Onorexis

In other news, the upstairs neighbour's kid has discovered that she can see in my living room window from their balcony, and I have now had to close the blind to get some semblance of privacy. I need a net curtain.

Morning morning morning. So this morning started off with almost an hour on hold with unemployment because they didn't process my medical certificate, which resulted in my payment getting suspended. It's all fixed now, but it's irritating that I needed to spend an hour fixing their mistake. So now the to-do list for today. - Break down empty boxes for recycling. - Get bins out for collection tomorrow morning - Depending on spoons remaining, move spare mattress to spare room

Thanks! I did take a look at the druids, but I'll take another look too. I know I can wander in and out of guilds as much as I please, I just feel like having a home base sort of space is important for me to stay grounded. Which could be complete and utter hokey and I'm just misinterpreting my brain!

It is worth noting that I've progressed to a situation where it takes ten minutes to walk 300m to my doctors on a good day, and stepping up a curb wrong throws my back out. So I've gotten myself in pretty rough shape all around. I can see why she's fussing about overexertion.

By bodyweight my doctor really means light yoga/pilates, and incorporate swimming for cardio. I'm doing the diagnosis jumping through hoops currently, but my doc has suspicions on what's going on already, we're just waiting for the specialist to book an appointment so we can get moving with it. If it's a joint issue such as arthritis, then weights aren't recommended because of grip issues. Resistance bands are less likely to slip out of my fingers and crush something they shouldn't. If it's a connective tissue disorder, such as EDS, then that's deteriorating tendons and ligaments, and I shouldn't be putting excess strain on them, period, since that leads to more dislocations and damage that can be avoided. Building strength in the muscles is important, absolutely, but she's wary of me adding excess strain at all until we know what's going on.

I seem to be spending tonight really pondering on the guilds, and where I feel like I'm going to go after this challenge is up. Less than two weeks until the challenge is up, so seems about right for me to be flip flopping around on it. Cause see, the thing is, lifting weights isn't something I'm likely to be able to do. Pretty much ever. They don't recommend it for most joint issues at all, and after a discussion with my doctor today who let slip that she's worried I may actually have a connective tissue disorder (it's been 14 years of pain but my joints show no signs of stress or damage, and I show a lot of precursors for EDS), that pretty much puts that out of the picture. And that's fine, really. I have to accept the limitations my body physically puts on me and work around them. Running is out of the picture as well, I can walk at least but the type of impact on my joints running has...well, it's not a fun endeavour. So the three guilds I've really been whittling it down to are the assassins, the rangers, and the rebels. I like the vibe pretty much everywhere, for sure. To begin with I really thought I would be heading to the rangers, since I want to do as much as I possibly can. But blend of warrior and scout is pretty much the epitome of things I can't actually do. And bodyweight work is really what I'm going to be working on, but the parkour/aerialist/dancer things are out of my purview, so I'm not sure I fit in with the assassins either. And the rebels do seem awesome for sure, I just really have this desire to commit to something more specialist than my overall health, which I've always found has given me too much wiggle room to chop and change between things and never see any actual progress.

Got about five hours chilling on the couch, which is pretty good going. Then I made the terrible mistake of lying down and pretty much immediately fell asleep. It's not really a terrible mistake, one of the big side effects of chronic pain is fatigue, but it does make actually having a decent schedule a real struggle. Now it's 9pm and I'm wide awake. Hopefully I manage to find some more tired tonight, because I would like more sleeps.

Oh the crow, every time. He's just too good!

Thanks!

What's Forrest Gump's password? 1forrest1

I've just discovered a big ol' crow has taken up residence in the tree by my back gate, so now when I go sit in my little back courtyard for some fresh air and sunshine he pokes his beak through the branches and we have little staring contests.

Made it back from my appointments in one piece, nothing much eventful. I'd like to see some progress with my doctor but we're still just waiting on the specialist referral to bear fruit. It's tedious and frustrating to be stuck in limbo, for sure. But trying to stick it out with a little good grace. Trying to spend the afternoon on the couch. They're pretty cheap couches and as such they're very much not comfortable. After a while it starts getting painful if I'm in the wrong position. Not sure if I'll make it more than a couple of hours, but it's still a couple more hours than I would have done. I hate having this living room I never use, the sunshine in here is great and I really want to be in here more. Ankles are being troublesome today, got a couple of old injuries there that are acting up. So lots of flexing and rotations, trying to keep them moving without putting weight on them constantly. Even more incentive to get the weight off. Going to make a valiant attempt at cooking a meal later today. I enjoy cooking a lot, it's the standing there that can be too much for me some days. But I feel like I've got enough spoons to make something, even if it's something simple. If that changes then I've now got a microwave, a whole lot of oats, and a bag of frozen mango in the freezer!

I'm really learning that I'm very much a grazer. I'm not a big fan of huge meals, or even medium sized meals, but I'll nibble all day quite happily. And I definitely boredom eat. It's worth considering this moving forward, it may be a worthwhile exercise to invest more of my shopping budget in things like carrots and rice cakes, things relatively low in calorie and good for nibbling on.

Good morning! I've got a couple of appointments today that usually really take the wind out of my sails, so I'm not setting a to-do list for the day except to get through those. After that I can see what energy I have and decide what I can do.

Thanks! I've got a habit of biting off more than I can chew, so I'm making a conscious effort to keep things manageable. On restless nights where I just can't sleep I used to get really frustrated and annoyed at myself. I found the best thing that really helped me was to settle down with my eyes closed and just think "It's okay to let myself sleep." Really seems to help! Because usually if I'm restless, the underlying cause is that I'm stressing about or overthinking something, and I subconsciously won't let myself stop going over it until I've solved whatever is on my mind.