigirl, I definitely feel that! I'm trying to learn to slow down and enjoy the pace of the changes; it's so against my nature but watching you and some of the others who have been here longer, I can tell I'm just gonna have to get used to it, lol. And @Mr_Willes, oh good! Not just me then I might have to just set a once or twice a month 'pass' or a rule where I have to specify how much I'm going to do before deviating, just so I don't let my FOMO emotions get in the way! I can't believe this is the end of the challenge already. I might post again once more on this thread, just to wrap up and plan for next challenge. This month went so fast.

"What do you mean, I 'died'???" Khari's abrupt stop in the middle of a kick was unfortunately timed; Aliza was expecting her follow-through, and her counter to where Khari's strike should have been landed them both in an embarrassed, tangled heap. Aliza sighed, gathering herself together and standing. "You weren't ready. The gnomes alone might've had trouble taking you..." "But...?" Aliza heaved another weighted breath. "I have said it before, and I will say it again. That creature you're carrying around is feeding on you. The longer you let it, the stronger it grows. Do not tell me this is the first fight it's interfered with." The charging owlbear immediately came to Khari's mind, and she scowled. "Listen, it's not like I invited it in, strayed into the fae realm, offered my true name in exchange for a wish--" "Kharissandra," Aliza's quiet tone cut through Khari's rising voice. "It could not stay if you did not allow it. As long as you cast yourself as a victim, that is the part you will play. And it will continue to ravage your soul, your strength, your essence. If you started nourishing yourself instead of nourishing it, you might have a fighting chance of helping us. But so long as you feed the beast, it will stay to be fed." As Aliza turned back toward the temple, Khari felt her outrage melting away; she did not like the shake in her voice as she called after the monk, "So what, then? Do I just," she spread her hands helplessly, "cut it off?" "Yes." Aliza left Khari there in the sparring chamber. "Well....we....well...FINE THEN." If Aliza was so sure the stupid thing would go away if she starved it, then she would. And when she proved Aliza wrong, Khari would wipe that self-righteous indignation she always carried around off her monastic face. "Tell me I'm casting myself as a victim..." Hey there friends! I did it. I went to work; I ate the stuff at the potluck on a whim; I didn't stop myself and ate everything there; and then I got the worst cold I've had in a very long time. So, since my body has officially submitted a complaint, I've decided to cut myself off from sugar for another 30 days. Something about the "2x/2 weeks is okay" thing just didn't work for me, and I found myself being more and more lenient. I have major FOMO issues at potlucks and on days when I've opted to deviate. When I deviate, I can't just have one and be good. I have to try EVERYTHING because it's my ONE DAY to DEVIATE and if I don't I'll NEVER BE HAPPY AND EAT THE UNHEALTHY THING IN FRONT OF ME AGAINNNN!!! This is an issue. Like, an addict issue. So I'm taking charge and cutting myself off from processed food, sugar, grains (rice and faux-grains allowed) and most dairy for 30 days. Sort of messed it up (on day 2) so I'm starting again (I had craisins. They had sugar on them. I'm trying to keep myself accountable.) I'm also taking this opportunity to make sure I actually get enough sleep and using healthy foods to heal myself. Yayyyyy. Speaking of which, good night, good questing, and ONNNWAAARRRDDD (I don't know what it is about that, but it makes me very happy to type it)

Hail good Adventurers! Two weeks in and I'm not doing terribly (although I haven't given you any new story points. I'm going to get on that soon.) Last week, I ended with mixed results. I am suffering in the sleep department. (I think I turned it into a continuance quest too soon; I've been in the negatives solidly both weeks. -5 for sleep last week, and looking to be at least -4 this week, IF I go to bed super early tonight.) I've been kicking workout butt (I'm 6 for 6 workouts both weeks) and I've been right in the middle for food goals. I took my mom out for ice cream on Valentine's Day. I've been drinking a hot tea with a little coconut milk and/or honey every morning, and sweetened/caloric drinks cost a point. But I keep making up for it with other positivehabits, and I have been better hydrated and more snack-resistant than I have been for a looooong time. I did have a few hard days in a row this week though. As for the morning ritual, it has been created! It largely involves activities to keep me outside of my bed, recentering myself spiritually, and then spending some time taking care of my body (largely through exercise and food and skincare, but it's effective ). My favorite part is that I have a minimum of 10 minutes of creativity built into my morning every single day. I've been absolutely loving it. It's been making my day so much more positive immediately out of the gate. I wrote a song yesterday. It was in my head when I went to bed, and I just messed with it the whole day. Now there's a song. I'm super freaking excited about it. Decluttering has been really slow though. I've been taking that one item a day thing very literally. And I still have to figure out what I'm going to pitch today. Oh look, it's 9 pm. I'm not sure why I'm so resistant to sitting down and just doing some of it; hopefully all the journalling I"ve been up to will help me get a handle on it soon. <3 I've been doing SO much journalling. Hope all y'alls' challenges are going well OnnnnnwAAAARRRRDDDD

I don't have an instapot, but Yes please to recipes! Good job on the nighttime routine; it sounds lovely Also on the workouts (yoga with a small pupper climbing all over me is the first kind of yoga I might actually get into long-term XD). That's deep (lol was not trying to make water puns, but here they are anyway XD). Sounds like you're kicking major butt so far! Let us know what kind of support you need! (And in the meantime, here is a cute picture).

I'm gonna need that recipe, please. Homemade vegan pho seems like everything I need in my life. Good job getting 'er done! Yes it sucked, but look at you goooooo. Your pantry is adorbable! I love it. And good on you for the recycling pile! No judgements here. Ooh yes, I also like this. Looking forward to nerding out with you! In other words...WOOT!